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Suggestions for a sexually inexperienced woman about this?


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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:45 AM   #1
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Suggestions for a sexually inexperienced woman about this?

Ok, so my present situation is that I'm RE-dating a guy I dated 1.5 years ago. When we met originally, I wasn't looking to meet anyone as I was still healing from my very traumatic LTR ending. But our paths organically crossed, we had a lot of chemistry and actually ended up in bed on night 1. This was really unusual for me as this guy was the SECOND man I'd ever had sex with (I was aged 29) and I didn't honestly think I was capable of ever having sex again after my ex. But, alas, it went very well. We hung out thereafter a bunch of times and we had sex every single time we saw each other and it was literally like he couldn't keep his hands off me. But it seemed like a physical relationship and I wasn't ready to be dating anyone and couldn't really invest.


So, he reached out 1.5 years later and here we are dating again, this time more intentionally. I have noticed that he is very different this time around, he talks to me A LOT more about his emotions. We didn't have sex until date no.8. And on that night, we couldn't really get things going and he seemed nervous. It's strange because it's not like it was our first time and given things went very well in this regard 1.5 years ago.


The second time we had sex, he stopped during intercourse and cited "it's too nice" as the reason? I found this to be odd but thought he might have done so because we weren't using protection, perhaps he did not want to risk ejaculating inside me...I really don't know. But I'm not 100% sure.


Anyway, that brings me to our most recent date. It was his first day back at work and he had mentioned how tired he was and that he didn't really sleep well over the NYE weekend etc. So after our dinner out, he dropped me home around 10pm. I didn't invite him in, but he seemed to pre-empt me doing so as he said he was very tired but would like to come and stay over on x date (which will be tomorrow).


That's all fine, but I kind of felt like he rejected sex with me (even though I didn't expressly offer it). And I get that people are tired so if that was actually his reason then all good, but it just feels very different from the first time we dated 1.5 years ago, where it was ON from day dot. And this time around, we seem to be having a few hiccups. I'm also sus about why he stopped midway last time.


Can any men or women who know a bit about these things, help out a girl who's a little clueless about the male anatomy?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:15 AM   #2
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I’m a guy and I think it could be a few things, it could be because he’s developed a problem In the last 1.5 years for example, premature... you said it, or maybe the fact he prefers to keep it about getting to Know you more this time and making sure the sex isn’t the prime reason you’re dating again. Id go with the latter, or it could be that he’s not feeling it emotionally and doesn’t want to be seen to be using you for sex. Unfortunately it could be a few things. People can be tired. That’s fine, if I was you I’d lay off the importance of sex and just date, and see how he responds to that.

Last edited by python23; 3rd January 2018 at 7:22 AM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:39 AM   #3
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Hmmm, odd, especially the "it's too nice" comment and stopping in the middle. Maybe he's having some ED problems? He may have sensed he was losing his erection?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 8:04 AM   #4
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Itís too nice.
My bf said that a few times too when we had unprotected sex
I think he just didnít want to come inside of you.

Just use a condom next time.

X
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Old 3rd January 2018, 8:44 AM   #5
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I agree with python23. My boyfriend was the same way in that he did not want to have sex all the time when we first started dating. He said that he wanted a relationship that was not based on sex. I think this guy feels the same way. In my opinion, it shows that he really is interested in YOU.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 9:57 AM   #6
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To OP,

There's a movie called "Boy's Don't Cry". Watch that and see if anything hits home to you.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:00 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by CloudyHead View Post
I agree with python23. My boyfriend was the same way in that he did not want to have sex all the time when we first started dating. He said that he wanted a relationship that was not based on sex. I think this guy feels the same way. In my opinion, it shows that he really is interested in YOU.
As a man, this is wrong on so many levels.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:35 AM   #8
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As a man, this is wrong on so many levels.
I agree. Just browse the marriage/infidelity/divorce forums here. Youíll never see anyone complaining that after x years of a relationship, they canít keep their hands off their partner and just want to have sex all the time. A huge percentage of relationship problems are grounded on the fact that the physical sex aspect is lacking. If the chemistry just isnít there, itís the hardest problem to ďfixĒ too.

Based on the OPís first go around with this guy, the chemistry seems to be there. My guess is this guy got spooked when the first time dating with all the sex didnít work out, so now heís trying to give the OP more of what he thinks she wants in a boyfriend. Heís making a mistake and emasculating himself. He should just keep doing the crazy sex and things will work out fine.

OP you should just tell this guy that you loved that he couldnít keep his hands off you the first time and all the sexy you had. Give him the green light to do the same now.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:51 AM   #9
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He's just anxious, possibly performance anxiety. Nothing to worry about. Just be patient.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:13 PM   #10
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Thank you to everyone who responded! If I was a betting lady, Iíd say heís anxious. Do I talk to him about it? Heís coming over tonight. I just donít want him to think Iím going to bail if he cant perform, because itís not a priority of mine at the moment.

