Online Dating - The Good, The Bad, The Ridiculous

[Michelle ma Belle]

Now that I'm back to dating again including doing a bit of OLD against my better judgement (), I thought it would be fun to share some of our experiences given some of the posts circulating around here.

 

I've only been online for 4 days but I could fill a book with all the shenanigans I've had to endure already! And that is no joke

 

So what's your experience been like?

[MightyQuinn]

I'm currently dating someone, so I haven't been logging into my OLD accounts, but I did have something super-creepy happen not too long ago.

 

My OKC account is completely anonymized - there is no phone number, the email address is a junk address, and I left all identifying info out of my profile.

 

But the other day I got a Facebook message in my "Other" folder from someone I didn't know who said they saw my online dating profile, quoted some things from it, mentioned the fact that my account was basically inactive because I've been dating someone, asked me how my relationship was going, and wanted to throw his hat into the ring if things weren't working out.

 

Super, super creepy. And I still have NO IDEA how the hell they found me on Facebook.

[soph-walker]

I had the same happen!

 

A guy messaged me on a dating site, his profile read like he was a creep so I ignored his message.

 

He found me on Facebook and promptly asked if we could meet up! Creepy thing was, there was no reference to my surname or any searchable details..even my location was by county. Weiiiiird.

[truth_seeker]

I've found women on my People You May Know section from Tinder. I think because we exchanged phone numbers or they search for me on FB (using phone number, first name through Google searches).

 

I did message a girl on FB one time because we connected on Tinder and when I logged out I hit the delete account button by accident. I remembered we shared a mutual friend so I looked her up, told her what had happened and how I we had a mutual friend. I don't think she believed me but I felt I was honest and it was a good reason to try.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I had the same happen!

 

A guy messaged me on a dating site, his profile read like he was a creep so I ignored his message.

 

He found me on Facebook and promptly asked if we could meet up! Creepy thing was, there was no reference to my surname or any searchable details..even my location was by county. Weiiiiird.

 

I think this has to do with the email you use. If your email on your profile account links to your Facebook, it's easily searchable. Or at least that's what I've been told.

 

I had the same thing happen to me and like both of you, my FB is locked down. I don't even have my real name up or a personal pic. I had some guy I had been messaging on another site (naughty site) who managed to find my FB, send me a message and a friend request!

 

Ah, hell NO!

 

When I asked him how he got my info, he said I showed up as People You Might Know on FB.

 

Same with Google+. There is ZERO privacy anymore online. You need to be SO careful anymore which is why I changed all my emails on every account I have to avoid this from happening again.

 

Another live and learn moment.

[lilmissjava]

I think it would be wise to suggest that you use creative usernames when using OLD that have absolutely nothing in common with your permanent social media existence/username(s), not even photographs. Google is a first hand tool when it comes to seeking information, especially when you reverse search images that can lead strangers to your social media profiles.

 

I change my usernames and photos quite often on OLD, a new one after every break, and I never use the same photos for OLD on my social media accounts.

 

My worst experience cannot even be relayed in this public forum, just trust that it was grotesque. No image, but words can be equally shocking. I am currently on a break from OLD, and I think those are needed once in a while. Besides, things are so far going well with my "special friend".

Edited January 12, 2016 by lilmissjava
typo

[TheArtist]

I might not have anything that's really weird, but I do recall having a date who was really interesting in text, but in reality we had so little in common that she ended up telling me about a guy who works in her office who was always having trouble with a fax machine. It was an 'anecdote' apparently.

 

I hope that now she's found the photocopier repair guy of her dreams.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Okay I have one to share that just happened today...

 

I met a chap online. He pursued me. He did not have a picture of himself on his profile. He emailed me and was extremely polite and cordial. He told me that he was new (and he was) and didn't have any pics on his work computer to upload onto this account but would be happy to email me some pics. I checked out his profile and it was filled in full and very charming in a normal way. My interested was piqued. Red flag #1.

 

I gave him my "special" email account (I have one I only use for the purposes of online fun). He sent them through and he was gorgeous...young but extremely handsome! Red flag #2

 

We began to chat and it was lovely. In all honesty, it was about the only "normal" conversation I had with someone online since I've been on. He asked questions, responded to my question, was able to carry a conversation with ease. I was excited to have finally met someone I could actually get to know. This went on for about a couple of hours of on and off chatting (I didn't get much done at work today...shhhhh).

