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Satu's Journal

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Erased from the book of my life.

When I removed a person who deeply hurt me from my life, I did something I'd never done before.   I promised myself that I would never again speak that persons name.   I never have.   I've found it to be very empowering.   Recommended.

Satu

Satu

Fwb?

"Love without sex is a shame, but sex without love is worse."     (Thats just my position; ymmv.)

Satu

Satu

Fundamental truths for the newly single.

The fundamental truths of Taoism:     Things change.   People change.   Situations change.   Nothing ever remains the same.     What is most important is to adapt to these changes as completely as possible.   You are now a single person, so you have to restructure your life so that being single is enjoyable, rewarding, and fulfilling.   Look at all the possibilities that are now open to you because you are single.   Don't sit and look into the hole where your girlfriend/boyfriend used t

Satu

Satu

The super powers of unfaithful married men.

Unfaithful married men are especially good at two things:   1. Telling lies.   2. Finding people who will believe those lies.     Many of them do this again and again with woman after woman.

Satu

Satu

How to be a master of online dating.

These are the rules which guarantee success in OLD:     1. Never ever answer a text or message.   2. If you're disinterested, act interested.   3. If you're interested, act disinterested.   4. Only kiss on the 11th, 2nd, or 19th dates.   5. Always take your ex along on dates.   6. Always be honest about how many people you are exclusively dating.     Never been known to fail.

Satu

Satu

What must happen.

You have to let yourself fall into your own arms.   Be there 100% for yourself, in a totally loving relationship.   Everything we experience with other people has roots in the relationship we have with ourselves.   When get that relationship sorted out, our relationships with others are simple and full of joy.     You could call it a return to innocence.

Satu

Satu

I am the it I am doing.

To really heal, its necessary to overcome the feeling of incompleteness that underlies everything. That feeling of incompleteness can only be remedied by Being, in the fullest sense of Being. We have to give birth to ourselves, and grow up all over again.   People get lost in events, and their personal history of events.     "So and so happened, and that's why I feel like this."     The above is an untruth.   The feeling is real, but the explanation isn't.   There isn't a valid because.  

Satu

Satu

The Manic Defences of the Rebound.

Rebound relationships are fuelled by a desperate attempt to escape the pain caused by loss.   "Smallness, dependence, separateness, feeling you have injured your good object, are all fairly obvious to the eye and not easily denied if one is facing reality. But reality is pretty painful much of the time in childhood, even when you have an intact family that is living harmoniously. Most children naturally gravitate to wishful ideas, the most fundamental of all being the idea that there is magic,

Satu

Satu

The Sense of Agency.

"Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be ps

Satu

Satu

Are we having fun yet?

“And so we use them (people) for a kind of pleasure which can be called "fun." But it is not the creative kind of fun often connected with play; it is, rather, a shallow, distracting, greedy way of "having fun." And it is not by chance that it is that type of fun which can easily be commercialized, for it is dependent on calculable reactions, without passion, without risk, without love. Of all the dangers that threaten our civilization, this is one of the most dangerous ones: the escape from one

Satu

Satu

I wonder what my ex is doing...

It doesn't matter what they are doing.   You are what matters.     Focus on yourself.     Your thoughts matter.   Your feelings matter.   Your healing matters.   Your journey through life matters.   Your hopes matter.   Your fears matter.   Your dreams matter.   Your learning matters.   Your realisations matter.   Your growth matters.   Your understanding of yourself matters.   Your return to happiness matters.

Satu

Satu

Can't be happy without your ex?

You can't fill the emptiness from outside.   You used your ex to temporarily patch the emptiness, but that can only ever be a temporary fix.   You should cultivate feelings of loving kindness for yourself and others inside yourself.   Cultivate empathy and compassion towards yourself and others inside yourself.   That is the only way you can permanently fill the emptiness.

Satu

Satu

Jealousy.

Jealousy isn't about other people.   It's a consequence of how you feel about yourself.

Satu

Satu

Fighting for?

(From a recent thread; not applicable to everyone.)     Whenever I hear someone talking about "fighting" for someone, it always makes me wonder what they mean...   Who do you fight, and with which weapons?   Very often, it seems to be case that this "fighting for," just means an attempt to persuade someone who doesn't want to be with them, to want to be with them.   I see that is a big problem.   Our wants are mostly determined by internal processes, often below the level of conscious thoug

Satu

Satu

Time.

The past doesn't determine the future. The present determines the future.   Make the present as good as it can be.

Satu

Satu

Wobble.

Its important to keep ones centre of gravity within oneself, whether single or coupled.   For some people when in a couple, their centre of gravity becomes misplaced, and they 'wobble.'   Their sense of self becomes unstable.

Satu

Satu

Debriefing yourself.

Carry on 'debriefing' yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings.   Telling your story is an important part of the healing process. Its usually necessary to tell the story a few times over, as new insights and realisations come to mind.   Carry on telling your story.   Carry on until there are no more realisations and insights to be found in it.

Satu

Satu

Loneliness and Solitude.

It is possible to get into a relationship with yourself that gives you a sense of deep satisfaction and fulfilment when you are alone, but its something that takes time to establish. It means getting to know yourself bit by bit, until you finally realise that it's ok to be happy.   The culture we live in constantly bombards us with the message that happiness is outside of us; that we can only be happy if we can find someone who loves us with a kind of fierce intensity. The real truth is that ha

Satu

Satu

The stages of grief.

Here are the stages of grief; I'll leave it to you to decide which stage you're in:     Denial   Anger   Bargaining   Depression   Acceptance     It's not a simple linear process; you can move in and out of the various stages, or up and down the ladder.   When you arrive at acceptance, you've finished your grieving.

Satu

Satu

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