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Why Meeting People Is So Hard


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 25th October 2017, 4:22 PM   #61
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Putting himself out there is a good idea but where exactly? You say uncomfortable decisions, again this is opportunity cost, sitting in a club versus sitting at home bettering ones education or working towards something, if you are bad at the former then why expend time doing something you don't enjoy?
Such a shame that the only place women exist are in clubs looking for men who wear the right clothes.....


Oh wait, I have been to a club exactly twice in my life, and I have a fiance....and he wears jeans and shorts most of the time.

However did he find me? Oh, he found me by being social where he was, and by being open to a variety of people.
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Old 25th October 2017, 4:29 PM   #62
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I am a realist with all things in my life and around me. Everything around me is striving. Strive to be a great son/friend/citizen/stay healthy/keep in shape.

When we get to heaven or the next state. Thats where we will get to perfection.

I want a woman that strives to be good. Not just good as its a state of perfection that makes it impossible to work with. Life does not work that way. We all have to strive and make an effort.

Nothing in my life is 100% ideal, including myself.

My ideal life would be being out of debit. A woman that really loves me beyond romance and sex and cares for me as I do her and we are really each others ideal match. She loves rock and roll and the same types of tv/movies/works out and stays fit and trim and we build our lives together. No rush to have kids. Loves pets.

We are all striving. Thats the point. Is it really hard to meet people. Depends on the situation. For me. I have always had a easy time meting people. So making friends is easy. Making a love match is hard. It seems to me when I calm my mind down. I will meet a love match when I don't really think about it or try. When I do make a big effort. Thats when things go off the rails.

I should just let love come to me in its own time. Yet Society says that I should join Tinder and Match.com etc. It won't do anything for me for the most part.
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Old 25th October 2017, 4:40 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
How does this fit for people who don't want kids?
Do women who don't want kids suddenly attracted to fat slobs with nice personalities? No.

People who don't want kids are still trapped in the same instinctual attraction patterns. They are still having sex. Just because modern medicine allows for birth control doesn't mean the animal parts of their brains turn off!
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Old 25th October 2017, 6:13 PM   #64
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They are all thoughts that have been borne out in actual studies, actually.
Can you share links to the studies you're referring to? I'm curious about their methodology and what assumptions they generate about female gamers.
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Old 25th October 2017, 6:38 PM   #65
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I don't think some people realize how hard it is for some people to meet others to date. Finding someone you like, who happens to be single and wants the same type of relationship you do, and also happens to like you back can be hard for a lot of people.

If you're the nerdy introverted type who'd rather sit on the couch and play video game then go out to "da club" with your homedogs, then it's harder to meet people to date because you're not the type who goes out much. Why would I want to go to a bar and try to pickup girls and get rejected in favor of tall buff dudes, when I can have way more fun playing League of Legends in the comfort of my own home? I don't care what anybody says, rejection hurts. (especially when it's in favor of tall buff dudes)

And let's just say you're in school and you're in a classroom of 25 people. Well chances are, there may only be 1 or 2 girls in that class whom you're attracted to. If you were to strike up a conversation with them, chances are low that they happen to be single and are attracted to you enough to want to go on a date with you.

There's always the option of online dating, but online dating is a destroyer of confidence for many average men who don't resemble a greek god. Unlike decently attractive women who can virtually match with every single guy who are ready to have sex at moments notice, most guys will have to swipe right again and again and again and again and again and again -gasp- and STILL only get anywhere from 20-50 matches assuming he's swiping right to every girl. And let's just say he messages 20 of these girls, only which half of them respond, and then another half ghost him mid conversation. He asks the remaining 5 girls out on a date, which only 2 of them actually show up to the date. The other 3 flake.

Online dating is a crap hole for men unless you're in the top 10% of male attractiveness.


