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Old 1st September 2011, 3:39 PM   #1
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Bachelorette Party

So I have a bit of a question.

Me and my Fiancee are about to get married soon. We both talked about having a Bachelor(ette) party. I said sure that would be fun to have, hang out and have a night of fun.

The only issue is, alot of stuff that goes on at bachelorette parties....lets say it makes my skin crawl like no other. I have heard and read and seen about tons of cheating happening at these parties. Like the Bride-to-be and her friends are drinking at getting drunk when a stripper shows up, the brides friends egg her on to touch his penis and will egg her on to give him a blowjob or something else. Or she will sleep with the stripper. Or she will go to a club and make out/kiss other guys and all this other stuff (wont go into detail). It happens more then most people want to believe and people who say this barely happens are very naive, and it happens alot more at the bachelorette party then the bachelor party. Im deathly afraid of her doing something with the stripper because he doesn't just dance and strip, he goes way further, thats why its a private stripper.

Well anyway I have talked to my finacee about this and she says that I have nothing to worry about (famous last words). Well I told her I wanted to let one of my good female friends go with her so she could look after her and make sure she didn't mess up while having her party. She said no and said that that was ridiculous and that I should trust her and that she doesn't need a babysitter. I told her I trust her completely but I just don't want the risk of it happening with alcohol and her friends. She freaked and told me that she isn't coming with her. I told her if she wont do this one little request of mine then I dont even want her having one. We got into a huge argument about it and she stormed out.



Its not that I don't trust my fiancee but like ive said before, ive heard and read so many stories (too many to count) about the bride cheating and sleeping with other guys and strippers,etc. I am not trying to ruin her good time, I just want one of my friends to make sure she isn't crossing her boundries cause I don't trust her friends enough. I just don't want the risk of her cheating on me before we get married then down the line I find out she really did this and I leave her then. I told her before we even moved in that if she were to ever cheat on me i would end it on the spot.

Am I really asking much?
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Old 1st September 2011, 4:09 PM   #2
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Yes you're asking too much

you obviously DON'T trust your fiance.
You can say that you do, all you want, but you don't

you can say that you're worried that because of the alcohol she'll do something stupid, but then again, why are you marrying a girl that will f**k up after a few drinks? - the alcohol and her chance of being stupid with it will still exist after you get married, does that mean that she wont be allowed to go out for drinks with her girls ever?!

I've been to bachelorette parties and stuff like that didn't happen - but maybe that's just my group of friends.

Also, what kinds of friends does she have that will actually "egg her on" to do something so stupid. If I was at a bachelorette party and my "bride to be" friend was gonna so something so stupid, I'd have a talkin to her moment where I'd tell her how dumb she is and that she's throwing everything away over a stupid night with a stripper.
I certainly wouldn't be egging her on to do it.

You just need to be honest and really evaluate this girl that you're getting married to because clearly you don't trust her.
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Old 1st September 2011, 4:23 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Osiris1234 View Post
So I have a bit of a question.

Me and my Fiancee are about to get married soon. We both talked about having a Bachelor(ette) party. I said sure that would be fun to have, hang out and have a night of fun.

The only issue is, alot of stuff that goes on at bachelorette parties....lets say it makes my skin crawl like no other. I have heard and read and seen about tons of cheating happening at these parties. Like the Bride-to-be and her friends are drinking at getting drunk when a stripper shows up, the brides friends egg her on to touch his penis and will egg her on to give him a blowjob or something else. Or she will sleep with the stripper. Or she will go to a club and make out/kiss other guys and all this other stuff (wont go into detail). It happens more then most people want to believe and people who say this barely happens are very naive, and it happens alot more at the bachelorette party then the bachelor party. Im deathly afraid of her doing something with the stripper because he doesn't just dance and strip, he goes way further, thats why its a private stripper.
This is one of those situations where the fear of the unknown--the possibility of betrayal in the presence of ample means--should ideally be balanced by a sound knowledge of and trust in one's partner. Yes, bachelor and bachelorette parties have been the source of many a downfall for impending marriages, but, like any other situation in life, the danger hinges on choice. The availability of temptation in the form of the stripper or what have you only becomes a hazard to the relationship if your soon to be wife chooses to betray you by doing something inappropriate. If you trust her not to, and if she is more importantly worthy of that trust, then you have nothing to worry about.


