Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 Almost certainly.I've dated a few women with more resources than me. It's not a factor in my decision making process. I hope to find a man like you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I married a woman with a degree from Princeton who does very well for herself but she has the kind of personality that makes a man want to build a life with her. She actually wants an equal relationship instead of an adversarial one and she knows the difference. When a woman can make a man feel like life is better with her and she truly has his back she could president of the United States and will still be attractive. If my wife ever ran for president I would happily be first dude. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 OP, other than the teacher do you think you have had men decide against you because of your income/position? If not, I would just look at it as that particular man's views and a sure sign he wasn't a good match for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 The only common denominator has always been the personality thing, and of course, the way they look. Yes, I agree that personality / character (and approachability I guess) is the main factor along with a healthy outlook on life, at least past a certain age. Like everything, 'success' is in the eye of the beholder anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 OP, other than the teacher do you think you have had men decide against you because of your income/position? If not, I would just look at it as that particular man's views and a sure sign he wasn't a good match for you. I haven’t been dating long I’m pretty recently single. I get initial attention because I have been told I’m attractive but I’ve been told 3 times I am a “high flyer” “out of their league” “just want an average woman”. Not in a hurry to find someone but it would be nice to have happen at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I married a woman with a degree from Princeton who does very well for herself but she has the kind of personality that makes a man want to build a life with her. She actually wants an equal relationship instead of an adversarial one and she knows the difference. When a woman can make a man feel like life is better with her and she truly has his back she could president of the United States and will still be attractive. If my wife ever ran for president I would happily be first dude. How come I got the impression you’re a good guy, not someone who would sexually harass an intern Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 The thought that guys sit around saying...."nah...don't want that one, she's the CEO of XYZ company and makes too much money....no thanks"...Its just ludicrous on any level...The only guys that may not want those types of woman are maybe low achieving career losers....So what, they aren't in that woman's sights anyway.,.. Another thing to consider... After a certain age (probably 40-45), it starts to matter less anyway...People at that age aren't looking to build lives, buy houses, have kids, etc...Most of the people that I know that have paired up at that age really didn't pay too much attention to any resumes or careers...If they align on the important criteria, and get along well, its great...At this point in life its usually "what's mine is mine and whats yours is yours" anyway... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 (edited) OK..I should have given a more elaborate answer... This is a common woe of the unsuccessful(in dating) women who now think that it can't possibly be that they are either physically unappealing or have a personality that doesn't appeal to most men.....so it must be because they have a good job/career...….Well....total nonsense.. Let me dispel a couple of ideas that are commonly bandied about... "Guys are intimidated by successful women"...forget that...No guy I know of would ever admit to that, in fact most guys welcome that....I mean, just because a woman knows another woman that is an idiot and landed a good catch doesn't mean anything... "Alpha type guys don't prefer Alpha type women, they will butt heads all the time"...Another ridiculous notion...In fact the opposite is true...Alpha male and Alpha female energy aren't typically the same anyway...Most Alpha men I know have women that are pretty high on the alpha scale themselves...They become a unified force and often create awesome lives for themselves...Know plenty... "Guys need to be needed by a woman",,, Are we all 3 year olds? ...C'mon...this is just completely ludicrous.. No guy worth a shyt will care that he doesn't have a woman that needs him to be a typical donkey...Most guys welcome the fact that their woman is independent and isn't reliant on them for everything... Here is the only issue that I see... Some women have been "hardened" or even "masculinized" by the corporate experience...So busy trying to one up their male colleagues that they lose some of what attracts men to women...The looks, the warmth, the femininity, the style, etc. etc….Sure, that will certainly kill off the appeal for a lot of guys.. But that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a woman is successful...There are tons of successful women that understand this and don't lose that part of themselves.. They don't struggle to find men, either.. TFY Yep , spot on.Everything TF explained here is the very core of where it's all at. And a lot of women do go round sprouting all the bs to themselves, their friends, but those types have usually lost the very essence of being a woman. The truly smart woman realizes she doesn't even need to be any of those things to be successful. ln fact being that way is just throwing her most natural asset, out the window to the dogs. Any guy whether business or just life , enjoys dealing or working with a warm and feminine woman , 1000% more than the cold hard ass l'm so clever chip on her shoulder. And to top it off he's even less likely to do the wrong by her or be too cut throat , than the B2tchy hard ass. You see this stuff in some female Priministers , bank CEO's , they've held onto still being a woman. That's always been a huge thing about my brothers w, her mother is exactly the same. She's still such a warm and feminine down to earth woman, l actually enjoy talking to her 10 fold more than most woman and it's no surprise at all my bro seems to love her more than ever even after 35yrs. Edited March 3, 2019 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 