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No trust left, not sure if I should divorce


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 12th March 2019, 7:47 AM   #106
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Sugarkane, you really need to let this go.
You really do need to let this go. And if you are having a hard time doing that, then I would encourage you to get some help for your mental health.
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Old 14th March 2019, 8:16 AM   #107
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Quite hard to let this go when I've got my husband telling me to cut off my father, every hour of every day. But my dad is part of the supervision orders and I've tried talking to him- he goes off his head, storms off or threatens me.

And I still can't understand why my husband saw info from a lawyer about getting custody, on his dads laptop AND still promised me that his parents weren't going to take custody.

As I mentioned before
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You really do need to let this go. And if you are having a hard time doing that, then I would encourage you to get some help for your mental health.
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Old 15th March 2019, 11:14 PM   #108
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Still being harassed 24/7 to the point where we can't run this business together and my husband then goes and complains to his parents- in text or in front of me, that I'm not working with him. And only telling them half the story- not including his refusal to communicate.
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Old 18th March 2019, 7:40 AM   #109
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????????????
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Old 18th March 2019, 6:07 PM   #110
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????????????
What kind of magic advice are you looking for, exactly?

Itís untenible. Your father is unreasonable. Your husband is unreasonable. And you are unreasonable. This has been going on for a LONG time, itís not going to get any better unless someone makes a MAJOR shift and walks away from this crazy situation. Given the length of time you have been complaining about this, and given your complete unwillingness to consider any of the advice that has previously been offered, I donít see things changing anytime soon.

If I was you, I would find myself a doctor, a counsellor, and a divorce lawyer.
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Old 19th March 2019, 8:02 AM   #111
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Sugarkane, you really need to let this go.
Agreed. She makes it sound like she thinks about it because her husband brings it up a lot, but the passion with which she speaks on this matter shows she would fixate on it even if he weren't talking about it.
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Old 19th March 2019, 4:39 PM   #112
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????????????
What kind of help are you wanting? You've been complaining about EVERYONE for a long time. When are YOU going to stand up and take responsibility for the choices you've made? When are YOU going to decide once and for all to divorce your husband, and work your butt off to regain custody of your child.

Constantly blaming EVERYONE else for the circumstances you are in just sounds exhausting. If it is exhausting to you, how are you going to fix it?
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Old 28th April 2019, 10:42 AM   #113
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What kind of help are you wanting? You've been complaining about EVERYONE for a long time.
Well I've been doing therapy for a long time now and the therapist hasn't helped me with deciding whether or not to end this marriage or not. I just feel like I'm repeating myself over and over. And I'm always willing to put 200% into therapy because I want my moneys worth.


My husband keeps going back and forth on whether to keep working on the business. I'm sick to death with working with the business and not saving a cent. Then if I try and work somewhere else, his parents insult me for it.

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Old 28th April 2019, 11:04 AM   #114
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Well I've been doing therapy for a long time now and the therapist hasn't helped me with deciding whether or not to end this marriage or not. I just feel like I’m repeating myself over and over.
We feel the same way...

If your therapist is encouraging you to stay in this very unhealthy family dynamic, then you need to find a new therapist Sugarkane.

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Old 30th April 2019, 10:13 AM   #115
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I'd like to add he lied that he needed to "help my sister overseas". So that was an other excuse for yet another overseas 8 week holiday. He's had sevral now.


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With respect, you sound like a child throwing a tantrum. I vision you stomping your feet and waving your fists in the air when you say this....

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Old 30th April 2019, 11:06 AM   #116
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You are responsible for your own life. If you want your life to be different, change YOURSELF. Otherwise, it would be good for you to stop complaining about and blaming other people. Frankly, your lack of accountability seems pathological.
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Old 30th April 2019, 2:39 PM   #117
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You are responsible for your own life. If you want your life to be different, change YOURSELF. Otherwise, it would be good for you to stop complaining about and blaming other people. Frankly, your lack of accountability seems pathological.
This. It hurts when people we trust disappoint us. There comes a point, though, where you defer too much to the actions of others to account for your place in life. When continually passing the buck to someone else for why your life is the way it is, we find ourselves helpless and feeling as though life happening to us rather than us having any agency about what happens.

OP, it seems like the months and years have slipped by and you're no closer to not blaming everyone else in your network for the situation you find yourself in. Self-reflection isn't always easy, as it can make us face some uncomfortable truths. The alternative, as you're finding out year by year, is feeling like a grain of sand being tossed around by the elements.
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Old 18th May 2019, 7:34 AM   #118
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Not true- I've blamed myself every single day since this has happened. I've tried relentlessly applying for work on and off. For a variety of roles. I don't know why I'm getting rejected. I'm not fussed what sort of work to do.

Also what happens is I do a large job for my small business with my husband- brand new houses. This builder is EXTREMELY DISORGANISED. I do the job but it keeps being pushed back. It's always when I get call back from jobs I applied for. Then I don't know when this large current job will be finished. Making it awkward when I'm trying to do job interviews for other jobs. I get disillusioned when every reply is "WE HAD A LARGE NUMBER OF APPLICANTS, SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOB". Again I'm not fussed about what sort of job I do.

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This. It hurts when people we trust disappoint us. There comes a point, though, where you defer too much to the actions of others to account for your place in life.

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Old 21st May 2019, 11:17 PM   #119
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????/???? Without any feedback, I don't know why I'm, getting rejected for jobs?
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