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The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 10th November 2017, 4:34 PM   #16
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I'm having flashbacks of being a 20 year old girl, taking a summer public speaking class at the community college, and an older man in the class (in his 30s or 40s) chasing after me one day after class and asking me if I also felt what he felt.....that we had a "chemical" together. I was totally freaked out by him.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:38 PM   #17
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So basically you are asking us about having an affair?
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:39 PM   #18
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if you only knew how miserable the house i come home to is.
I'd be miserable too if I was married to a man my age (you and I are a similar age) who is capable of considering an affair with a girl almost young enough to be his granddaughter.

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always screaming at me and the kids. i spend my days at work as long as late as possible to offset having to come home to that and get accused of being an absent father.. .
So while your wife is doing ALL the rearing of YOUR children, you are instead considering having sex with a girl who is a similar age to your own children.

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I spend my days at work as long as late as possible to offset having to come home to that and get accused of being an absent father.. .
You're not going home and staying out late. You ARE an absent father.





She's 20ish. You are nearly 50. You are selfish and ignore your family.

Tell me again what you have to offer a 20 year old?
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:46 PM   #19
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I'm having flashbacks of being a 20 year old girl, taking a summer public speaking class at the community college, and an older man in the class (in his 30s or 40s) chasing after me one day after class and asking me if I also felt what he felt.....that we had a "chemical" together. I was totally freaked out by him.
yup. hence my hesitation. i always place myself in other peoples shoes. imagine if an 80 year old women came up to me and asked me out for dinner. what would I think of that?
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:48 PM   #20
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Tell me again what you have to offer a 20 year old?
Yeah, you are right. Not a hell of a lot compared to a 20 year old man, I guess.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:48 PM   #21
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yup. hence my hesitation. i always place myself in other peoples shoes. imagine if an 80 year old women came up to me and asked me out for dinner. what would I think of that?
Instead of putting yourself in this young woman's shoes, put yourself in your wife's shoes. You are a married man.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:50 PM   #22
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Just curious, what kind of class is this?

And yes, if your old age alone doesn't do it, the fact you're married with kids probably will kill any attraction for this young woman.
flemish art history.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:51 PM   #23
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Instead of putting yourself in this young woman's shoes, put yourself in your wife's shoes. You are a married man.
THIS. Work on your marriage. Be a better father. You get one shot. Sort it out.

The girl ISN'T interested. That age difference is obscene.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:58 PM   #24
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Hah, notice how most of the negative comments are from women..

Yes, there are a lot of younger women who go through a phase of having crushes on older men. I have had a few of these types of relationships. They are usually very casual. Women at that age are experimenting with all kinds of men. It is fun to be part of their experiments .

Don't get too serious and possessive or she will run. But you can't be joe cool either. It is a delicate balance. But I don't know, late 40's seems to be kind of the cutoff for dating women in their 20's. And you usually need your own place if it is going to be a somewhat of a sugar-daddy/ mentor relationship. Young women can be "less than monogamous" at times, and that is the natural order of things. Could you deal with that?

I love this dynamic with younger women. But then again I know that such arrangements are not meant to last, and that is just fine.
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Old 10th November 2017, 5:02 PM   #25
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So you are basically on here asking for advice on how to start an affair with someone almost thirty years younger, while you are still living at home with your wife and children?? Unbelievable.

You have no business bringing someone else into this messy situation. It is completely irresponsible and selfish, not to mention cowardly.

I advise you to look at the OW/OM and infidelity forums to see the carnage that these situations cause in peoples lives. If that doesn't put things into perspective for you, nothing will.
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Old 10th November 2017, 5:07 PM   #26
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Hah, notice how most of the negative comments are from women..

Yes, there are a lot of younger women who go through a phase of having crushes on older men. I have had a few of these types of relationships. They are usually very casual. Women at that age are experimenting with all kinds of men. It is fun to be part of their experiments .

Don't get too serious and possessive or she will run. But you can't be joe cool either. It is a delicate balance. But I don't know, late 40's seems to be kind of the cutoff for dating women in their 20's. And you usually need your own place if it is going to be a somewhat of a sugar-daddy/ mentor relationship. Young women can be "less than monogamous" at times, and that is the natural order of things. Could you deal with that?

I love this dynamic with younger women. But then again I know that such arrangements are not meant to last, and that is just fine.
interesting post. yeah, the sugar daddy thing.. i don't think i can be that type of person. i am just not cut out for that kind of thing. i suspect her intentions are purely innocent.
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Old 10th November 2017, 5:11 PM   #27
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Hah, notice how most of the negative comments are from women..
Ah no. They are from people who value fidelity.
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Old 10th November 2017, 5:15 PM   #28
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Did you ever see the mental health professional that was suggested that you see in your May thread.

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In the space of one forum thread, you talked about:
- Kicking your son (and actually did it)
- Considering raping your wife in her sleep
- Considering seeing a hooker and taking pictures of it (why do you need that for a divorce?) #47
Now you are going to church with your family one minute, then suggesting dating a woman 30 years your junior the next... In what world is that normal behaviour for a married man with two quite young kids? Boy 12 and daughter 8.
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Old 10th November 2017, 5:16 PM   #29
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Did you ever see the mental health professional that was suggested that you see in your May thread.



Now you are going to church with your family one minute, then suggesting dating a woman 30 years your junior the next... In what world is that normal behaviour for a married man with two quite young kids? Boy 12 and daughter 8.
Omg. OK, OP, you have major issues. Get some help. Out.
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Old 10th November 2017, 5:19 PM   #30
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if you only knew how miserable the house i come home to is. a constantly pissed off and moody wife. always screaming at me and the kids. i spend my days at work as long as late as possible to offset having to come home to that and get accused of being an absent father.. its just an endless vicious circle and downward spiral that seems to lead to a bottomless pit.
Your married why are you not with your wife what happen to you both. You have to be there for your kids don't cheat them out of love and respect. Your life has to be put on hold so you should be there for your wife and kids. What your going to do is make the wife and kids cry, because daddy has a hot young 20 year chick now. Even if you divorce your wife which I doubt very much you would do. This gives you an excuse to cheat on her and your kids. Everyone is affected. Why have kids in the first place if your not going to be there for them. Why you looking for another woman you just going to break her heart as well you got a wife already she must be upset with you as well. What a mess you have there on your hands.
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