The most fundamental relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. It sets the tone for all your other relationships. With this in mind, it's important to be loving and kind to yourself. Cultivate loving kindness towards yourself and you will be able to love others freely and without reserve.
It's OK to feel OK, and it's OK to feel good. It's OK even when somebody else isn't feeling good. It's OK even if someone else is suffering. In fact, we need to be OK, so that we can help others when they need us. We can't give what we don't have. If we aren't feeling peaceful inside how can we bring peace? If we don't feel the love inside, how can we give love?
"Always and everywhere, remember yourself."
Pay attention to yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your needs, things that make you feel good, your hopes, your fears, your dreams.
You are the centre of your world, not anybody else.
Be there, with yourself, at the centre.
This is not selfishness.
This is self-awareness.
Peace.
You have to set them free:
"I release you to live your life the way you want to. You're free. I'm not holding you."
You don't say that out loud.
You say it on the inside.
You have to mean it.
We see what we see because of who we are.
What is seen depends on who is looking, why they are looking, and what they are looking for.
And then we become what we see.
A pivotal point I came to on my own journey was the conscious decision to be authentic in all my dealings with other people.
That means being exactly the same person on the outside, as I am on the inside.
It sounds little, but it's much.
Not, "To be or not to be," but rather, "to be, or to appear to be."
That does not mean that I have no privacy. Things that only concern me, that have no impact on anyone other than me, I will keep private if that is my preference.
Toxic secrets t
You are not the best and you're not the worst. You're good enough.
The land of the 'good enough' is a wonderful place and everything you want is there to be found.
Be bold, and reach strongly and consistently for what you want.
Fortune favours the brave.
There are many valid definitions of love, but here is one to contemplate:
"Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person."
Underneath that you can place this aphorism, from medicine:
"First, do no harm."
Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.
Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.
Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure
Learn to enjoy the ordinary.
Ordinary is good.
The intensity of affairs can be exciting, but they are something that happens on the periphery of the real. A big part of an affair is make believe, fantasy in motion; like living in a different dimension from everybody else.
Welcome back to the real world, where people are usually exactly what they appear to be.
Decompress.
No time to meditate?
Do this instead, twice a day:
1. Sit down, close your eyes, and let your awareness scan over you body, just noticing the sensations/how you feel.
2. Just sit with the feeling for one minute.
3.Tell yourself it's ok to feel that way. Feel love for yourself feeling those feelings.
Slowly open your eyes.
This takes 2-3 minutes, and will help you to feel more centred and grounded.
No contact is about two things, and two things only:
1. It protects you from further hurt.
2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex.
Thats all it is, and all it does.
If you feel OK:
You look at the past, and the past looks OK.
If you feel bad:
You look at the past, and the past looks bad.
If you feel OK:
You imagine the future, and the future looks OK.
If you feel bad:
You imagine the future, and the future looks bad.
What that means, is that you have to find ways of making yourself feel OK in the present, so that you can have a past and future that look OK to you!
One way of looking at things, is to look at life as consisting
Being 'In Love' is a time-limited neurochemical event.
Love on the other hand, is not time-limited, and can grow and grow over a whole lifetime.
Some relationships can progress from being 'in love' to love, but some can't.
It depends on what remains after the euphoria has worn off.
It can get easier, and it will get easier,
IF
You summon up all your willpower and self-discipline, to do NC perfectly.
If you don't, it won't get easier, and this suffering will become a daily fact of life for you.
NC has to be 100% watertight to work.
A clip from my journal:
"No contact is about two things, and two things only:
1. It protects you from further hurt.
2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex.
Thats all it is, and all it does."
Generally speaking, when someone is obsessing about their ex, that preoccupation causes the person to neglect themselves.
Are you eating healthily?
Are you drinking enough water?
Are you exercising?
Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?
Are you getting out of the house enough?
Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?
Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?
Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?
Those are the things you need to do befo
There's an awful lot to be said for stoic acceptance:
"This is not what I want. It is the opposite of what I want, but I will accept it, and endure the pain which comes with it."
Easier said than done, but the act of desperately trying to evade the pain only brings more pain.
Spend some time contemplating the differences between loving, wanting, and needing.
Its important to understand those differences.
Those three things are related, but they're not different words for the same thing.
Really reflect on that.
It will help you to understand yourself (and others) better.
Love:
"First do no harm."
Those are the words of a surgeon, but they apply to relationships as well.
To profess love, whilst causing harm, demonstrates that the person speaking has no idea what love is.
One of many valid definitions of love is:
"A persons total commitment to the wellbeing of another."
Thats the bottom line benchmark for me.
Thats where real love begins.
If you had a broken finger, would you try to heal it by not thinking about it?
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
— C. G. Jung
Freud and Jung concluded that most mental and emotional pain comes from:
Resistance
Conflict
and
Failure to adapt.
All you will achieve by trying not to think about this is the creation of terrific tension in your psyche.
The thoughts come, but you try not to think about them = re
People grieve for what they had and lost, but they also grieve for what they needed and wanted, but didn't get.
Its often both.
Grief is a noble thing, but it should not become permanent, or a settled state of being.
Do your grieving and move on.
