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Ex-boyfriend doesn't want to meet up (updates)


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Hey guys,

 

After an 11-month relationship, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up last week. I initiated it because it was clear to me that he didn't understand me very well and got false impressions about the kind of person that I am. He also often made me feel that he wasn't that attracted to me. After 5 days of no contact I texted him yesterday because I missed him, and he was very cold with his response and we got into an argument over FB. Today he blocked me on FB and told me he never wants to speak to me again.

 

Next month I'm leaving town to go and do a course. We were looking forward to enjoying a beautiful summer together before I leave. We recently went on a week's vacation together which we both really enjoyed. We were planning another trip in a few weeks.

 

A month of summer is left before I leave and I would really like to spend it with him, even if only as a friend. I don't have many other people to hang out with, which is why moving to a new town will be a big plus for me. Is there any way that I can make him want to hang out with me these next few weeks? He knows that I'm leaving town and I'm hoping that this will make him want to spend some time with me before I leave since we won't see each other much more anyway. Even if our relationship does not work, we have a lot of fun together and have a lot in common, we like doing the same things like hiking and were going to do this before the summer ended.

 

I have a book of his that I need to return to him (we haven't seen each other in a week so I didn't have the chance to give it back yet). I'm planning on going to his neighbourhood one of these days to give it to him. He doesn't want to see me and says he will just order a new copy but I want to give it to him. Does anyone have ideas of what I should say during this short rendez-vous that'll melt some of the ice in his heart around me?

 

Thanks :D

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chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

When you initiate a break-up, you no longer have any say in the other person's life. You can't tell them to be friends or spend time with you.

 

I don't mean to be unkind but this post comes across as incredibly selfish. It's all about YOUR needs, YOU being alone, YOU being bored. You don't even consider the pain he might be experiencing.

 

He said he never wanted to speak to you again. You need to respect that.

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You broke up with him then why do you have the need to say something that melts his heart!? You are being selfish I agree with ChimpanZ.

 

And you still want to hang out with him when he doesn't want to?!?!?!

 

If you only broke up with him to gain his love and attention then you made a mistake!

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LittleHamster

i can relate only too well with what he must be going through. please dont talk to him or try to see him if you dont wish him to be a part of your life, he would already be having a hard time without this offer of hanging out just as friends. Not being mean, just trying to tell that please font do any further damage to his emotions by stating this outright that you dont see him as anything more than a friend. please.

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Sorry my last post seems harsh but I have made the same mistake of breaking up with my ex and wanted to be friends. Remaining in any contact is not good for the dumpee or the dumper, especially the dumpee. Gives yourselves some time to be in no contact. This will give him time to think what he has done that did not make you happy. If he loves you enough he will come back and talk and tries to improve things. If he doesn't contact you you will have to respect that and accept the break up. I'm going through the same thing. Broke up with my ex and I'm trying my hardest to not see or contact my ex and I know it isn't easy. I miss him like hell but been in touch a few times and his friend had to kick me in the butt and told me to not contact him since I dumped him because it is pulling him back

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Typically when there is a break up the dumpee doesn't plan on sharing happy times and creating new memories with the dumper.

 

Not sure how much relationship experience you have OP, but I think you should take a step back and look at this from your exes perspective.

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I had an ex do the same thing. She broke up with me and she initiated contact with me a couple of times. It can be a hurtful and confusing experience for the guy and makes the girl seem fickle (gender roles could be swapped too).

 

You are being a little selfish and unaware of his feelings. You broke up with him, you hurt him, but now after a week you want to continue to spend time with him? That's not how break ups work.

 

He said doesn't care about the book and said he will get another copy. You just want to give him the book as an opportunity for you to meet him.

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When I contacted him yesterday it was an attempt to reconcile and ask him if I was right in my thoughts about why we couldn't work. All he said in reply was "I don't care anymore".

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When I contacted him yesterday it was an attempt to reconcile and ask him if I was right in my thoughts about why we couldn't work. All he said in reply was "I don't care anymore".

 

Well after my post above I went back to look at your history......I think you're better off without this guy. IMO he's just a jerk and not truly hurt like I originally thought.

 

In general though, it's a given to not expect to be friends with someone you dump. A selfish dumper will offer their friendship to ease the guilt.

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It is also my first time as a dumper, having been the dumpee twice before to two other men so I know how it feels. The truth is I do not want it to be over with this man, I just wanted to ask him if my understandings about his false assumptions are true. I'm hoping that we can still have happy memories together before I go out of town.

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It is also my first time as a dumper, having been the dumpee twice before to two other men so I know how it feels. The truth is I do not want it to be over with this man, I just wanted to ask him if my understandings about his false assumptions are true. I'm hoping that we can still have happy memories together before I go out of town.

 

So basically you tried to shock him into putting some effort into you and it backfired.

 

From where I'm sitting - He's not worth it.....but we'll see if anyone scans your thread history and agrees with my assertion.

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It is also my first time as a dumper, having been the dumpee twice before to two other men so I know how it feels. The truth is I do not want it to be over with this man, I just wanted to ask him if my understandings about his false assumptions are true. I'm hoping that we can still have happy memories together before I go out of town.