Especially as you get older and people start getting married off. You think being single at 30 is bad? Trying being a 30 year old dateless virgin who's options are single moms or those looking to settle down. No hating on single moms or those looking to get married, but most people who are starting out in the dating world arne't looking to get married to the first person they see naked.
it's only rejection if you frame it so

Ever wanted *anything* and been told "no"? Ever? Hurt your feelings?? when you get a red light and you have to stop instead of go? Hurt your feeling?

What kind of "relationship" are you looking for? LOL

STOP WITH THE CHARACTERIZATIONS ALREADY!

Have fun with it. Walk up to a woman and ask her if she wants to go skiing. See what she says. (don't do it if you don't mean it. Never say anything to anyone that you don't mean.....unless....*they* know...you don't mean it)

(I actually did that 20 years ago at work. A woman I'd never spoken with before.....walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to go skiing one day. She said...."Sure!" lol (that was the end of that....but....you get the idea)
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Old 25th October 2017, 7:10 PM   #66
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I prefer guys who play video games (in moderation) because I like video games. I like someone who shares my interests. I imagine it's just like people with any other hobby. I like someone who can lay back and chill for awhile. Ambition is great, but I'd be concerned about a person who doesn't want to waste a minute on entertainment. In addition, it is a cultural norm at the moment.
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Old 25th October 2017, 10:05 PM   #67
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Great points, Knabe.
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Old 25th October 2017, 10:10 PM   #68
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If you're a gamer, don't date women over the age of 40 or so. Just don't. They have this ridiculous notion that video games are for kids and they will immediately look down on any guy that likes to play games. Meanwhile, they see no problem sitting around scrolling through social media for hours each day. Once any woman has anything even slightly negative to say about you playing games, even if it's a joke, Next the crap out of her. You will save yourself a ton of headaches.

My observations in hobby trends is that ladies tend to be a generation behind men. When I was growing up, women didn't watch sports. It was always the guy sitting in front of the TV with his buddies watching the game and women didn't get into it. Now, the people I notice who are most into sports are the 30+ ladies. All the while, the men in the age bracket grew up with our Nintendo and Playstation, so many of us are more into gaming now. If you want to find a girl that plays games, meet a younger one. I have gamed with a lot of younger ladies online, especially back when I was big into World of Warcraft.

With all that said, you still have to go out to meet women. I have always been more of a gamer than anything else, but I like women even more than games. Have to go outside to find some ladies, even if it involves getting out of your comfort zone a bit. That builds character anyway.
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Old 25th October 2017, 10:29 PM   #69
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If you're a gamer, don't date women over the age of 40 or so. Just don't. They have this ridiculous notion that video games are for kids and they will immediately look down on any guy that likes to play games. Meanwhile, they see no problem sitting around scrolling through social media for hours each day. Once any woman has anything even slightly negative to say about you playing games, even if it's a joke, Next the crap out of her. You will save yourself a ton of headaches.

My observations in hobby trends is that ladies tend to be a generation behind men. When I was growing up, women didn't watch sports. It was always the guy sitting in front of the TV with his buddies watching the game and women didn't get into it. Now, the people I notice who are most into sports are the 30+ ladies. All the while, the men in the age bracket grew up with our Nintendo and Playstation, so many of us are more into gaming now. If you want to find a girl that plays games, meet a younger one. I have gamed with a lot of younger ladies online, especially back when I was big into World of Warcraft.
Holy crap is that statement true of many things! The women I would say 35 and up are completely different. It applies to anime, games, sports, computers... ect.
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Old 25th October 2017, 10:37 PM   #70
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Holy crap is that statement true of many things! The women I would say 35 and up are completely different. It applies to anime, games, sports, computers... ect.
Yeah. My GF is 38 like me, and while anime and games aren't really her thing, she is open minded enough to enjoy some of it. She loves Sword Art Online and was playing my PS4 with me this evening. However, most are not like that. Anime is cartoons which are for kids and video games are also only for kids. Just generational differences.
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Old 25th October 2017, 10:59 PM   #71
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I have a question, you say its a numbers game, how many did you meet from OLD before you found your gf?
I messaged maybe 200 women or so
Maybe 20 or so actually chatted with me
About 8 actually met up with me

This was over the course of a few months. After going on dates with my now-GF for about a month, we became exclusive/official and I stopped doing OLD.

