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single, bald and feeling lost


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 6th September 2017, 9:48 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by despairingbuttrying View Post
I started losing my hair as early as 26, however the hair loss was mainly on the crown and hardly visible at the front. For the next 8 years or so, it started falling out fast. Now at almost 34, I am bald.

Looking back I've had a severe case of male pattern baldness as my mothers' brothers are all bald. So I knew it wasn't going to work out well! Losing what's left of your hair is a difficult period although I went through various phases of feeling very down about it to not feeling so bad. Now, I am totally bald and I still go through those same phases of feeling ok with it to spending the day wishing I could have hair.

Anyway, my main concern with all this is probably the most common for a single guy - how it impacts on dating and attracting women. I've had a fair few relationships in my life but still no luck in finding that one person. I think I used to be a great looking guy when I had hair and even with a buzzcut 3/4 years ago where I still had a little hair. Now, as a totally bald guy, people still mention I'm a decent looking guy and some say I even look better without hair than with hair but I've lost confidence. What does help is that I'm 6"2, dark skinned (dark brown) and have the exact right head shape for the bald look. Even then, I don't think it's enough and I would give anything to have at least some hair again so that I could have my buzz cut again.

As I'm still searching and looking for love, I'm getting the impression that baldness is an issue for women. I've heard the usual "it's confidence that they find attractive etc." "women are more interested in other qualities" This of course may well be true to varying degrees but what kind of women do you see the bald guys with? Women never say what they really mean, so they may say baldness is not an issue but then you have to look at the reality. Look at the men they end up dating and marrying. Whenever I see a couple where the guy is bald, his gf/wife is not exactly anything special physically speaking. How many bald guys do you honestly see with hot chicks? It's rare. Studies have been done proving the obvious that women do prefer men with hair overall.

On dating websites too, I don't have the same luck as I had before when I had that buzz cut and some hair. A good looking guy with hair more than likely will get more attention. And then there are some women who simply don't want a bald guy regardless even if you can pull it off. I find I'm not attracting the women that I want. The women that do seem to be attracted to me are the ones that I don't find attractive.

I'm not the confident man I used to be and I believe the lack of hair/being single has played a significant part in this, combined with being hurt/trauma in some of the relationships I have had, struggling to find work due to being uncertain, battling depression etc. There is only so much you can do to change your circumstances and I have always done as much as possible and will continue to do so.
I think being bald is attractive as hell, especially with a full beard. and you're 6'2?? perfect.

Last edited by ugh123; 6th September 2017 at 9:53 PM..
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Old 7th September 2017, 11:06 AM   #92
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I think being bald is attractive as hell, especially with a full beard. and you're 6'2?? perfect.
I agree! The way the OP describes himself, I'm picturing Shemar Moore.
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Old 7th September 2017, 2:17 PM   #93
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I'm not done reading this thread but felt compelled to respond to this:

Quote:
I'll be in my mid thirties in a few weeks time and the very thought of it is making me very anxious and in a panic. This is because I'm feeling completely lost and so far behind in life. I have no partner, no career and no job for now, no home (I live with family at the moment). I have nothing going for me.
If you have your physical health--you have EVERYTHING. Everything you need to make your life better. It means you have the freedom to make your life what you want to make it. To work the hours of the job you choose, to partake in activities, to eat out and socialize when and how you want to, to travel, etc. You get to design and execute your life to a large extent. You can't put a price tag on that--it's an invaluable asset.

I would relax from dating and start looking into modalities to address your mental health. You have some deep-seated beliefs that aren't serving you about not being enough. That will be what will kill your prospects, not what's on top of your head.

If I were you, I would look into EFT (very easy to learn) and Chinese medicine for the anxiety, depression, and panic that you describe. Acupuncture has helped keep me alive, it's an amazing medicine. And if you can take herbs, it can help stabilize your frame of mind. Somatic therapy is great for those who have traumatic memories relating to their body. These are just a few powerful tools of many that can help you reframe your perspective of yourself and any conditioning you have picked up along the way. Most of all, if you struggle with depression, I would look into the quality of your diet--it is perhaps the single most important factor (and vastly underrated) within your control that you can address.

