Author Nickr3023 Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 That all makes sense with making it harder realising that perhaps you have other issues - I find it hard facing up to my own sometimes, but just remember you shouldn't use any issues you have as a reason to blame yourself for anything that has happened - I know it's easy to sometimes. People who really love you and want to be with you will stick by you through any other issues you might have. It sounds like a very stressful situation you're in with having to deal with the business too - I guess the easy thing to say would be to plough all your energy into that in order to try and help take your mind off things but I know it's not always as easy as that. I can only tell you my perspective on this from hearing what you've said which is that you sound like a good person who is 100% worth it - any woman who thinks otherwise must have her own issues which you needn't worry about as you can do nothing about them. Have faith that you are a kind, generous, loving person and that very slowly but surely you will find positive things to focus on... once you do you will find the happiness you deserve. Thank you for those kind words. I'd like to believe that I'm a good person, but I'm extremely hard on myself and beat myself up constantly. I know she had 3 trunk loads worth of baggage and her own issues, and me having a savior complex just made things worse as I wanted to help her through everything putting all of my needs and wants aside for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sar112 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Those last few words could have been me talking It makes me sad to know other people who want to help others end up feeling the same way I do. Never feel bad for trying to help someone - it DOES make you a good person. If they don't realise your worth and want to accept your help then more fool them. I guarantee there will come a day even if it is years down the line, that they will realise what they had and how stupid they were to let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 Those last few words could have been me talking It makes me sad to know other people who want to help others end up feeling the same way I do. Never feel bad for trying to help someone - it DOES make you a good person. If they don't realise your worth and want to accept your help then more fool them. I guarantee there will come a day even if it is years down the line, that they will realise what they had and how stupid they were to let it go. I'm not sure if that last part makes me feel good or bad. I kind of hope she never realizes what she had and just lives blindly. I hope her selfishness won't allow her to realize that. Admittedly, the man she was married to was also a very good guy. We knew each other as I had done some work for his business. We respected in each other in that he accepted that he knew I would treat her right and that I wouldn't hurt her. We also spoke after her and I broke up and I apologized to him for not being able to completely disappear when they tried to reconcile their marriage for the 3rd time. She threw away a 9 year marriage to a guy that wanted to give her everything, and then threw away the follow up relationship with a guy that wanted to give her everything. I did and would have done anything for that girl. Where I went wrong was, I made her my world, instead of just making her my favorite part. Link to post Share on other sites
wendieann Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 It's only normal to have breakdowns. When my 1st marriage ended it took over 8 yrs to stop longing for him. Then I met my recent X. The pain seems like it's hurting 2x as bad this time around. I'm also on medication. My doctor today is going to refer me to counseling too. I need it. It sounds like your a fantastic guy. Some lady is going to along and appreciate everything you do!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 I'm having an absolute awful week. I somehow made it through Christmas and New Years without any issues. But this week was my ex's birthday and I just went into a downward spiral. Now I can't stop myself from thinking constantly about her and what went wrong. I can't stop myself from checking her pinterest or looking at her friends facebook pages even though I know all of this stuff will just continue to make me feel like ****. How do I stop myself from obsessing? I've started counseling and am going to talk to my doctor about anti-depressants next week. But I'm just torturing myself and I feel like I've fallen off a cliff this week. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Block her everywhere and block her FB friends too. Can you block on Pinterest? If not delete yourself. Only you can stop the online stalking you are doing and you will feel a whole heap better when you do! I honestly don't understand why anyone would want to look back at a profile or anything. The only time I have is when a mutual friend told me there was a load of pics of me all over and ex's FB account. Link to post Share on other sites
mylittleone Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, but to let you know Im going through similar feelings. I started anti depressant today. Hope it gets better for us both soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Liono84 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Block her. I have been in your shoes before and learned my lessons. The best way to heal is not just to unfriend her, but to block. Stay strong, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Whisky1981 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I am sorry that you are going trough this. Look, I am in a break up process too and I know that my ex is sleeping with her ex-ex-boyfriend right now. It sucks big time, I am torning and dying inside. The only thing that heals these wounds is time. You have to start thinking ahead. In a few weeks you will check her social network less and less. You are not obsessed, you are human. All of us did this, so it is normal and there is no formula to overcome this. Give it time and you will get better. Take a sleeping pill if you can't sleep or two Jack Danielses, just don't overdo this. I am sorry that I can't help you more than this. But the next one will come and when it will you will just laugh at the situation you are going trough right now. Just live your life. Now it is bad but it will get good again! Be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Draper Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Yeah, you really should to block her and family/friends. It might even be worth simply deactivating your accounts for awhile. I've been in your shoes and made the same mistakes - I can tell you with certainty that anything you see on social media will not give you closure or make you feel better. It will lead only to more questions and further pain. Don't make yourself suffer anymore than you have to. I know your probably searching for answers or an explanation or maybe even hope that she's coming back, but sadly you aren't going to find any of those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, but to let you know Im going through similar feelings. I started anti depressant today. Hope it gets better for us both soon. Do you mind me asking which one? I'm hopeful yet terrified to start anti-depressants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Yeah, you really should to block her and family/friends. It might even be worth simply deactivating your accounts for awhile. I've been in your shoes and made the same mistakes - I can tell you with certainty that anything you see on social media will not give you closure or make you feel better. It will lead only to