Moving on

[Nickr3023]

I feel like I already know all the answers I'm going to receive but I feel like it'll just help to hear and feel some support from people that don't know me. This is my first time reading on this site but the support i see is great and restores my faith in humanity.

 

I'm 32 almost 33 and starting to feel like my life is slowly slipping away. I was in a rather serious 9 year relationship that ended after finding out she was cheating for 3 years with multiple guys. So already I have that baggage with me and my self esteem and self worth were already low. It's hard hearing what a great guy I am, how sweet I am, how much I have to offer. I own my own business and home and on the outside I should be happy....but I struggle with anxiety and depression.

 

So out of the blue I meet this girl last year right before Christmas. Simply gorgeous, smart, successful, hilarious, witty, adjective after adjective. Well come to find out she was recently separated from a 9 year marriage that ended when she had an affair....now she was still with the guy she had the affair with when she meets me. He is a sociopath...which is usually the calling card for going after women who are depressed and looking for a happiness boost. So we hang out and hit it off...now in the back of my mind I know how stupid this is...I know the baggage that she carries with her...but we can't help ourselves.

 

A few months in she decides to try again with her husband, however we can't stop seeing and talking to each other....she finds her way back to me after about 3 weeks stating that it didn't feel like he was trying. She tells me no one will love me like you do. You look beyond my mistakes and just see me. So now were great again...most of the summer. I convince myself this girl is my soul mate and she says she feels it too. She feels like I know her even better than her husband did. I start thinking long term........then the ex comes back into the picture again stating that this time he's moved on from her mistakes and wants to really try. This is July through end of august. In the meantime he is selling their home together and she is purchasing a home that we had talked about living in together. Once again we try our best to stay away from each other but we fail miserably on multiple occasions. Fast forward she closes on her house moves in and her husband finds out we didn't stop seeing each other and ends it. Calls me and tells me she needs you not me...it's you that she loves. She admits to me that if it wasn't for me being there for her the last few months she may not be here today. I helped her with everything because that's who I am. I'm naturally a giver and don't expect much in return.

 

So we start the roller coaster again.....things are great. We start talking about me moving in sometime in november to her home and me renting out mine. Unfortunately in that time I let my past creep up and haunt me. I found it very difficult to trust her. I breached her privacy and looked at her Facebook messages. One of our friends was being shady and she was naive to it.....one of her qualities I found charming was her being a little naive. She's that rare gorgeous girl that doesn't know she's gorgeous. So that starts the downward spiral. Her depression kicks in when it finally hits that her and her husband are done for good. They haven't talked in months.

 

Now a couple weeks ago an old friend from high school is in town. They dated in 8th grade so about 16 years ago. They hadn't seen each other in 10. I played the cool boyfriend and was ok with him and told her I trusted her. Well Saturday night they hung out and I find out on Monday that they hooked up. I told her I would go get my stuff from her house. So I went there sat with her dog and cried for 20 minutes (she was at work) left a note that said I'm sorry for loving you too much and I hope you find true happiness and left. She told me she simply wasn't ready for this intense of a relationship. And I understand but it's just extremely difficult. I know she's still healing but I wanted to believe that she could heal while me being by her side. Now I just feel completely empty. I know they've been hanging out and it's killing me. Physical intimacy was so important to us. We had such a connection. And now the thought of him with her makes me physically ill.

 

I know I should move on and it should be easy because she cheated but I can't get it out of my head. To go from talking about living together to now not having her in my life at all. I stayed at her place almost every night since we got back together. So the break in routine is brutal. Any encouraging words would be great right about now. Thanks for reading my first ever novel.

