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GFs kid lied and disrepected me


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Old 10th October 2017, 8:34 PM   #61
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You're pouncing on all these things the girl is doing. What is her mother actively doing in response to these things?
Her mother is actively exposing the daughter to some boyfriend who talks about the poor girl in a tone full of disdain.

Last edited by JuneL; 10th October 2017 at 8:40 PM..
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Old 10th October 2017, 10:20 PM   #62
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Its very comical if you think perpetual lying and deception is a joke. Its even funnier when it continues to happen time and time again.

Thank you for your judgement
She’s a little girl and she has a mental illness. Where is your compassion? Why isn’t anyone trying to help her instead of judging her and calling her names?
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:05 AM   #63
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So when is her first counseling session to get to the bottom of the reasons why she feels out of control and is compelled to binge?

No one feels good after eating a whole cake. Not only fullness, but that mush sugar should leave her feeling sick. This is a compulsive, it's not normal.
They have been to two sessions so far. They were going weekly but now its every two weeks. I ask how things are going but I try not to pry. Apparently she (the daughter) was not that engaged in session 2.
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Old 11th October 2017, 7:00 AM   #64
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Problem is that you're focusing on the symptoms of the problem and not the cause. If the girl does indeed have an eating disorder, it's the disorder that's behind her behaviour.
You are very right. Do you have any suggestions next time an incent occurs?

I typically do not say very much when incidents occur. I am not the father so am careful what I say and when I say it. I try to keep the mood light, discuss concerns with the mom and support the notion that she needs professional help.
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Old 11th October 2017, 8:29 AM   #65
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You are very right. Do you have any suggestions next time an incent occurs?

I typically do not say very much when incidents occur. I am not the father so am careful what I say and when I say it. I try to keep the mood light, discuss concerns with the mom and support the notion that she needs professional help.
You might not be her biological father, but you are in a parental role if you're with a woman who has a child. Perhaps now is a good time for you and the mother to figure out exactly what your role in their lives will be moving forward. If you sit on the sidelines with a "I am not the parent" mindset, you will not get the respect you want from the daughter, because you're just the guy her mom sleeps with. (To put it bluntly) You can be a positive male role model for her, without being her "dad".
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Old 11th October 2017, 8:43 AM   #66
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You sound like a piece of work lacking basic compassion and common sense. You send a food addict, and a kid nonetheless, to get you ice cream and then get mad because she drank your milkshake. You make no sense whatsoever, have no compassion and the mother should dump you stat.

The kid needs help and you make everything worse. Do everyone a favor and find a woman who doesn't have any children so its going to be all about you.
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Old 11th October 2017, 9:53 AM   #67
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Originally Posted by Otter2569 View Post
You are very right. Do you have any suggestions next time an incent occurs?

I typically do not say very much when incidents occur. I am not the father so am careful what I say and when I say it. I try to keep the mood light, discuss concerns with the mom and support the notion that she needs professional help.
You know she lies to get food..so why would you believe her when she tells you to give her money for ice cream in the first place? Step number one..check with her mother before you give her money for food.

Step two..stop calling her names. Remember she is a child and she has a mental illness. Have some compassion.

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Old 11th October 2017, 10:32 AM   #68
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Anyway, on a more serious note..it's pretty sad that you're calling this mentally ill little girl a deceptive little **** instead of trying to get her some help..or trying to convince her mother to get her help. Poor thing is in for a lifetime of emotional and physical pain if she doesn't get this issue taken care of, and the sooner, the better.
No joke. This reads like a case of sibling rivalry rather than an adult dealing with a child who clearly has an eating disorder and the issues that are concurrent with one.

To the OP: I think your reaction to the behavior of a person with an eating disorder is completely inappropriate. You seem to be behaving like a child yourself. I'm disappointed that her mother allows you to have a role in her life where you are likely to further the damage.

I get that you aren't going to break up with the mother. Can you just do your personal relationship with her and minimize your involvement with the daughter? It would be best for everybody.
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:43 AM   #69
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You are very right. Do you have any suggestions next time an incent occurs?

I typically do not say very much when incidents occur. I am not the father so am careful what I say and when I say it. I try to keep the mood light, discuss concerns with the mom and support the notion that she needs professional help.
From your other posts on here regarding the girl, I would say it's impossible for her not to sense your resentment for her, and her eating habits.
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:47 AM   #70
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You might not be her biological father, but you are in a parental role if you're with a woman who has a child. Perhaps now is a good time for you and the mother to figure out exactly what your role in their lives will be moving forward. If you sit on the sidelines with a "I am not the parent" mindset, you will not get the respect you want from the daughter, because you're just the guy her mom sleeps with. (To put it bluntly) You can be a positive male role model for her, without being her "dad".
I disagree. No parental role.

Even if you (Otter) were to marry the mother, there's no guarantee the daughter would respect either one of you.
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Old 11th October 2017, 4:06 PM   #71
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You are very right. Do you have any suggestions next time an incent occurs?

I typically do not say very much when incidents occur. I am not the father so am careful what I say and when I say it. I try to keep the mood light, discuss concerns with the mom and support the notion that she needs professional help.
When an issue happens, start by taking moment to pause and remind yourself that whatever illness she has (mental/physical) is doing the talking. She's not a bad child or deliberately setting out to disrespect you.

As for how to approach her behaviour at the time, do as the child health/mental health practitioner advises. My husband and I have a child who has a disability and behavioural issues. One of the more helpful things we've done is to go together (without our son) to sit down and learn the right strategies to help manage his behaviour. Thing is, instinctive parenting doesn't always work when you're dealing with issues which require professional intervention.
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Old 11th October 2017, 4:10 PM   #72
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They have been to two sessions so far. They were going weekly but now its every two weeks. I ask how things are going but I try not to pry. Apparently she (the daughter) was not that engaged in session 2.
Two sessions of what? What kind of help are they seeking?

Granted I don't know the situation, but it sounds to me like the girl should have a full gamut of medical testing done by a paediatritian, followed by ongoing work with a dietitian and child psychologist who specialises in this area.
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:35 PM   #73
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You might not be her biological father, but you are in a parental role if you're with a woman who has a child. Perhaps now is a good time for you and the mother to figure out exactly what your role in their lives will be moving forward. If you sit on the sidelines with a "I am not the parent" mindset, you will not get the respect you want from the daughter, because you're just the guy her mom sleeps with. (To put it bluntly) You can be a positive male role model for her, without being her "dad".
No he doesn't get a parental role. He is only dating the mom. He doesn't live with them and there doesn't seem to be any plans to marry or make commitments. Until he makes a commitment to be in this little girls life long term he doesn't get a parental role. Since he clearly dislikes the child he should really avoid being around her at all. Just see the mom when she can take time away from her daughter.
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Old 12th October 2017, 4:22 AM   #74
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My apologies, I assumed he had more interaction with the daughter than just hooking up with her mother based on his comments. He seems to spend enough time with her to notice her eating habits, and has her running errands for him. Why the mother is allowing him to treat, or talk about, her daughter with so much disdain, is sadly not shocking or uncommon. It is amazing what some people will put up with, or overlook, for 'love'.

Oh, and my kids would have drank some of a milkshake if I had them buy me one, and they would have called it a "handling tax". It would have been met with good humor, not disgust.
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Old 13th October 2017, 1:04 AM   #75
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Originally Posted by Otter2569 View Post
I took you advise and broke thing off. Boy do I feel better!!!
Obviously this break up didn't last long...

If you plan on sticking around, do some serious reading up on eating disorders. Join other forums and ask questions that you can do to help your gf and her daughter.

The focus has to be on her daughter now and honestly if you can't handle being last/being put on the back burner by your gf then move out and 'date' her. Maybe living together isn't such a good idea.
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