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Why do you think you're really single?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 19th November 2017, 4:46 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
Sometimes I think a lot of us really need a break. Its a long life. We have 80/90 yrs for most people. 2 yrs is a good break.

I also don't find a lot of women warm and sweet. Not saying they are all cold, but a lot seem very self centered.

I will put it this way. Lets use the following. It feels like to me. There are 4 archtypes of women out there for the most part. Sandy and Rizzo from Grease. Betty and Veronica from The Archie comics. It feels like there are more Veronica/Rizzo in my social environment than Betty and Sandy.

Some of my female friends are Bettys. So its more coldness/aloffness than Warm and Sweet. Thats just even if I am not really associated with them as much. Just from observation.



What you see as an observer isn't necessarily what you'll get in a relationship. I'm a teacher, and as a result can seem domineering. This doesn't follow through into my relationships. I have zero desire to control my partner, haven't got the energy or the inclination, and I'm very warm and nurturing.
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Old 20th November 2017, 6:53 PM   #17
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Im too weird and quirky.
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Old 20th November 2017, 7:07 PM   #18
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I thought of another one today. I feel better about myself when I'm single.
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Old 21st November 2017, 12:45 AM   #19
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Well I think the same thing is true in every sphere of life, there are followers and conformists and when you are neither of those people tend to look at you with a certain degree of indifference.


I am mostly single because I simply refuse to do things I don't enjoy in the hope I might meet someone doing those things. For years being single and dateless was all over me like a rash I couldn't get rid of but lately I find myself simply not caring, having gone on so many bad dates I couldn't really care less, especially when seldom if ever have I been wowed to any degree.


Yes, I would like to have that companionship but it would have to be someone who "moved" me in some way and that's not easy, I have met them from time to time but there is never any sort of mutual attraction.


I guess I don't really "get" dating and never really have, I sacrificed that when I pursued studies and from young I had an over riding objective and I am still pursuing that.


The significant downside is doing everything on my own because the very reason I cant get dates is the same reason which means I don't make friends easily, I don't really connect with people easily in a social environment. This can become irritating because I am left with few choice but to fill each day with "objectives" to keep myself busy so I don't fall into the "I am lonely I would love to have some company" scenario.


I consider myself lucky though, I have met some amazing people, people who really impressed and wowed me and those experiences almost make up for the bad ones. Those experienced also left me sad in some respects because I know if I was more "normal" those people might actually like me as much as I like them.
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Old 21st November 2017, 1:25 PM   #20
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The significant downside is doing everything on my own because the very reason I cant get dates is the same reason which means I don't make friends easily, I don't really connect with people easily in a social environment. This can become irritating because I am left with few choice but to fill each day with "objectives" to keep myself busy so I don't fall into the "I am lonely I would love to have some company" scenario
.

We sound fairly alike. I'm quirky, my ex even mentioned it in his last contact.

I'd LOVE to be able to fill my life the way you have. How do you do it?
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Old 21st November 2017, 1:38 PM   #21
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Why am I single?

Many reasons I suppose?

I am not attracted to many men so my pool is more narrow
My "type" is not generally attracted to me
I am a bit on the shy side and more introverted
I don't like dating culture or games
I am more conservative and won't have sex with someone who isn't my bf (not having sex with someone that I am "dating casually")
I think I might have unresolved feelings for my first love and still would like him to come back to an extent
I may be depression which makes having a relationship with me more difficult

As a human tho, I think that I am an amazing catch and am an attractive, loving, affectionate girlfriend.
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Old 21st November 2017, 2:12 PM   #22
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I'm currently single by choice.

I go on dates now and then but there has been nothing to write home about.

IRL those who approach me are in their 30's and I would prefer to date someone around my own age (48).
On OLD when I sign up I get my age or much older but I'm not attracted as they look much older than stated age in their pics, look much older or are out of shape when I meet them. I'm slim and don't find a beer gut attractive as yet - maybe I will as I get older.

Not just that though, it's personality and values.
The past couple of years I have dipped in and out of OLD and been given rules over what to wear (an ex of mine had an issue with me wearing
earrings and tiny half inch hoop earrings came up as 'an issue' on a recent date),, what to do with my hair - it's curly, sorry, that means it might still be damp when I leave the house to meet you for an early hike (another recent one), then you find out what I do for a living and there's something wrong with that too. One guy though I wasn't wearing any make up, told him I was and he went off on one about how I shouldn't - seriously? Ugh!Tiresome!!

