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So I have a bit of a question.

 

Me and my Fiancee are about to get married soon. We both talked about having a Bachelor(ette) party. I said sure that would be fun to have, hang out and have a night of fun.

 

The only issue is, alot of stuff that goes on at bachelorette parties....lets say it makes my skin crawl like no other. I have heard and read and seen about tons of cheating happening at these parties. Like the Bride-to-be and her friends are drinking at getting drunk when a stripper shows up, the brides friends egg her on to touch his penis and will egg her on to give him a blowjob or something else. Or she will sleep with the stripper. Or she will go to a club and make out/kiss other guys and all this other stuff (wont go into detail). It happens more then most people want to believe and people who say this barely happens are very naive, and it happens alot more at the bachelorette party then the bachelor party. Im deathly afraid of her doing something with the stripper because he doesn't just dance and strip, he goes way further, thats why its a private stripper.

 

Well anyway I have talked to my finacee about this and she says that I have nothing to worry about (famous last words). Well I told her I wanted to let one of my good female friends go with her so she could look after her and make sure she didn't mess up while having her party. She said no and said that that was ridiculous and that I should trust her and that she doesn't need a babysitter. I told her I trust her completely but I just don't want the risk of it happening with alcohol and her friends. She freaked and told me that she isn't coming with her. I told her if she wont do this one little request of mine then I dont even want her having one. We got into a huge argument about it and she stormed out.

 

 

 

Its not that I don't trust my fiancee but like ive said before, ive heard and read so many stories (too many to count) about the bride cheating and sleeping with other guys and strippers,etc. I am not trying to ruin her good time, I just want one of my friends to make sure she isn't crossing her boundries cause I don't trust her friends enough. I just don't want the risk of her cheating on me before we get married then down the line I find out she really did this and I leave her then. I told her before we even moved in that if she were to ever cheat on me i would end it on the spot.

 

Am I really asking much? :(

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Yes you're asking too much

 

you obviously DON'T trust your fiance.

You can say that you do, all you want, but you don't

 

you can say that you're worried that because of the alcohol she'll do something stupid, but then again, why are you marrying a girl that will f**k up after a few drinks? - the alcohol and her chance of being stupid with it will still exist after you get married, does that mean that she wont be allowed to go out for drinks with her girls ever?!

 

I've been to bachelorette parties and stuff like that didn't happen - but maybe that's just my group of friends.

 

Also, what kinds of friends does she have that will actually "egg her on" to do something so stupid. If I was at a bachelorette party and my "bride to be" friend was gonna so something so stupid, I'd have a talkin to her moment where I'd tell her how dumb she is and that she's throwing everything away over a stupid night with a stripper.

I certainly wouldn't be egging her on to do it.

 

You just need to be honest and really evaluate this girl that you're getting married to because clearly you don't trust her.

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So I have a bit of a question.

 

Me and my Fiancee are about to get married soon. We both talked about having a Bachelor(ette) party. I said sure that would be fun to have, hang out and have a night of fun.

 

The only issue is, alot of stuff that goes on at bachelorette parties....lets say it makes my skin crawl like no other. I have heard and read and seen about tons of cheating happening at these parties. Like the Bride-to-be and her friends are drinking at getting drunk when a stripper shows up, the brides friends egg her on to touch his penis and will egg her on to give him a blowjob or something else. Or she will sleep with the stripper. Or she will go to a club and make out/kiss other guys and all this other stuff (wont go into detail). It happens more then most people want to believe and people who say this barely happens are very naive, and it happens alot more at the bachelorette party then the bachelor party. Im deathly afraid of her doing something with the stripper because he doesn't just dance and strip, he goes way further, thats why its a private stripper.

 

This is one of those situations where the fear of the unknown--the possibility of betrayal in the presence of ample means--should ideally be balanced by a sound knowledge of and trust in one's partner. Yes, bachelor and bachelorette parties have been the source of many a downfall for impending marriages, but, like any other situation in life, the danger hinges on choice. The availability of temptation in the form of the stripper or what have you only becomes a hazard to the relationship if your soon to be wife chooses to betray you by doing something inappropriate. If you trust her not to, and if she is more importantly worthy of that trust, then you have nothing to worry about.