Yep , spot on.Everything TF explained here is the very core of where it's all at. And a lot of women do go round sprouting all the bs to themselves, their friends, but those types have usually lost the very essence of being a woman. The truly smart woman realizes she doesn't even need to be any of those things to be successful. ln fact being that way is just throwing her most natural asset, out the window to the dogs. Any guy whether business or just life , enjoys dealing or working with a warm and feminine woman , 1000% more than the cold hard ass l'm so clever chip on her shoulder. And to top it off he's even less likely to do the wrong by her or be too cut throat , than the B2tchy hard ass. You see this stuff in some female Priministers , bank CEO's , they've held onto still being a woman. That's always been a huge thing about my brothers w, her mother is exactly the same. She's still such a warm and feminine down to earth woman, l actually enjoy talking to her 10 fold more than most woman and it's no surprise at all my bro seems to love her more than ever even after 35yrs. Not all successful women like doctors and CEO’s are cold hard ass*s. That’s a stereotype I don’t subscribe to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Not all successful women like doctors and CEO’s are cold hard ass*s. That’s a stereotype I don’t subscribe to. Yeah exactly , sort of what l was trying to say actually. And it's very obvious that you don't either , matter of fact you seem like a very warm person, so nice to see. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I’m not sure this is realistic in it’s entirety. You can’t build trust with someone who writes you off from the first meeting or even thought of meeting you. I’m open to dating younger men but frankly at age 50 I am not sure how many would want to date me. Emphasis on my resources and social standing and how it could benefit a potential fate makes me a sugar momma or someone who is basically looking to buy a person and that’s not going to align with my moral compass and my wish is to meet a wonderful person not a prostitute or someone who wants to use me. Being alone for the rest of my life isn’t all that appealing, but maybe that’s what happens at this age? You make good points + definitely want to avoid the financial users IMO. Agree that people making quick decisions of "this isn't what I'm looking for" is an issue, but probably that's true for many people who date, no? I don't think at all you need to resign yourself to being alone. I think you need to keep at it until you find the right guy who wants an approximate age equal (or is older) or who thinks like TFY or some of the other posters who mention not caring about the financial aspect. There are all kinds of people out there and some will care about the specific things you're worried about while others will not. While you date, you could also look to methods other than dating to try to meet people and find some men you can relate to. This lets you build trust and show who you are without there being a specific romantic intent. This gives you more time to show who you are. Meetups specifically come to mind, and possibly clubs or other interest groups could work also. Noticed a lot of interesting advice on this thread. Hope it is useful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 The thought that guys sit around saying...."nah...don't want that one, she's the CEO of XYZ company and makes too much money....no thanks"...Its just ludicrous on any level...The only guys that may not want those types of woman are maybe low achieving career losers....So what, they aren't in that woman's sights anyway.,.. Although it does sound ludicrous on the face of it, I think many men actually do think this way, although probably many do not. I think the line you wrote actually illustrates the point. They assume, based on experience and things like the OLD profiles with women listing requirements described in an earlier post, that a successful woman will come with a long list of requirements. If they feel they aren't likely to meet it, or they are likely to be out-competed by the men in her professional and social circles, they self-disqualify. I'm not sure they're all low achievers, although certainly there must be plenty of those. Is a high school teacher a low achiever? Dunno. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 Although it does sound ludicrous on the face of it, I think many men actually do think this way, although probably many do not. I think the line you wrote actually illustrates the point. They assume, based on experience and things like the OLD profiles with women listing requirements described in an earlier post, that a successful woman will come with a long list of requirements. If they feel they aren't likely to meet it, or they are likely to be out-competed by the men in her professional and social circles, they self-disqualify. I'm not sure they're all low achievers, although certainly there must be plenty of those. Is a high school teacher a low achiever? Dunno. I’m with you Mark. I do think many men especially “successful” men think this way. Typically these men are very busy with their careers and prefer a woman without the same level of responsibility so the woman can be available to their schedule which a very successful woman may not be. Also it is a Jungean archetype that many men don’t want to feel a (wrongly) perceived inferiority to a woman. I think anyone who is a teacher certainly isn’t a low achiever, teaching is a very difficult and essential job for the success of the human race. Hats off to the folks on this thread that are evolved beyond being intimidated by a successful woman and are willing to get to know them. Seems there is hope! Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Most guys l know have a very cool life being right where they are and with who they are and couldn't care less about being so called high achievers and neither could their families. So l suppose it's like anything else in love and life whomever we are and just about finding whatever suits and fits us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 (edited) . I do think many men especially “successful” men think this way. Typically these men are very busy with their careers and prefer a woman without the same level of responsibility so the woman can be available to their schedule which a very successful woman may not be. This may be true of younger women/men, because guys at that stage are thinking they are going to start a family and build a life/house/etc together, but at your age(50)? Nah...No way... The more successful/wealthy the woman at this stage, the better...Most guys you would meet at this stage already have kids/grandkids from a previous marriage and will have plenty to keep them busy...Many guys also at this stage may be paying alimony, and letting their ex/kids stay in the nice house til the kids move out,etc...At that stage, its nice to be with someone that isn't reaching into your wallet, or demanding all of your attention all the time, has a place of her own, her own money, wont ask you for money to get her car fixed, etc..... One of my close friends is an electrician that has 3 kids to support and is our age(i'm about the same age as you are)...He divorced a few years ago and is with a professional woman...She gladly foots the bill for all kinds of vacations and such, and while he has an apartment, he stays at her house regularly as well...She doesn't resent him for it, as she has no kids and understands why he can't spend the type of money most guys normally would. It works for them and he's never said anything negative about it, only good stuff... While no one asked, I can only say this...If you are a woman struggling to find a quality guy and trying to figure out the reasons why, as long as you don't have a completely horrible disposition, focus on your appearance/looks/body over anything else...No guy cares about most of the things most women think they do...They don't care much about the career, they don't care what you have or don't have and despite what many women think, they aren't intimidated by your career/money.. Look great and the guys will be lining up...Its really no different now, than when you were in HS-(just a lot harder to keep that up)...And typically, the better quality of the man, the more emphasis he'll place on this.. It may not be fair, but it is what it is....If you don't care about that, fine, then settle for whoever is out there....No problem... Like I said before, at this stage in life, for most people it's "what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine" (outside of small shyt), so I don't see why it would ever be any issue...Its actually a great relief for most guys who have spent the bulk of their lives doing all of the heavy lifting.. TFY Edited March 4, 2019 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 I get that to an extent and some poorer less successful guys will be ecstatic that a successful rich woman has entered his life, but a) many successful women do not want a man to help her spend HER money on his ex wife and kids. and b)She is often looking for equal or indeed more successful and richer not less. She is looking to be part of a power couple, not to be taking on the role of sugar mommy to some 50 something guy... I also think many men like to be king of their own castle, so would be happy with a woman whose wealth is somewhat hidden ie inheritance, but not so happy with a successful woman whose job makes it obvious she is the real breadwinner and her job takes priority. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Successful men tend to have an edge over the competition that successful women don't, but I've not known it to be a disadvantage for women either. Lots of my girlfriends are doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc, and the majority are happily coupled up. The only case where I can see it being a disadvantage is if the person prioritizes their career over all else in life, and wants a partner who will support that. Generally women are more willing to play a purely support role than men are, so it's less likely that a hetero woman will find a partner who's willing to be a supporter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Generally women are more willing to play a purely support role than men are, so it's less likely that a hetero woman will find a partner who's willing to be a supporter. Many successful hetero women would really benefit from having a "wife". Many women can buy such support in the form of nannies, house keepers, personal assistants etc. but it is rarely the same as having the all round support a good wife can bring. It is a handicap for many women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 This may be true of younger women/men, because guys at that stage are thinking they are going to start a family and build a life/house/etc together, but at your age(50)? Nah...No way... One of my close friends is an electrician that has 3 kids to support and is our age(i'm about the same age as you are)...He divorced a few years ago and is with a professional woman...She gladly foots the bill for all kinds of vacations and such, and while he has an apartment, he stays at her house regularly as well...She doesn't resent him for it, as she has no kids and understands why he can't spend the type of money most guys normally would. It works for them and he's never said anything negative about it, only good stuff... While no one asked, I can only say this...If you are a woman struggling to find a quality guy and trying to figure out the reasons why, as long as you don't have a completely horrible disposition, focus on your appearance/looks/body over anything else...No guy cares about most of the things most women think they do...They don't care much about the career, they don't care what you have or don't have and despite what many women think, they aren't intimidated by your career/money.. Look great and the guys will be lining up...Its really no different now, than when you were in HS-(just a lot harder to keep that up)...And typically, the better quality of the man, the more emphasis he'll place on this.. It may not be fair, but it is what it is....If you don't care about that, fine, then settle for whoever is out there....No problem "what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine" (outside of small shyt), so I don't see why it would ever be any issue...Its actually a great relief for most guys who have spent the bulk of their lives doing all of the heavy lifting.. TFY Thanks for your post. I’m a size 6 with long blonde hair so I’m not worried about my looks really as I have a pleasant friendly face and disposition. There’s a contradiction in this: electrician who is happy to have his gf pay for everything, then the “what’s yours is yours, mine is mine”. I’m not interested in being a sugar momma or having to “buy” companionship. The only way I’m interested in that sharing of resources is