Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 l don't see why anyone has to hold their tongue anymore than anyone else, we all have to clamp it sometimes. ln this case it's not like there's not millions of very very intelligent and successful men around. l think it's more about just getting along and being like minded no matter who you are, wanting the same things, liking similar things and lifestyle. But again that's just everybody else's problem to it's hard to find for anyone whomever we are, street sweeper, rocket scientist, check out chick. My older brothers married to one of the brightest women in the country , he's just a tradesman , but guess what , they've out survived everyone, 35yrs or so at a guess. They just get along , wanted the same things, think a lot alike , just into each other. So hang in there when you find your fit nothing else will matter. Good luck If there were only more Chilli’s in the world:love: Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I’m not super successful, but probably more successful than most women my age and have more going for me. I struggle to be attracted to men that have less to offer. 99% of men on OLD sites have less to offer, the other 1% want 20 year olds. In real life, nobody is single even though I frequently meet men I would like and date if they were single. That’s how it’s probably going to end up for me. If by some stroke of luck, one of those men divorce - I may someday find a match Otherwise, if I get fired and lose everything, I will just jump on Tinder and have plenty of men on the same level. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 I’m not super successful, but probably more successful than most women my age and have more going for me. I struggle to be attracted to men that have less to offer. 99% of men on OLD sites have less to offer, the other 1% want 20 year olds. In real life, nobody is single even though I frequently meet men I would like and date if they were single. That’s how it’s probably going to end up for me. If by some stroke of luck, one of those men divorce - I may someday find a match Otherwise, if I get fired and lose everything, I will just jump on Tinder and have plenty of men on the same level. I agree. Interesting thought: is it an age thing, a woman thing or a problem with the male sense of “masculinity” that makes women such as us a “gamble”? Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 From what I see around me in real life, people who want to be in a relationship don't remain single very long at any age, regardless of social status or 'hypergamy' or wealth. I'm personally very particular in terms of compatible common values and personality traits (not education levels or wealth or any specific physical traits) that it would be as effective to actively look for someone as it would be leaving it to fate, but I can't help but think that if you can't find a compatibe partner despite actively trying very hard for a long time, it's either because deep down you don't actually want to be in a relationship, or you are self-sabotaging in some way (consciously or unconsciously), imo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 In real life, nobody is single even though I frequently meet men I would like and date if they were single. That’s how it’s probably going to end up for me. If by some stroke of luck, one of those men divorce - I may someday find a match I guess this is why so many women end up in affairs. They find the good, solid and stable guys are taken and so they pitch at married guys hoping they can persuade the married man to leave his wife. Some are "lucky" or play it right and do indeed steal "the prize" away from his wife, but many playing that game are sorely disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I think age has a lot to do with it. I'm 54, I'm financially independent, have a great job and lots of hobbies. I have great women friends I really enjoy hanging out with. Even though I want a relationship with a good guy, I think sometimes I come across as too independent. We all want and need to be needed, but experience (especially failed relationships) and maturity usually results in that quality not being readily apparent. The vulnerability needed to really connect isn't as easy to access. If a guy doesn't think he has anything to add to a woman's life he's going to move on to find one he feels needed by. Just my thoughts, I'm sure for some men this doesn't apply! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Even though I want a relationship with a good guy, I think sometimes I come across as too independent... If a guy doesn't think he has anything to add to a woman's life he's going to move on to find one he feels needed by. I think it applies to lots of aspects of life not only men. Relationships with parents, siblings, friends, work colleagues etc. If you come across as being too independent and you actually need no-one, then many will keep their distance as you are always "fine" and do not need their help so they stop offering it. Most people like to collaborate and be a team, you scratch my back I scratch yours. Too one sided either way and it doesn't feel right. If you give the impression you are a one man band, they tend to want to leave you to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 I think it applies to lots of aspects of life not only men. Relationships with parents, siblings, friends, work colleagues etc. If you come across as being too independent and you actually need no-one, then many will keep their distance as you are always "fine" and do not need their help so they stop offering it. Most people like to collaborate and be a team, you scratch my back I scratch yours. Too one sided either way and it doesn't feel right. If you give the impression you are a one man band, they tend to want to leave you to it. This is less about not needing anyone and about being successful. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Only the fat and ugly ones.