You aren't nothing. You will never be nothing. Hairless or not. You always have something going for you--it's a matter of perspective. Once you take real steps to soothe your depression, it will have a ripple effect in every part of your life. The more you type, the more obvious it becomes to everyone else that baldness is not the core issue.
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Old 7th September 2017, 3:31 PM   #94
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I think it's a stretch to say that you won't find anyone but you do need to be realistic about who you can attract though. If you can only attract those that you find unattractive, than you really do need to improve yourself.
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Old 8th September 2017, 6:25 AM   #95
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I think it's a stretch to say that you won't find anyone but you do need to be realistic about who you can attract though. If you can only attract those that you find unattractive, than you really do need to improve yourself.
Of course, we all have our standards, right? At the same time we can only be with someone who we feel attracted to, obviously. Physical attraction isn't everything but it is vital.
I guess I feel rather hopeless because I have a real sense that time is not on my side and I keep panicking that I haven't met anyone at my age now. I expected to be married by 30 if I'm honest, I always thought that was a good age to start sharing my life with someone. However, a combination of bad luck with work, abusive relationships, depression I suppose has resulted in my confidence and overall outlook being messed up.
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Old 9th September 2017, 7:20 PM   #96
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Bald is sexy!!!
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Old 10th September 2017, 12:17 AM   #97
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Baldness can be crippling for a lot of men. I don't know if you're familiar with the Norwood scale, but I've been somewhere between a Norwood 2-3 since I was 17 years old (I'm 33 now). I used to have super long hair that women LOVED, and now I have to keep it short. It sucks, and I don't get the same attention about my hair that I used to, so I can relate to your pain.

You already know that you have a couple of good things going for you. For one, it sounds like you have a head shaped nicely for a shaved look. And two, and perhaps more importantly, you're a very tall guy. I'm only 5'6" (5'7" on a good day), and my head is funny shaped, so I could never shave it. I'd gladly trade places with you!

It's pretty much up to us to accept whatever changes aging brings about, as well as to cultivate other attractive qualities or highlight those that are already there. Maybe we won't spark the initial attention of the same women we used to, but at the end of the day, women will always respond to men who make them FEEL powerful emotions.

Lots of men who are good looking are ultimately not attractive to women because they don't know how to make them feel powerful feelings of attraction. If only I had a dime for every woman who said to me that she found a man attractive until he opened his mouth!

What I'm essentially saying is that, as a bald man or a balding man, even though getting your foot in the door initially may not be as easy as it used to be, there is still plenty of room for building powerful attraction with women if you know how to do it. Don't ever rely solely on your looks. Do take care of what you have, of course, but you should always focus on your skill level at creating attraction through interaction. As long as you can talk, that skill is always there to harness should you choose.
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Old 15th September 2017, 2:36 PM   #98
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My ex husband is bald. So is one of the men I'm currently dating. I think baldness can be very sexy!! Especially these days....it's almost a fashion statement. Look at The Rock, LL Cool (HOT!!), Tyrese Gibson, Taye Digs...I could go on. It's not your hair, it's your attitude. Rock your baldness! Own it!
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Old 24th September 2017, 5:49 PM   #99
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Well here we go more bad news for baldies....
"Our research found that men are regularly considered less handsome, less powerful and less likely to succeed – purely because of a lack of hair."

People still judge bald men as LESS handsome & successful | Daily Mail Online


I couldn't also help notice one of the comments made underneath from someone, who I think is spot on - "Confidence doesn't change whether a person looks good bald or not it helps his personality. That's like saying a confident fat woman is more attractive because she's confident and a none confident skinny woman isn't. Bald men aren't less attractive because they are bald, they are less attractive because their physical body type doesn't compliment a bald head. It's all about the man some men are made to sport a bald head like Michael Jordan and some aren't. Just like Halle Berry looks far better with short hair than long."

EXACTLY. Many will say it's just how you carry yourself and the confidence you portray but none of that really matters if you don't look good bald in the first place! As the person above says a fat girl may be confident, kind, feminine, sweet etc. but she's still fat regardless.

Last edited by despairingbuttrying; 24th September 2017 at 6:02 PM..
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Old 24th September 2017, 9:54 PM   #100
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Originally Posted by despairingbuttrying View Post
Well here we go more bad news for baldies....
"Our research found that men are regularly considered less handsome, less powerful and less likely to succeed – purely because of a lack of hair."

