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Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 26th April 2011, 1:31 AM   #61
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I'm pretty sure she knows...how could she not...what we dont know is what her MO is
FM has PMed with me way back, my guess is anxiety caused by strict religious conditioning. A tough nut to crack, but not impossible.
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Old 26th April 2011, 1:33 AM   #62
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FM. I personally think that you are one of those guys who will keep trying to turn the combination at the safe until you crack it open and it will turn out that the treasure in there is a double-portion of what you expected.
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Old 26th April 2011, 3:26 AM   #63
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FM has PMed with me way back, my guess is anxiety caused by strict religious conditioning. A tough nut to crack, but not impossible.
In that case, she needs some serious therapy... FM is not going to crack the nut on his own.
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Old 26th April 2011, 3:33 AM   #64
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In that case, she needs some serious therapy... FM is not going to crack the nut on his own.
There are many ways to skin a cat....

(Not that I have experimented or anything.
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Old 26th April 2011, 3:38 AM   #65
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There are many ways to skin a cat....

(Not that I have experimented or anything.
sure, but she needs to be compliant... is she even aware of her problems?
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Old 26th April 2011, 3:55 AM   #66
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My telepathy is a little fuzzy at this distance.

I have no idea.
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Old 26th April 2011, 4:00 AM   #67
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My telepathy is a little fuzzy at this distance.

I have no idea.
sorry, since you were in contact with FA, I assumed you knew a little more... I have to stop assuming things... it's bad for my health...
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Old 26th April 2011, 4:13 AM   #68
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sorry, since you were in contact with FA, I assumed you knew a little more... I have to stop assuming things... it's bad for my health...
FA is my twelve step group LOL

I don't know too much about her awareness of his side of the issue.
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Old 26th April 2011, 4:30 AM   #69
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FA is my twelve step group LOL

I don't know too much about her awareness of his side of the issue.
Quite funny (?) as an unintentional joke... I meant FM, obviously, although it sounds () like a radio...
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Old 26th April 2011, 9:00 AM   #70
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FM has PMed with me way back, my guess is anxiety caused by strict religious conditioning.
Floridaman--

If this is the case, why are you flirting with her and touching her in church? Especially when she is showing discomfort?

Also, while your wife probably doesn't know about your posts here--why do you have her pictures in your profile? You have been discussing your sexual life with her in detail. You are having problems, and seeking help, so that part is understandable. But it seems like an unnecessary invasion of her privacy to then post her pictures publicly. How do you think she'd feel if she discovered how exposed she is here? How would that set her back, with regards to her feelings for you?

I think the best thing you can do is focus elsewhere and stop pursuing her altogether. Be kind, but uninvested. Invest your energies and interests elsewhere (not in another woman). Give it a set amount of time (maybe a year), and see what happens. Some possibilities:

1. She misses the attention, and pursues you.
2. She barely notices, but you've moved on emotionally and are in a healthier place to make a decision about this relationship and the rest of your life.
3. She notices and gets angry, or depressed, or something else....but now SHE also has a problem, and she will be more motivated to work on the relationship.
4. ????? But at least there will be some change from the dynamic of You making Her the center of your life, while She barely tolerates your touch
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Old 26th April 2011, 9:04 AM   #71
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I personally think that the situation is a little mucky with them being in two places as well.

He goes for awhile in between seeing her and that can't help her foster an intimate connection as effectively either.
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Old 26th April 2011, 9:23 AM   #72
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3. She notices and gets angry, or depressed, or something else....but now SHE also has a problem, and she will be more motivated to work on the relationship.
she's already got a problem, and a big one at that. Sorry, but I don't think all this stuff you mention will ever work if she doesn't solve her issues first.
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Old 26th April 2011, 9:46 AM   #73
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she's already got a problem, and a big one at that. Sorry, but I don't think all this stuff you mention will ever work if she doesn't solve her issues first.
From her perception, she doesn't have a problem. She's comfortable with the status quo. Of course I agree that she has a big problem! But us agreeing doesn't motivate her to change. She will only be motivated if she feels uncomfortable with the status quo.

I agree that nothing may "work" if "work" means she changes and wants sex with him. But I also see possibility #2 as a success, if Floridaman gets some distance from the situation and can see how unhealthy it is for him--and can walk away.
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Old 26th April 2011, 9:48 AM   #74
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Floridaman, you've mentioned more than once that intercourse actually physically hurts your wife due to her having completed menopause. Most women don't take HRT these days due to the very real, serious health risks associated with it but it would seem to me that some investigation into remedies that help your wife might be in order here.

You guys end up together for brief spurts of time, even women who don't suffer from hormonal issues end up sore and/or with UTI's from intense bouts of "honeymoon sex" I'd imagine that being in pain everytime you have intercourse would not be a turn on for her.
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Old 26th April 2011, 9:52 AM   #75
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From her perception, she doesn't have a problem. She's comfortable with the status quo. Of course I agree that she has a big problem! But us agreeing doesn't motivate her to change. She will only be motivated if she feels uncomfortable with the status quo.

I agree that nothing may "work" if "work" means she changes and wants sex with him. But I also see possibility #2 as a success, if Floridaman gets some distance from the situation and can see how unhealthy it is for him--and can walk away.
xxoo, I'm an expert on women who know they have a problem but they pretend everything's fine... Jokes (?) apart, we don't really know whether she is aware of the problem or not... if she is not, then obviously FM distancing himself might do the trick, but if you really want my opinion, she will be happy she doesn't have to endure the constant nagging about sex...
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