Also, I just thought that he could be stressed out because his dad had a stroke recently (2 weeks after we reconnected) and he has had to largely take care of him.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 4:21 PM   #11
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I wouldn't say anything...most guys would prefer that...water under the bridge so to speak.

It's a new year, be positive, go forward. If it happens again, address it right there.
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Old 7th January 2018, 7:25 PM   #12
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Think we've really stuffed things up

So if you didn't catch my last thread, here it is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...ed-woman-about


Essentially, the guy I've been dating for about 2 months and I have had a couple of sexual hiccups. Anyway, I saw him again on the scheduled evening (last Thursday), and things went a little better but there was still the issue of him stopping mid way, claiming that it was too nice. I decided to ask him generally what he meant and how he is going etc. He sort of answered in a very general sense about being a bit sad at the moment (his dad had a stroke recently), but he didn't open up about the sex stuff aside from saying that he wants to take it slow because he doesn't want to wreck things. But that seems stupid as you can't claim to want to take it slow when you've been having sex with someone already.


Anyway, he slept over and the next morning he had to leave really early as he was taking his dad interstate for the weekend. He asked me if I slept well, I said "nah, I find you really puzzling". He didn't address that (said nothing) and kept getting ready, granted he had a flight to catch. He then messaged me when he was on the plane saying something like "Thanks for a fun night, I made my flight so all is well, have fun at the beach "


I replied a few hours later with "Thanks (his name), I hope you have a nice weekend with your dad".


That was Friday morning and neither of us said anything over the weekend. It's Monday morning here. And I deleted his number in my anxious headspace so I don't send anything dumb, which means I can't reach out. I'm pretty sure he might be able to tell I deleted his number if he looks me up on WhatsApp (but we've never used that channel to communicate so I hope he doesn't notice).


Anyway, I don't really know what to do here? If he deserves more time to open up? And also whether he's actually ghosting me at the moment? There has only been one other time where we went 2-3 days without speaking.


And yes, I have not reached out either but I CAN"T NOW because I don't have his number anywhere :s
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Old 7th January 2018, 7:34 PM   #13
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I haven't read your prior thread, but based on just what you've provided, I'd say you left him confused.

You threw that comment out there without further explanation when you knew he had to get ready to leave. Guys don't think in the spot about that kind of stuff.

So, did you sleep well? I'm sure he knows better than to ever ask that again!

Let him think. Good thing you deleted his contact info.
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Old 7th January 2018, 7:38 PM   #14
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Well sicne you can't reach out, the only alternative is to wait for him to...and if he doesn't in a day or so it sounds like he's ghosted. I think he didn't say anything about your puzzling comment because he knows how he's acting and he didn't want to open that can of worms.
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Old 7th January 2018, 7:39 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mkn1010 View Post
So if you didn't catch my last thread, here it is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...ed-woman-about


Essentially, the guy I've been dating for about 2 months and I have had a couple of sexual hiccups. Anyway, I saw him again on the scheduled evening (last Thursday), and things went a little better but there was still the issue of him stopping mid way, claiming that it was too nice. I decided to ask him generally what he meant and how he is going etc. He sort of answered in a very general sense about being a bit sad at the moment (his dad had a stroke recently), but he didn't open up about the sex stuff aside from saying that he wants to take it slow because he doesn't want to wreck things. But that seems stupid as you can't claim to want to take it slow when you've been having sex with someone already.


Anyway, he slept over and the next morning he had to leave really early as he was taking his dad interstate for the weekend. He asked me if I slept well, I said "nah, I find you really puzzling". He didn't address that (said nothing) and kept getting ready, granted he had a flight to catch. He then messaged me when he was on the plane saying something like "Thanks for a fun night, I made my flight so all is well, have fun at the beach "


I replied a few hours later with "Thanks (his name), I hope you have a nice weekend with your dad".


That was Friday morning and neither of us said anything over the weekend. It's Monday morning here. And I deleted his number in my anxious headspace so I don't send anything dumb, which means I can't reach out. I'm pretty sure he might be able to tell I deleted his number if he looks me up on WhatsApp (but we've never used that channel to communicate so I hope he doesn't notice).


Anyway, I don't really know what to do here? If he deserves more time to open up? And also whether he's actually ghosting me at the moment? There has only been one other time where we went 2-3 days without speaking.


And yes, I have not reached out either but I CAN"T NOW because I don't have his number anywhere :s
I totally get you! I used to delete peopleís numbers whilst waiting for a response as it would really make me feel nervous like Iím gonna text them something silly or noticed that theyíve seen it but not replied! So I get it!
But I havenít done that for two years now! Because the guy, who eventually absolutely stole my heart, didnít play any stupid game or ďforgetĒ to let me know he was interested in me at any given cost.
I would suggest let it be, donít stress! And donít over think it! If Heís interested, he will make it pretty damn obvious. If not, just move on. Plenty of fish in the sea!

Also, ignore rude people like the one whoís calling you neurotic. I think itís easy to sit behind a computer screen and be unfiltered and ďcandidĒ aka RUDE! Forums like this exist so we can help each other, not be dick heads to each other!
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