People still judge bald men as LESS handsome & successful | Daily Mail Online


I couldn't also help notice one of the comments made underneath from someone, who I think is spot on - "Confidence doesn't change whether a person looks good bald or not it helps his personality. That's like saying a confident fat woman is more attractive because she's confident and a none confident skinny woman isn't. Bald men aren't less attractive because they are bald, they are less attractive because their physical body type doesn't compliment a bald head. It's all about the man some men are made to sport a bald head like Michael Jordan and some aren't. Just like Halle Berry looks far better with short hair than long."

EXACTLY. Many will say it's just how you carry yourself and the confidence you portray but none of that really matters if you don't look good bald in the first place! As the person above says a fat girl may be confident, kind, feminine, sweet etc. but she's still fat regardless.
Honey, there are people with missing libs that find love, with mental disabilities that find love, short guys, little people, obese people etc. Being bald is just your quirk and you will find someone that is okay with that.
You just have to be happy with you and make yourself the best version of you.
Be confident, and live life, socialize and you will find love.

Also stop reading these articles. You are just going to make yourself feel worse. Yes some people aren't attracted to bald men, some are. You just have to look for the ones that are! You don't need to be attractive to ALL women, you just need one

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 24th September 2017 at 10:01 PM..
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Old 25th September 2017, 1:55 PM   #101
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Hi despairingbutttrying,

I've had physical traits that I felt set me back attractiveness wise most all my life.

I'm 45 now, and the last 10 years have seen the most success I've had with dating. This is the time period I've also been losing more of my hair faster.

So - I also have days where I feel insufficient, unattractive, etc. What I have learned though, is that I cannot see accurately how women see me. I am not a valid judge of what women see when they meet me.

It's not your job to EVALUATE the attractiveness of your best self. It is your job to BE your best self. Please read that again.

You will meet women who find you attractive. In fact, you have been meeting women who find you attractive, but you weren't ready to do anything about it because you were too concerned with your self-worth.

The real question is - will you be ready to act positively when you meet the next attractive woman who has a passing interest in you? You have to prime your own pump to be generally in a good position to act positively on this next meeting, not knowing when it will happen - which means as often as you can be positive and primed, you should be.

You sound hung up on women's looks in valuing their opinion (when you talk about hot women not being with what you consider dumpy guys). I think you've spent too much time looking at pictures on the computer/TV/movies/from a removed distance. And what business is it of yours anyway? What the hell do you care what man an unavailable woman is with?

Your job is to be ready to be a strong, respectable, fun man for a woman you find attractive to spend her time with. That is something you Can do. Practice it, live it.

Womens', and mens' attractiveness in the Real World is not the same (at all) as the attractiveness of their photos online. Not At All. It's pretty amazing. Stop looking at and judging people's appearance from a distance. Start meeting people (men and women) and being friendly. You'll get MUCH BETTER and IMMEDIATE results.

Best Wishes,
Sunlight

Last edited by Sunlight72; 25th September 2017 at 2:06 PM..
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Old 25th September 2017, 2:50 PM   #102
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ALSO op have you thought about saving money to get a hair transplant surgery? Unless u r against body modification, I could see that as a solution to your problem
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Old 29th September 2017, 11:31 AM   #103
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I have looked into getting a transplant but these are super expensive and furthermore, you require the right amount of donor hair from the back and sides of your head.
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Old 29th September 2017, 7:29 PM   #104
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I definitely agree that it would benefit you to stop reading those magazines and those articles which really are just there to try and sell you a service or a product. It's just as bad as the magazines marketed to us women to remind us how incomplete, unattractive and unappealing we are unless we look like >>insert name of actress<< with XYZ body type and buy ABC cosmetics and the same mascara as Evan Rachel Wood and wear the perfume Charlize Theron advertises as if that's all going to make us a total package.

The truth really does boil down to how you carry yourself. Different people have different values and ideals. If you find a woman where hair is important to her, you and she will both be anxious and miserable IF you manage to hook up. However, if you hook up with a woman who has a priority on other features and characteristics, you've got this one made, totally, and will be able to fall back on it. If you dated someone superficial when you were younger who freaked out when you lost your hair, you'd know the basis of your relationship was nothing but fodder and falsehoods.

Yes there needs to be physical attraction, or ideally there does. But I've also had relationships where there wasn't an initial attraction, but as we spent time together, I got hooked. Please do not underestimate the importance of all those other characteristics we women place a value on.
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