Moving on

[DNY777]

I didn't believe in positive thinking but it was really creepy. This weekend I finally woke up and snapped and decided that my life is great and wasn't defined by a failed relationship. I've finally accepted my last relationship for what it really was. I've accepted that my relationship with ex was a movie style relationship. Filled with drama, crazy sex, breakups, lies, passion, promise, and drugs. (For anyone that's seen Requiem For A Dream, it was a ****ed up love like Harry and Marion, great movie, very disturbing, but fantastic) And it ended like most movies like that do, poorly.

 

As soon as I decided to take control of my life and accept stuff and think positive, I received a message from a new girl and have a date on Wednesday. My first one since my breakup.

 

Keep pushing on everyone. Don't be afraid to ask for help! I asked my parents, I went to counseling, I started on antidepressants, I called out to my friends. The people that love you will help you. You're not alone. Ask for help, we as humans are naturally helping people, so use that! You can wallow in self pity at first, and there's nothing wrong with that, but eventually you just have to say, screw this I'm better than that.

 

I went through a very up and down relationship and we have been broken up 6 months, NC for 2. I almost broke NC yesterday as I realize she has been back in town after moving away. I've been close to completely letting go a few times and something holds me back. How did you finally push yourself over the hump and let go? That very last step of letting go has been unreachable for me.

[Nickr3023]

Unfortunately there's no sure way to do it. My mindset finally just snapped into place. The last 2 weeks I've seen how lucky I am with the friends and family I have, and all the other positives, that I won't let myself be defined a bad relationship. In the last 2 weeks specifically I've hung out with multiple different groups of friends, and done whatever I wanted. Joined about 5 or 6 dating sites, and just starting to anyone that messaged me. Didn't matter if I was interested or not, I'd still have a nice conversation with them. And it just kept boosting my confidence and then it just snapped.....an hour later I took the plunge to go on my first date on Wednesday, and I'm really excited. Just keep pushing through man. You made it through the most difficult part....now you just gotta take that final jump...the landing isn't as hard as you think it is.

[DNY777]

I've found myself so close but haven't gotten there yet. I think maybe I'm not letting myself let go. It's definitely time to let go for good.

[LovelyJoey]

All of you guys are amazing, reading all of you strong individuals really lifts my spirits because it's true, all the pain that comes with a break up will all be worth it in the end because unfortunately rather we like it or not, they happen but we must take the positives from it and apply them to our lives, leaving out the negatives and move on. Truly all of you are wonderful people, can't thank all of you enough for the support I've received, seen and am able to give on this website, I really want to cry XD but honestly guys, you all stay strong alright, we're the champions! Have a wonderful night all of you!

[Silver_star]

It absolutely gets better over time.

I am 6 month post break up and I think within the last two months I have been feeling worlds better than what I was at the beginning.

 

 

I still miss him from time to time and I still think of him, but its more about missing what we USED to have and who he used to be, than who he is now. People change. When he decided to break up with me for someone else and throw away our relationship, that is when he changed from the guy I thought loved me unconditionally to the guy that loved me when it suited him.

 

I think my advice to anyone that is just getting over a break up is to cut contact early on. I know its tough. I screwed up on that front and it took up a lot of my time while I analyzed their every text/facebook post/instagram. Probably 3 months post BU were spent in frequent contact via facebook with him, meanwhile he was spending his real time and emotionally investing in another woman. I was accepting scraps of his attention, not moving on because I was hoping he would see how much he missed me and wanted me back. He kept in touch out of guilt while I was still in love. Don't fall into the trap of "Let's be friends in the future"...it rarely works out that way, especially if you had something deep between the two of you.

 

 

When you delete them from your phone/social media they have no way of knowing your life (nor should they) and you cant really peer into their life (nor should you). That temptation is removed and you can start actually healing yourself/seeing your worth and doing things for yourself instead of behaving in a way to try and get them back all the time. If I could go back to when we had broken up I would have told him to enjoy his time with his new girlfriend and that I am removing him from my social media/phone right away, we cannot be friends.

[LovelyJoey]

You're right it does get better everyone just hang in there and be strong, know your worth you're all wonderful beautiful people with soo much potential not to be wasted!

[Nickr3023]

It absolutely gets better over time.

I am 6 month post break up and I think within the last two months I have been feeling worlds better than what I was at the beginning.