[SunlightJune]

Are you sure she isn't the sociopath, not her boyfriend? She's at the very least, a constant cheater - and I mean constant. Look at her track history. Cheated...cheated...cheated...oops cheated again...oops slipped and cheated again. I feel bad for her husband. You? Well...not so much. Because you basically started seeing her while she was with that socio-bf and after knowing her bad track record. You took a huge chance even after your own past of hurt from being cheated on by another girl. Do I think you should move on? Absolutely. She doesn't love you. She loves Ted, Fred, Nick, Bob, Jack and probably Jim too. She needs to get her head on straight, shes not emotionally healthy - no matter how beautiful or successful she seems. And you need to pick your self esteem off the floor, because right now you're settling for girls cheating on you. Ring a bell?

[Nickr3023]

Not quite the response I was hoping for given the anxiety and depression im feeling right now...but appreciate the tough love approach regardess.

[Oregon_Dude]

Hey man. Listen, I know you're f*cked up right now. It hurts, a lot. And it's going to. Just feel it. You cared for someone deeply, and she decided to end it. Let it out. Feel everything. Work out if you want to. Don't if you don't. Schedule an appt with a counselor so you can really talk and cry and be in the care of a professional. Call your parents. Hang out with your buddies. Have a drink or two - nothing more than that.

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through. You were man enough to love her and care for her. Some people are too scared to love. You weren't one of them.

 

It's gonna be OK. I promise.

[Nickr3023]

Thanks man. I appreciate that. I think that's the best way to put it...most people would have been scared to love her and rightfully so....she's a broken person right now. But I fell in love with the brokenness and I guess I wanted to be the one to save her. But unfortunately even I know she has to save herself.....just makes me sad to think of what I really saw in her...things she didn't even see in herself.

[Oregon_Dude]

I guess I wanted to be the one to save her. But unfortunately even I know she has to save herself.

Work on those co-dependent tendencies for next time. Don't worry about it now - just grieve - but in the future, know this: you can't 'save' anyone; broken people are broken; only be with emotionally healthy ones.

 

Just focus on getting through the day right now. Heartbreak - fortunately, or unfortunately - won't kill you.

[AhRealGypsies]

I'll save you all the specific details, but basically Im head over heals in love with someone who's behaving just like the girl you speak of. Now of course- lots of disparities in our situations but once i read a certain part of what you wrote i realized were feeling the same pain regardless. What you wrote really hit home once you got to the point where you wrote her a love letter basically apologizing for showing her amazing love that some people only wish to have. When you said that the thought of- or better yet KNOWING shes with other people makes you physically ill, yup, me too. Going from spending most every night together not knowing what to do when you cant do that anymore, every night youre alone you just wish it could be one of those good nights with them? yeah me too. Them not seeing us in the light of letting a real relationship grow being so painful, feels like the end of the world almost, we feel helpless because they just set it in stone that they will not give us that chance. why? it really ****ing sucks. Im going through this right now with you.

 

And the same way I must admit I'm a broken person oh hes probably two times more broken than I am. I was hoping that I could help him be happy and he could help me. I was hoping that we could turn our broken pieces into something else if we let it be- but in reality- how the hell are two broken people supposed to really be good for one another. Even if one person is genuine there is almost certainly going to be one who is selfish and cant even help or realize that they are just take take taking and taking advantage of the other.

 

But Love, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. (remember, I'm going through this heartache with you, RIGHT now, so I'm not just telling you all this as someone who is currently emotionally put together because I'm not. I'm telling you what I need to spread and remind myself of)

I dont know the future, none of us do. But we can go off of odds so I'll leave you with the cost that THEY will pay.

How fortunate to have someone who loves you so much that they're so desperate as to look this far just to find the answers we already know from strangers? These objects of our affection are truly missing out. As cliche as it may be, it really is their loss.

As painful as this sounds they probably will move on for a moment in time, but karma does not discriminate. they may move on, they may even have new relationships and if you know about it its going to hurt like a bitch however just like you and her, their future relationships will also likley run its course. And when that ends, guess what will happen.

She will think of you, she'll regret aspects of what has happened between you, she will wonder about you, she will remember the times you shared, she may even reach out. I wont say they always come back but... come on... they almost always come back. (and in your situation she's already shown thats she is apt to try to make a come-back at some point. some others...well some people are just really good at ending relationships and leaving them alone but... you, me and her-we arent those people)

Unfortunately its usually when It's too late are people really ready to make that change but thats okay. So long as you prosper and are happy. And when that does happen, it wont be difficult for you to deal with as you would have let time heal you.