I don't want that for me, I'm not a child. I dress perfectly well, perfectly respectably and good grief I would rather get to know someone than have him tell me what I should be doing when I'm not even asking!! Lol!
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Old 21st November 2017, 2:17 PM   #23
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Why do you think you're really single?
Looking at the totality I think it goes back to early days and lack of learning, or example in, how to stimulate females sexually, not sex itself, but the sexual attraction process. My dad was kind of vanilla in that way, though he married a great lady, and I kinda stumbled around like a blind man during the years when such fluidity and social skills should have been formed, hence was forever 'behind'.

Sure, down the road, through trial and error and many failures I finally figured it out a little but it's still not fluid like it is for the guys who can charm the pants or skirt off any woman.

Secondarily, religious upbringing and too many rules and believing in both. Totally out of sync for my generation. Women looked at me like an alien.

I was just watching an old movie last night about Frances Farmer, a sad story really but one where she was married three times, never lacked for male attention and was, at least as presented in the movie, crazy as a loon. Having seen similar in real life, on both sides of the gender aisle, I think there's something to being 'out there' as a draw. Something raw people like, even if they hate it. Hard to explain but it's definitely something I don't have.

Like my best friend recently opined after his wife had one of her normal BPD rants at me, "I don't know how you take it". Me neither. It is what it is. There's a certain peace in being single. I kinda like it.
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Old 21st November 2017, 3:40 PM   #24
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I wish I knew the answer.
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Old 21st November 2017, 9:10 PM   #25
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I'm so narcissistic there's just no room for anyone but me. On the upside....I can't bring myself to hurt another human being. Again.


bottom line....I'm just scared ****less of any connections with a woman.
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Old 21st November 2017, 9:47 PM   #26
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I love my freedom too much
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Old 21st November 2017, 10:08 PM   #27
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I'm gonna be blunt here, it's because I am not attractive. If I was attractive, even marginally, I'd have little problem getting dates, but since I'm not, I don't. There's a reason I've only been on one first date in my life and have had only one relationship in my entire life.

I have a great personality, I am financially responsible, I'm educated, but none of that matters because the first thing people see when they look at me is an unattractive woman.
You can improve your looks though right. Enhance the parts you love, and minimize flaws.
Maybe some makeup tutorials.
If you have acne maybe some medications to treat it.
Take biotin to better skin.
Thread eye brows and peach fuzz.

If this is the only thing holding you back, then you are so lucky! You can improve it and your golden. Good luck
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Old 21st November 2017, 10:43 PM   #28
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My standards are too high. I'm 45 and have a 3 year old daughter now but still want to date the same women I was attracting 15-20 years ago. I have a baby face so they always think I'm younger than I am but after we sleep together and things get more serious they run away.
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Old 22nd November 2017, 12:02 AM   #29
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We sound fairly alike. I'm quirky, my ex even mentioned it in his last contact.

I'd LOVE to be able to fill my life the way you have. How do you do it?


I get involved in various work related projects, my "job" if you can call it that spans various different things and cumulatively they keep me busy and when I am not doing that I am integrally involved in arranging events for a social club I run and when I am not doing that I am working on my novel and writing general interest pieces.


Its not the answer I can tell you that, just today I woke up and felt really lonely, all the above I think amounts to nothing more than a coping mechanism of sorts. I don't have many friends but I know many people.


I firmly believe based on the many pointless dates I have been on that dating is only worth it if you really like the person sitting across from you and for me that's very rare. I'd love to get laid, but I also realise that is becoming a seemingly impossible idea because I simply don't meet anyone I really like and when I do they aren't ever single.
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Old 22nd November 2017, 12:07 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by carhill View Post
Looking at the totality I think it goes back to early days and lack of learning, or example in, how to stimulate females sexually, not sex itself, but the sexual attraction process. My dad was kind of vanilla in that way, though he married a great lady, and I kinda stumbled around like a blind man during the years when such fluidity and social skills should have been formed, hence was forever 'behind'.

Sure, down the road, through trial and error and many failures I finally figured it out a little but it's still not fluid like it is for the guys who can charm the pants or skirt off any woman.

Secondarily, religious upbringing and too many rules and believing in both. Totally out of sync for my generation. Women looked at me like an alien.

I was just watching an old movie last night about Frances Farmer, a sad story really but one where she was married three times, never lacked for male attention and was, at least as presented in the movie, crazy as a loon. Having seen similar in real life, on both sides of the gender aisle, I think there's something to being 'out there' as a draw. Something raw people like, even if they hate it. Hard to explain but it's definitely something I don't have.

Like my best friend recently opined after his wife had one of her normal BPD rants at me, "I don't know how you take it". Me neither. It is what it is. There's a certain peace in being single. I kinda like it.


I can relate to a lot of this. I too have never been able to get them attracted to me and I know that behind feeling well.


A friend of mine has absolute ease getting ladies but I look at what he has do to get them and the person he has to be and I am simply not that sort of person.


In short I don't think I have any of the social skills needed to charm a lady.
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