 

Suddenly, the conversation took a turn. He talked about a "physical problem" he had. "Oh boy..." I thought and pleaded under my breath for this not to go where I think it was going. Red flag #3

 

So I indulged and asked what he meant to which he responded that he was very well endowed. COME ON! Red flag #4

 

At that point I took his pictures and dropped them into reverse image search and found numerous hits that indicated he was not being truthful about who he was.

 

I gave him the opportunity to come clean but he stuck to his story until I told him that the jig was up. He then back tracked and gave me all kinds of excuses telling me that he didn't want "lose" my interest and thought I wouldn't speak to him otherwise blah blah blah.

 

Next thing I see, he deleted his entire account and disappeared from the site.

 

And this was just one of many in the four days I've been online :/

[lilmissjava]

Okay I have one to share that just happened today...

 

I met a chap online. He pursued me. He did not have a picture of himself on his profile. He emailed me and was extremely polite and cordial. He told me that he was new (and he was) and didn't have any pics on his work computer to upload onto this account but would be happy to email me some pics. I checked out his profile and it was filled in full and very charming in a normal way. My interested was piqued. Red flag #1.

 

I gave him my "special" email account (I have one I only use for the purposes of online fun). He sent them through and he was gorgeous...young but extremely handsome! Red flag #2

 

We began to chat and it was lovely. In all honesty, it was about the only "normal" conversation I had with someone online since I've been on. He asked questions, responded to my question, was able to carry a conversation with ease. I was excited to have finally met someone I could actually get to know. This went on for about a couple of hours of on and off chatting (I didn't get much done at work today...shhhhh).

 

Suddenly, the conversation took a turn. He talked about a "physical problem" he had. "Oh boy..." I thought and pleaded under my breath for this not to go where I think it was going. Red flag #3

 

So I indulged and asked what he meant to which he responded that he was very well endowed. COME ON! Red flag #4

 

At that point I took his pictures and dropped them into reverse image search and found numerous hits that indicated he was not being truthful about who he was.

 

I gave him the opportunity to come clean but he stuck to his story until I told him that the jig was up. He then back tracked and gave me all kinds of excuses telling me that he didn't want "lose" my interest and thought I wouldn't speak to him otherwise blah blah blah.

 

Next thing I see, he deleted his entire account and disappeared from the site.

 

And this was just one of many in the four days I've been online :/

 

Good riddance because if it's just photos he was being deceptive about, then anything goes!

 

I am literally shaking my head because the exact same thing happened to me. I called him out on it and told him how insecure he must be to be sending photos that weren't of him to strangers.

 

I hope more people (men included, women send fake pics too) take the initiative and do their due diligence because it makes all the difference in the world.

[Ami1uwant]

Unsure what dating sites you use but if it shows an 3 mail address it could be searched just as if your profile pic is also a Facebook image thru image search.

 

If you are 9n a field that is highly public ( univetsity, hospital, teacher, etc)where your profile info and a few 8nmocent questions you could be narrowed on your s3arch.

 

If you use an email your full name could be displayed

 

If you have a unique first name you could easily be searched.

 

This doesn't take much effort.

 

I have done it.

 

For 3xample...she told me she tough middle school science. Later I ask her what's her day like including how far a drive to work she has..then that limits it to 3 school districts snd go in snd Der the teach pages and compare 8mage to profile imageds.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Update: Just for sh*ts and giggles I emailed this guy using the email he used to send me his pics. We communicated very briefly on there earlier today with no problems.

 

I asked him where he'd gone. His email bounced back as non-existent. This guy even deleted his email account, LOL.

 

The extent people will go. Geez Louise.

[SolG]

Michelle I matched with a guy on Tinder just before Christmas and we chatted a bit. We both liked each other's look, both looking for something friendly and casual. Exchanged more chat banter over the hols... Then when I got back in town I took the plunge and sent him my number when he asked.