 

I also didn't want it to be over with my last ex, and there was plenty of stuff I would have liked to understand about why exactly we didn't work. I also would love having a Ferrari and owning a villa with a big swimming pool. And to be honest, right now a beer would be nice.

 

Unfortunately you don't always get what you want in life. I suggest you leave the guy alone and move on. The relationship is over and it was by your choice. I am sure you had all your good reasons to end it. Now it's time to take responsibility for that and move on.

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I'm not sure what it is you're trying to do. You end it with him. Then you want to spend your last few days making good memories with him before you leave, even as a friend.

 

IT'S UNREALISTIC.

 

You used a break-up to provoke him to react and it backfired. Now you're delusional that somehow you both can play nice until you leave? You keep breaking up and getting back together. Enough. Stick to it and move on with your life.

 

"I don't care anymore." And you're still chasing him. Wake up.

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In these 11 months we have broken up and then got back together many times, over both silly and big things. Half the time I initiated it, half the time he initiated it. But yes now it has come to the point where I see I cannot be with him anymore. I just miss him a lot sometimes and this makes me question my decision.

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I just miss him a lot sometimes and this makes me question my decision.

 

Missing him doesn't justify going back to a relationship that 1) didn't make you happy 2) made you feel inadequate 3) made you feel disrespected 4) was volatile and destructive.

 

It's normal to miss them but it's not enough reason to keep going back to a relationship that cannot work because you need to find comfort for those negative feelings.

 

You can't be friends and have a memorable time before you leave. It's unrealistic. And he seems accepting of your decision so start NC and move on.

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Always Pondering
In these 11 months we have broken up and then got back together many times, over both silly and big things. Half the time I initiated it, half the time he initiated it. But yes now it has come to the point where I see I cannot be with him anymore. I just miss him a lot sometimes and this makes me question my decision.

 

I was in an on-and-off relationship once, we both initiated a break-up at least once. Blocking on social media/sources of contact is just about the smartest thing you can do in this situation. The relationship is dead, incompatible and no friendship can exist right now. You probably just miss familiarity/the benefits of a relationship and close partner. It'll go away as life moves on.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh but leaving him alone and respecting his request to never speak again will be the best thing you can do for him. He'll respect you a lot more if you do that even if that doesn't make sense to you.

 

As for the book, he already said he's getting another copy. If it's ridiculously expensive and you absolutely feel the need to return it to him, get a friend to send it to him. He doesn't want contact.

 

Either way, the relationship is dead. Friendship fresh out of a break-up is also impossible. I tried it, worst idea ever as it just served as a roadblock for healing. If you want to "melt the ice around his heart" and have him respect you in the end of things, leave things as is (nc) and go on separate paths in your lives.

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Hello all

 

I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago over him having a lot of misconceptions and misunderstandings about me. I would like to talk things over with him to try to correct some of those misunderstandings, but whenever I have tried reaching out in the past week he has responded very angrily like a barking dog, sending aggressive and hurtful messages to me. So now I have decided to keep quiet and let his anger dissipate.

 

I wanted to ask members of LS when would be the best time to try to talk to him? If I wait too long I am afraid that he will want to put it behind him and stop missing me. But then again he is angry now. I'm also leaving town in a month to study a course (but will be back in my hometown at weekends) so it would be nice if we could sort things out some time before I leave. :(

 

Would appreciate any advice, thanks :bunny:

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I wanted to ask members of LS when would be the best time to try to talk to him?

 

Never.

 

If I wait too long I am afraid that he will want to put it behind him and stop missing me.

 

Why would you care about that? You broke up with him, isn't it a good thing if he stops missing you?

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This man didn't treat you well. You broke up with him because of those reasons. REMEMBER WHAT THOSE REASONS ARE. Please.

 

Stop trying to look for excuses to make contact because you're 1) regretting breaking-up with him 2) seeking to speak to him because you're struggling with NC.

 

There is no need to clear misunderstandings and misconceptions about you. There is no need for to keep explaining yourself and seeking validation from him. You keep putting the reasons for the demise of the ending on your shoulders. STOP.

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ThorntonMelon

I am actually terrified of my answer here because I am disagreeing with Zahara, which makes me think I must be wrong.

 

If you really need closure on this, send him a letter. Don't talk it out. Don't ask for him back, don't give him timeframes. Just send him a letter clearing up what you feel the misconceptions were.

 

Sadly I don't think you'll get the response you're looking for.

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I wanted to ask members of LS when would be the best time to try to talk to him?

What Moonborn said. NEVER.

 

If I wait too long I am afraid that he will want to put it behind him and stop missing me.

Why do you care? You broke up with him for a reason. YOU should forget HIM.

 

I'm also leaving town in a month to study a course (but will be back in my hometown at weekends) so it would be nice if we could sort things out some time before I leave. :(

There is nothing to sort out. Leave him behind and look forward in your life - not back. You have much better prospects ahead of you if you leave the detritus in your past.

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Sadly I don't think you'll get the response you're looking for.

 

That would mean he's not right for me then, if he is not willing to acknowledge his misconceptions about me.

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GorillaTheater
That would mean he's not right for me then, if he is not willing to acknowledge his misconceptions about me.

 

You can't control what other people think.

 

What are these misconceptions, if you don't mind saying?

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