Here are the stages of grief; I'll leave it to you to decide which stage you're in:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
It's not a simple linear process; you can move in and out of the various stages, or up and down the ladder.
When you arrive at acceptance, you've finished your grieving.
“And so we use them (people) for a kind of pleasure which can be called "fun." But it is not the creative kind of fun often connected with play; it is, rather, a shallow, distracting, greedy way of "having fun." And it is not by chance that it is that type of fun which can easily be commercialized, for it is dependent on calculable reactions, without passion, without risk, without love. Of all the dangers that threaten our civilization, this is one of the most dangerous ones: the escape from one
"Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be ps
Rebound relationships are fuelled by a desperate attempt to escape the pain caused by loss.
"Smallness, dependence, separateness, feeling you have injured your good object, are all fairly obvious to the eye and not easily denied if one is facing reality. But reality is pretty painful much of the time in childhood, even when you have an intact family that is living harmoniously. Most children naturally gravitate to wishful ideas, the most fundamental of all being the idea that there is magic,
To really heal, its necessary to overcome the feeling of incompleteness that underlies everything. That feeling of incompleteness can only be remedied by Being, in the fullest sense of Being. We have to give birth to ourselves, and grow up all over again.
People get lost in events, and their personal history of events.
"So and so happened, and that's why I feel like this."
The above is an untruth.
The feeling is real, but the explanation isn't.
There isn't a valid because.
You have to let yourself fall into your own arms.
Be there 100% for yourself, in a totally loving relationship.
Everything we experience with other people has roots in the relationship we have with ourselves.
When get that relationship sorted out, our relationships with others are simple and full of joy.
You could call it a return to innocence.
You can't make anyone think, feel, or do anything.
People do what they do because of who they are.
What happens between two people is what their nature and character dictates, and allows.
Once you really get that, its very liberating.
After my one and only painful breakup, I cried every day for six months. Not snuffly little sobs, but crying that involved my whole body almost convulsing. I felt like a ghost, disconnected from everything and everyone. I wasn't sure that I even wanted to get better.
After about 8 months, the crying became less frequent. I found a good therapist and decided I wanted to live, even though I wasn't sure if enough of me could be scraped together to build a functioning person from.
Kept going
This my hierarchy of preferred communication methods from best to worst:
1. Skype.
2. Voice call.
3. Old fashioned letter.
4. Email.
5. Morse telegraphy.
6. Smoke signals.
7. Carrier pigeon.
8. Ouija board.
9. Sitting alone in the silent void of nothingness.
10. Text message.
As a perfume doth remain
In the folds where it hath lain,
So the thought of you, remaining
Deeply folded in my brain,
Will not leave me; all things leave me -
You remain.
Other thoughts may come and go,
Other moments I may know
That shall waft me, in their going,
As a breath blown to and fro,
Fragrant memories; fragrant memories
Come and go.
Only thoughts of you remain
In my heart where they have lain,
Perfumed thoughts of you, remaining,
A hid sweetness, in my brain.
O
Everyone is free to leave a relationship at any time, if thats what they want to do.
It can be painful when someone walks away, but that doesn't mean that the person who left did something wrong, or is a 'bad person.'
They just exercised their right to choose the direction of their life.
They might have done things to hurt you, but ending a relationship isn't in itself wrong.
There should be no hostages to love.
Most of them are very vulnerable people, with a deep, and long-standing emotional fragility.
The fragility doesn't get mentioned, but its easy to see.
That is what most OM home in on and exploit.
They value it.
“Depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don’t shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she wants to say.”
- Carl Jung
'Anxiety' is another name for fear.
More exactly, it's repressed fear try to push itself into your conscious mind, from its origin point in the subconscious.
Rather than trying to push the fear away, its useful to identify and name your fears.
"If we answer the question - what is the anxiety trying to tell me - we begin to address the cause. This may mean some change in the way you life your life, but this change does not necessarily mean that you become less competent, or less valued
For some reason, when you were with her/him, you chose to have her/him as the exact centre of your universe.
You were in orbit around her/him.
Then he/she was gone, and you had nothing to orbit.
Now you have to place the centre of your universe inside yourself.
Once you have done that, the empty place inside you will no longer be empty, and you will begin to enjoy life again.
*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you.
*No indirect contact through third parties.
*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media.
*No 'little birds' feeding you news.
*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.