The universe is working in our favor, we may not understand it, we may not agree with it, but trust in it. best of wishes and best of luck in love

[Confusioncreepsin]

My God...I thought I was reading parts of my story completely. I am 3 weeks going on 4 weeks out from the same base issue you experienced. From my perspective, it is getting easier but I still have those damn down moments and I feel like I go right back to zero. As time passes, those down moments that feel like all day events reduce to minutes. So have faith that you will begin to feel better than where you are right now.

 

The core of our issue is the EGO getting crushed with the other guy being there. Like you, I know what my ex is capable of the love department and I use to get so ****ing pissed that she was giving all that to a stranger basically. I had/have lower esteem due to the rollercoaster she kept me on while we were together, so I really felt that something broke inside me this time when she ended things. I had the same loves you's, we are soul mates, unicorns and fairies WHILE she was knocking it with the other guy. Really does kick one in the ass.

 

So many of us are going through this together here. My advice is to try and do what others have said, but feel everything and let it out. Hit a wall, kick a door, scream, have imaginary yelling session in the car, cry, cuss her out while in the shower. It does not help to keep it in. One day, you will wake up and find that it does not sharply hurt you but will become a dull pain.

 

PS KARMA WILL STOP AT HER BUSTOP! But while you wait, start to build your strength back up. Think in terms of what you want to do today, rather than what you are potentially missing.

Edited November 20, 2015 by Confusioncreepsin

[Gmuck]

You're answer is in your own post. You started with your biggest fear from this break up. Being almost 33 and life slipping away. I'm 4+ months since break up I'm 37 staring over. Still wanting to find a wife and have kids. So I can relate. However your are still young and need to get that out of your head.

 

Do some deep thinking and see if the moving on part is tough because you see this girl as a potential wife, your almost 33 and worry you won't find anyone cause your getting older.

 

If you feel this way you may be more tolerant to put up with a girl like this because it's easier than starting over at 33.

 

I personally wish my ex would have giving me as many reasons as you have to walk away. Cheaters will always cheat. Don't kid yourself. My ex and I had no cheating, she was smart, fit and made a ton of money. She just fell out of love. Nothing really there to want me to not go back other than she doesn't love me and won't ever happen.

 

I also deal with depression and anxiety. I bet if you went total no contact with this girl and just tried moving on you might notice your anxiety and depression improve. Just the anxiety of her cheating or a new guy who pops up and she leaves you is enough to make me anxious thinking about it and typing!

 

You don't need to save her. You need to save yourself. You can't see this but you are the one who needs saved. So save yourself.

 

If your age is an anxious thought of not finding someone well the older you get, each day, each second your are getting closer and closer to older age. Ask yourself how much more time do you want to invest into this girl or relationship. I promise you this girl is going to drag you along and in a blink of an eye, you are 38 or 40. Let that sink in with your anxiety!

 

Drop this girl, go no contact and I mean total no contact cause she's going to come back after you. She isn't going to let you get away and that's not in a loving way. In a selfish narcissist type of way. She will eat up your young 30's dating chances and to find a girl who doesn't need saved.

 

If you want to waste more time, get older, be anxious, feel depressed then stay with this girl. Keep letting her back in. If not, save yourself and disappear with no contact. You have multiple cheats to justify this.

 

Good luck my friend

[Nickr3023]

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I hate that other people are going through the same thing I am but I take comfort in not feeling alone in this situation. Thankfully in my business I can rely on my clients and business partners to pick me up... not to mention family and friends and they've helped me do just that. But it's amazing to me that complete strangers from all over the world can come together and help one another especially with this crazy work we live in.

