LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

Am I being played?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree23Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10th January 2019, 8:01 AM   #46
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 12
Well talking to him didn't work out how I had hoped. I asked him if he had ever cheated and he said "you know I love you". Wrong answer. He followed it up with "of course not" but to me that no should have been the first thing out of his mouth. Maybe I'm being paranoid but where I wasn't sure before now I am convinced something either is or has happened. If something happened and he came clean maybe, just maybe we could work on it. Right now as much as it pains me I can't see solution. If he is telling the truth then that's just a burden I'll have to bear but I can't go on like this. He begged me to see a counselor together. I told him to organise it and I'll go. I wont hold by breath, there will be some excuse. He's moved to the spare bedroom and now his Facebook is logged out and his phone has a lock on it. I'm really struggling with the thought that all this might just be in my head and I'm ruining a marriage for nothing but equally the thought of staying and being played even more makes my stomach churn.

I'm going to delve deeper now. I'm going to get back in contact with the guy that made move on me and I'll sit down with my best friend and sister in law and beg them for anything they know, not to spare my feelings. I'm scared of the answers but I guess it's better to know.
SammySix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th January 2019, 2:10 PM   #47
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 179
Hello Sammy,

I am sorry you got that initial non-answer answer from your husband. Yes I agree with you that it seemed evasive or an attempt to deflect. Maybe you will need to challenge him to make great effort to help you figure out that all these comments by others have been nothing more than nonsense offered by people who have unknown but malicious motives.

Toward the end of my first marriage I was getting the inking that my wife was running around but I was not able to get my mind together enough to look into it. I was young, naive, in love (I thought) and felt like a zombie much of the time because of the way I was treated when she was at home. When the time finally came that we decided a divorce was the only choice for us, I recall saying as one final gasp of effort to get it to work out: “you know I have always loved you no matter what has happened, and I want you to know that I have never cheated on you”. All I got in return was “I have never done anything wrong”. At that moment I had immediate understanding and clarity of thought and I knew it was over.
The Dude Abides is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th January 2019, 12:38 AM   #48
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,166
I believe you just ruined your marriage for nothing.

Sorry, you have no proof of anything. Even with the investigation twice.
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th January 2019, 12:42 AM   #49
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,166
Your going to cheat on your husband now? With the guy that tried already.

Wow wasn’t expecting that. He is a cheater and player and your are going to take his word that your husband cheated on you. If so, you deserve what ever happens.

Your husband deserves better from you.
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th January 2019, 12:32 PM   #50
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Deep South, USA
Posts: 743
Quote:
Originally Posted by usa1ah View Post
Your going to cheat on your husband now? With the guy that tried already.

She's going to ask the dude what he knows; not hook up with him.
Betrayed&Stayed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2019, 9:38 AM   #51
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 855
Quote:
An ex work colleague of his hit on me at a wedding we attended a while back and I obviously rejected him. He told me that I should as my husband has been doing it for years. I dismissed this as sour grapes.
^^ This guy is trying to sleep with you by instilling doubt in your marriage. And:

Quote:
She's going to ask the dude what he knows; not hook up with him.
Not likely..

Quote:
Your going to cheat on your husband now? With the guy that tried already.
Much more likely.. This guy is practicing classic "pick up married women" routines. Instill fear, build a "reason" for the cheating, and then let things brew and come to a head. This guy is a practiced cheat, IMHO, and is just perfecting his craft on the OP.

As to the H, you had a PI on him twice and found nothing? For weeks at a time? I'm not sure what else you need to know, he's not cheating now, that's pretty obvious. Cheaters aren't exactly "Ethan Hunt", they aren't expecting a "tail" and most people who hire a PI get proof within a few days. It's pretty clear this guys not cheating; perhaps he did in the past, or perhaps he just has a lot of people in his life who are jealous of him and want to destroy his life and they're playing you as the way to get to him.
Overtaxed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2019, 5:17 PM   #52
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 1,166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betrayed&Stayed View Post
She's going to ask the dude what he knows; not hook up with him.
She is going to ask a known cheater for the truth. So what fairytale land do you live in.
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 7:06 AM   #53
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 12
I don't appreciate the implication that I would have cheated. In the end maybe I should have.