if I am married and as I am recently divorced and currently am fostering a 10 year old boy I’m not planning on marriage in the near future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 I get that to an extent and some poorer less successful guys will be ecstatic that a successful rich woman has entered his life, but a) many successful women do not want a man to help her spend HER money on his ex wife and kids. and b)She is often looking for equal or indeed more successful and richer not less. She is looking to be part of a power couple, not to be taking on the role of sugar mommy to some 50 something guy... I also think many men like to be king of their own castle, so would be happy with a woman whose wealth is somewhat hidden ie inheritance, but not so happy with a successful woman whose job makes it obvious she is the real breadwinner and her job takes priority. Well said Elaine Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 Successful men tend to have an edge over the competition that successful women don't, but I've not known it to be a disadvantage for women either. Lots of my girlfriends are doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc, and the majority are happily coupled up. The only case where I can see it being a disadvantage is if the person prioritizes their career over all else in life, and wants a partner who will support that. Generally women are more willing to play a purely support role than men are, so it's less likely that a hetero woman will find a partner who's willing to be a supporter. Thank you for this post. Are your friends 50+ ? I’m interested to see if other’s experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Generally women are more willing to play a purely support role than men are, so it's less likely that a hetero woman will find a partner who's willing to be a supporter. Many men are willing to support their partner's careers. It's almost the norm in the socioeconomic environment I live in - they both are high achievers, they both cut their hours when kids arrive on the scene, some men take a back seat when their wives do the career thing. Women playing a support role is becoming a minority (and kind of a luxury) in a lot of western or westernised places. I have a feeling that OP's situation is not your run of the mill, average 'success' situation and that her financial and / or social standing makes her an outlier even among 'successful' people. In that case, virtually all her chances will hang on how down-to-earth and secure in herself she can be (imo). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Thanks for your post. I’m a size 6 with long blonde hair so I’m not worried about my looks really as I have a pleasant friendly face and disposition. There’s a contradiction in this: electrician who is happy to have his gf pay for everything, then the “what’s yours is yours, mine is mine”. I’m not interested in being a sugar momma or having to “buy” companionship. The only way I’m interested in that sharing of resources is if I am married and as I am recently divorced and currently am fostering a 10 year old boy I’m not planning on marriage in the near future. What if a woman making $300k wants to go on a luxury vacation that her teacher boyfriend making $60k can’t afford? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 (edited) Thanks for your post. I’m a size 6 with long blonde hair so I’m not worried about my looks really as I have a pleasant friendly face and disposition. There’s a contradiction in this: electrician who is happy to have his gf pay for everything, then the “what’s yours is yours, mine is mine”. I’m not interested in being a sugar momma or having to “buy” companionship. The only way I’m interested in that sharing of resources is if I am married and as I am recently divorced and currently am fostering a 10 year old boy I’m not planning on marriage in the near future. Where did I say she pays for everything?? He has his life and she has hers...She isn't supporting him in the least bit..If she wants to go on a fancy vacation, she normally pays as he's paying a big child support/alimony nut, but in no way is she "carrying" him...Right now she has more disposable income than he does....Its not like hes broke or anything, just that a good chunk of his income is going to support kids and ex/w...He doesn't need her financially.. TFY Edited March 4, 2019 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 (edited) I get that to an extent and some poorer less successful guys will be ecstatic that a successful rich woman has entered his life, but a) many successful women do not want a man to help her spend HER money on his ex wife and kids. and b)She is often looking for equal or indeed more successful and richer not less. She is looking to be part of a power couple, not to be taking on the role of sugar mommy to some 50 something guy... I also think many men like to be king of their own castle, so would be happy with a woman whose wealth is somewhat hidden ie inheritance, but not so happy with a successful woman whose job makes it obvious she is the real breadwinner and her job takes priority. I agree to some extent, but life circumstances do change things at these advanced ages.. If I told you what the financial deal that the guys I know have had to pay ex wives and support to children you simply wouldn't believe it...Maybe its different where you live, but here the tales of woe are such that it damages a lot of guys to great extent...They can't possibly do what they used to..Now you know the main reason that many guys never leave... Like I said, "what's his is his and what's hers is hers " at this stage. As for the bolded part, many guys have been there, done that and got the t shirt...Its a heavy burden to carry that(be the "be all and end all"...The second(or third, etc) go around is quite different...That attitude kinda goes out the window... At the end of the day, i've never known any guy that was a true sponge to any woman, no matter what the age, not that they don't exist but I don't know of any.....Additionally, I know of NO woman that pays ANY support, yet know several guys that are paying 5 or even 6 figures worth...along with child support/college and delaying their half of the family home proceeds for the sake of the kids.. No one is looking for violins here, but at some point you need to see the situation for what it is.. TFY Edited March 4, 2019 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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