The thought has been more frequent and better defined, with there being less willingness and ability to defy it: I’m alone and lonely in large part due to being self-absorbed and tuned out. 
 

Is it possible to crater myself? As in— character, persona, seek out and practice traits, attitudes? I think so. I have doubts about my ability to sustain anything meaningful, too afraid to fail. Comfortable in this muck, this existence of anxiety and anger. 

I’d like to see more of: genuine interest in others, lack of criticism in general- not making harsh comments about things, people, even if warranted(?).

I’d like to be present, to be able to experience life as it happens, with all of its offerings- good, band and everything inbetween.

One of my most desired traits I’d like to seek/achieve to at least some degree is to be genuine. I need to explore what that means.

I’d like to look within, to check in with myself.

I’d like to be a better son, partner, father, stepfather, uncle.