His sister proved invaluable and tracked down her friend that lived by the park. After hearing what she had to say it became clear that this wasn't all in my mind. After breaking down on my best friends shoulder she confessed it was her. So now my whole life is ruined. I've lost the two people that meant the most to me in this world. It's a hard pill to swallow. All those deep talks I had with her and she was doing this. I think I hate her more than him. And to make it worse after I told her man he didn't care. He just said something like we're all good friends so why not. Sick man. At least my ex (still doesn't feel right to say that) did the right thing and came clean when I confronted him and he left so I could stay in the house. It's been a hard road even though it's only been a few days. Sometimes I think it's not going to be worth the struggle and others, like today, I feel a bit more positive. I'm really struggling with getting my head around her though. More than anything else why? Why do that to me. I've known her since I was 9. It's just a once off either. 5 years apparently. Happened the first time when we were all on vacation together in the Maldives.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. When I get my head straight I might give some details if I feel up to it. And no doubt I'll need some advice on what to do going forward. I guess if anything can be learned from this it is to trust your gut.
SammySix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 7:14 AM   #54
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 17,325
Quote:
Originally Posted by SammySix View Post
I don't appreciate the implication that I would have cheated. In the end maybe I should have.

His sister proved invaluable and tracked down her friend that lived by the park. After hearing what she had to say it became clear that this wasn't all in my mind. After breaking down on my best friends shoulder she confessed it was her. So now my whole life is ruined. I've lost the two people that meant the most to me in this world. It's a hard pill to swallow. All those deep talks I had with her and she was doing this. I think I hate her more than him. And to make it worse after I told her man he didn't care. He just said something like we're all good friends so why not. Sick man. At least my ex (still doesn't feel right to say that) did the right thing and came clean when I confronted him and he left so I could stay in the house. It's been a hard road even though it's only been a few days. Sometimes I think it's not going to be worth the struggle and others, like today, I feel a bit more positive. I'm really struggling with getting my head around her though. More than anything else why? Why do that to me. I've known her since I was 9. It's just a once off either. 5 years apparently. Happened the first time when we were all on vacation together in the Maldives.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. When I get my head straight I might give some details if I feel up to it. And no doubt I'll need some advice on what to do going forward. I guess if anything can be learned from this it is to trust your gut.

Too much smoke there, for there to be no fire.
Sorry!
Big hugs...

Consult an attorney.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 7:18 AM   #55
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 481
Is your friend a blond?

I am so very sorry. I hate that you are having to go through this double betrayal, I cant even begin to imagine that level of pain. Hugs!

I also apologize for the people who jumped on you, made gross indications. Sometimes when we have that feeling, it is because there has been enough subtle signs that we cant even pick up on. I know it happened to me with my xWH. Sometimes, you just know.

Btw, did you tell your BF about the PI? Maybe this is why he was "all clean."
Starswillshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 7:22 AM   #56
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 17,325
Protect your assets.
He may be feeling all guilty now but once he has time to think he may fight you all the way so be prepared.
Make sure any joint assets cannot be cleared out by him.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 7:47 AM   #57
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,669
I'm sorry OP.

Betrayal by a long time friend might just be harder to come to terms with than your husband cheating. He might have just been looking for extra sex and some excitement, which clearly is still so very wrong and destructive.

But the betrayal by a friend hits on so many other levels.

I hope you have family and true friends to help you during this difficult time. It's going to take a while to wrap your head around it all.
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 9:52 AM   #58
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Deep South, USA
Posts: 743
Quote:
Originally Posted by SammySix View Post
After hearing what she had to say it became clear that this wasn't all in my mind..... I guess if anything can be learned from this it is to trust your gut.
I have learned a lot as a result of my wife's affair. One big one was to trust that gut instinct. If something feels "off", it is.

Sorry to hear about your double betrayal. In the long run you'll be better off knowing than not knowing.
Betrayed&Stayed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 2:01 PM   #59
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Southwest
Posts: 59
Maybe your friends husband was involved as well. By his reaction it sounds like they may have an open marriage or some other kind of arrangement. Large majority of men would not have respond that way so there is something off about his reaction that is more than him being a "sick man". Are there any times you recall that the three of them went somewhere without you.
Whatnotagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2019, 2:43 PM   #60
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 394
Really sorry to hear that you were betrayed by your close friend and your husband simultaneously. That's really a tough place to be.

In the face of that kind of deception hold on to the reality that you were smart enough to know something was off. Your gut instinct was correct and you got to the bottom of this. Use that same strength to find the path forward that is best for you.

I agree that her husbands response is very unusual, and it may be their marital relationship that was toxic enough to your own to grow this insidious result. They have conspired to take something from you.

I think your husband is someone you should evaluate independently of these fake friends. Use this same acumen you had for finding the truth about the infidelity to sort out the truth of your marriage independent of the toxic people who inserted themselves into it.
Turning point is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Am I being played or am I being selfish? Buckmeister Dating 34 26th March 2018 7:09 AM
Musical Chairs being played havNfun General Relationship Discussion 8 4th August 2004 4:42 AM
Am I being played, or is it a just a series of goof-ups? savethedrama4allama Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 26 8th July 2004 9:56 AM
Am I being played??? fool4love Breaks and Breaking Up 2 5th June 2004 11:20 AM
Am i Being Played? Troubled15 Second Chances 9 14th April 2004 6:19 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:45 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.