 

 

Well anyway I have talked to my finacee about this and she says that I have nothing to worry about (famous last words). Well I told her I wanted to let one of my good female friends go with her so she could look after her and make sure she didn't mess up while having her party. She said no and said that that was ridiculous and that I should trust her and that she doesn't need a babysitter. I told her I trust her completely but I just don't want the risk of it happening with alcohol and her friends. She freaked and told me that she isn't coming with her. I told her if she wont do this one little request of mine then I dont even want her having one. We got into a huge argument about it and she stormed out.

 

Unfortunately, I suspect that your fiance is not worthy of your trust. It is somewhat understandable (but not excusable) for her to be offended at the notion that she needs a babysitter or guardian against poor behavior, but as a woman preparing for marriage her priority in this situation should be to you and the apprehension that you've expressed. The fact that she stormed out, the fact that she was so easily incensed by the suggestion that she forego a meaningless night of fun in favor of her fiance's wishes, speaks volumes. She has essentially placed the party above your feelings and ultimately above the well-being of the relationship. I would seriously reconsider marrying this one, my friend.

 

 

Its not that I don't trust my fiancee but like ive said before, ive heard and read so many stories (too many to count) about the bride cheating and sleeping with other guys and strippers,etc. I am not trying to ruin her good time, I just want one of my friends to make sure she isn't crossing her boundries cause I don't trust her friends enough. I just don't want the risk of her cheating on me before we get married then down the line I find out she really did this and I leave her then. I told her before we even moved in that if she were to ever cheat on me i would end it on the spot.

 

Am I really asking much? :(

 

It may be that you really don't trust her because of some gut instinct that is guiding you. When we care deeply about another person, we often consciously miss a number of character indicators that telegraph the struggles that we might face in our relationships with them. The subconscious, instinctual mind is not as easily fooled in my experience. Listen to those internal warning bells. In so doing, you may have sidestepped a potentially disastrous life choice!

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Woman In Blue
...and it happens alot more at the bachelorette party then the bachelor party.

Look whose talking about being naive. What a bunch of bunk.

 

You have the actual stats to back up that ridiculous statement?

 

Apparently, men are finally getting back a dose of the sh*t they've been handing out to women since time began. I think I like it.

 

I can't believe you want to send her with a freakin' babysitter so she doesn't 'blow' the stripper. Golly, what fun THAT is - giving some sweaty jerk some unreciprocated oral sex. Boy howdy - PLEASE sign me up for some of THAT! :sick:

 

I do agree - women can act deplorable and I'm always shocked at how they behave in these situations. I'm assuming you know your fiancee well enough to know whether she's a step above that type of behavior or not? It does sound as though you have an insecurity issue and you're laying it at your fiancee's feet and making it HER problem.

Edited by Woman In Blue
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While things can and have gone shady at bachelorette/bachelor parties generally speaking its not that likely....even if they were the type to screw around there would be far too many witnesses that could end up bringing them down at a later date.....not smart

 

Plus think about this..... If you fear that something bad could happen at the bachelor/ette party while things are as happy between the two of you as could get....what could happen after a handful of years in the marriage when things get stale? or you go through a rough patch?

 

My point is if they will do something like that....it will happen one way or the other. You dont need a bachelorette party to get randy with someone else

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She freaked and told me that she isn't coming with her. I told her if she wont do this one little request of mine then I dont even want her having one. We got into a huge argument about it and she stormed out.

 

Dead giveaway. She's planning on doing something she doesn't want you to know about, so she puts you on the defensive. It's not about trust, it's about guilt.

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NoReallyThatHappened

I've been a bridesmaid in 10 weddings, so I've been to 10+ bachelorette parties. I have NEVER seen the behavior you describe. Did she also tell you that you need a baby sitter? What I find is most often the case is the one doing the accusing is doing so because of their own behaviors. If you tried to pull this on me, I would assume it's because you plan to do these types of things at your bachelor party.