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Originally Posted by Osiris1234 View Post
Well anyway I have talked to my finacee about this and she says that I have nothing to worry about (famous last words). Well I told her I wanted to let one of my good female friends go with her so she could look after her and make sure she didn't mess up while having her party. She said no and said that that was ridiculous and that I should trust her and that she doesn't need a babysitter. I told her I trust her completely but I just don't want the risk of it happening with alcohol and her friends. She freaked and told me that she isn't coming with her. I told her if she wont do this one little request of mine then I dont even want her having one. We got into a huge argument about it and she stormed out.
Unfortunately, I suspect that your fiance is not worthy of your trust. It is somewhat understandable (but not excusable) for her to be offended at the notion that she needs a babysitter or guardian against poor behavior, but as a woman preparing for marriage her priority in this situation should be to you and the apprehension that you've expressed. The fact that she stormed out, the fact that she was so easily incensed by the suggestion that she forego a meaningless night of fun in favor of her fiance's wishes, speaks volumes. She has essentially placed the party above your feelings and ultimately above the well-being of the relationship. I would seriously reconsider marrying this one, my friend.


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Originally Posted by Osiris1234 View Post
Its not that I don't trust my fiancee but like ive said before, ive heard and read so many stories (too many to count) about the bride cheating and sleeping with other guys and strippers,etc. I am not trying to ruin her good time, I just want one of my friends to make sure she isn't crossing her boundries cause I don't trust her friends enough. I just don't want the risk of her cheating on me before we get married then down the line I find out she really did this and I leave her then. I told her before we even moved in that if she were to ever cheat on me i would end it on the spot.

Am I really asking much?
It may be that you really don't trust her because of some gut instinct that is guiding you. When we care deeply about another person, we often consciously miss a number of character indicators that telegraph the struggles that we might face in our relationships with them. The subconscious, instinctual mind is not as easily fooled in my experience. Listen to those internal warning bells. In so doing, you may have sidestepped a potentially disastrous life choice!
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Old 1st September 2011, 5:42 PM   #4
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...and it happens alot more at the bachelorette party then the bachelor party.
Look whose talking about being naive. What a bunch of bunk.

You have the actual stats to back up that ridiculous statement?

Apparently, men are finally getting back a dose of the sh*t they've been handing out to women since time began. I think I like it.

I can't believe you want to send her with a freakin' babysitter so she doesn't 'blow' the stripper. Golly, what fun THAT is - giving some sweaty jerk some unreciprocated oral sex. Boy howdy - PLEASE sign me up for some of THAT!

I do agree - women can act deplorable and I'm always shocked at how they behave in these situations. I'm assuming you know your fiancee well enough to know whether she's a step above that type of behavior or not? It does sound as though you have an insecurity issue and you're laying it at your fiancee's feet and making it HER problem.

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Old 1st September 2011, 5:54 PM   #5
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While things can and have gone shady at bachelorette/bachelor parties generally speaking its not that likely....even if they were the type to screw around there would be far too many witnesses that could end up bringing them down at a later date.....not smart

Plus think about this..... If you fear that something bad could happen at the bachelor/ette party while things are as happy between the two of you as could get....what could happen after a handful of years in the marriage when things get stale? or you go through a rough patch?

My point is if they will do something like that....it will happen one way or the other. You dont need a bachelorette party to get randy with someone else
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Old 1st September 2011, 5:56 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Osiris1234 View Post
She freaked and told me that she isn't coming with her. I told her if she wont do this one little request of mine then I dont even want her having one. We got into a huge argument about it and she stormed out.
Dead giveaway. She's planning on doing something she doesn't want you to know about, so she puts you on the defensive. It's not about trust, it's about guilt.
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Old 1st September 2011, 8:13 PM   #7
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I've been a bridesmaid in 10 weddings, so I've been to 10+ bachelorette parties. I have NEVER seen the behavior you describe. Did she also tell you that you need a baby sitter? What I find is most often the case is the one doing the accusing is doing so because of their own behaviors. If you tried to pull this on me, I would assume it's because you plan to do these types of things at your bachelor party.

If you don't trust her enough to go out with her friends, then you need to seriously think about why you are marrying her.

For the record, requiring a babysitter for a grown woman is asking too much.
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Old 1st September 2011, 8:35 PM   #8
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Yes you're asking too much

you obviously DON'T trust your fiance.
You can say that you do, all you want, but you don't

you can say that you're worried that because of the alcohol she'll do something stupid, but then again, why are you marrying a girl that will f**k up after a few drinks? - the alcohol and her chance of being stupid with it will still exist after you get married, does that mean that she wont be allowed to go out for drinks with her girls ever?!
I really do trust her, but alcohol makes people do stupid stuff and when your pressured into doing something cause your friends are egging you on you can get lost in the moment and do something stupid you might regret later on. No need to be rude.