 

Basically I knew the risks involved in getting with this girl. I wasn't blind nor naive...I chose to push on because I felt the reward outweighed the risks. I will state that despite the tumultuous year we've had I don't regret a second of it. From the last relationship I had I never believed that I could love again. She proved me wrong. Maybe we were soulmates but we weren't meant to be together. Maybe I was just meant to help her througo the most difficult time in her life to the point she didnt harm herself and then set her free to find true happiness. I'm not entirely sure at this point.

 

I do know that we did truly love one another. This was not a fake love. It was an intense passionate insane love....that she simply wasn't ready for. Someone pointed out above (I'm too lazy and drunk to look) that no one knows what the future may hold...whether it's me or her. I still don't truly believe that when she finds herself and who she is that she is a cheater.....I know for a fact that depression will cause you to do almost anything to not feel pain. I've lost myself in plenty of bottles of alcohol and plenty of different drugs to learn that.....that also includes just wanting to feel wanted from anyone that will give you attention. Hell I'll admit right now that juse hearing these encouraging words from complete strangers has helped me feel the best I've felt since Monday when we ended things. So thank you complete strangers for taking the 5-10 minutes out of your day to read and respond to this. You have no idea how much it truly helps.

[Gmuck]

Put down the drugs and alcohol it will just hide the pain. I've done it in the past so I know. You have to feel it to heal it.

 

I really hope you can break free of this girl. It won't be hard for you to find someone better.

 

What has helped me a lot is Corey Wayne videos off YouTube. Check him out. When a friend of mine who went thru a break up told me to buy his book 3% Man, I did. I read it in one day. And I'm not a reading type of guy. His videos are great. No manipulative motives. Just real deal ways to cope a break up and improving your life.

 

Trust me, I'm giving you pearls on this guy. He's helped me get thru this and his self help videos are changing my life.

[Nickr3023]

I'll check him out tomorrow morning! Thanks for that.

[Oregon_Dude]

Coach Corey Wayne is fine, but know this going in, OP - he blames all breakups on the guy doing something wrong. Not showing her enough attention. Showing her too much attention. Not caring enough. Caring too much. God forbid women actually f*ck up. Nope, it's always the guy's fault.

 

He can be inspirational, but he is overly simplistic. Not all situations are the same. CCW is a bit of a douche. As they say in AA, take what you need and leave the rest. Take his stuff with a grain of salt - it's a lot of alpha-male BS that is occasionally correct - such as leaving women alone when they dump you.

[Nickr3023]

I'm just so freaking up and down. Last night I felt really good. Then couldn't fall asleep until after 3, then was up at 430 and 630 and my anxiety has spiked through the roof this morning.

 

Why, even after knowing how bad someone truly is for you, do you continue to pine for them? Why can't your heart simply catch up to what your head is thinking? Just so frustrating knowing I did everything I could for her and it still wasn't enough. Just makes you feel like you're completely worthless.

[AhRealGypsies]

Thats how i feel. Like i would literally do anything for him just for him to have told me he doesnt see us being in a relationship. Well, thanks for coming to that conclusion after you got an entire relationship out of me. We had real talks to gether, i was always there for him, spent countless nights together, did things together, were intimate as could be, i remained faithful. I mean i gave him an entire relationship its strange that he says he cant see me in that way now when thats all ive given to him. It hurts. And when we weigh out the bad things hes done it makes sense for me to leave him in the dust and not care. But saying and doings a whole differant story. Like you said i wish my heart could catch up with my head. But it hard once you invest time and hope in someone only you really see the potential in only for them to not see it as it is.. Or was

[Nickr3023]

Yes it's the part where I invested so much time, so many tears, and so much of my heart into one person. This is simply the most difficult lesson I've ever had to learn about love. This is the first time in 32 years of my life that I've had to learn that timing truly is everything. You can both love each other to death, but in the end, if one person isn't quite ready for that type of love, it doesn't matter what you do......it can only end in heartbreak.

