Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 We had planned to get drinks a week in advance. The day of she says she needs to reschedule. No problem, I say, and don’t make a big deal of it. Deep down though, I am disappointed and feel stuck and unlovable and have no control over the direction of my love life. I feel like there will be no cure for the loneliness and lack of companionship in my life. Some of us aren’t ever going to find ourselves in successful relationships and I’m one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Did she set a "reschedule" time and day? You say she said she needs to "reschedule" so did you ask her when would be good or did you just say "no problem" and act like you didn't care? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 Did she set a "reschedule" time and day? You say she said she needs to "reschedule" so did you ask her when would be good or did you just say "no problem" and act like you didn't care? We rescheduled for a specific day next week which I said sounded good. But why should i care? She’ll probably back out of that one too. It’s hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I feel we need a little bit of clarification here. Is it the third time this particular person has cancelled a date? If so then this person is a massive flake and not worth your time and energy. If it's the third time you've been cancelled on, I'd try and have some faith that the second time will work with this particular person. You shouldn't judge the 3rd person harshly if the first two haven't worked (they don't know how you're feeling!). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 We rescheduled for a specific day next week which I said sounded good. But why should i care? She’ll probably back out of that one too. It’s hopeless. You have a crappy attitude. If she actually rescheduled and didn't just blow you off then that is a very good sign. Cheer up or your attitude will just ruin any chances of your date progressing. People want upbeat and happy people in their lives, not a Donny Downer sitting across from them. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 I feel we need a little bit of clarification here. Is it the third time this particular person has cancelled a date? If so then this person is a massive flake and not worth your time and energy. If it's the third time you've been cancelled on, I'd try and have some faith that the second time will work with this particular person. You shouldn't judge the 3rd person harshly if the first two haven't worked (they don't know how you're feeling!). 3 different women and all 3 canceled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 You have a crappy attitude. If she actually rescheduled and didn't just blow you off then that is a very good sign. Cheer up or your attitude will just ruin any chances of your date progressing. People want upbeat and happy people in their lives, not a Donny Downer sitting across from them. You don’t get it. I’m not even getting the chance to meet these women. If you were ditched three times in a row and not even given a chance you’d feel like the whole thing was hopeless and futile too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 If you made the date a week in advance and she broke her leg, I'd give her a pass. Otherwise, you were her second choice and something better came along and you got put on the back burner. Personally, I'd move on to the next one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I'm sorry but your attitude won't get you far in the dating world so maybe you should just give it up and be single and get the help you need to be happy as one.??? She gave you a new date. No sense being "Donny" unless she cancels the rescheduled date. Then, if she did, you would have something to whine about. If you are contacting these women before you meet up in person and having such a sour attitude then of course they will cancel on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 If you made the date a week in advance and she broke her leg, I'd give her a pass. Otherwise, you were her second choice and something better came along and you got put on the back burner. Personally, I'd move on to the next one. The “next one” always cancels. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 (edited) What is happening beforehand Redguitar? Are these women you are finding online? Are you getting to know them a bit before asking them out? Are you asking them on dates or just to meet for a coffee or something? Are you being pushy with regard to asking them out? It could be they are agreeing to a date and then feel afterwards they didn't want to move so quickly. How are you behaving after they have agreed to a date? Are you keeping in touch, chatting like a friend? I'm not saying you are doing this but some guys become all sexual if they think they are getting a date, as if it is license to start sex chat. You don't sound like someone who would be disrespectful like this. It is one reason why someone might back out of a date though. I would suggest asking them if they'd like to meet for coffee and not pushing it too much. See if they agree. If they do, then hopefully they will stick to that. Coffee is a chance to get to know them better and for the to meet you and see what a great guy you are. Edited September 8, 2019 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 She didn’t cancel. She postponed and rescheduled. Are you always this negative? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 He's one of those guys that walks around with a little black cloud over his head. Women can spot that from a mile away. And head in the other direction. As much as I'd like to go more into detail on this subject, I have to go wash my hair. Maybe another time! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 She didn’t cancel. She postponed and rescheduled. Are you always this negative? He's one of those guys that walks around with a little black cloud over his head. Women can spot that from a mile away. And head in the other direction. As much as I'd like to go more into detail on this subject, I have to go wash my hair. Maybe another time! I forgot the double standard on this forum, if a guy gets canceled on he’s supposed to be a man and suck it up. But if a woman is canceled on by a man — it’s considered a crime! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 What is happening beforehand Redguitar? Are these women you are finding online? Are you getting to know them a bit before asking them out? Are you asking them on dates or just to meet for a coffee or something? Yes, yes, yes. Are you being pushy with regard to asking them out? It could be they are agreeing to a date and then feel afterwards they didn't want to move so quickly. No. And I’d been talking to this woman for an entire week, in case you missed that. How is that moving too quickly? How are you behaving after they have agreed to a date? Are you keeping in touch, chatting like a friend? I'm not saying you are doing this but some guys become all sexual if they think they are getting a date, as if it is license to start sex chat. You don't sound like someone who would be disrespectful like this. It is one reason why someone might back out of a date though. I would suggest asking them if they'd like to meet for coffee and not pushing it too much. See if they agree. If they do, then hopefully they will stick to that. Coffee is a chance to get to know them better and for the to meet you and see what a great guy you are. There’s been no sexual conversation or innuendo whatsoever. They are backing out of simple no pressure drinks and conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Take a break. No offense, but your tone is coming across as defeated. Women want to date winners with a positive attitude. Take your time, regroup, do whatever Rocky thing you need to do to get to a winner's mindset. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I forgot the double standard on this forum, if a guy gets canceled on he’s supposed to be a man and suck it up. But if a woman is canceled on by a man — it’s considered a crime! No double standards. I have online dated, cancelled dates and have had people cancel on me. It works both ways but it doesn’t matter, the people that cancel , don’t know you, so it’s nothing personal. No crime committed by anyone. However , this person did not cancel on you , she rescheduled. That’s a positive. Yet here you are all doom and gloom. You have nothing to lose by meeting her ,are you going to? Are you going to leave your negative thoughts at home or bring them with you and waste her time? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Angel29 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 My friend and his wife cancelled 3 dates alternately and were successful on the 4th date so it was good they did not give up! Maybe give one more chance and if it is cancelled again move on? People make time for what is important to them. I know she might have genuine reasons but does she have time for a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I forgot the double standard on this forum, if a guy gets canceled on he’s supposed to be a man and suck it up. But if a woman is canceled on by a man — it’s considered a crime! Yep, some men here say that other men are supposed to suck up all emotions because "masculine" or "alpha". Apparently feeling and showing emotions is feminine. Or at least, that's how I understand it. Still not entirely sure what a feminised man looks like...... Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Still not entirely sure what a feminised man looks like...... Couldn't resist ... https://static.vibe.com/files/images/drag-tom-hanks-400x347.jpg 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 Take a break. No offense, but your tone is coming across as defeated. Women want to date winners with a positive attitude. Take your time, regroup, do whatever Rocky thing you need to do to get to a winner's mindset. My attitude isn’t the problem. The problem is that I am unable to get people to stick to plans and have had 3 dates in a row cancel before I have had the chance to meet any of these women. What is your explanation for that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 No double standards. I have online dated, cancelled dates and have had people cancel on me. It works both ways but it doesn’t matter, the people that cancel , don’t know you, so it’s nothing personal. No crime committed by anyone. However , this person did not cancel on you , she rescheduled. That’s a positive. Yet here you are all doom and gloom. You have nothing to lose by meeting her ,are you going to? Are you going to leave your negative thoughts at home or bring them with you and waste her time? I’d say I’m the one who’s had his time wasted. I set this date a week in advance and she still didn’t show up, whether you want to call it canceled or rescheduled. That’s happened with 3 women in a row. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 What is your explanation for that? Crappy luck. You can choose to let it affect your attitude or you can choose not to. It's entirely up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redguitar35 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 Crappy luck. You can choose to let it affect your attitude or you can choose not to. It's entirely up to you. Why do you invalidate my feelings on this? I’m just trying to find someone who will even show up and that’s not happening. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel frustrated. I’m putting forth the effort and nothing to show for it. I get to watch everyone else have success in dating instead. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I didn't mean to invalidate your feelings about it. You feel how you feel and anyone would be disappointed about it. It's how you choose to move forward. Statements like this give a lot of insight into how you handle disappointments in your life: "Some of us aren’t ever going to find ourselves in successful relationships and I’m one of them." Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts