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GFs kid lied and disrepected me


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Old 23rd September 2017, 5:32 AM   #31
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As a mom, I completely agree w popsicle. I havent had a significant other since my marriage ended but I really dont want my kids to have a step-parent relationship with whoever I end up with. My kids are 8 and 14 and I think they're too old to have a relationship like that forced on them. If they have a nice friendly relationship with my future partner I'll think thats a win for everyone.

I definitely feel for this girl. It seems like youve been dating the mom for a while and Im sure the kid feels hostility and frustration and disapproval from you. And if she's got an eating disorder Im sure she heaps all kinda self-loathing on herself, too. She needs help and understanding and nurturing.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 6:15 PM   #32
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The kid has an eating disorder, that's not her fault. She needs counseling so badly.

You tell your gf that if she doesn't make the call for help to get a therapist who specializes in eating disorders then you will! There's NO excuse as to why an appt hasn't been made yet unless your gf is in denial.
A therapist and a full gamut of medical testing.

A friend's son has Prader Willi Syndrome. He has a zero metabolism and lacks the ability to feel full. Or even content. The syndrome leaves him always hungry. Imagine feeling always hungry.

It's so terribly unfair to make a child's eating disorder about you.
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Old 24th September 2017, 10:52 AM   #33
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Mom buys healthy food, talks about portions, talks about making good choices, encourages her to make friends, signs her up for sports and we do do things together. Personally I think professional help is needed.

We have a mix of family time and date time. The kid has been moody, emotional and more out spoken in the last few months so I am pulling back trying to understand what is going on. Yes pre teen hormones to which I have NO experience.

I could make a dozen posts about including the daughter and how she ruined our time together. If quality time doesnt include junk food (or if it involves exercise like walking) she doesn't want to go but we do invite her.

My fave is the time I got baseball tickets for us. It was a beautiful summer night. We talked about going all day. As we pull out of the house she "feels sick". So sick we cant leave her home so we don't go. 30 minutes later the kid is in her bathing suit going to meet her friend at the pool
You had another thread about this little girls eating disorder where you also said mom was making sure she bought healthy food and teaching her daughter about good nutrition, but a short time after that thread you started another thread complaining about your gf gaining about 20 pounds. In that thread you talked all about how she doesn't make good food choices, prefers take out food over cooking at home, drinks too much alcohol and doesn't get much exercise. So call me confused.

I suspect this poor girls eating disorder started with your gf. I think your gf also likes to indulge in treats, fattening meals and a lazy lifestyle. Maybe she's trying hard to be better now to appease you but she's the one who taught her daughter these bad habits in the first place. This combined with the fact that the daughter has had to cope with an absent father and who knows what else is what has led to this situation and it's going to take a long time and professional help to undue the damage done to this child.

Given the obvious disdain and dislike you have for the daughter im not sure why you continue this relationship with her mom. She is not a good fit for you. You will never be able to take the relationship further while you have such a strong dislike for her daughter so what is the point? Step parent families are extremely difficult under even the best of circumstances and are sure to be a total disaster when you can't stand your partners kids and the kids suffer the most and pay the highest price. I think you should just end this and date women without kids or women who have kids you approve of.
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Old 24th September 2017, 5:17 PM   #34
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Agreed. OP mentioned in another thread that he doesn't care if he gets married again. That's fine, and I'm not saying marriage is necessary to successfully blend a family. BUT, I get the sense that OP isn't really in this for the long haul, even if he's not closed off to the idea. Thing is, you cannot be wishy-washy when it comes to being a potential step-parent. You're either all in, or you're out.

I don't think a step-parent needs to love their stepchildren, but I do think they should at least like them and have an absurd amount of patience and compassion for them. Blending families is hard for everyone, and children and adolescents don't have the tools to properly handle these choppy waters on their own.
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:30 AM   #35
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My GFs kid has an eating disorder. The kid is overweight and eats everything. She has lied for food, has hidden food, sneaks food and has taken risks to get food. Everything in her life revolves around food.

The other day she tells me that her mom gave her permission to go for ice cream (lie) then asked me if I wanted anything. I gave her money for a milkshake. Turns out the kid totally lied to me (she did not have permission) and when I got back home half of my milk shake was gone - she drank it!

The deceptive little **** never apologized to me like her mom said she was going to. I'm disgusted by her behavior since it nothing new. It just continues. I don't even want to be around the kid.
Well this happens all the time when we men date women with kids. You have to deal everything as you are aware the child will do or say anything to get you in trouble with their mom. I've been there myself, so I have learn never to trust or give into anything without finding out with the mom first. That kid will never be on your side remember that. Always verify the kids words if mom said I can go to the store, ask the mom your dating first. Make sure. Don't say you don't want to be around the kid now because the kid is making you say that which would cause friction in your relationship with the mom. That's her kid remember that. The kid comes first you come 3rd. Kid is part of her flesh and blood. Make sure you remember that too! Good luck with them your going to need it!
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Old 25th September 2017, 5:30 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
The kid has an eating disorder, that's not her fault. She needs counseling so badly.

