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Does this text sound like itís over for good?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th March 2018, 9:54 AM   #1
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What do I do?

I dated my ex for six years. I did everything for him that I could. I cooked, cleaned, threw parties for him, always was involved in his family activities, did his homework, pushed him to workout and be healthy, woke him up with sex often, and always showed him affection. Meanwhile he didnít show me affection. He said he just want like that. I would have to ask him to hold my hand. He would make excuses to leave my family functions early. He would not hang with my friends because he said he felt uncomfortable. All while I was good friends with his and all his friends girlfriends.

We broke up because he cheated and when I confronted him he lied about it. I was used to finding random girls clothes at his place but he said his family maid must have gotten his clothes confused with his cousins who is also a girl. I guess the maid thought they were mine. But he lied about other things leading me to know he cheated. He refused to confess, changed his story four times, said I was crazy and acting totally out of line and that he had to walk on eggshells around me, and made me move out. Funny this was that when we had this talk he wore sunglasses inside at night and refused to look at me.
We got back together and tried to make it work but my self worth was so destroyed and I was so insecure it was impossible.
Now a year after the second breakup we talk every now and then. Weíre regularly having sex. He lied to me about seeing others so I didnít protect myself during sex. He then tells me that I am in such a rush to find someone else after we just broke up. He told me to not talk to him for a month after I told him I kind of was seeing someone because he didnít want to be in a love triangle even though he considered us as friends. Turns out he was seeing another girl the whole time and used that month to get closer with her. Too bad he lied to me about them being exclusive and had sex with me and told me after he felt he had cheated.

He said this new girl was fat, lazy, boring, dumb, but said she was nice and really sexy and thought he world of him. He also mentioned he could have his pick of the litter because he lives in a highrise, drives a nice car, was a college athlete, and is a pretty nice guy.

He then told me to not talk to him for six months after he broke into my apartment with a key I gave him when he knew I wasnít going to be home to snoop through my computer and he apparently found evidence against me that I was cheating. He was super upset. Yet he still CONSTANTLY creeps on my Instagram story and doesnít follow me.

In addition, any time I have reached out he is very short and rude with me. He never attempts to reach out to me. Is this guy a narcissist or what is he? I was always told I was wrong and too sensitive when I would get upset with him. So I feel itís all my fault. He says I was too much and that I would get upset with him over nothing. Which may partly be true but it came from a place of deep resentment and him making promises he would break and from lying to me. He says in order to be with me again I would vastly have to change my behavior and not get upset with him.

I feel incredibly guilty. Like I ruined this entire thing. Why doesnít he want me back!? Why does he creep so much on me on social media every day?
TDLR: my ex doesnít want to be with me anymore after cheating and lying to me. He creeps on my social media every day. I feel like this is all my fault and I am trying to make sense of it all. I feel like I lost someone special and I keep beating myself up
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:07 AM   #2
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How many times do we have to tell you that YOU did NOT ruin anything? This guy cheated on you, lied to you, used you and broke into your apartment.

You need to feel guilty about failing to have enough self-respect to end this once & for all. He's not prince charming. He's the ugly troll under the bridge. Wake up. Have some self respect. Take care of yourself & put him firmly in your read view mirror. Until he is completely out of your life, you will continue to be miserable because he constantly drags you down.
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:14 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Riot21 View Post
my self worth was so destroyed and I was so insecure it was impossible.
And it still is -- and unfortunately, your need to still cling to this man is indicative of how little you value yourself. He has no respect for you and treats you the way he does because he knows you're weak and desperate. I hate to be harsh but this guy treated you like absolute garbage and instead of walking away, you went for more. YOU have taught HIM that you require very little to maintain. YOU require very little in terms of respect and care because you do not value yourself.

This isn't about this guy anymore. It is about your own inability to love yourself. You need him to validate you because you can't do it for yourself -- so you cling and hope he makes you feel whole again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Riot21 View Post
I feel incredibly guilty. Like I ruined this entire thing. Why doesn’t he want me back!? Why does he creep so much on me on social media every day?
TDLR: my ex doesn’t want to be with me anymore after cheating and lying to me. He creeps on my social media every day. I feel like this is all my fault and I am trying to make sense of it all. I feel like I lost someone special and I keep beating myself up
What did you ruin? A relationship with a cheater? That's what you deem a special partner/relationship?

The question is -- why do you want him back? Do you not believe you deserve better? In your mind, what is a healthy, loving and nurturing relationship? Does it equal cheating, lying, manipulation?
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:03 PM   #4
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I am sorry that you have gone through this. First, I want you to know that you are valuable. You are important and it is not your fault. You feel as if you were better, or pretty or had more sex with him; you would have been able to keep his interest on you. This is not true. You are worth having a relationship with someone that respects you and wants you for you. He has put you through Listly has some great resources about healing from abuse. Please consider seeking counseling to help you regain your self.

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Old 5th March 2018, 3:54 PM   #5
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From reading your past threads, I have the feeling you will continue to cling to him until he gets a new, serious girlfriend.

And then you will have no choice but to let go.
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:37 PM   #6
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Adding to the echo chamber a little - The guy is cheating on you and projecting that onto you. He was never affectionate like you need a partner to be. He's doing a great job of convincing you that it's all your fault. And worst of all, he broke in to your apartment! You have grounds to call that trespass and can get the authorities involved.