more questions and further pain. Don't make yourself suffer anymore than you have to. I know your probably searching for answers or an explanation or maybe even hope that she's coming back, but sadly you aren't going to find any of those things. I do have her blocked, but when I start getting the obsessive thoughts I find my ways around it unfortunately. And I wish I could deactivate Facebook but I own an ad agency and run multiple business pages through Facebook. If you deactivate your account you lose the business pages, so unfortunately that's not an option. This has just been an incredibly difficult and stressful week in every aspect of my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GlobeTrotter9 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I feel for you mate, we've all been there. I think the best remedy is to focus on yourself for a while and get back out there though! It may not happen straight away but one day you'll meet a girl who makes everything seem just fine again. And when you do meet that new someone, you'll wonder why you were ever so caught up on your ex in the first place. Have one last look at any account she may have and then delete it entirely. Any time you have the urge to look, counter act it by doing something productive like going to the gym or cooking yourself a nice meal. All the best pal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Block her everywhere and block her FB friends too. Can you block on Pinterest? If not delete yourself. Only you can stop the online stalking you are doing and you will feel a whole heap better when you do! I honestly don't understand why anyone would want to look back at a profile or anything. The only time I have is when a mutual friend told me there was a load of pics of me all over and ex's FB account. I don't want to, that's the worst part. I've just been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and obsessive behaviors, so when I do this....it's like I can't control or stop it. I subconsciously do it. When I start feeling like that, I'll check stuff 100 times in a day and not even know I'm doing it. It's a completely helpless feeling that makes me extremely disappointed in myself as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Nick I am so sorry to read how you are suffering. Since you posted a recent diagnosis it is good to see you are taking your state of health seriously and being proactive. I would advise you to stay under a doctors care and let them guide you as you find your way during this most difficult time in your life. You will make it thru--stay postive and continue to seek help and post here. You will be ok, there is hope! Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 You can go back through my original post about my breakup if you want, but if not, it's basically the same as everyone elses. I know you've heard this before, but I'm here to tell you again, it does get better. It's been almost 5 months and I've been NC for 4 months. I had to hit rock bottom before i could get better. I got addicted to painkillers, I went out all the time, I was suicidal. But I decided to change, went to counseling, started antidepressants and I'd say I'm about 80% back to my normal self. I've had a few down moments, but they last a few hours or minutes instead of days or weeks at a time. Hang in there and trust in the process. It will get better if you let it and you're not self destructive. You gotta want to move on and get better. So be prepared for rock bottom, and when you get there, stand up and start climbing. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel39 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 I hope it does we have been split 12 weeks and I'm on 10 days of no contact im laid here just thinking how I miss him so much and my life doesn't feel right without him in it at all. How can he just walk out of my life like I never exsisted 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Glad to hear that you've made so much progress. You are doing all the right things. Keep going! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Wonderful news! Congratulations on trying to help yourself and accepting help. "You got to want to move on and get better." This should be the tag line of this whole forum. It's so true. Yes, there are those who don't know how to get better, but that's when you ask for help. And then you have to be willing to make some changes. There's lots of people who simply want a lot of attention and just post and post and never take any advice or never seek help and find one excuse after another for not getting help. Those people are getting something out of it that they value more than "getting better" or they'd be willing to move forward and help themselves and get help. Thanks for updating this forum. Onward and upward! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyJoey Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Thank you for sharing your story as well as your kind words, you're right, it will take time, and we shouldn't all be afraid to ask for help in dark times. Everything will be okay, we just have to go beyond our limits sometimes, and let go of what we want to do what is right. I'm struggling with my own similar story I posted about, but like you say, I believe we will all be okay and one day find that perfect someone, that we'll forget all about this. Stay strong all of you guys, have a wonderful day! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 You will get through this sad time in your life and something new will come. Stay the course and don't look back. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 I concur! I'm living proof that life resumes after a life harrowing, earth shattering break up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 I didn't believe in positive thinking but it was really creepy. This weekend I finally woke up and snapped and decided that my life is great and wasn't defined by a failed relationship. I've finally accepted my last relationship for what it really was. I've accepted that my relationship with ex was a movie style relationship. Filled with drama, crazy sex, breakups, lies, passion, promise, and drugs. (For anyone that's seen Requiem For A Dream, it was a ****ed up love like Harry and Marion, great movie, very disturbing, but fantastic) And it ended like most movies like that do, poorly. As soon as I decided to take control of my life and accept stuff and think positive, I received a message from a new girl and have a date on Wednesday. My first one since my breakup. Keep pushing on everyone. Don't be afraid to ask for help! I asked my parents, I went to counseling, I started on antidepressants, I called out to my friends. The people that love you will help you. You're not alone. Ask for help, we as humans are naturally helping people, so use that! You can wallow in self pity at first, and there's nothing wrong with that, but eventually you just have to say, screw this I'm better than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 I hope it does we have been split 12 weeks and I'm on 10 days of no contact im laid here just thinking how I miss him so much and my life doesn't feel right without him in it at all. How can he just walk out of my life like I never exsisted Eventually you will see the relationship for what it truly was. At some point the emotions will start to fade and you'll be able to see everything clearly. Just trust the process and don't be afraid to reach out to everyone and anyone for help! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickr3023 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 Thank you for all the support! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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