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I think I ate a breadcrumb


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 23rd February 2018, 7:38 PM   #16
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I think you’re getting there too, and are very aware and insightful about yourself and your motivations.

And I’m glad if what I wrote was at all helpful
Sometimes I feel insufferable for posting on here and giving my advice and opinions (not something I do in real life AT ALL)... but looking at other people’s dilemmas who are similar to mine... but that I’m not emotionally involved with... seems to kind of help me think about my own situation. So thank you for your sharing and insight as well
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Old 23rd February 2018, 7:49 PM   #17
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Just wanted to say I really like the way you write. You sound like a calm, logical, emotionally controlled dude.

The problem with emotions is we do not have control over them as much as we think and you are recognizing that. I believe the best we can do is force our brain to be distracted with something else. That something else should be this new chick.

And your text wasn’t bad. Though it would have been great if you responded “I know”
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Old 23rd February 2018, 7:50 PM   #18
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One of my exes could always drag me back down into the murky waters. He knew how to tap my sentimental side. He still tries, 40 years later, but I am innoculated now.

One thing he held onto is I told him one time that once I love someone, I never stop. Which is true, though the tenor of it changes, maybe to friends, maybe to memories, maybe to bitter memories but still intense feelings.

So he brought this up several years post-breakup about it haunts him that I said I'd always love him because anyone I love, I will always love. And I was trashed enough to say the truth. I said, "Yes, it's like I go into remission for awhile, but then I love you again."

Feel free to use that. He didn't love being compared to a cancer.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:22 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
Just wanted to say I really like the way you write. . . .
And your text wasn’t bad. Though it would have been great if you responded “I know”
Thanks for the compliment

And I have to tell you I was so tempted to write exactly that! If this had happened a few weeks from now I would have. Darnit.

But the world keeps turning.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:34 AM   #20
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One of my exes could always drag me back down into the murky waters. He knew how to tap my sentimental side. He still tries, 40 years later, but I am innoculated now.

One thing he held onto is I told him one time that once I love someone, I never stop. Which is true, though the tenor of it changes, maybe to friends, maybe to memories, maybe to bitter memories but still intense feelings.

So he brought this up several years post-breakup about it haunts him that I said I'd always love him because anyone I love, I will always love. And I was trashed enough to say the truth. I said, "Yes, it's like I go into remission for awhile, but then I love you again."

Feel free to use that. He didn't love being compared to a cancer.
Ha! I just might. I like it.

That is so similar to what I told her when we had our break up conversation. I told her I loved her and that I didn't fall in or out of love easily, but that I would let her go. She asked me what I needed from her and offered the idea of "space."

I told her yes, I would need space. That I hoped she would change her mind but I really meant what I said about letting her go. There's a Pablo Neruda poem called "If You Forget Me" which lays out the sentiment better than I ever could. Seriously, its beautiful. Google it!

Then I put my hand on her cheek, kissed her tenderly goodbye, turned and walked away. I never looked back, and I never contacted her again, until now.

For what it's worth, that did get to her. One of the first texts I got from her, during the time she was supposed to be giving me space was, "I don't expect you to reply. But I find your silence upsetting. You walked away so easily."

No, I freaking didn't. It was as hard as anything I've ever done. But I did it, and she didn't have to know how hard it was, the way I saw it. My dignity is intact, if not my pride.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:52 AM   #21
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You need to fully "let her go" or you'll never free yourself.

Words don't mean much. They are for the most part just meaningless. Something she said "in the moment".

Her actions tell you what you need to know.

Move on like she already has.

When you find the right on she'll become a fading memory which is where she should be.
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Old 24th February 2018, 2:22 AM   #22
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You need to fully "let her go" or you'll never free yourself.

Words don't mean much. They are for the most part just meaningless. Something she said "in the moment".

Her actions tell you what you need to know.

Move on like she already has.

When you find the right on she'll become a fading memory which is where she should be.
You are speaking the truth.

"Moving on" though is the thing. Hers was easy, because she just jumped from one ship to another. Mine's a grind. But I'm freaking doing it.

I'm with you though. Actions talk.
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Old 24th February 2018, 3:13 AM   #23
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You are speaking the truth.

"Moving on" though is the thing. Hers was easy, because she just jumped from one ship to another. Mine's a grind. But I'm freaking doing it.

I'm with you though. Actions talk.
I'll add to that too...don't go to that bar/place anymore..Unless you're on a date and she suggests it...you still don't go there! The ex 'got that place in the divorce'. I mean..you knew you'd eventually see her there..If you say you didn't I call,bull****.
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Old 24th February 2018, 10:29 AM   #24
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I agree. But why say it at all? I didn't mind the exchange of "I miss you"s. Enough time has gone by that that didn't bother me. You can miss someone and not want to go home with them.

And yes, talk is cheap. I don't exactly buy what she's saying. But to write "I will always be in love with you," while you are at your man's show, or just when you have a man, period. That's weird to me.

"Nice to see you," is normal, or whatever. But I don't get what would motivate her to use a loaded phrase like 'in love'

Don't get me wrong. I know how love works. When you are in love with someone you go home with them, so it's something else. I'm not going to ask her and I'll just let this drift further in the rear view, but for the life of me I don't get it.

My own response . . . eh . . . maybe it would have been better to leave it alone, but as I said above, I can live with it. At least it doesn't sound desperate or anything, at least not to me.
To claim you as hers. Her friends let her know you were there.

Last edited by usa1ah; 24th February 2018 at 11:40 AM..
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Old 24th February 2018, 12:48 PM   #25
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You did just fine. I think the only thing you could have done better was to use that Han Solo line that Seven City suggested.

Onward!
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Old 24th February 2018, 12:56 PM   #26
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I think you did fine too. You acted in a very civilized manner, you answered with text in a very nice manner, without blubbering over her. I think it would have been more telling had you NOT answered; making her think you flipped over seeing her. As it is, you saw her, had a nice interaction, answered her text very civilly, and that was that.
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Old 25th February 2018, 2:57 AM   #27
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You did OK. I don't think you did anything wrong.
I'll tell you why she texted you that: to keep you on the hook in case she needs to revisit you if something goes wrong in her current relationship.
Laying the groundwork per say. I had an ex that would actually see me in a bar and text me how she wanted me- keep in mind her boyfriend would be right beside her.
What you really have to do is block her number because she's always going to text you like that because she knows she can and it boosts her ego to.
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Old 25th February 2018, 6:50 AM   #28
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I think you did fine too. I'm in the camp that you came off as cool.

You said you ate a breadcrumb. One breadcrumb is fine. Where it becomes toxic is when the breadcrumbs keep coming. When that happens, then they've got you because you have to keep playing this stupid game of trying to come off as cool that you'd doing it so often that they are controlling you. Controlling - that sounds like a strong word, but what I mean is, they are taking up too much of your emotions and head space and really, you're getting absolutely nothing good out of it. It's not like they are going to take you back. It's just an ego boost for them.

I posted this the other day. Although I had already blocked my ex (yes when the breadcrumbs keep coming you get to the point where you don't care anymore if they think badly of you for blocking them) after seeing this, it made me feel confident that I did the right thing. I believe it is gender neutral.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxuE6IOCKIA
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Old 25th February 2018, 7:45 AM   #29
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Pops!

Thank you for posting that link! I've been watching his videos all morning, and he is spot on with everything.
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Old 25th February 2018, 10:15 AM   #30
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Might just ruin things with the new girl you’re trying to talk to.

Here you are talking to your ex’s friends about this new girl and then telling your ex what you did.
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