So if you think of it from a numbers game perspective, for me roughly 1 in 20 women agreed to meet up with me.
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Old 26th October 2017, 2:58 AM   #72
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I messaged maybe 200 women or so
Maybe 20 or so actually chatted with me
About 8 actually met up with me

This was over the course of a few months. After going on dates with my now-GF for about a month, we became exclusive/official and I stopped doing OLD.

So if you think of it from a numbers game perspective, for me roughly 1 in 20 women agreed to meet up with me.
Well I would say that's a success on two fronts


1: You found 200 people you were attracted to
2: You one who wanted to date you.


If I have found 20 people I found attractive its a lot.
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Old 26th October 2017, 3:02 AM   #73
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it's only rejection if you frame it so

Ever wanted *anything* and been told "no"? Ever? Hurt your feelings?? when you get a red light and you have to stop instead of go? Hurt your feeling?

What kind of "relationship" are you looking for? LOL

STOP WITH THE CHARACTERIZATIONS ALREADY!

Have fun with it. Walk up to a woman and ask her if she wants to go skiing. See what she says. (don't do it if you don't mean it. Never say anything to anyone that you don't mean.....unless....*they* know...you don't mean it)

(I actually did that 20 years ago at work. A woman I'd never spoken with before.....walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to go skiing one day. She said...."Sure!" lol (that was the end of that....but....you get the idea)
Agree with this completely. BUT if you continually never really make progress then how exactly do you view it? Experience? Learning? How do you categorise it?


People with extrovert personalities do far better at socialising and by extension dating, its just a simple fact so sitting playing games might be great but it doesn't get you out there. Again its a trade off decision to make, enjoy doing something being gaming or not enjoy doing something going out in the hope you meet someone.
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Old 26th October 2017, 3:10 AM   #74
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We've had this conversation a dozen times. All I'm saying is that if he dedicates less time to staying home and playing videogames, and more time working towards getting something he ultimately wants more than that, he will have better luck. Videogames do nothing for him. If he wants girls, he should go to where the girls are and figure it out. You're overcomplicating it.
I am agreeing with you! People need to decide what they actually want and work towards that goal, its the same for anything in life but all I am saying is if the process makes you miserable then re assess how you do things and whether you are ready for the goal or should you rather step back and do other things and to quote "I used my time wisely, I studied, worked my ass off at building a business to enjoy success while my friends went from girl to girl", hopefully that's mostly a correct quote!


People should not live miserable lives because of dating, again someone tried to set me up and I politely mentioned I am working on other aspects of life because doing those things is more rewarding for me than simply going back down the dating rejection path. All I am saying to the OP is focus on life, build life up and find some happiness.


You cant run a marathon without training but you might be able to walk 5 miles without training.
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Old 26th October 2017, 8:34 AM   #75
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I don't think the video game debate here helps the OP a whole lot. I knew a guy, also introverted, who could play chess against himself for hours. Would that be any better in the context of dating?

I may also be the oddball here who met somebody for a LTR in the chat function ofna video game, but I would consider that an exception.

It's not that the OP is playing video games, it's that he has a rather narrow focus on how to find women. He is interested in only a select group of women and limits himself to online dating, which is likely rather harsh in his age group.

He eshews the obvious places, such as student parties, tutoring, student organizations and such. Heck, I have met women on the subway, the bus, waiting rooms and even unisex bathrooms. I know that it is hard to talk to people as an introvert, but it is near impossible to get around it and it will take real effort doing so.

What the OP does in his spare time is secondary from my point of view.
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