LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

Do women who are very successful have difficulty dating


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree126Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 15th April 2019, 1:07 PM   #106
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by mark clemson View Post
Frugality becomes for some a lifestyle/philosophy more than a true economic need. As does eating at sushi places and dropping a few K on a spur-of-the-moment weekend trip regularly.
Mark I think you’re right about many men liking to feel like providers. Mostly the doctor/dentist/lawyer types are looking for younger women. The self aware men you speak of are kind of unicorns!!

My foster son is part of my package, and will be in my life and heart forever, although he may not always live with me. His bio family are going through some programs/therapy/trainings to try to re-integrate the children back into the home at some point with a lot of support. However I will always be mom #2 to this young man as long as I’m alive. I love him as my own.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 18th April 2019 at 8:50 PM..
PhillyLibertyBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th April 2019, 8:07 PM   #107
Established Member
 
OatsAndHall's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: I can see the Canadian border from my house.
Posts: 1,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhillyLibertyBelle View Post
Hi June , I’d be happy covering holidays and nice gifts but I wouldn’t be up for subsidising a man’s whole life. I’d also be happy to do activities affordable for both parties.
I do think it's necessary to draw a line when it comes to a young relationship. Before I met my ex-gf, I had made plans to go back to my hometown over Christmas Break, stay with my mother and spend time with family and friends that were coming into town. I had not intention spending a great deal of money on this little trip: the gas down, the gas back, a few meals, a movie, etc..

My ex-gf wanted to come with me but my mother doesn't do "visitors" (long story). I explained this to my ex-gf and asked that she put away some money so that we could share the costs of the trip as we were now going to have to get a hotel room for five nights and we were going to be eating out a whole lot more.

Her financial situation was tight and she couldn't come up with any money. I wanted her to come with me but doing so would have meant dipping deep into my savings; I was looking at spending over a grand between the hotel room, meals, gas, entertainment, etc.. This wasn't something that I was willing to do when I had only been dating someone for a few months. So, I went down without her. I cut the trip short so that I could come back and spend New Years Eve and Day with her.

I would have been kosher if she could have covered a quarter-third of the costs but she couldn't. It upset her (rightfully so) and we had a heated discussion about it but I simply couldn't justify using my substantial portion of my savings to cover the entire cost of the trip. A trip that I had planned before we met and meant to keep is inexpensive as possible.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 18th April 2019 at 8:50 PM..
OatsAndHall is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th April 2019, 6:00 AM   #108
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 397
I understand what you are explaining Oates.

In my situation it’s a bit different, I would have been able to cover the Christmas trip, but as you say early in the relationship things can be awkward.
PhillyLibertyBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th April 2019, 12:55 AM   #109
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,094
Hi, PLB -

You've mentioned that about the D/L/D types before and I think it's true/relatively common. There will be exceptions too, though. Not sure about unicorns - I don't think self aware guys are actually that rare, but possibly they are a bit less likely to end up single. Why give one up if you've got one?

Of course your foster son will always be special. I certainly hope he's always part of your life! I think the key is to keep at it/play a numbers game until you hit one of these guys who's right for you. "Settling" for a socioeconomic peer who is into you, if you should happen across one, should also remain an open option I would think.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 18th April 2019 at 8:51 PM..
mark clemson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th April 2019, 10:12 AM   #110
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: North of the 49th
Posts: 255
I've learned to downplay my career status in the early dating stages, unfortunately. I try to avoid the job conversation for the most part but the fellows keep pushing for details, then they almost (not all, but many) visibly close off when I share what I do. It's almost like they're silently doing the salary calculation and comparison right then and there. Or maybe they're just not feeling the 'click' LOL.

Onwards and upwards
What_Did_I_Do is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th April 2019, 12:28 PM   #111
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by What_Did_I_Do View Post
I've learned to downplay my career status in the early dating stages, unfortunately.
I understand why you do that as a tactic but I earned my position and if someone asks me, whilst I won’t brag about it I sure wouldn’t minimise or downplay my role or career accomplishments.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 18th April 2019 at 8:45 PM..
PhillyLibertyBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th April 2019, 2:28 PM   #112
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 17,970
Quote:
Originally Posted by What_Did_I_Do View Post
I've learned to downplay my career status in the early dating stages, unfortunately.
You've worked hard for your status and shouldn't downplay it for anyone much less to get a man. He will find out anyway so what's the point. Why not just date men who are on the same level as you career wise?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 18th April 2019 at 8:45 PM..
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th April 2019, 10:58 PM   #113
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 1,368
Couple of things.
But funny, l downplay my mind and perception, had to at first or it's too much.
But on this matter , hope l didn't already mention it in this thread, but l have a very wealthy mate that hides everything, says he had too,
Dresses down drives down won't take someone new back to his main place.
Apparently it's always been a huge issue for him. He was married for years but he's ex was wealthy too so it didn't matter. So he's only been out there again 2yrs.
Says until he meets the right one that's the way it's gotta be.
Last l heard he chatted up some woman in a mall and it's been going really well.
Just sayin , make of it what you do,
chillii is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd May 2019, 5:40 AM   #114
Established Member
 
salparadise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 5,433
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhillyLibertyBelle View Post
I understand why you do that as a tactic but I earned my position and if someone asks me, whilst I won’t brag about it I sure wouldn’t minimise or downplay my role or career accomplishments.
This is an attitude that I like a lot... that status-hierarchy isn't a thing. You can relate to someone as an equal by not buying into title or salary as a ranking system. It's a rejection of the way our social structure works generally. No arrogance, no judgement... humility and empathy. I'd love to find a woman like that.
__________________
The chicken is just the egg's means of making another egg.
salparadise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd May 2019, 7:04 AM   #115
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 3,465
Quote:
Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
This is an attitude that I like a lot... that status-hierarchy isn't a thing. You can relate to someone as an equal by not buying into title or salary as a ranking system. It's a rejection of the way our social structure works generally. No arrogance, no judgement... humility and empathy. I'd love to find a woman like that.
In case you’re with a woman who makes a lot more, how do you handle the practical financial issue we discussed above? She’s probably used to a certain lifestyle that is out of your usual budget. Would you be okay if she pays for your luxury vacation with her?
JuneL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd May 2019, 9:33 AM   #116
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 715
I'm not wealthy but I do well for myself and have worked hard for what I have accumulated and it's just enough for me. I have no problem dating a man who makes less money than me, but he has to be on track with his retirement savings and have enough to take care of his own long-term care needs. This knocks many men out of the running.
snowcones is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd May 2019, 9:41 AM   #117
Established Member
 
thefooloftheyear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11,699
Women(not all, but many) have been conditioned over the years that "what's his is ours, and what's mine is mine". when it comes down to money....Not trying to create a debate, guys just have always done more and paid more, IME, even when the pay is pretty equal..It would be seen as "unmanly" to do otherwise..

I also find it odd that many middle aged(and even older) women think that a guy that's spent basically the best years of his life carrying people, now has to continue to do so with a woman that will never be a mother to his kids or build a family legacy with...It's nuts...

The bottom line is at this point in the game, it should be "what's yours is yours and whats mine is mine"...Why anyone would look to keep score or any guy not take an offer without feeling guilty of any generosity with regard to vacations and such is just silly, IMO..

TFY
__________________
"If all you do is what you’ve always done, all you will get is what you always got.”

Last edited by thefooloftheyear; 3rd May 2019 at 9:45 AM..
thefooloftheyear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd May 2019, 9:50 AM   #118
Established Member
 
Trail Blazer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Oregon
Posts: 539
In my experience, yes. I married a successfull woman who was also much older than me. It didn't end well. We both got with each other for the wrong reasons. We both suffered the consequences for our poor decisions.

So, lessons learnt here. We've been separated 18 months. I'm older, wiser and more mature. My career is racing ahead now that I don't have the pressure to "keep up."

I would proceed with extreme caution when dating another highly successful career woman. It's not so much that I feel threatened or even emasculated. I've just been burnt by the realities that are their expectations.
Trail Blazer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd May 2019, 9:55 AM   #119
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 715
Quote:
Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
Women(not all, but many) have been conditioned over the years that "what's his is ours, and what's mine is mine". when it comes down to money....Not trying to create a debate, guys just have always done more and paid more, IME, even when the pay is pretty equal..It would be seen as "unmanly" to do otherwise..

I also find it odd that many middle aged(and even older) women think that a guy that's spent basically the best years of his life carrying people, now has to continue to do so with a woman that will never be a mother to his kids or build a family legacy with...It's nuts...

The bottom line is at this point in the game, it should be "what's yours is yours and whats mine is mine"...Why anyone would look to keep score or any guy not take an offer without feeling guilty of any generosity with regard to vacations and such is just silly, IMO..

TFY

I don't need a man to take care of me. I take care of myself. I just need a man who can take care of himself as well (which includes in retirement). I would gladly take care of a man if I had it but I DON'T. I'm not wealthy like that, I only have enough to take care of myself. Literally.
snowcones is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd May 2019, 10:00 AM   #120
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 715
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trail Blazer View Post
I've just been burnt by the realities that are their expectations.

What are those? I'm not a wealthy woman but I'm just curious to hear from someone who's actually experienced it.
snowcones is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Anyone have difficulty dating bartenders or night club workers? Beachguy Dating 56 12th May 2016 1:47 PM
Difficulty due to very Specific Preferences searching1992 In Search Of... 207 3rd March 2016 3:07 PM
Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to? Hopeful30 Dating 183 17th March 2015 7:53 PM
I can approach women, but I'm having difficulty keeping them 'interested'. MikeViper In Search Of... 4 24th May 2005 10:10 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:14 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.