 

I'm happy to say that even with everything we went through...I don't regret meeting her. I'm trying to look at this from a positive point of view. That perhaps we we're soulmates, but that my only true purpose was to help her through the most difficult time in her life. She told me, she even told her ex husband, that if it wasn't for me she doesn't think she'd be here right now. Maybe my only purpose was to literally and figuratively save her life and save her from herself. This weekend has been very difficult as it's the first weekend in months that we weren't together. But I know things will get easier at some point. At least this time around I'm functioning a little more normally than I have in the past. Doesn't matter how many times you go through heartbreak in your life....it always feels like it's the worst this time.

[Nickr3023]

I'm starting to have a real difficult time and I'm sure it's because I'm starting to come into the acceptance phase of my grieving process. But the last few days have been extremely rough. I want to contact her so bad, but it's been 2 weeks and I know I can't and shouldn't do it. You guys helped me break out of it a little bit last time, so I thought I'd bump this up hoping for some encouragement. This time of year is so difficult too. With Thanksgiving, my birthday next week, Christmas, and New Years......I was so excited to share those things with her. For the first time in years I was looking forward to the holidays, we had such fun plans with each other. Now I feel that downward spiral starting to hit and I can't get out of it. I woke up in tears this morning missing having her next to me. Last week I had my head so convinced of how bad she was for me, how poorly she treated me, how she never gave me even a small percentage of what I gave to her......but my heart just won't catch up. All it wants to remember are the good times, the times where she did care, the times where it felt like she wanted it as bad as I did...and it brings me crashing right back down to earth. People keep telling me to just submerse myself in my business, and that's what I'm trying to do, but I can't help but feel like I'm just not good enough. That no matter what happens or how successful I am, I wasn't good enough for her. I did everything I could to give her what I thought she needed, and she still found someone else that was better.

[Tom01]

I'm just so freaking up and down. Last night I felt really good. Then couldn't fall asleep until after 3, then was up at 430 and 630 and my anxiety has spiked through the roof this morning.

 

Why, even after knowing how bad someone truly is for you, do you continue to pine for them? Why can't your heart simply catch up to what your head is thinking? Just so frustrating knowing I did everything I could for her and it still wasn't enough. Just makes you feel like you're completely worthless.

 

Dude I've just read your post, and most of the replies, and this is exactly how I feel about my situation. But I'll have literally 10-15min of feeling good, reading these posts, then as soon as I shut the computer down, lay in bed in silence, ALL I want to do is text her and I just start feel ****ty about myself again...

[Nickr3023]

Dude I've just read your post, and most of the replies, and this is exactly how I feel about my situation. But I'll have literally 10-15min of feeling good, reading these posts, then as soon as I shut the computer down, lay in bed in silence, ALL I want to do is text her and I just start feel ****ty about myself again...

 

When I feel at my worst, I actually reply to as many people as I can on here. For me it helps to give other people advice....even though sometimes it's hard to follow my own advice. I've also started counseling, which if you can afford to do it, I would highly recommend. I just started a couple weeks ago, and I really look forward to each appointment.

[Nickr3023]

Hey guys, you can read my original post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/558290-moving

 

Since that time, I broke no contact once about 3 weeks ago...in a fit of depression I drove by her house and ended up knocking on the door. Went in and we sat cold and bitter and talked. It was an awful 30-40 minutes. She was like a complete stranger. Quick back story: The part in the story where she moved into her house and her husband found out we were still seeing each other. He found out because I admitted that I had an anonymous email sent to him so that he would find out. That bothered her for the 3 months that we were together, that she couldn't figure out who would do that, and she defended me. It ate away at me that I did this but couldn't tell her, it was on the tip of my tongue every time she brought it up and I choked on the words because I knew she wouldn't forgive me.

 

So we sat there for 40 minutes and we were just bitter at each other. She's bitter at me for knowing it was me now that got her caught, and I'm bitter at her because she cheated on me. Yes I know I realize typing this out how screwed up this whole story is.....I'm ashamed to admit what I became when I was with her. She was literally like a drug to me and I had no self control or thought process with anything that involved her. All I knew back in August was that I wanted/needed her back in my life....and I took the opportunity, as selfish and low as it was.