You tell your gf that if she doesn't make the call for help to get a therapist who specializes in eating disorders then you will! There's NO excuse as to why an appt hasn't been made yet unless your gf is in denial.
She has an appointment his week for them to see a therapist.
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Old 25th September 2017, 7:59 PM   #37
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Given the obvious disdain and dislike you have for the daughter im not sure why you continue this relationship with her mom. She is not a good fit for you. You will never be able to take the relationship further while you have such a strong dislike for her daughter so what is the point? Step parent families are extremely difficult under even the best of circumstances and are sure to be a total disaster when you can't stand your partners kids and the kids suffer the most and pay the highest price. I think you should just end this and date women without kids or women who have kids you approve of.
I took you advise and broke thing off. Boy do I feel better!!!
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Old 25th September 2017, 8:15 PM   #38
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Seriously:

This is a confusing and frustrating situation. Its taxing watching the cycle run its course and always ending up as some sort of pawn in this food game. Trust me, this is not something I have ever experienced before. Being in the middle trying to be supportive but not knowing what to say, how much opinion to give or if you should just mind my own business is no easy place to be either.

And yes this is about me - I don't know what to do!

Thank you all for being so ****ing perfect and handling every challenging situation in your life with precision and grace.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:23 AM   #39
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Your story here is why so many men do not want to date women with kids. I'm sorry, but some people are just douchebags. That includes kids, and from the sound of things, it includes your now ex GF's kid. Lying to you, asking you for money, and then eating your food? Douchebag behaviors. It is all but impossible to have a happy relationship with someone that has douchebag kids.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:46 AM   #40
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Your story here is why so many men do not want to date women with kids. I'm sorry, but some people are just douchebags. That includes kids, and from the sound of things, it includes your now ex GF's kid. Lying to you, asking you for money, and then eating your food? Douchebag behaviors. It is all but impossible to have a happy relationship with someone that has douchebag kids.
Yeah, man, it's totally the 12-year-old girl with a rough family life who is the douchebag, not the guy who posted here asking for help, and then getting pissy with the people who replied to him and accusing them of being "so ****ing perfect and handling every challenging situation in your life with precision and grace."

It is clear who the douchebags are in this situation.
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:43 PM   #41
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I don't think anyone is a douche bag. This is a very real and challenging situation for everyone involved: the girl, her mom and myself.

Its like being around an addict and it sucks having to be on guard 24/7. I tend to keep my mouth shut and offer her mom as much support as I can knowing its very stressful for her. Its kind of my business but its none of my business at the same time.
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Old 1st October 2017, 8:07 PM   #42
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You should be mad at the kid's mom for this, not the kid. Why on earth did mom let her go spend time with friends after she was "too sick" to go to the game? Kids try to pull stuff like that all the time. It's the parent's job to not give in to bratty behavior - you have to teach them that it's unacceptable. Kid didn't ruin your time together, mom did.
Agree 100%! Mom should have called her out and sent her back home to bed.

I about jumped out of my skin. It was a real eye opener.
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Old 1st October 2017, 8:20 PM   #43
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Yeah, man, it's totally the 12-year-old girl with a rough family life who is the douchebag, not the guy who posted here asking for help, and then getting pissy with the people who replied to him and accusing them of being "so ****ing perfect and handling every challenging situation in your life with precision and grace."

It is clear who the douchebags are in this situation.
I do not make excuses for people who lie and steal, rough family life or no. Maybe if less people did so, there would be fewer liars and thieves.
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Old 1st October 2017, 8:23 PM   #44
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I don't think anyone is a douche bag. This is a very real and challenging situation for everyone involved: the girl, her mom and myself.

Its like being around an addict and it sucks having to be on guard 24/7. I tend to keep my mouth shut and offer her mom as much support as I can knowing its very stressful for her. Its kind of my business but its none of my business at the same time.
Summed up succinctly. That's pretty much what dating a single mom is like. You're supposed to help with the kids, but when push comes to shove, it's generally made pretty clear that they aren't your kids. If it's a situation that causes you stress, you have to decide if the relationship is worth it. For me, if I am gonna date a single mom, I like to make certain her kids don't make things impossible before I get too involved.
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Old 1st October 2017, 8:50 PM   #45
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I do not make excuses for people who lie and steal, rough family life or no. Maybe if less people did so, there would be fewer liars and thieves.
And maybe if more parents were willing to do the harder things required of parents, we'd have fewer liars and thieves.

12 is certainly old enough to have a grasp on right or wrong, but if what the OP has posted is any indication, it sounds like the kid hasn't gotten much guidance. Dad is physically absent and it sounds like mom is emotionally absent. Yeah, some parents just like to spoil their kids, but most of the time, a lack of parental enforcement is born out of laziness on the parent's part.
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