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I think age has a lot to do with it. I'm 54, I'm financially independent, have a great job and lots of hobbies. I have great women friends I really enjoy hanging out with. Even though I want a relationship with a good guy, I think sometimes I come across as too independent. We all want and need to be needed, but experience (especially failed relationships) and maturity usually results in that quality not being readily apparent. The vulnerability needed to really connect isn't as easy to access. If a guy doesn't think he has anything to add to a woman's life he's going to move on to find one he feels needed by. Just my thoughts, I'm sure for some men this doesn't apply! I think you have a point! My ex said he felt like I was getting in the way. Truthfully, may be he was. After we broke up, I got even deeper into my hobbies. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 OK..I should have given a more elaborate answer... This is a common woe of the unsuccessful(in dating) women who now think that it can't possibly be that they are either physically unappealing or have a personality that doesn't appeal to most men.....so it must be because they have a good job/career...….Well....total nonsense.. Let me dispel a couple of ideas that are commonly bandied about... "Guys are intimidated by successful women"...forget that...No guy I know of would ever admit to that, in fact most guys welcome that....I mean, just because a woman knows another woman that is an idiot and landed a good catch doesn't mean anything... "Alpha type guys don't prefer Alpha type women, they will butt heads all the time"...Another ridiculous notion...In fact the opposite is true...Alpha male and Alpha female energy aren't typically the same anyway...Most Alpha men I know have women that are pretty high on the alpha scale themselves...They become a unified force and often create awesome lives for themselves...Know plenty... "Guys need to be needed by a woman",,, Are we all 3 year olds? ...C'mon...this is just completely ludicrous.. No guy worth a shyt will care that he doesn't have a woman that needs him to be a typical donkey...Most guys welcome the fact that their woman is independent and isn't reliant on them for everything... Here is the only issue that I see... Some women have been "hardened" or even "masculinized" by the corporate experience...So busy trying to one up their male colleagues that they lose some of what attracts men to women...The looks, the warmth, the femininity, the style, etc. etc….Sure, that will certainly kill off the appeal for a lot of guys.. But that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a woman is successful...There are tons of successful women that understand this and don't lose that part of themselves.. They don't struggle to find men, either.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Or, that's what unattractive men with bad personalities tell themselves... See, that's not very helpful, is it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Or, that's what unattractive men with bad personalities tell themselves... See, that's not very helpful, is it? It would be no different than me starting a thread claiming that I have trouble finding women due to my awesome physique... Its a ridiculous notion.. "A poor craftsman blames his/her tools"....Its as simple as that... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 My post clearly says that we ALL need to be needed. It wasn't a dig at men in any way. Your point at the end of your post is well-taken, but the opening was offensive. Kind of overshadows anything helpful that comes afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Interesting thought: is it an age thing, a woman thing or a problem with the male sense of “masculinity” that makes women such as us a “gamble”? What makes a 'top tier' woman a 'gamble' is that she can 'have' 'any man she wants'. Although I have confidence in myself, I don't perceive myself as an 'any man she wants'. There are plenty of guys better looking, richer, younger, taller, more ripped, more 'fun' at parties, even more willing to 'stretch the truth' to flatter themselves into a woman's bed. A woman will always be a gamble on commitment, just like I or any other man would be. My answer is to 'invest' time getting to know a woman's personality to try to get the best sense of 'the odds'. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 My post clearly says that we ALL need to be needed. It wasn't a dig at men in any way. Your point at the end of your post is well-taken, but the opening was offensive. Kind of overshadows anything helpful that comes afterwards. Too bad... If you are just looking for confirmation bias, fine...so be it...You will get plenty of that here.. Just pointing out that as a man, none of the theories mentioned here that struggling women seem to think are roadblocks apply...Not in my experience anyway....In most of those cases, its the person who needs to look at themselves in the mirror and see why they are struggling rather than looking for some external factor that has no merit.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 From what I see around me in real life, people who want to be in a relationship don't remain single very long at any age, regardless of social status or 'hypergamy' or wealth... I totally disagree with the above statement Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I totally disagree with the above statement That's your prerogative, alphamale . That's not a statement of facts btw, that's my opinion based on observation, as I made clear. Your experience is different, which totally fine too. My observation is that all else being equal, generally 'normal' people who don't have lofty expectations or a somewhat distorted image of themselves go in and out of relationships without too much trouble whatever their social or financial status. As I said in my previous post, those who are actively looking and still not finding anyone after a long time (ie years) are either not that bothered about finding anyone or self-sabotaging in some way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 OK..I should have given a more elaborate answer... This is a common woe of the unsuccessful(in dating) women who now think that it can't possibly be that they are either physically unappealing or have a personality that doesn't appeal to most men.....so it must be because they have a good job/career...