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Will a married man EVER leave his wife?????


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Old 23rd February 2004, 10:58 AM   #1
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Red face Will a married man EVER leave his wife?????

I am married and having an affair with a married man for quite a few months now. I started the affair because I am looking for a relationship not marriage.

I am no longer 'in love' with my H and am planning on divorce in the near future.

I fortunately/unfortunately have fallen in love with MM.

Can a married man ever have a change in heart and mind? He told me he loves his wife but is not in love with her.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 11:03 AM   #2
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Read other threads in this forum

yours is a question that is raised on a weekly, if not daily, basis. The answer generally seems to be the same: it's unlikely.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 11:21 AM   #3
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Can a married man ever have a change in heart and mind? He told me he loves his wife but is not in love with her.
If children are involved, it's very unlikely he'll leave. I would say it's almost virtually certain in your case that the MM won't flee home and hearth because he gave you classic MM Doublespeak:

"He told me he loves his wife but is not in love with her."

That's a dead giveaway that he's not going anywhere--that you're a marital supplement, not a marital replacement.

Sorry.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 11:51 AM   #4
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An aunt of mine has been married for 20 years or so to a man who was married (and had kids) when he met her. They are now good friends with the ex-wife (who remarried and was widowed in the in-between years). I know a few other couples who traveled this path.

Not saying this is a typical outcome but it can happen. In my admittedly limited experience, it seems that it is most likely to occur when the OW makes an ultimatum while the relationship is still hot and heavy. Rarely have I heard of it happening when the OW sat back and willingly accepted her OW status.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 12:19 PM   #5
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I'll vouch for that. Kicked my ex to the curb last summer, he's still with the gal he was having an affair with (her husband gave her the ultimatum too).
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Old 23rd February 2004, 12:22 PM   #6
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And Brashgal makes another point: if the wife finds out and ditches the husband, the odds are good he'll stay with the OW... if not permanently, at least until he finds someone else.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 1:00 PM   #7
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My uncle left his wife and 3 children for OW, so its possible, but usually they don't
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Old 23rd February 2004, 2:15 PM   #8
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There's a small chance he could potentially leave his wife. But he'll leave his wife because he wants to, not because you want him to.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 2:54 PM   #9
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maybe the phrase "it's possible, but not probable" applies to this kind of situation.

frankly, why would someone who has the best of both worlds want to change his situation? Not dissing you here, but I've suggested before that a married man involved with another woman gets all of them; the women just get parts of him ... not a very balanced equation, IMHO.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 6:52 PM   #10
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Not saying this is a typical outcome but it can happen. In my admittedly limited experience, it seems that it is most likely to occur when the OW makes an ultimatum while the relationship is still hot and heavy.
cdn may be on to something here. I know someone who snagged anothers' wayward husband and is now married to him...not very happily though, but that is another story.

Anyway this woman got her mm boyfriend so hot and bothered, she was his work-out trainer, and brought him to the boiling point...lots of hot foreplay, no full-blown sex, then dropped the ulitmatim...He went for it.

Since he was half-way out of his marriage anyway this pushed him over the edge and this guy had 3 young children at the time..
Now the new wife, ex ow and he have 5 kids between them.

I don't recommend this tactic or any that is going to wreck peoples' lives, but in general I think men do not leave their wives for the ow...because the ow is the answer to his marital unhappiness...SHe is the sex therapist...keeping the marriage together.

I don't think this is a good career to have...
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Old 23rd February 2004, 7:08 PM   #11
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My condolences

My deepest condolences to your poor husband, and his poor wife. Sounds like you 2 belong together.

My, this question is asked here several times a week. Too bad people don't browse through the posts in the OW/OM forum prior to asking it..again and again and again.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 7:17 PM   #12
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I don't recommend this tactic or any that is going to wreck peoples' lives, but in general I think men do not leave their wives for the ow...because the ow is the answer to his marital unhappiness...SHe is the sex therapist...keeping the marriage together.

I don't think this is a good career to have...
The OW as the sex therapist, who keeps the MM content with the wife.

That's a very creative formulation, Skittles.
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Old 23rd February 2004, 7:29 PM   #13
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Old 24th February 2004, 3:21 PM   #14
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I totally agree Skittles!

As long as a woman allows a man to cheat with her behind his wife's back...she is enabling him to have his cake and eat it too....instead of him REALLY getting hungry enough to head to the Divorce Deli!

Also, I see Befuddles point in why OW's don't just read the previous threads on this subject. HOWEVER, the whole 'mystical thing' about affairs....is everyone thinks THEIRS is unique and different. It takes some serious retrospect before seeing they are all pretty much the same.

Canadian Girl,
If I were you, I'd go ahead and get my divorce. I would then start looking for someone who you can have a normal relationship with which makes you happy. One with a MM will NOT! I don't care how wonderful he is.....it'll come back to bite you emotionally. It's just not worth it.

Yeah....read all the other threads on this subject!!!!!

An affair which is just a 'fling.... is one thing. Once your heart is involved though.....you better watch out! There was someone else who started a thread about once she got a divorce....her MM DUMPED HER! She was no longer safe. That probably happens more times than not.
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Old 24th February 2004, 4:06 PM   #15
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Not only are these MM/OW posts repetitive as to situation, even the language that is used is cliche-riddled.

* We are soulmates

* He loves his wife but is not in love with her

* Our relationship is incredibly special

* Neither of us was looking for this; it just happened

* Our feelings are too strong for us
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