Can you see that this is more than enough grounds for going completely NC? I get that you want to be back with him, but isn't it fair for you to be with someone who treats you in the same way that you treat them? Let's say you get him back - he's going to keep making your life miserable. Please don't contact him again. Change your lock if you must.
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:58 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riot21 View Post
I dated my ex for six years. I did everything for him that I could. I cooked, cleaned, threw parties for him, always was involved in his family activities, did his homework, pushed him to workout and be healthy, woke him up with sex often, and always showed him affection. Meanwhile he didnít show me affection. He said he just want like that. I would have to ask him to hold my hand. He would make excuses to leave my family functions early. He would not hang with my friends because he said he felt uncomfortable. All while I was good friends with his and all his friends girlfriends.

We broke up because he cheated and when I confronted him he lied about it. I was used to finding random girls clothes at his place but he said his family maid must have gotten his clothes confused with his cousins who is also a girl. I guess the maid thought they were mine. But he lied about other things leading me to know he cheated. He refused to confess, changed his story four times, said I was crazy and acting totally out of line and that he had to walk on eggshells around me, and made me move out. Funny this was that when we had this talk he wore sunglasses inside at night and refused to look at me.
We got back together and tried to make it work but my self worth was so destroyed and I was so insecure it was impossible.
Now a year after the second breakup we talk every now and then. Weíre regularly having sex. He lied to me about seeing others so I didnít protect myself during sex. He then tells me that I am in such a rush to find someone else after we just broke up. He told me to not talk to him for a month after I told him I kind of was seeing someone because he didnít want to be in a love triangle even though he considered us as friends. Turns out he was seeing another girl the whole time and used that month to get closer with her. Too bad he lied to me about them being exclusive and had sex with me and told me after he felt he had cheated.

He said this new girl was fat, lazy, boring, dumb, but said she was nice and really sexy and thought he world of him. He also mentioned he could have his pick of the litter because he lives in a highrise, drives a nice car, was a college athlete, and is a pretty nice guy.

He then told me to not talk to him for six months after he broke into my apartment with a key I gave him when he knew I wasnít going to be home to snoop through my computer and he apparently found evidence against me that I was cheating. He was super upset. Yet he still CONSTANTLY creeps on my Instagram story and doesnít follow me.

In addition, any time I have reached out he is very short and rude with me. He never attempts to reach out to me. Is this guy a narcissist or what is he? I was always told I was wrong and too sensitive when I would get upset with him. So I feel itís all my fault. He says I was too much and that I would get upset with him over nothing. Which may partly be true but it came from a place of deep resentment and him making promises he would break and from lying to me. He says in order to be with me again I would vastly have to change my behavior and not get upset with him.

I feel incredibly guilty. Like I ruined this entire thing. Why doesnít he want me back!? Why does he creep so much on me on social media every day?
TDLR: my ex doesnít want to be with me anymore after cheating and lying to me. He creeps on my social media every day. I feel like this is all my fault and I am trying to make sense of it all. I feel like I lost someone special and I keep beating myself up
So you acted like his mommy. Guys dont want to date their mommy. Tho they will certainly take advantage of the situation, especially with a little free sex thrown in there. Until you stand up for yourself and get some self worth, and stop kissing this guys ass, he will have no respect for you. Get respect for yourself, dont you want better than this?
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Old 6th March 2018, 5:47 AM   #8
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Trust me when I tell you if you did all that for another man they would appreciate it and more importantly would return the favor.
Notice you were the one doing everything and nothing was coming back from him- he was just taking as you were giving.
You need to take him off the pedestal and see what he really is. Someone that cheats on you doesn't love you and someone that LIES about it to cover it up isn't relationship material. Or trustworthy.
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:38 AM   #9
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What would you say to this?

What would you say or think if an ex said he only looked at your Snapchat story to make you feel like you were special and that he still cared about you?
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:56 AM   #10
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You've asked two questions about him in rapid succession. This is the other http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...is-new-partner Were they part of the same conversation?

Is this guy cheating, lying ex?

If so, my response to both questions would be the same: I'd ask why you're still talking with him.
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:02 AM   #11
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You've asked two questions about him in rapid succession. This is the other http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...is-new-partner Were they part of the same conversation?

Is this guy cheating, lying ex?

If so, my response to both questions would be the same: I'd ask why you're still talking with him.
Why shouldnít I talk to him?
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:07 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Riot21 View Post
Why shouldnít I talk to him?
Because he's a cheating liar who treated you like crap?

Just a wild guess.

Oh, and you're broken up.
NC.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:06 AM   #13
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I would think he was playing me....and i would refuse to join in....deb
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Old 7th March 2018, 7:14 AM   #14
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Why shouldnít I talk to him?
Where is your self-respect? Ugh. Itís no wonder he treats you horribly.

The fact that youíre even asking this question is indicative of how much your self-worth has been destroyed.
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:32 AM   #15
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Why shouldnít I talk to him?
Because he's LYING to you. Because he's playing games with you. Because he's a cheater & is cheating on his present GF by interacting with you. Because you don't understand how unhealthy your interactions with him are. Because he's BAD for you. Because he broke into your house.

There are no good reasons to talk to him.

When you keep playing His Game you prevent yourself from moving on or getting into a healthy relationship. He doesn't interact with you because he cares about you. To him you are like a small half dead mouse that he continues to keep alive & torment because it amuses him. When are you going to wake up & recognize the emotional manipulation for what it is?

This has always been a dysfunctional mess.

If this guy cared about you, he'd be with you. He wouldn't cheat on you. He wouldn't lie to you. Since he can't or won't do anything of those things, you have to accept the fact that this guy is bad news & you have to get him out of your life.

Ugh I want to shake you & that is so wrong on my part.
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