 

Anyway, I've started counseling because I've realized that my depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and self esteem problems run extremely deep. The other day he brought up that I beat the ever loving **** out of myself constantly. I hold so much regret for every little mistake made, not only in this relationship, but in previous ones too. So the day went on and that played in my head constantly, all the things that I did wrong in the past. I went and played basketball that night, and when I got home, I don't know what happened but I had a complete emotional breakdown. I sat on the floor of my kitchen and cried for 20 minutes. Then couldn't fall asleep until 3am, woke up at 7 in a cold sweat and heart racing, took a xanax and fell back asleep until 930, and then woke up and just burst into tears again. All this surprised me because I was able to make it through my birthday, Christmas, and New Years without a tear shed....however Tuesday was her birthday, I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it. So all day yesterday I had felt like I had hit rock bottom again.

 

Have any of you guys had that happen, where you felt like you were getting over something, starting a new routine, and then boom out of nowhere it feels like someone hits you in the face with a baseball bat? How do you control your obsessive thoughts? My counselor said he would diagnose me with depression and to talk to my doctor about anti-depressants. I've never wanted to, but I'm going to now as I'm basically surviving off of xanax and tramadol to get me through the days, which is no way to live. I guess I'm not even sure what I'm asking in this, but just wanted some support as I thought I was starting to move on, and now I feel like I'm right back to square one.

[Blanco]

I've mentioned that my last girlfriend has two younger children who I bonded with immensely during our relationship. Her son, in particular, became the best part of my day. I don't have kids of my own, but I can't imagine caring and loving another child as much as I did him.

 

Anyway, last fall on what was their first day back to school, I had a mini breakdown. At that point, it'd been about six months since things were done for good and four months since I'd chosen to finally step out of the kids' lives all together.

 

I was already feeling a bit down, since we would've all done the first day of school thing together as a family dropping off the kids. While I was making breakfast, I had a thought back to some dumb song from a kids show I had been watching with the son a couple years before. It was the type of song that could be interpreted as sad in certain contexts. Thinking of that and how the two of us had been sitting on the couch together like two buddies, and how it's unlikely I'll get to share any such moments with him again, just sent me over the edge.

 

I've never had a panic attack, but I imagine this is what they feel like. It only lasted maybe 30 seconds, but I felt this overwhelming urge to cry, except I couldn't because I was hyperventilating.

 

It was a passing thing, but it temporarily made me feel powerless; like, "I can't do this."

 

Thankfully, nothing similar has happened since, even though I've had lots of moments where I think about how much I miss those kids. Nothing even close happening in regards to the ex, though, so, small victories, I suppose.

[Nickr3023]

I've mentioned that my last girlfriend has two younger children who I bonded with immensely during our relationship. Her son, in particular, became the best part of my day. I don't have kids of my own, but I can't imagine caring and loving another child as much as I did him.

 

Anyway, last fall on what was their first day back to school, I had a mini breakdown. At that point, it'd been about six months since things were done for good and four months since I'd chosen to finally step out of the kids' lives all together.

 

I was already feeling a bit down, since we would've all done the first day of school thing together as a family dropping off the kids. While I was making breakfast, I had a thought back to some dumb song from a kids show I had been watching with the son a couple years before. It was the type of song that could be interpreted as sad in certain contexts. Thinking of that and how the two of us had been sitting on the couch together like two buddies, and how it's unlikely I'll get to share any such moments with him again, just sent me over the edge.

 

I've never had a panic attack, but I imagine this is what they feel like. It only lasted maybe 30 seconds, but I felt this overwhelming urge to cry, except I couldn't because I was hyperventilating.

 

It was a passing thing, but it temporarily made me feel powerless; like, "I can't do this."

 

Thankfully, nothing similar has happened since, even though I've had lots of moments where I think about how much I miss those kids. Nothing even close happening in regards to the ex, though, so, small victories, I suppose.