 

If you don't trust her enough to go out with her friends, then you need to seriously think about why you are marrying her.

 

For the record, requiring a babysitter for a grown woman is asking too much.

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Yes you're asking too much

 

you obviously DON'T trust your fiance.

You can say that you do, all you want, but you don't

 

you can say that you're worried that because of the alcohol she'll do something stupid, but then again, why are you marrying a girl that will f**k up after a few drinks? - the alcohol and her chance of being stupid with it will still exist after you get married, does that mean that she wont be allowed to go out for drinks with her girls ever?!

 

I really do trust her, but alcohol makes people do stupid stuff and when your pressured into doing something cause your friends are egging you on you can get lost in the moment and do something stupid you might regret later on. No need to be rude.

 

Imagine a room full of girls all drinking and then all of the sudden a hot stripper with muscles and abs shows up and starts "stripping" for them while he grinds his crotch in a few girls faces and rubs their hands all over him, do you honestly think they arent gonna try anything with him?

 

 

 

Look whose talking about being naive. What a bunch of bunk.

 

You have the actual stats to back up that ridiculous statement?

 

Apparently, men are finally getting back a dose of the sh*t they've been handing out to women since time began. I think I like it.

 

I can't believe you want to send her with a freakin' babysitter so she doesn't 'blow' the stripper. Golly, what fun THAT is - giving some sweaty jerk some unreciprocated oral sex. Boy howdy - PLEASE sign me up for some of THAT! :sick:

 

I do agree - women can act deplorable and I'm always shocked at how they behave in these situations. I'm assuming you know your fiancee well enough to know whether she's a step above that type of behavior or not? It does sound as though you have an insecurity issue and you're laying it at your fiancee's feet and making it HER problem.

 

 

Here is a blog to prove my point that it does happen quite a bit. And yes they really do give oral sex to some random stripper, just read the blog. http://malestripping.blogspot.com/p/home.html

 

What do you mean getting back a dose of ****? Guys these days rarely ever have sex with the stripper at all, we have the whole "no touching rule" while the girls get to touch everything on the male stripper. These guys are private strippers, not the legit kind at a strip club. Thats why so much raunchy stuff happens at these things.

 

 

 

While things can and have gone shady at bachelorette/bachelor parties generally speaking its not that likely....even if they were the type to screw around there would be far too many witnesses that could end up bringing them down at a later date.....not smart

 

Plus think about this..... If you fear that something bad could happen at the bachelor/ette party while things are as happy between the two of you as could get....what could happen after a handful of years in the marriage when things get stale? or you go through a rough patch?

 

My point is if they will do something like that....it will happen one way or the other. You dont need a bachelorette party to get randy with someone else

 

True but there is always getting pressured into doing it and being drunk at the same time, they kinda go hand in hand.

 

 

I've been a bridesmaid in 10 weddings, so I've been to 10+ bachelorette parties. I have NEVER seen the behavior you describe. Did she also tell you that you need a baby sitter? What I find is most often the case is the one doing the accusing is doing so because of their own behaviors. If you tried to pull this on me, I would assume it's because you plan to do these types of things at your bachelor party.

 

If you don't trust her enough to go out with her friends, then you need to seriously think about why you are marrying her.

 

For the record, requiring a babysitter for a grown woman is asking too much.

 

You must have gotten lucky. Also I would never in a million years cheat on my fiancee. I love her with all my heart and care about her to much to cheat on her, thats why i am so scared about her bachelorette party and her doing something that she might regret. I want her to have fun and i trust her but you never know what will happen......=/

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scaredandalone1223

I've never been with a Bride to Be that acted in any such fashion. I'm not saying none of them ever do but I would be no means say most or even 1/2 do what you speak of.

 

If this is the way you act now if I were her I would be extremely worried about your jealousy and controlling once we were married. What about when her friends get married and she goes to a Bachelorette party are you going to be worried they may all get drunk and gang bang the stripper? What about if she ever ask to go out for drinks after work?

