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It honestly sucks being single. Anyone that claims its great, are liars


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Old 20th February 2019, 10:43 AM   #91
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Originally Posted by Timshel View Post
<snip>Being 12 with a gf is a hard no for myself, I don't care what is cute for his peers. Reason: School work and because I said so.
If you haven't had the talk about sex yet, this would be a good time. Give him charts/graphs and stats regarding pregnancy and stds.
I don't blame you and I completely agree.

One of my friends son is 12 also and told his Dad that girls 11 and 12 were giving blow jobs to guys in the back of the school bus. This is what is going on these days.

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Old 20th February 2019, 11:01 AM   #92
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I think that when you're in a particular situation yourself, you tend to focus on that and see it as a point of reference, and not really accept or understand other people's experiences or views.

I see people who are happy in a relationship, those who are miserable, those who are happy single and those who are not. I don't project my thoughts onto others and assume people are happier or sadder than I am.

I only used my 12yo bc he has ASD and is more vulnerable to social pressure, that he feels is so intense that he has to comply in order to fit in.

I didn"t mean this to turn into generalisations in what 12yos do and judgements on parenting skills.
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:35 AM   #93
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They did it to get socially accepted.

But they didn't even tell anyone... everything happens in secret. How does "social acceptance" factor in if society doesn't know or approve?



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Those of us who are single and enjoying it are not lying.

No one is saying that you are lying. Of course it's possible to be single and enjoying it! But there are a whole host of reasons why people get into relationships beyond just "social acceptance".
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:42 AM   #94
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But they didn't even tell anyone... everything happens in secret. How does "social acceptance" factor in if society doesn't know or approve?
Society is everyone. You can be 12 and want to be accepted among your peer group. This may be a cultural difference but here, in secret from parents or teachers gives you credance and extra social points.

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No one is saying that you are lying. Of course it's possible to be single and enjoying it! But there are a whole host of reasons why people get into relationships beyond just "social acceptance".
The title of this thread says it!

I understand that there are plenty other reasons why anyone wants to get into a relationship. I'm just replying based on this particular thread for those who are single and having fears of being alone.
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:45 AM   #95
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Society is everyone. You can be 12 and want to be accepted among your peer group. This may be a cultural difference but here, in secret from parents or teachers gives you credance and extra social points.

Oh, where I grew up the kids literally don't tell anyone, lol. Not even most of their friends, except perhaps 1 or 2 confidantes. I only found out after we were all grown up how many people had had relationships in secret!
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:55 AM   #96
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If you want to be single then be single and if you want to be in a relationship then be in a relationship. It doesn't have to be that complicated.
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Old 20th February 2019, 1:27 PM   #97
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I was using that as an example about change. And how my gf's niece did not want to change. It was not my intention to turn it into a "no fat chick" discussion<snip>
Maybe the OP is OK with a guy as fat as her or fatter. She may not need to lose the weight, just not have physical appearance as her main criterion. And she's not that fat. Contrary to what you believe, some men are ok with various looks. Size 10 for example may be heavy for you but many men like it.

If everyone wanted only the thin and in shape men and women, it would be a problem, but people of various shapes and sizes are coupled up.

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Old 20th February 2019, 6:01 PM   #98
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I'm only 19 now it's probably because I'm a lot younger than you but I don't mind being single the relationship I'm in now I had to go through huge amounts of grief to keep and it is far easier to be single it isn't better but it is easier
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Old 22nd February 2019, 6:57 PM   #99
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You sound like my sister. She says the same thing but it's clear that she wants to meet a guy more than anything in the world but when she does get a guy "on the hook" she goes overboard with texts and calls and clingy behavior right from the get-go and invariably chases him away.<snip>
Some guys, myself included, love behavior like that.
Perhaps those guys just aren't for her, not returning her chat...
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Old 23rd February 2019, 9:42 PM   #100
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"Anyone who claims it's great, are liars??

Really? You're projecting your own views of the world and applying it to everyone. That's a sure-fire way to irritate people. Instead of making such a sweeping statement, perhaps try to understand why they claim it's great.

You're clearly upset about your current situation. You're not happy you're single and you have a one-track mind focusness on finding love and expecting it to be the answer to your happiness.

The fact is many people have come out of horrible relationships, so their experience has soured them and the pain won't allow them to yet seek happiness through being with someone else. That's understandable. The trauma of a toxic relationship balanced with the healing of being single can weight many a person's view of being single as a much happier and more viable option.

Some people just don't work well as a team with another person and function much better on their own. Some people have work commitments which just aren't conducive to having a thriving, long term relationship. There's no many different people and experiences out there that you can't possibly apply a one hat fits all approach to happiness.