Imagine a room full of girls all drinking and then all of the sudden a hot stripper with muscles and abs shows up and starts "stripping" for them while he grinds his crotch in a few girls faces and rubs their hands all over him, do you honestly think they arent gonna try anything with him?



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Originally Posted by Woman In Blue View Post
Look whose talking about being naive. What a bunch of bunk.

You have the actual stats to back up that ridiculous statement?

Apparently, men are finally getting back a dose of the sh*t they've been handing out to women since time began. I think I like it.

I can't believe you want to send her with a freakin' babysitter so she doesn't 'blow' the stripper. Golly, what fun THAT is - giving some sweaty jerk some unreciprocated oral sex. Boy howdy - PLEASE sign me up for some of THAT!

I do agree - women can act deplorable and I'm always shocked at how they behave in these situations. I'm assuming you know your fiancee well enough to know whether she's a step above that type of behavior or not? It does sound as though you have an insecurity issue and you're laying it at your fiancee's feet and making it HER problem.

Here is a blog to prove my point that it does happen quite a bit. And yes they really do give oral sex to some random stripper, just read the blog. http://malestripping.blogspot.com/p/home.html

What do you mean getting back a dose of ****? Guys these days rarely ever have sex with the stripper at all, we have the whole "no touching rule" while the girls get to touch everything on the male stripper. These guys are private strippers, not the legit kind at a strip club. Thats why so much raunchy stuff happens at these things.



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While things can and have gone shady at bachelorette/bachelor parties generally speaking its not that likely....even if they were the type to screw around there would be far too many witnesses that could end up bringing them down at a later date.....not smart

Plus think about this..... If you fear that something bad could happen at the bachelor/ette party while things are as happy between the two of you as could get....what could happen after a handful of years in the marriage when things get stale? or you go through a rough patch?

My point is if they will do something like that....it will happen one way or the other. You dont need a bachelorette party to get randy with someone else
True but there is always getting pressured into doing it and being drunk at the same time, they kinda go hand in hand.


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I've been a bridesmaid in 10 weddings, so I've been to 10+ bachelorette parties. I have NEVER seen the behavior you describe. Did she also tell you that you need a baby sitter? What I find is most often the case is the one doing the accusing is doing so because of their own behaviors. If you tried to pull this on me, I would assume it's because you plan to do these types of things at your bachelor party.

If you don't trust her enough to go out with her friends, then you need to seriously think about why you are marrying her.

For the record, requiring a babysitter for a grown woman is asking too much.
You must have gotten lucky. Also I would never in a million years cheat on my fiancee. I love her with all my heart and care about her to much to cheat on her, thats why i am so scared about her bachelorette party and her doing something that she might regret. I want her to have fun and i trust her but you never know what will happen......=/
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Old 1st September 2011, 8:35 PM   #9
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I've never been with a Bride to Be that acted in any such fashion. I'm not saying none of them ever do but I would be no means say most or even 1/2 do what you speak of.

If this is the way you act now if I were her I would be extremely worried about your jealousy and controlling once we were married. What about when her friends get married and she goes to a Bachelorette party are you going to be worried they may all get drunk and gang bang the stripper? What about if she ever ask to go out for drinks after work?

As far her storming out that was not the best approach but very understandable. If your friend is not in her circle of friends and you wanted to send her to keep an eye on her that is quite disrespectful on your end. Also if this lady is such a good friend to you and not friends with your wife who's to say you can trust her to accurately report what happens?

Bottom line either you trust her or you don't---there is no 'but'. I really hope you guys had pre-marital counseling because I fear this is just scratching the surface of how jealous and controlling you will be towards her once you are married.
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Old 1st September 2011, 8:57 PM   #10
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I've never been with a Bride to Be that acted in any such fashion. I'm not saying none of them ever do but I would be no means say most or even 1/2 do what you speak of.

If this is the way you act now if I were her I would be extremely worried about your jealousy and controlling once we were married. What about when her friends get married and she goes to a Bachelorette party are you going to be worried they may all get drunk and gang bang the stripper? What about if she ever ask to go out for drinks after work?

As far her storming out that was not the best approach but very understandable. If your friend is not in her circle of friends and you wanted to send her to keep an eye on her that is quite disrespectful on your end. Also if this lady is such a good friend to you and not friends with your wife who's to say you can trust her to accurately report what happens?

Bottom line either you trust her or you don't---there is no 'but'. I really hope you guys had pre-marital counseling because I fear this is just scratching the surface of how jealous and controlling you will be towards her once you are married.

I have never been controlling, I literally let her do anything she wants. Im barely jealous at all. Hell she even kisses one of my guy friends as a type of hello, but i don't mine because he is gay. The reason i trust her is because I have been friends with her since i was 3 years old, we have literally been friends for the last 25 years and tell each other everything, i know i can trust her.