 

As far her storming out that was not the best approach but very understandable. If your friend is not in her circle of friends and you wanted to send her to keep an eye on her that is quite disrespectful on your end. Also if this lady is such a good friend to you and not friends with your wife who's to say you can trust her to accurately report what happens?

 

Bottom line either you trust her or you don't---there is no 'but'. I really hope you guys had pre-marital counseling because I fear this is just scratching the surface of how jealous and controlling you will be towards her once you are married.

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I've never been with a Bride to Be that acted in any such fashion. I'm not saying none of them ever do but I would be no means say most or even 1/2 do what you speak of.

 

If this is the way you act now if I were her I would be extremely worried about your jealousy and controlling once we were married. What about when her friends get married and she goes to a Bachelorette party are you going to be worried they may all get drunk and gang bang the stripper? What about if she ever ask to go out for drinks after work?

 

As far her storming out that was not the best approach but very understandable. If your friend is not in her circle of friends and you wanted to send her to keep an eye on her that is quite disrespectful on your end. Also if this lady is such a good friend to you and not friends with your wife who's to say you can trust her to accurately report what happens?

 

Bottom line either you trust her or you don't---there is no 'but'. I really hope you guys had pre-marital counseling because I fear this is just scratching the surface of how jealous and controlling you will be towards her once you are married.

 

 

I have never been controlling, I literally let her do anything she wants. Im barely jealous at all. Hell she even kisses one of my guy friends as a type of hello, but i don't mine because he is gay. The reason i trust her is because I have been friends with her since i was 3 years old, we have literally been friends for the last 25 years and tell each other everything, i know i can trust her.

 

 

I don't know why everyone is attacking me.....I just want our marriage to last without anything happening before it even gets started...:( I care about her too deeply and love her too much to just throw it away after 8 years.

 

Alright then ill let her go on her with her friends without my bestfriend looking out for her. I guess Ill report back in a few weeks to tell everyone what has happened since then.

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make me believe

Why don't you guys just have a no stripper rule if it makes you so uncomfortable? I don't understand having strippers at bachelor/ette parties anyway. Why kick off your upcoming marriage by ogling other naked men/women? :confused:

 

But I also think that you're totally over-reacting about what happens at bachelorette parties. I have NEVER heard of a bride-to-be blowing a stripper! I don't think most women are attracted to strippers.. Most bachelorette parties don't even have strippers, in my experience.

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True but there is always getting pressured into doing it and being drunk at the same time, they kinda go hand in hand.

 

 

Rest assured there will be other times throughout your marriage where she may end up drunk and/or subject to pressure...

 

If you really do worry about the possibilities from the bachelorette party you have a lot more worrying on your hands for the future...dont be so naive to think that a bachelorette party is somehow different with respect to screwing around....girls nights out, work gatherings....all no different. Take a little bit of time to read the stories around here..you'll see.

 

I mean really... if you are that worried that your girl would suck off some strange guy's cock because of a liquor and a bit of pressure...should you be really marrying her?

Edited by StoneCold
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.. Most bachelorette parties don't even have strippers, in my experience.

 

 

yeah.. they act wild but thats it....for the most part

 

One time at a club there was a bachelorette party....one of the bridesmaides came up to me (a stranger) and said they were asking all the "cute guys" to eat candy off of one those candy necklaces that the bride to be is wearing (you know those candy nacklaces where you have to really chew on the thing to get it off)...so pretty much you're going all over this girls neck..and your going to have to really grab her to do it or else you'll trip trying to chew this thing off.... very incriminating from the tird person perspective

 

I did it...gave her a kiss and congratulated her....

 

thats likely as wild as it could get

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I really do trust her, but alcohol makes people do stupid stuff and when your pressured into doing something cause your friends are egging you on you can get lost in the moment and do something stupid you might regret later on. No need to be rude.

 

Imagine a room full of girls all drinking and then all of the sudden a hot stripper with muscles and abs shows up and starts "stripping" for them while he grinds his crotch in a few girls faces and rubs their hands all over him, do you honestly think they arent gonna try anything with him?

 

Ok, while we're imagining things.