 

I have had and do suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. And this was without a doubt one of them. I was crying on the floor, my hands and feet go completely numb, I hyperventilate, and sort of shake and my teeth chatter like I'm instantly freezing cold. It literally feels like my body goes into shock. I just hate that I see so many people on this site in the same exact situation that I'm in, and I like to think I give those people pretty solid sound advice.....but myself in the same exact situation, am clueless as to what to do. I have such low self esteem and self worth that at this point it feels completely non-existent. I believe all this stuff has been in me for a very long time, but it took this woman to bring it all to the surface and completely overwhelm me. There's days where I just sit and stare at my computer, don't even have thoughts in my head, I just stare blankly. At this point most days I just feel like I've flat lined, there are no happy moments, or sad moments, there's just time in the day. I feel completely numb, unless I use a vice such as drugs/alcohol to feel something.

[Sar112]

This is exactly how I feel atm - I just want to reach out and give you a giant hug.

 

It's as you say there are no happy/sad moments - time is just what it is - I can't wait for days to pass and to get home from work just so that I can sleep and try to forget. I thought I was improving too but then xmas and new year set me back in a similar way.

 

Well done for seeking help - I know there is a bit of a stigma around anti depressants but sometimes they are necessary. Therapy even more so... I know how easy it is to beat yourself up about these things - I do it constantly. I also try and make it abundantly clear to people that I have dealt with any issues I may have had - which, on the outside would appear true but on the inside I just feel like I'm falling apart and have lost the love of my life.

 

I think it will feel like this for some time to come, but hope that one day I can learn to accept things. You've been through a lot - don't be ashamed of how you behaved through any of it - we all do things we regret where love is concerned - when we are hurting we are unable to think clearly.

 

Take care of yourself & take one day at a time.

[Nickr3023]

This is exactly how I feel atm - I just want to reach out and give you a giant hug.

 

It's as you say there are no happy/sad moments - time is just what it is - I can't wait for days to pass and to get home from work just so that I can sleep and try to forget. I thought I was improving too but then xmas and new year set me back in a similar way.

 

Well done for seeking help - I know there is a bit of a stigma around anti depressants but sometimes they are necessary. Therapy even more so... I know how easy it is to beat yourself up about these things - I do it constantly. I also try and make it abundantly clear to people that I have dealt with any issues I may have had - which, on the outside would appear true but on the inside I just feel like I'm falling apart and have lost the love of my life.

 

I think it will feel like this for some time to come, but hope that one day I can learn to accept things. You've been through a lot - don't be ashamed of how you behaved through any of it - we all do things we regret where love is concerned - when we are hurting we are unable to think clearly.

 

Take care of yourself & take one day at a time.

 

I think that's what shocked me most, was that I was able to get through Christmas and New Year's without a tear shed. Then her birthday comes and for whatever reason, I had a meltdown.

 

I know at this point I need help. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Counseling has helped, but it's also digging up the regrets and the problems that I have with myself and it's extremely overwhelming to realize you have serious problems with yourself while also trying to move on from a relationship (I also own my own business which brings it's own stress on another level). At this point, I'm so overwhelmed by life, I catch myself just sitting and staring blankly at nothing.

[Sar112]

That all makes sense with making it harder realising that perhaps you have other issues - I find it hard facing up to my own sometimes, but just remember you shouldn't use any issues you have as a reason to blame yourself for anything that has happened - I know it's easy to sometimes.

 

People who really love you and want to be with you will stick by you through any other issues you might have. It sounds like a very stressful situation you're in with having to deal with the business too - I guess the easy thing to say would be to plough all your energy into that in order to try and help take your mind off things but I know it's not always as easy as that.

 

I can only tell you my perspective on this from hearing what you've said which is that you sound like a good person who is 100% worth it - any woman who thinks otherwise must have her own issues which you needn't worry about as you can do nothing about them. Have faith that you are a kind, generous, loving person and that very slowly but surely you will find positive things to focus on... once you do you will find the happiness you deserve.