I don't know why everyone is attacking me.....I just want our marriage to last without anything happening before it even gets started... I care about her too deeply and love her too much to just throw it away after 8 years.

Alright then ill let her go on her with her friends without my bestfriend looking out for her. I guess Ill report back in a few weeks to tell everyone what has happened since then.
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Old 1st September 2011, 11:32 PM   #11
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Why don't you guys just have a no stripper rule if it makes you so uncomfortable? I don't understand having strippers at bachelor/ette parties anyway. Why kick off your upcoming marriage by ogling other naked men/women?

But I also think that you're totally over-reacting about what happens at bachelorette parties. I have NEVER heard of a bride-to-be blowing a stripper! I don't think most women are attracted to strippers.. Most bachelorette parties don't even have strippers, in my experience.
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Old 2nd September 2011, 12:46 AM   #12
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True but there is always getting pressured into doing it and being drunk at the same time, they kinda go hand in hand.
Rest assured there will be other times throughout your marriage where she may end up drunk and/or subject to pressure...

If you really do worry about the possibilities from the bachelorette party you have a lot more worrying on your hands for the future...dont be so naive to think that a bachelorette party is somehow different with respect to screwing around....girls nights out, work gatherings....all no different. Take a little bit of time to read the stories around here..you'll see.

I mean really... if you are that worried that your girl would suck off some strange guy's cock because of a liquor and a bit of pressure...should you be really marrying her?

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Old 2nd September 2011, 1:00 AM   #13
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.. Most bachelorette parties don't even have strippers, in my experience.

yeah.. they act wild but thats it....for the most part

One time at a club there was a bachelorette party....one of the bridesmaides came up to me (a stranger) and said they were asking all the "cute guys" to eat candy off of one those candy necklaces that the bride to be is wearing (you know those candy nacklaces where you have to really chew on the thing to get it off)...so pretty much you're going all over this girls neck..and your going to have to really grab her to do it or else you'll trip trying to chew this thing off.... very incriminating from the tird person perspective

I did it...gave her a kiss and congratulated her....

thats likely as wild as it could get
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Old 2nd September 2011, 9:59 AM   #14
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I really do trust her, but alcohol makes people do stupid stuff and when your pressured into doing something cause your friends are egging you on you can get lost in the moment and do something stupid you might regret later on. No need to be rude.

Imagine a room full of girls all drinking and then all of the sudden a hot stripper with muscles and abs shows up and starts "stripping" for them while he grinds his crotch in a few girls faces and rubs their hands all over him, do you honestly think they arent gonna try anything with him?
Ok, while we're imagining things.
Imagine a room full of drunk men and then all of a sudden a hot stripper with fake tits, a g-string, and 4 inch heels starts crawling around, rubbing against the random men, then grinding on the "groom" and rubbing her tits in his face, do you honestly think that they aren't gonna try anything with her?

So, if you can drink and face "temptation" and keep it together and not cheat on her without a baby sitter, why can't she do the same?

Also, like Stone Cold said, if she was to cheat, she'd do it on you anyways regardless of the bachelorette party, and would be more likely to do it when the road gets rough rather than when you're all happy right before getting married.

He also brought up a great point about not wanting to do it with a room full of witnesses - that's just dumb.

If you actually trust her like you say you do, then you obviously don't think much of her maturity - as in, sure you trust her, but she's so easily influenced and kind of dumb, therefore we need a baby sitter for her.

You're treating her like a child, you need to figure out, do you want to be her husband and lover, or her father?
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Old 2nd September 2011, 10:22 AM   #15
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The idea of the wild bachelor(ette) party with hookers doesn't really happen much at all. You'll see it in the "fratire" movies, and see guys talk about it. I think a very few amount have done it, but many more simply keep it "traditional" or even remove the sexuality out of it.

Some just go do fun stuff, like golfing, drive race cars at some rental track, skydiving, dinner and drinks, shopping, mani/pedi, spa, pole dancing lessons, etc. I've seen some bloggers ridicule these men and women, claiming they have no guts, but those bloggers seem to also be against marriage in itself.

My best friend is jokingly saying he's going to throw me a bachelor party, and drag me to a strip club...when he knows I really don't like strip clubs. I look at it though as he and the "fellas" wants an excuse to go see strippers (since they're all married). I'm simply standing my ground, and even told them I'd be happy to let them use me as an excuse...as long as I don't have to go.

I dunno...I never was a fan of the bachelor(ette) party and think it's a waste of time and money. If I want to "celebrate singledom", then I'll break off the engagement and go running around town attempting to pick up some easy women.
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