Imagine a room full of drunk men and then all of a sudden a hot stripper with fake tits, a g-string, and 4 inch heels starts crawling around, rubbing against the random men, then grinding on the "groom" and rubbing her tits in his face, do you honestly think that they aren't gonna try anything with her?

 

So, if you can drink and face "temptation" and keep it together and not cheat on her without a baby sitter, why can't she do the same?

 

Also, like Stone Cold said, if she was to cheat, she'd do it on you anyways regardless of the bachelorette party, and would be more likely to do it when the road gets rough rather than when you're all happy right before getting married.

 

He also brought up a great point about not wanting to do it with a room full of witnesses - that's just dumb.

 

If you actually trust her like you say you do, then you obviously don't think much of her maturity - as in, sure you trust her, but she's so easily influenced and kind of dumb, therefore we need a baby sitter for her.

 

You're treating her like a child, you need to figure out, do you want to be her husband and lover, or her father?

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The idea of the wild bachelor(ette) party with hookers doesn't really happen much at all. You'll see it in the "fratire" movies, and see guys talk about it. I think a very few amount have done it, but many more simply keep it "traditional" or even remove the sexuality out of it.

 

Some just go do fun stuff, like golfing, drive race cars at some rental track, skydiving, dinner and drinks, shopping, mani/pedi, spa, pole dancing lessons, etc. I've seen some bloggers ridicule these men and women, claiming they have no guts, but those bloggers seem to also be against marriage in itself.

 

My best friend is jokingly saying he's going to throw me a bachelor party, and drag me to a strip club...when he knows I really don't like strip clubs. I look at it though as he and the "fellas" wants an excuse to go see strippers (since they're all married). I'm simply standing my ground, and even told them I'd be happy to let them use me as an excuse...as long as I don't have to go.

 

I dunno...I never was a fan of the bachelor(ette) party and think it's a waste of time and money. If I want to "celebrate singledom", then I'll break off the engagement and go running around town attempting to pick up some easy women.

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No you're not asking too much.

 

I'm a male who has worked at a club with a male revue.

The sex acts you're worried about do indeed happen often.

 

Compromise with her, tell her the party is fine but you will not tOlerate any strippers there.

Tell her if you find out there was a stripper there it's a dealbreaker and you' ll call off the wedding and then do it if there are any.

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Memphis Raines
Look whose talking about being naive. What a bunch of bunk.

 

You have the actual stats to back up that ridiculous statement?

 

Apparently, men are finally getting back a dose of the sh*t they've been handing out to women since time began. I think I like it.

 

I've never dished out anything of the sort to any woman. oh well. glad to know I still have to deal with vindictive "women" out there:(

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Ok, while we're imagining things.

Imagine a room full of drunk men and then all of a sudden a hot stripper with fake tits, a g-string, and 4 inch heels starts crawling around, rubbing against the random men, then grinding on the "groom" and rubbing her tits in his face, do you honestly think that they aren't gonna try anything with her?

 

So, if you can drink and face "temptation" and keep it together and not cheat on her without a baby sitter, why can't she do the same?

 

Also, like Stone Cold said, if she was to cheat, she'd do it on you anyways regardless of the bachelorette party, and would be more likely to do it when the road gets rough rather than when you're all happy right before getting married.

 

He also brought up a great point about not wanting to do it with a room full of witnesses - that's just dumb.

 

If you actually trust her like you say you do, then you obviously don't think much of her maturity - as in, sure you trust her, but she's so easily influenced and kind of dumb, therefore we need a baby sitter for her.

 

You're treating her like a child, you need to figure out, do you want to be her husband and lover, or her father?

 

 

Double standard. She is free to do the same thing if she wants to, im open to the idea if she wants just to prove I wont cheat, but thats just me. Well if she did do it do you think her friends are gonna say anything or do you think they will keep it a secret from me so i dont get hurt?

 

 

Ok, let me put it this way, I do trust her, but I dont trust her when she is drunk, like I said before, drunk people make mistakes and do stupid things.

 

 

 

Rest assured there will be other times throughout your marriage where she may end up drunk and/or subject to pressure...

