LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

are black women white mens fantasies or realities


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Old 11th December 2007, 2:14 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 19
are black women white mens fantasies or realities

Here is why I ask,

I was married to my current wife (going thru a divorce) she is a beautiful black woman.

she cheated on me with a white man.

They have been together for about 6 months, their relationship was built on lies, because during the whole time until recently

me and her have still been having sex and entertaining the possibility of getting back together.

It was not until recently that she finally made up her mind to go thru with the divorce because I caught them together, and basically made a scene because she had been lying to me.

Their relationship was one where he kind of saw her everyonce in a while. He never really took her out, but she feels like he loves her and she loves him.

He says it was all because of our marriage situation. that he didn't interact with her as much as he should've. He would go days with out calling her

she came back home for a week and he convinced her that he loved her and she moved back out

but now she has been all the sudden spending more time at his house with our son. Spending the night and such

My question is is this just an act, how does one change so quickly.

Is he just enjoying the sex, and company?

would a white guy really take a black woman serious who has a child, and was knowingly with her husband not too long ago.

Plus the fact that I am still around.

What do the white guys think.

I have alot of white friends and I can't see any of them doing that but they would love to ***** a black woman for sure.

looking forward to the input
kneadtokno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 2:24 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 52,418
I don't think this is a colour of skin issue, the issue is, your wife is still completely in an affair fog, a fantasy and the OM is too. What they have is ALL built on feeling good, selfishly and it has nothing to do with real life - The good, the bad and the ugly.

She is making a stupid choice by divorcing you without giving the marriage a chance to work. Ending the A, going to marriage counselling with you, allowing herself to let go of the OM...Problem is, her crush-like feelings and affairyland which she and the OM live in has taken over.

I need to ask, why are you allowing her to bring your child into this? It is SO unfair and your child should NOT be around the OM period!!
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 2:25 PM   #3
Established Member
 
TogetherForever's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Suburbs
Posts: 1,739
This thread sort of lightened up the mood in here.

kneadtokno,

We can probably remove the black/white part of this situation.

I don't think it matters really what color the participants are.

Have you asked the OM in your marriage what he's getting out of this with your wife? I bet he can answer more clearly than we can.

TF
__________________
"Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake!"
TogetherForever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 2:54 PM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 19
no I haven't talked to him,

The only reason I bring up the black and white thing is because I think it may have something to do with it.

Or so I have been told.

I may be completely ignorant, but I just don't see a white man taking on a single black mother.

Especially the way their relationship started.

I think she is just living out a fantasy.

And why the sudden change in his behavior, now is he so accepting.

When before he never even met my son, and was afraid to, but now he is so accepting, or so it seems

I think she is putting pressure on him and he is just going along for the ride
kneadtokno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 2:58 PM   #5
Established Member
 
abeliever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 173
KTK- are you trying to start a color debate here?

I am married to a white man and I am a half white and half black woman! Color had no bearing on who I fell in love with. My H cheated on me so I am not the one who cheated. But affairs have nothing to do with color IMO.

This happens to PEOPLE not people who are white, black, brown etc. Here we are all hurting and color has no bearing on that hurt! It's a cheating man or woman thing -- that's it!

abeliever
__________________
I am a believer of real love. Not the fake stuff!
abeliever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 3:27 PM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 19
not trying to make a race issue here just looking for some insight.

I just know that although men are men, we do have our differences.
kneadtokno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 3:40 PM   #7
Owl
Established Member
 
Owl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 12,072
Don't think the race matters at all.

Some guys might have 'fantasies', or 'preferences'...but that doesn't seem to have any bearing on your situation.

I think you're seeing an issue that's not there.

Focus on the AFFAIR...its the real issue in your life at this point.

Don't add more to it than there is...dealing with the affair in and of itself is the issue.
__________________
"Do, or do not. There is no try." -Yoda
Owl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 4:17 PM   #8
Former Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,831
Quote:
Originally Posted by kneadtokno View Post
not trying to make a race issue here just looking for some insight.

I just know that although men are men, we do have our differences.
Depends on where you live to a certain degree. To answer your original question. Most white guys I know... they are not really attracted to black women. The ones who are however, they are very serious about it... it's not just a fling/fantasy type of thing.

