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Do women who are very successful have difficulty dating


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Old 2nd March 2019, 1:37 PM   #1
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Do women who are very successful have difficulty dating

This is a question for anyone who dates women, as well as successful women who are dating (or trying to).

Is a woman who is very successful, perhaps even more successful than a potential date, a turn off? If you are a very successful woman do you find yourself having a difficult time finding dates? I’m in search of a date who isn’t intimidated by me!

Thanks

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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:04 PM   #2
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I've dated a few very successful women, depending on how you define it I guess. One was an oral surgeon (Mensa, high income), another was a PhD psychologist/professor. I like them because they're intellectually curious, and like to discuss the complexities of life, politics, human nature, and many other things. They were both socially progressive with a depth of awareness that I find attractive. I'm not intimidated even though I don't match on education or income level.

I think the problem for most very successful women is that they only want a man who is equally successful, and this obviously narrows their dating pool. On top of that, they want someone who is very attractive and worldly. But such men are in high demand, and some just aren't interested in an equal so much as someone who will look up to them and be supportive. So these women sometimes paint themselves into a corner with the equal or better expectation. All men also factor in the attraction element, and after a certain age may be looking at younger women... so there can be some offset in terms of what appeals to men vs. women.

So yes, they often have a smaller pool, mostly due to higher expectations and the intimidation factor that you mention.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:09 PM   #3
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Successful and educated women marry more often and divorce less. This is a statistical fact. Some women might hide a terrible personality behind the claim that men don't like successful and independent women but in general this isn't the case these days.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:17 PM   #4
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Thanks for your post. I’m glad it’s possible!

I’m not looking for someone as successful as I am, nor an Adonis. I’ve found that very successful men prefer much younger women and/or they want someone successful but not AS successful as they are.

I met a lovely man who was a teacher who wouldn’t date be because he felt “he couldn’t keep up with me” and I was “out of his league”. I tried to get him to understand that wasn’t an issue and I didn’t see it that way. Alas it was not to be.


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Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
I've dated a few very successful women, depending on how you define it I guess. One was an oral surgeon (Mensa, high income), another was a PhD psychologist/professor. I like them because they're intellectually curious, and like to discuss the complexities of life, politics, human nature, and many other things. They were both socially progressive with a depth of awareness that I find attractive. I'm not intimidated even though I don't match on education or income level.

I think the problem for most very successful women is that they only want a man who is equally successful, and this obviously narrows their dating pool. On top of that, they want someone who is very attractive and worldly. But such men are in high demand, and some just aren't interested in an equal so much as someone who will look up to them and be supportive. So these women sometimes paint themselves into a corner with the equal or better expectation. All men also factor in the attraction element, and after a certain age may be looking at younger women... so there can be some offset in terms of what appeals to men vs. women.

So yes, they often have a smaller pool, mostly due to higher expectations and the intimidation factor that you mention.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:17 PM   #5
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I'm neither successful (I have a PhD and a job I like - calling that successful would be a big stretch) nor am I trying to date so I can't answer the OP out of experience but I know a few people who appear 'successful' on the outside but are a hot mess mentally and / or emotionally.

So what defines a successful woman, to you? (asking out of curiosity).
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:21 PM   #6
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I'm neither successful (I have a PhD and a job I like - calling that successful would be a big stretch) nor am I trying to date so I can't answer the OP out of experience but I know a few people who appear 'successful' on the outside but are a hot mess mentally and / or emotionally.

So what defines a successful woman, to you? (asking out of curiosity).
Successful to me means healthy, happy, content, and kind to others.

In the scope of this thread I am referring to successful as either or both: prestige in career (or in another way) and/or financial privilege.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:22 PM   #7
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Successful and educated women marry more often and divorce less. This is a statistical fact. Some women might hide a terrible personality behind the claim that men don't like successful and independent women but in general this isn't the case these days.
For the purpose of this thread let’s assume the woman in question is a nice person with a good personality.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:26 PM   #8
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Successful to me means healthy, happy, content, and kind to others.