 

Bang... his VERY FIRST TEXT... Dick pic. Yep! Lol :-D

 

And one of the most hilarious text convos of my life has ensued on the etiquette of dick pics starting with my response of, 'Well... That was... unexpected. I usually become closely acquainted with a whole person, in person, before coming face to face with a disembodied erect penis as part of the arrangement. That is weird and off putting :-/ But if that's what you're into...' I sent him back a random reciprocal pic of a penis.

 

We both know he's blown it and we're not going to meet. But it's actually been fun texting about why. He now has a clearer pic about why the uninvited dick pic is such a faux pas.

 

Ah... Young men and their silliness!

Edited January 12, 2016 by SolG

[MissBee]

I swore off online dating for about 4/5 years as I was just absolutely over it. I also was taking some time to figure out what I needed and my own boundaries, which vastly helped when I decided to rejoin in February 2014. I actually joined and told myself I would use it for 3 months and delete it if I didn't find anyone.

 

When I would first online date I would give lots of chances to guys who were absolutely not worth my time and it was very exhausting. In 2014 I wasn't playing that game. I ignored 9/10 messages I received and chose to only give the time of day to people who really stood out to me. I ended up going on 2 dates, the first was a great date, we went to the ballet, but he was just not my type and the second guy I went out with ended up becoming my boyfriend. We were together for 6 months then broke up and I ended up going on 2 dates with men who turned out to be completely insane, then a few other duds, one of whom is the only person I truly wish I had never met.

 

OLD drains me very quickly and I realize I can only do it in short spurts, which is why when threads about how it's so easy and women are just wading in a sea of eligible men online, I'm like where???!!!! I wish most of my OLD was like in February 2014, where I could meet just 2 guys, have one decent date even if we don't match and then meet a bf. But it doesn't work like that. Majority of it will be messages from all kinds of men who fit NONE of the criteria you want (this annoys me so much, messages from men outside of my age, education, distance, etc preferences or who blatantly don't fit some of the stuff I say I'm looking for) overly sexual messages or men who are nuts and this is all even before you make it to the date (fortunately). Then if you do find a couple who you have decided to meet in person, a lot of times it also ends up being a one time thing that also doesn't work out. One of my disappointing ventures was meeting a guy, he looked just like his pictures, he was cute, we went to a cute swanky bar, we talked for a long time, we got on well, he did something cute to initiate the first kiss, we held hands at the end of the date....then later int he night he decides to whip his penis out and then I pretty much realized he was looking for sex. I forgave him for that move, and decided okay, let's go out again, we did, then same thing and I had to end things. I dunno if those are worse than the other kinds of disappointment in OLD, but there is something particularly defeating about wading through a sea of time wasters, then feeling giddy at the potential of someone with whom you click, only to have your hopes dashed when you find out they're douchey too but simply managed to hide it well.

 

Good luck to you! I'm on my "off it" season where just the thought of the process makes me cringe. You really need fortitude for it. I don't mean to make it sound bad lol, but for me, I do need to be in a very optimistic and steely state of mind to go through the process, as it's very exhausting and disappointing. But you can eventually end up with something with pursuing.

Edited January 12, 2016 by MissBee

[Michelle ma Belle]

Michelle I matched with a guy on Tinder just before Christmas and we chatted a bit. We both liked each other's look, both looking for something friendly and casual. Exchanged more chat banter over the hols... Then when I got back in town I took the plunge and sent him my number when he asked.

 

Bang... his VERY FIRST TEXT... Dick pic. Yep! Lol :-D

 

And one of the most hilarious text convos of my life has ensued on the etiquette of dick pics starting with my response of, 'Well... That was... unexpected. I usually become closely acquainted with a whole person, in person, before coming face to face with a disembodied erect penis as part of the arrangement. That is weird and off putting :-/ But if that's what you're into...' I sent him back a random reciprocal pic of a penis.

 

We both know he's blown it and we're not going to meet. But it's actually been fun texting about why. He now has a clearer pic about why the uninvited dick pic is such a faux pas.

 

Ah... Young men and their silliness!

 

HAHAHAHA...I actually never thought about sending a another d*ck pic in response!!! LOVE IT!

 

I'm twitching with anticipation. The next guy won't even know what hit him

 

And yes, I agree with you in that some of these guys can be highly entertaining. I've been around online for a long time now (and I'm not talking about just OLD) and such I've encounter SCADS of questionable characters with all sorts of agendas. I've learned a thing or two and very little shocks me, surprises me or even offends me anymore. I've seen it all pretty much.