 

 

I still miss him from time to time and I still think of him, but its more about missing what we USED to have and who he used to be, than who he is now. People change. When he decided to break up with me for someone else and throw away our relationship, that is when he changed from the guy I thought loved me unconditionally to the guy that loved me when it suited him.

 

I think my advice to anyone that is just getting over a break up is to cut contact early on. I know its tough. I screwed up on that front and it took up a lot of my time while I analyzed their every text/facebook post/instagram. Probably 3 months post BU were spent in frequent contact via facebook with him, meanwhile he was spending his real time and emotionally investing in another woman. I was accepting scraps of his attention, not moving on because I was hoping he would see how much he missed me and wanted me back. He kept in touch out of guilt while I was still in love. Don't fall into the trap of "Let's be friends in the future"...it rarely works out that way, especially if you had something deep between the two of you.

 

 

When you delete them from your phone/social media they have no way of knowing your life (nor should they) and you cant really peer into their life (nor should you). That temptation is removed and you can start actually healing yourself/seeing your worth and doing things for yourself instead of behaving in a way to try and get them back all the time. If I could go back to when we had broken up I would have told him to enjoy his time with his new girlfriend and that I am removing him from my social media/phone right away, we cannot be friends.

 

 

Silver I'm so glad to see you're doing better also. I remember when I first started on this forum you were on here a lot also helping others even though you were in pain yourself. That's the sign of a great person. Keep pushing on and you'll get through it, and before you know it everything will be back to normal. I have my first date tonight since my ex and I broke up in November. I have that familiar butterfly nervous feeling in my stomach, but for once its the good kind, and not the depressing kind.

[Silver_star]

Silver I'm so glad to see you're doing better also. I remember when I first started on this forum you were on here a lot also helping others even though you were in pain yourself. That's the sign of a great person. Keep pushing on and you'll get through it, and before you know it everything will be back to normal. I have my first date tonight since my ex and I broke up in November. I have that familiar butterfly nervous feeling in my stomach, but for once its the good kind, and not the depressing kind.

 

I hope your date went well, and even if it's not the right girl I hope you keep putting yourself out there until the right one turns up. Just have fun and enjoy your life. You deserve it.

[Nickr3023]

I hope your date went well, and even if it's not the right girl I hope you keep putting yourself out there until the right one turns up. Just have fun and enjoy your life. You deserve it.

 

It was pretty good. Sat and talked for a couple hours and laughed. Wasn't too awkward like first dates can be. We'll see where it goes, but I actually feel good about myself regardless of what happens.

[kztar]

Great guys. I agree it does get better and for once in my life, I have to say NC is CRITICAL. Took me about three years to get over my previous relationship before my last one. BUT I never did NC, I would ALWAYS end up contacting him a few months later and vise versa. My last relationship was so much more intense and it's been two months and Im doing MUCH better. I still have a long way to go but im not where I used to be.

 

Keep posting and inspiring others. I know that at first is REALLY hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You feel like you're never going to get out but you WILL.

[Arman1987]

Hi I'm new here, but with a reason...

So glad to see that You are on your way to get out of the hell of the pain.

Wish You the best, and keep it up!

 

We just got broke up 5 weeks ago, she cheated me, 2 times in 2 years, same guy, many lies... Feeling like im gona die. I use total NC 3 weeks now (i read her blog where

I found the evidences earlier...) But its hard as hell. Wish i can move forvard like You!

[Nickr3023]

Hi I'm new here, but with a reason...

So glad to see that You are on your way to get out of the hell of the pain.

Wish You the best, and keep it up!

 

We just got broke up 5 weeks ago, she cheated me, 2 times in 2 years, same guy, many lies... Feeling like im gona die. I use total NC 3 weeks now (i read her blog where

I found the evidences earlier...) But its hard as hell. Wish i can move forvard like You!

 

Man at the 5 week mark was right around Christmas....trust me I wasn't feeling like this at all. At that point I was in the dead of being addicted to painkillers and doing anything I could to just not feel. Unfortuantely it's time and discipline that will help you heal. If you can keep yourself from constantly hurting yourself by trying to find out stuff about her, or contact her, etc......eventually time takes over and you begin to heal. You begin to get comfortable with yourself, and over time, life gets back to normal and you realize that you don't deserve to be with a woman that cheats on you. Stay strong man, and any time you start thinking about the good times with her (which of course is what you're remembering), remind yourself of what an awful person she must be to take your relationship and flush it down the drain, not once, but twice. You're better than that!