What you need to do is not worry about external noise. Focus on what you want to achieve. Family members will give you throwaway lines to try to make you happy. Just work on you, try to figure out how to be the best version of yourself and go and attract a good man and hopefully life partner!

Good luck!

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Old 24th February 2019, 1:17 PM   #101
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Originally Posted by DrReplyInRhymes View Post
Some guys, myself included, love behavior like that.
Perhaps those guys just aren't for her, not returning her chat...

Anyone who is going to go from zero to 100 with a person they've only known less than a day needs to question their mental stability. My opinion only of course.



I can't take your posts seriously given your need to make them rhyme for some odd reason. This is about peoples lives not about poetry.
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Old 24th February 2019, 1:53 PM   #102
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Oh, where I grew up the kids literally don't tell anyone, lol. Not even most of their friends, except perhaps 1 or 2 confidantes. I only found out after we were all grown up how many people had had relationships in secret!
Ah ok. Most of the misunderstandings on here come from cultural differences, I find .

Back home in my teenage years, I was pretty much the only single one. There was peer social pressure to 'hook up' to prove your social value, most of it behind parents' back. I had as much interest for that back then as I do now, which is none.

It's the same now - the kids with the most social value are seen as the ones who have the most attention.

My 9yo daughter is still oblivious to it, but my son has explicitly said the only reason he has agreed to have a 'gf' is for social credits. They don't socialise together, they don't go to the same school, they've seen each other once in 4 months, he doesn't care to see her more than that. It's the status, not the actual person, that he is after. I suspect she is the same.

I am hoping his confidence grows and he soon sees that not having a gf at 12 or at any other age is fine.

I think looking at how a socially vulnerable person is affected by relationship issues gives another perspective to the social pressure that definitely exists for single people.

Between the different religions telling us for centuries the only way to be is coupled up, the films that perpetrate unrealistic standards, the fixation on sex, the laws and social habits that make it easier to be a couple than single, the pressure can be intense.

Obviously those who have been in long-term relationships most of their lives can not really comprehend that - that's not a criticism, just a fact.

As I said earlier, I wish there were more relatable single role-models to look up to so more people realise it is perfectly possible to live a healthy life unattached.
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Old 24th February 2019, 2:09 PM   #103
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Ah ok. Most of the misunderstandings on here come from cultural differences, I find .<snip>

Haha, I hid my first semi-relationship from all of my friends. I thought that I was weird for having a boy whom I was close to, so better not to let anyone know. Only later I found out that I wasn't the only one in my circle feeling that way...

Yeah, culture is a weird thing.

I'm glad your kids have a great role model. I personally think the most important thing is that they should have the confidence to be whomever they want to be, regardless of what society says.

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Old 27th February 2019, 4:24 AM   #104
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Because at the end of the day Iím sleeping in my bed alone. Can anyone understand my point of view?
That's a ****ty feeling. I'm not clingy... but if my wife goes out of town, we both have trouble falling asleep. Though it's not like I'm texting her every other hour to find out how she's doing or trying to facetime her. It just feels weird when a woman isn't in my bed.
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Old 27th February 2019, 9:12 AM   #105
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Ah ok. Most of the misunderstandings on here come from cultural differences, I find .

Back home in my teenage years, I was pretty much the only single one. There was peer social pressure to 'hook up' to prove your social value, most of it behind parents' back. I had as much interest for that back then as I do now, which is none.

It's the same now - the kids with the most social value are seen as the ones who have the most attention.

My 9yo daughter is still oblivious to it, but my son has explicitly said the only reason he has agreed to have a 'gf' is for social credits. They don't socialise together, they don't go to the same school, they've seen each other once in 4 months, he doesn't care to see her more than that. It's the status, not the actual person, that he is after. I suspect she is the same.

I am hoping his confidence grows and he soon sees that not having a gf at 12 or at any other age is fine.

I think looking at how a socially vulnerable person is affected by relationship issues gives another perspective to the social pressure that definitely exists for single people.

Between the different religions telling us for centuries the only way to be is coupled up, the films that perpetrate unrealistic standards, the fixation on sex, the laws and social habits that make it easier to be a couple than single, the pressure can be intense.

Obviously those who have been in long-term relationships most of their lives can not really comprehend that - that's not a criticism, just a fact.

As I said earlier, I wish there were more relatable single role-models to look up to so more people realise it is perfectly possible to live a healthy life unattached.

Must admit. l have two friends both early 50s haven't seen either with a partner in yrs.
l was talking to her just the other day as she was doing renos on her house and wondered about her single life,
l know she use to wanna get married , never happened.
The guy l saw few mths back. l often wonder about him too when we do see each other. he travels almost non stop.He's only ever back home for a week ot two and then he's back on a plane to somewhere. Often wonder if it's just a habit filling a void .
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