 

Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to play games and other times I enjoy taking the bait and seeing how far these guys are willing to go. Just depends on my mood and the amount of time I have to invest

 

OLD really is far more about entertainment than than anything productive in my humble opinion. Or at least that's what it feels like anymore. Shame.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I swore off online dating for about 4/5 years as I was just absolutely over it. I also was taking some time to figure out what I needed and my own boundaries, which vastly helped when I decided to rejoin in February 2014. I actually joined and told myself I would use it for 3 months and delete it if I didn't find anyone.

 

When I would first online date I would give lots of chances to guys who were absolutely not worth my time and it was very exhausting. In 2014 I wasn't playing that game. I ignored 9/10 messages I received and chose to only give the time of day to people who really stood out to me. I ended up going on 2 dates, the first was a great date, we went to the ballet, but he was just not my type and the second guy I went out with ended up becoming my boyfriend. We were together for 6 months then broke up and I ended up going on 2 dates with men who turned out to be completely insane, then a few other duds, one of whom is the only person I truly wish I had never met.

 

OLD drains me very quickly and I realize I can only do it in short spurts, which is why when threads about how it's so easy and women are just wading in a sea of eligible men online, I'm like where???!!!! I wish most of my OLD was like in February 2014, where I could meet just 2 guys, have one decent date even if we don't match and then meet a bf. But it doesn't work like that. Majority of it will be messages from all kinds of men who fit NONE of the criteria you want (this annoys me so much, messages from men outside of my age, education, distance, etc preferences or who blatantly don't fit some of the stuff I say I'm looking for) overly sexual messages or men who are nuts and this is all even before you make it to the date (fortunately). Then if you do find a couple who you have decided to meet in person, a lot of times it also ends up being a one time thing that also doesn't work out. One of my disappointing ventures was meeting a guy, he looked just like his pictures, he was cute, we went to a cute swanky bar, we talked for a long time, we got on well, he did something cute to initiate the first kiss, we held hands at the end of the date....then later int he night he decides to whip his penis out and then I pretty much realized he was looking for sex. I forgave him for that move, and decided okay, let's go out again, we did, then same thing and I had to end things. I dunno if those are worse than the other kinds of disappointment in OLD, but there is something particularly defeating about wading through a sea of time wasters, then feeling giddy at the potential of someone with whom you click, only to have your hopes dashed when you find out they're douchey too but simply managed to hide it well.

 

Good luck to you! I'm on my "off it" season where just the thought of the process makes me cringe. You really need fortitude for it. I don't mean to make it sound bad lol, but for me, I do need to be in a very optimistic and steely state of mind to go through the process, as it's very exhausting and disappointing. But you can eventually end up with something with pursuing.

 

I totally understand and agree completely. I will not be on there long at all. I'm just a bit bored these days and need to stretch my legs and figured I would give it a go. I haven't done OLD in about 4 years for many of the same reasons you mentioned. I could only do it for 2-4 weeks at a time before I had to take a leave of absence.

 

This too shall pass

[strawberryshortstack]

I'm currently dating someone, so I haven't been logging into my OLD accounts, but I did have something super-creepy happen not too long ago.

 

My OKC account is completely anonymized - there is no phone number, the email address is a junk address, and I left all identifying info out of my profile.

 

But the other day I got a Facebook message in my "Other" folder from someone I didn't know who said they saw my online dating profile, quoted some things from it, mentioned the fact that my account was basically inactive because I've been dating someone, asked me how my relationship was going, and wanted to throw his hat into the ring if things weren't working out.

 

Super, super creepy. And I still have NO IDEA how the hell they found me on Facebook.

 

if you have any photos up, and your facebook profile is searchable via google, they may have done a reverse image search.

[five2nine]

I joined eharmony last week. I am tired of answering people's question forms and all the back and forth communicating already. I subscribed for a year since I never really gave OLD a chance, but now I'm regretting it.

 

There was one profile I blocked right away. He listed his interests as "sex" and under things he can't live without "sex"... Yeah, not a good idea to put that on your profile.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I joined eharmony last week. I am tired of answering people's question forms and all the back and forth communicating already. I subscribed for a year since I never really gave OLD a chance, but now I'm regretting it.