[Arman1987]

I'm surprised by the fast and great reply You made!

 

Well, i stopped hurting myself with searching and reading ect. 3 weeks now.

Using all my time to work, workout, be with friends, move out (dont drink alcohol)...

But my braing still works on it 95%/day.

Now im going to read Your full story, i really interested. You and the others here give me power, what i really need now.

This is not my topic for the details, maybe i start my own, but back to the start,

i'm happy for your forward movement, and wish You the best!

 

And yes, its really really hard to believe, that the girl i love (loved) and took care, and had to tell her every day i wouldn hurt her, trust me (extremely jelous), do the thing to me, what se was affraid of. Ruined all the memories

[kztar]

Hi I'm new here, but with a reason...

So glad to see that You are on your way to get out of the hell of the pain.

Wish You the best, and keep it up!

 

We just got broke up 5 weeks ago, she cheated me, 2 times in 2 years, same guy, many lies... Feeling like im gona die. I use total NC 3 weeks now (i read her blog where

I found the evidences earlier...) But its hard as hell. Wish i can move forward like You!

 

Listen man, I know you probably DON'T want to hear this because I SURE didn't but it WILL get better, sadly that just wont be overnight. When I was four weeks out, NC we decided to meet up, to only hurt myself again. For him to lie in my face, tell me that there was no other person, that he just didn't love me anymore, that I didn't understand. I literally fell the world falling apart. I've never experience such strong emotional pain in my life.

 

I was sad, depressed, I didn't feel like going to work, I HATED waking up and I hope I never EVER again put myself in a situation where someone else has such control of my emotions.

 

I suggest you continue reading stories here, that helped me alot to see that there were other people going through similar or worst situations. It helps you know that you are NOT alone. Do things at your pace. I remember people forcing me to go out and Id go and still feel crappy. All I wanted to do was sleep.

 

Two months and a half later, here I am, picking up on my fabulous life. Since my breakup i've booked two trips to cancun and Brazil for the Olympics. I found out he has a new GF and they are official and I was bothered but you know what, that showed me what type of man he is and I don't want that.

 

YOU WILL GET BETTER in due time. KEEP NC.

[Arman1987]

Yes, the emotional pain, whe the same thing happens two times... what she promised never ever...

and yes, i hate the mornings and could sleep like forever.

I do all my things i can, friends also try to help me, and says that i need time, and keep it up.

 

Thank You for your words, i do what i can to keep nc, and wish to feel better

[Nickr3023]

I'm surprised by the fast and great reply You made!

 

Well, i stopped hurting myself with searching and reading ect. 3 weeks now.

Using all my time to work, workout, be with friends, move out (dont drink alcohol)...

But my braing still works on it 95%/day.

Now im going to read Your full story, i really interested. You and the others here give me power, what i really need now.

This is not my topic for the details, maybe i start my own, but back to the start,

i'm happy for your forward movement, and wish You the best!

 

And yes, its really really hard to believe, that the girl i love (loved) and took care, and had to tell her every day i wouldn hurt her, trust me (extremely jelous), do the thing to me, what se was affraid of. Ruined all the memories

 

Feel free to ask any questions you'd like after reading my story.....trust me that's just the short version. If I turned my last relationship into a movie, it would certainly be an interesting one.

 

And yes, right now the memories are ruined, but eventually they won't be. I can look back on my past relationships and smile at all of them. I still get slightly sad at my most recent breakup, but at least now I've accepted it and understand what happened. That's when you start feeling better, when your emotions level out and you can look at things in the past with a clear head. And you can finally say to yourself, I didn't deserve to be treated like that, I'm better than that.

 

People that treat the ones they love poorly never change. They have something inside themselves that they don't like, and instead of trying to find what it is, they take it out on the people that love them and would do anything for them. Unfortunately you can't help those people.

 

Keep pushing on and you'll get there. Stick to NC though. I can't stress how important it is. The cliche, out of sight out of mind really is true.