So, my point is... as much as you might like to believe this guy is just using your wife... there is a good chance that he isnt.

Listen, we do have differences... but they are cultural, and culture is very easily overcome.
Cobra_X30 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 4:24 PM   #9
Member
 
Green's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 10,646
I think your concerning yourself with questions that arnt going to help you any. good luck to you in this troubling time stay strong
Green is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 4:27 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 3,874
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cobra_X30 View Post
Depends on where you live to a certain degree. To answer your original question. Most white guys I know... they are not really attracted to black women. The ones who are however, they are very serious about it... it's not just a fling/fantasy type of thing.

So, my point is... as much as you might like to believe this guy is just using your wife... there is a good chance that he isnt.

Listen, we do have differences... but they are cultural, and culture is very easily overcome.
This is a great answer IMO...
GreenEyedLady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 4:51 PM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cobra_X30 View Post
Depends on where you live to a certain degree. To answer your original question. Most white guys I know... they are not really attracted to black women. The ones who are however, they are very serious about it... it's not just a fling/fantasy type of thing.

So, my point is... as much as you might like to believe this guy is just using your wife... there is a good chance that he isnt.

Listen, we do have differences... but they are cultural, and culture is very easily overcome.
thanks for the input, How many white men that you know of that are attracted to black women would take on a single black mother (granted attractive and classy) but a single mother nonetheless. especially when he knows I will always be in the picture? on top of the fact that it started off shady.
kneadtokno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 4:54 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 52,418
ANY other man, doesn't matter if he's black or white, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, whatever, will HAVE to accept the betrayed spouse as ALWAYS being there due to the fact there's a child involved. Just because a marriage ends, doesn't mean that you two stop co-parenting together.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 4:55 PM   #13
Established Member
 
KenzieAbsolutely's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,020
i don't know any white men who have dated black women, or have expressed a desire or fantasy too.

the only black women that i have heard white men express any kind of interest in are halle berry, beyonce, tyra banks etc, and have plainly indicated that the interest in them stems from the fact they are are light-skinned 'black' women with features more typical of a white woman.

that's just my experience with the white men i know though, it may be very different in other places, and probably is, but i can only speak from what i personally know to be true.

to answer the other question, i also don't know any man, white or black, or anything else for that matter, that enjoys the idea of getting involved with a partner who is a parent.
__________________
...the rest gave up on the game before it
was done and forgot I was still hiding.
I remained hidden as a matter of honor until the moon rose.
--GK, Hide and Seek

Last edited by KenzieAbsolutely; 11th December 2007 at 4:57 PM..
KenzieAbsolutely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 4:57 PM   #14
Former Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,831
Quote:
Originally Posted by kneadtokno View Post
thanks for the input, How many white men that you know of that are attracted to black women would take on a single black mother (granted attractive and classy) but a single mother nonetheless. especially when he knows I will always be in the picture? on top of the fact that it started off shady.
Should I count myself?

I'd guess 5 out of 7. One has been married about 5 years. They seem pretty happy, and have 2 kids together, 1 not.

I'd say that number decreases with the shady start, but I cant say by how much.
Cobra_X30 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th December 2007, 5:00 PM   #15
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
ANY other man, doesn't matter if he's black or white, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, whatever, will HAVE to accept the betrayed spouse as ALWAYS being there due to the fact there's a child involved. Just because a marriage ends, doesn't mean that you two stop co-parenting together.
alright then take race out the issue how many men would take on a single mother, after she was still sleeping with the husband and lied to you about it.

At the time they were dating she told me that he has commitment issues, and isnt good with kids, therefore didn't want to really meet my son yet.

but not I guess he is proving that he can change

are the changes real or just an attempt to win her.

He didn't expect that she would have my son full time, because previously she only had him once a week, and he had a good excuse to not have to see her all the time.

but now she is there night and day. I think he may grow old of this.

I think he wanted things back the way they where

any thoughts.

what would guys of any race do in this situation.

I am too confused to answer this on my own.
kneadtokno is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do white men find black women sexually attractive? honeybunch2k5 General Relationship Discussion 79 13th October 2005 11:51 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:13 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.