 

If you really do worry about the possibilities from the bachelorette party you have a lot more worrying on your hands for the future...dont be so naive to think that a bachelorette party is somehow different with respect to screwing around....girls nights out, work gatherings....all no different. Take a little bit of time to read the stories around here..you'll see.

 

I know they aren't different, I know its the exact same thing. Also lots of girls would do give in to giving oral to a hot stripper if they were under the influence of alcohol and were pressured by their friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alright then, ill let her have her party, ill let her do whatever the **** she wants, ill report back in a week or 2 to tell you what has happened. Keep this thread alive if you want.

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Double standard. She is free to do the same thing if she wants to, im open to the idea if she wants just to prove I wont cheat, but thats just me. Well if she did do it do you think her friends are gonna say anything or do you think they will keep it a secret from me so i dont get hurt?

What's the double standard?

 

Well nothing stays hidden and girls gossip and chat and its bound to come out - but fine, I can understand that you don't want to find out that cheated after you tie the knot - fine, you definitely have THAT right, but this....

 

Ok, let me put it this way, I do trust her, but I dont trust her when she is drunk, like I said before, drunk people make mistakes and do stupid things.

I think says it all.

So your girl is basically an impulsive idiot when she's drinking.

Why are you marrying her then?

Does that mean that she will never go out with her friends for drinks after you get married, because you don't trust her when she's drunk?

 

How old are you guys by the way??

 

 

I know they aren't different, I know its the exact same thing. Also lots of girls would do give in to giving oral to a hot stripper if they were under the influence of alcohol and were pressured by their friends.

 

Maybe its just me, but all I can say to that is EEeeeewwwww!

I don't know what it is, but male strippers are kinda gross, their "dance" moves are cheesy, the whole greased up look is eeewww, and (again, maybe its just me), but I wouldn't have any desire to give a stripper head - no matter how drunk I am.

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Okay. So, I have multiple reactions to and thoughts about this problem, and if I have time later I will try to come back and lay them out at least somewhat coherently. In order to solidify some thoughts, however, I have a pretty simple question, and I apologize if someone has already asked it--I have seen this alluded to, but I have not seen your response.

 

OP: did you, at any point, offer to join your fiancee in having bachelor/bachelorette festivities that did not include any kind of stripper? Did you, for example, explain that you just felt uncomfortable with strippers and sexual activities being involved in the parties, and suggest that you BOTH have some kind of fun spa or golf or bar-hopping experiences rather than drunk nights in private rooms with strippers? Or did you just paint a picture for her that while YOU were trustworthy with a stripper, SHE was not, and then insist she needed a babysitter?

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Treat it like a test of her character. If she ****s/blows a stripper, she's pretty obviously not marriage worthy.

 

Yet, I don't really like her angry reaction at you.

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NoReallyThatHappened

Maybe its just me, but all I can say to that is EEeeeewwwww!

I don't know what it is, but male strippers are kinda gross, their "dance" moves are cheesy, the whole greased up look is eeewww, and (again, maybe its just me), but I wouldn't have any desire to give a stripper head - no matter how drunk I am.

 

This. I can't say that I've ever thought "Oh...I'd love to stick that random nastiness in my mouth!!"

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I'm not saying that stuff never happens, but I think most of it is confined to fake/staged "reality" porn. I wonder if perhaps you've been looking at too many porn sites with compensated actors pretending to be strippers and party guests and confused that with reality.

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Also lots of girls would do give in to giving oral to a hot stripper if they were under the influence of alcohol and were pressured by their friends.

 

I can tell that much MUCH more women will and have given in to doing much more with a guy who is nowhere close to a stripper while completely sober....drunkeness just amplifies whats already there

 

My argument isnt really to support her having the bachelorette party... I really have no opinion of this one way or the other. What I'm trying to do is help you get your head in the right place right across the board by putting things into perspective.

 

 

 

If you dont trust her drunk I would turn my heels and run

Edited by StoneCold
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Memphis Raines

all I know is in the off chance I do get married and she feels the need to have a bachelorette party, if she so much as touches the guy's d!ck, she will be left at the altar.

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