[Nickr3023]

Been broken up with my ex since November. Did everything I could to get better. Kicked a pill addiction, started antidepressants and counseling, and went NC with her, blocked in every way possible. Started to feel great, maybe the best I ever had in my life. 2 nights ago, I was a little buzzed and my friend moved about 4 blocks from her house. So being the absolute idiot that I am, I decided to test myself and see how it would affect me to drive by her house. Well I drove by and there was another car there, at 11pm, so I can only assume on a Monday it was a guy. I've been in pretty rough shape since. Not to the point I was before, but definitely not where I was.

 

New people to this forum, follow my advice, cut all ties, and keep them tied. Life gets much easier when you do. Every time you want to break it, think about what it does to you. It's not worth it.

[d0nnivain]

Consider not driving when "buzzed". Buzzed driving is drunk driving. Had you gotten caught you'd have heart break & legal problems.

 

 

But you are right -- NC is healing & breaking it can hurt. Better you know now though to kill and lingering dreams about reconciliation

 

 

Good job on kicking the pill addiction! Just be careful. Replacing it with a booze addiction is simply changing problems.

[springy]

Been broken up with my ex since November. Did everything I could to get better. Kicked a pill addiction, started antidepressants and counseling, and went NC with her, blocked in every way possible. Started to feel great, maybe the best I ever had in my life. 2 nights ago, I was a little buzzed and my friend moved about 4 blocks from her house. So being the absolute idiot that I am, I decided to test myself and see how it would affect me to drive by her house. Well I drove by and there was another car there, at 11pm, so I can only assume on a Monday it was a guy. I've been in pretty rough shape since. Not to the point I was before, but definitely not where I was.

 

New people to this forum, follow my advice, cut all ties, and keep them tied. Life gets much easier when you do. Every time you want to break it, think about what it does to you. It's not worth it.

 

I am almost 3 years removed from my last heartbreak and to this day I do not do anything to "test" myself in any way. I don't look him or his new girl and child up on FB, twitter, nada...ignorance is bliss. I see him around town, and it doesn't cause me any kind of turmoil so I know I'm over him. He's only on my mind for that split second that I see him. I am saying all this to show that you can get there but it will take time, and usually more time than you want it to, so don't toy with NC. You need it at the highest level possible right now. If she's there or not, alone or with someone, matters not to you any longer.

 

I have gotten to the point of indifference and that took some time, but I have to give much credit to total NC. He moved in with this girl almost immediately and lived on a main street in my little town. I used to zip up and down that street on a daily basis. When he started seeing her I took a new route for MONTHS...because just seeing their cars parked together brought up some bad feelings. Last year they moved out of that place and I now take every opportunity to drive up and down that street.

 

Just so happens they moved by a friend of mine, as in, the apartment right above her. At this point, he isn't even a blip on my radar, I go over there without any thought/fear of running into him, his lady or his baby. You'll get there, but never use the drive-by as a test. When you are really ready to drive by her house, the thing is you won't even really be thinking about it

[MIK3 WB]

Been broken up with my ex since November. Did everything I could to get better. Kicked a pill addiction, started antidepressants and counseling, and went NC with her, blocked in every way possible. Started to feel great, maybe the best I ever had in my life. 2 nights ago, I was a little buzzed and my friend moved about 4 blocks from her house. So being the absolute idiot that I am, I decided to test myself and see how it would affect me to drive by her house. Well I drove by and there was another car there, at 11pm, so I can only assume on a Monday it was a guy. I've been in pretty rough shape since. Not to the point I was before, but definitely not where I was.

 

New people to this forum, follow my advice, cut all ties, and keep them tied. Life gets much easier when you do. Every time you want to break it, think about what it does to you. It's not worth it.

 

 

 

You're absolutely right. There is no good that will come of it. I get there is an urge to find out what they're up to, which is something I experienced, but it's not worth it.

 

Just 3 days ago, I caught my ex holding hands with a guy who was "just a friend" two weeks after we ended our 3.5 year relationship. My personal strategy is just to assume that they will be having sex very soon, if they haven't already, and deal with the pain as soon as possible. It may sound weird to you initially, but you'd rather assume they're having sex and be wrong, rather than assume they're not and found out later they are and become a mess again.

 

By assuming she is sleeping with this guy, it absolves me of any interest in finding out what she is up to. In my mind, I'm already dealing with that worst case scenario.

Edited May 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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