….Well....total nonsense.. Let me dispel a couple of ideas that are commonly bandied about... "Guys are intimidated by successful women"...forget that...No guy I know of would ever admit to that, in fact most guys welcome that....I mean, just because a woman knows another woman that is an idiot and landed a good catch doesn't mean anything... "Alpha type guys don't prefer Alpha type women, they will butt heads all the time"...Another ridiculous notion...In fact the opposite is true...Alpha male and Alpha female energy aren't typically the same anyway...Most Alpha men I know have women that are pretty high on the alpha scale themselves...They become a unified force and often create awesome lives for themselves...Know plenty... "Guys need to be needed by a woman",,, Are we all 3 year olds? ...C'mon...this is just completely ludicrous.. No guy worth a shyt will care that he doesn't have a woman that needs him to be a typical donkey...Most guys welcome the fact that their woman is independent and isn't reliant on them for everything... Here is the only issue that I see... Some women have been "hardened" or even "masculinized" by the corporate experience...So busy trying to one up their male colleagues that they lose some of what attracts men to women...The looks, the warmth, the femininity, the style, etc. etc….Sure, that will certainly kill off the appeal for a lot of guys.. But that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a woman is successful...There are tons of successful women that understand this and don't lose that part of themselves.. They don't struggle to find men, either.. TFY I’m not sure this is true of most people’s experience Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 It would be no different than me starting a thread claiming that I have trouble finding women due to my awesome physique... Its a ridiculous notion.. "A poor craftsman blames his/her tools"....Its as simple as that... TFY I disagree I’m not fat and I have a pleasant personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I didn't message that many successful women on OLD because I didn't meet their requirements. Many of them required men to have equal or better income, so that eliminated a lot for me. Others required equal education level, which I also did not meet. Out of several hundred "successful" female profiles I saw and found attractive, I probably messaged less than twenty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 I didn't message that many successful women on OLD because I didn't meet their requirements. Many of them required men to have equal or better income, so that eliminated a lot for me. Others required equal education level, which I also did not meet. Out of several hundred "successful" female profiles I saw and found attractive, I probably messaged less than twenty. If these women didn’t have all those requirements and you found them attractive would you have messaged? If a woman had more resources than you would it make any difference if you found them attractive and they were also a pleasing person? Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 My observation is that all else being equal, generally 'normal' people who don't have lofty expectations or a somewhat distorted image of themselves go in and out of relationships without too much trouble whatever their social or financial status. As I said in my previous post, those who are actively looking and still not finding anyone after a long time (ie years) are either not that bothered about finding anyone or self-sabotaging in some way. I have noticed that women who slip in and out of relationships quickly and frequently often have personalities that I would describe as outgoing, friendly, and likable. More extraverted than introverted. More bubbly (not in an annoying way, but just easy to talk to and "nice"). And considering this "personality" aspect, I haven't noticed a difference between the less and more successful types, TBH. The only common denominator has always been the personality thing, and of course, the way they look. Pretty girl next door type, or those in designer clothes equally. Even those who run around in yoga pants and sneakers or flip-flops on a daily basis, with hair up in a bun. As long as they are sufficiently outgoing and friendly, and friendly-looking, women have few issues making dating a "success" (whichever way you want to define it). It applies to bank executives with super-high salaries, as well as teachers or administrative assistants with lower incomes. In my experience, men in general don't care about education and profession and money that much, as long as she's easy to get along with. And if they do, it's more the other way around: if you have two equally friendly, easy to-get-along-with females, nice and kind, and decent looking, those with the maxed out credit cards and no college degree lose against those with a stable career and a stable 401K. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 The majority of men would hands down choose an executive with a good personality who doesn't hate men and knows how to have a good and healthy relationship with a man over a hateful and bitter unemployed woman who only knows how to have an antagonistic relationship with a man. Self described strong and independent women are similar to nice guys. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 If these women didn’t have all those requirements and you found them attractive would you have messaged?Almost certainly.If a woman had more resources than you would it make any difference if you found them attractive and they were also a pleasing person?I've dated a few women with more resources than me. It's not a factor in my decision making process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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