 

There was one profile I blocked right away. He listed his interests as "sex" and under things he can't live without "sex"... Yeah, not a good idea to put that on your profile.

 

Oh dear. I've done eHarmony it was "better" than other sites because of the algorithms. NOT. I met only ONE man in the 3 months I was on that was even remotely close to what seemed like someone might be interested in on paper and even he ended up being a dud after half a dozen dates. So many matches weren't even in my own province/state never mind in my neighborhood

 

Useless.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Edit to the post above - I meant to say that I've done eHarmony thinking it was better...

[jen1447]

Michelle, couldn't you bscly just walk down the street and get like 100 dates? At least that way you could really see them first. Why even play on OLD at all?

 

(I get that it is playing more or less but it seems like a time sink when you could be getting RL traction everywhere else. )

[Michelle ma Belle]

Oh I am and the fine teacher I spoke of in another post is someone I met in real life

 

My life is a bit challenging in terms of having free time to go out and meet men because of work and family commitments. The men I do meet at work are often married or in relationships and if they're single, I can't cross that line because of professional ethics. That's where OLD has always come in to play. It gives me a window however small sometimes.

 

Again, I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, just some fun. If it happens, wonderful and if not, no problem. I've got a full and happy life just as it is

[S_A]

I tried OLD for a minute and, while I don't have experience, I can be pretty sharp and hard to fool. I quickly got the impression that a good number of girls on there were not looking to actually date, but posted profile to see how many hits they'd get; as if knowing some random person may like them provided them with needed validation.

 

I Gave up on OLD super quickly, which is a shame because I thought it could be fun to be placed in front of some person for the first time, 1on1, to see what happens. It's not like that IRL. Obviously online you would be communicating back and forth for a while before meeting, but I bet it still has that blind-date vibe to it when you meet. Oh well!

 

Michelle, I am surprised to hear you've broken up. I've only started browsing again through this forum as of a week or-so ago. Looks like I've got catching up to do!

[lana-banana]

The first time I did OLD I had a height preference (5'8" or above, although I've dated shorter men since). Within two days I received a message from a man saying I was shallow and horrible and he hoped I got anal herpes from someone who would rape me, that I was everything that was wrong with women today, that shallow women like me deserved to be raped and murdered and he would laugh when I died.

 

Ever since then when men whine about "why do women ignore instead of saying they aren't interested?!" I just shake my head.

[Maggie4]

I tried online dating for a bit, that was a long time ago when my job took me to a smallish town and I didn't know anyone. My bad experiences were more with the sites. After signing up, I started getting a lot of spam. I was too cheap to pay for a subscription, so I couldn't read the 100 messages sent to me. When I finally paid for one month subscription, at the end of the month the site renewed it without my consent and charged my card. I didn't want to upload a photo, yet I got messages telling me "I think you look great in ypur photo". Later on when I did finally upload a photo, the website used it for the homepage ad without my consent (or did I consent in fine print?). Online dating is really not for me. Meeting people in real life is soooo much easier.

[MissBee]

Michelle, couldn't you bscly just walk down the street and get like 100 dates? At least that way you could really see them first. Why even play on OLD at all?

 

(I get that it is playing more or less but it seems like a time sink when you could be getting RL traction everywhere else. )

 

Walking down the street randomly isn't a successful dating strategy .

 

There have been a few threads about if OLD is for losers who are not social or can't meet people in real life, and the answer is no. I think I'm a pretty good looking woman, maybe if I go out everyday I will notice at least one man who checks me out, but believe me, as people are going about their business in life or depending on the situation, it's not always easy for people to approach you or you them. Many things might stop them from doing so. Online at least, you know that everyone there is looking for something. Of course it has its limitations, but there are some aspects that are more straightforward than IRL. You at least are able to apply some filters or see certain things off the bat.

 

Out and about it's likely if 100 men approach you it will be just like online where 95 of them are probably dudes in whom you have NO interest whatsoever and unless you meet them in some kind of setting where you really got to talk, you'd have to just give them your number based on a brief interaction and they could end up being just as awful as anyone else from OLD. The only difference is you know for sure how they look and if you're attracted physically.