Well, after revealing in another post that I have become rather dependant on alcohol as an escape from my anxiety and depression, I have decided to post that I am starting a detox today.
I have written a bit before about my drinking, but this time I am ready to actually do something about it.
I will either go out with friends or stay in and consume anywhere between 6-15 beers a night. This has just gotten progressively worse. I have built up a tolerance that sometimes even 15 beers doesn't get me hammered.
I've done a lot of stupid things and put myself in risky situations with my drinking. Today, I would like that to stop and begin a way of life that involves a healthier, happier me.
I've always denied my problem because I am healthy in other ways- I go to the gym and eat well... but even this has begum to diminish. Sometimes I won't eat for a couple of days because I want to save the calories for the alcohol.
So today, I got up, had breakfast, a small lunch... and will have a small dinner.
I didn't go to the beerstore today- and I keep watching the clock knowing it closes in a few hours. I am not going to go though. Tonight will mark the first night that I haven't had a drink in about 3 months.
I can relate to many things in your story and will be here wishing you so damn much well !!!!
:bunn y:
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"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all it's pupils." - Louis-Hector Berlioz
I can relate to many things in your story and will be here wishing you so damn much well !!!!
:bunn y:
Thanks Melody
Tonight will be tough, tomorrow will probably be tougher.
I have been able to go one night without it before- but not two nights in such a very, very long time.
D - have you looked into any local outreach programs you can go to for support? Any type of AA, or 12 Step type programs?
I made an appointment with my doctor for next week. I plan to ask for help with a referral to a program. I've also been off my anxiety meds for a few months and the symptoms of the anxiety are soooo bad, that the drinking has been my one and only solace to calm my nerves. I plan to start back on those as they have helped in the past.
I would honestly be open to going into any program that might help.
I get annoyed with any program that is affiliated with a religious doctrine- and I know AA is heavily permeated with religious influences.
Anyway- tonight... no alcohol. My anxiety is through the roof though.
I am shaking life a leaf and my heart is in my throat, my stomache in knots and my back is killing me. I'd chalk it up to mild withdrawl, but I often feel like this... I just am usually into the sauce by now which serves to calm my nerves.
Anyway, it's been close to 24 hours without a drink.
I probably can't do this on my own- getting into a support system would probably help immenseley.
D - do you have some type of 800 hotline you can call during the weak moments while you are DTing? Before you find more appropriate resources, that is...
Also, the first 24 hours are the hardest. You are doing GREAT. Don't give up on you.
D - do you have some type of 800 hotline you can call during the weak moments while you are DTing? Before you find more appropriate resources, that is...
Also, the first 24 hours are the hardest. You are doing GREAT. Don't give up on you.
You need to get your mind off it. Rent a DVD, read a book, phone a mate, read through all your past LS threads and look how far you've come!
I've had friends who quit drinking and they said the first 2 nights was definitely the hardest. After that, the next big step is avoiding it in social situations. Once you change your routine so it doesn't involve the grog, however, you're halfway there. Good luck, and let us know how you go.
Then maybe it's time to busy yourself with online porn...
Or, chewing gum and watching Who's the Boss reruns...
You know what I'm loving at the moment? Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210 - on DVD! I spent most of last night catching up with the Peach Pit crew.
i'm so proud of you... i'm sure this decision was not made lightly. just be very careful detoxing as it can be very dangerous to do it on your own.
a support program would be helpful - even if you don't embrace all of what it offers in the beginning - something is better than nothing.
just consider one day at a time - or even five minutes at a time if you need to. try not to get overwhelmed - which is easy to do.
maybe do some meditation or something that relaxes you or that you can rely on when the urge to drink pops up. if nothing else just distract yourself if that is necessary.
like i said... i'm proud of you! you go girl! these will be a few tough days ahead but you can do it.
if i can do it - you can do it! i used to drink more than a gallon of vodka every day... i really don't have the desire to go back to that misery again. THIS is living! you will do fine.
You're a courageous woman, D. I've always known that. If there's anyone who can get through this, it's you.
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...and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to...
I don't post much anymore, but yours caught my attention.
The 1st 24 hours may be the hardest, or not. It depends on your drinking habits. I can easily go days without beer, but weekends are very hard. Not because my BF drinks, he rarely does, but more because it's a habit. And he DOES indulge that habit.
Why? I don't really know. Perhaps because he sees me as a person who likes to drink (and is harmless while doing so, meaning it doesn't interfere with us or our family) versus a person who drinks to achieve a sense of being that is not "normal" ie: high or drunk, whatever you prefer to call it. I have often called myself an alcoholic, and he just says, "no, you just like to drink." Somehow I think I'm the right one on that debate. I don't have 4 beers, like he does, I have 20, or more. I don't LIKE to stop with a few. I will say that I CAN'T stop with a few. I have to have more, until I'm ready to stop.
Yes, these days I drink at home, and I definitely don't drink and drive. But my patterns may have changed (drinking in bars versus drinking at home) yet my desired result hasn't changed at all. I still drink to achieve an altered sense of being.
I often ask myself "why?" My life is VERY good. Much better than a year ago. I have a wonderful home, great man/lover, great kids, even what I would call a perfect existence, so why the need to "escape?"
My guess is habit, alternately known as addiction. Yes, I used to drink one six pack per evening, along with half a joint. But I cut out the pot two years ago, and the beer has gone up to 10, versus 6. I've gained 20 pounds, too. So much for the pot causing weight.
I wish you the best, D-Lish. I hope you can overcome this monster on your own. I understand your reluctance to join a 12-step program.
Art_Critic will espouse them, but I had difficulty with the
God" aspect myself. Still, look where I am. Not where he is, for sure.
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Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional (Zen aphorism)
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