In the scope of this thread I am referring to successful as either or both: prestige in career (or in another way) and/or financial privilege.
If she's all these things and is open-minded and not flaunting her wealth or success, not sure why she'd have trouble dating at all tbh.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:29 PM   #9
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If she's all these things and is open-minded and not flaunting her wealth or success, not sure why she'd have trouble dating at all tbh.
Could be an age thing (50) but I just saw a thread below this by a member called Foxall which is interesting. Maybe check that out he’s on the other side .
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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:58 PM   #10
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I saw that thread, although I didn't read the whole thing. I can definitely relate to what he's saying.

Neither of the successful women I dated designed their profiles to emphasize their superwoman status. They were more than humble in terms of how they described themselves and what they were looking for. Only after the first few dates did I realize the degree of career success they enjoyed.

On the other hand, I am matched right now on OKC with a woman that has a superwoman profile. I haven't messaged her. She's setting the bar so high that it's just not appealing. I'm thinking such a man probably doesn't exist, and it certainly isn't me. She wants a combination of Rodin's Thinker, and Michelangelo's David... in an Italian suit, trim and fit, with all his hair, and movie-star teeth.

Why would a normal, humble man subject himself to that judgy mentality? Everyone who messages her is going to be narcissistic –– which might be a good match! If there is one thing I've learned through dating, it's that you have to find someone who can love a person for who they are, not for how well they match an image they have in their head... tarnished, dented, rattling armor and all.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 4:22 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by salparadise View Post
I saw that thread, although I didn't read the whole thing. I can definitely relate to what he's saying.

Neither of the successful women I dated designed their profiles to emphasize their superwoman status. They were more than humble in terms of how they described themselves and what they were looking for. Only after the first few dates did I realize the degree of career success they enjoyed.

On the other hand, I am matched right now on OKC with a woman that has a superwoman profile. I haven't messaged her. She's setting the bar so high that it's just not appealing. I'm thinking such a man probably doesn't exist, and it certainly isn't me. She wants a combination of Rodin's Thinker, and Michelangelo's David... in an Italian suit, trim and fit, with all his hair, and movie-star teeth.

Why would a normal, humble man subject himself to that judgy mentality? Everyone who messages her is going to be narcissistic –– which might be a good match! If there is one thing I've learned through dating, it's that you have to find someone who can love a person for who they are, not for how well they match an image they have in their head... tarnished, dented, rattling armor and all.
I’m pretty dented myself, and not judgy. My biggest requirement is no heavy drinking because I’ve been in recovery for years and my sobriety is integral to my life.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 5:16 PM   #12
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As has been pointed out, the cliche is that the "alpha" female would prefer an even more "alpha" male as her "worthy" partner. Cliches are usually there for a reason, but there are always numerous exceptions too.

I suspect an ordinary Joe (e.g. high school teacher) dating a very successful woman might be inclined to self-disqualify out of fear. Specifically he would worry that his potential wife would become the target of a high-powered male in her social/professional circle, and he simply wouldn't be able to compete for her attraction.

If he had great looks or very high self confidence or other draws such as inherited wealth he might be more inclined to take what is from his perspective a big gamble.

There are also presumably some men out there who wouldn't worry about this. I'm guessing they would be few and far between. Maybe try to date a doctor/lawyer/dentist?

Full disclosure: I'm not dating.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 5:30 PM   #13
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As has been pointed out, the cliche is that the "alpha" female would prefer an even more "alpha" male as her "worthy" partner. Cliches are usually there for a reason, but there are always numerous exceptions too.

I suspect an ordinary Joe (e.g. high school teacher) dating a very successful woman might be inclined to self-disqualify out of fear. Specifically he would worry that his potential wife would become the target of a high-powered male in her social/professional circle, and he simply wouldn't be able to compete for her attraction.

If he had great looks or very high self confidence or other draws such as inherited wealth he might be more inclined to take what is from his perspective a big gamble.

There are also presumably some men out there who wouldn't worry about this. I'm guessing they would be few and far between. Maybe try to date a doctor/lawyer/dentist?

Full disclosure: I'm not dating.
Typically age appropriate doctors/lawyers/dentists want younger women.

Without lying and not being authentic how is a woman supposed to just show that at her foundation she’s a woman the same as any other and that she is capable of giving and receiving love and she’s not a “gamble” just because she may have more resources? What I have doesn’t mean I’m not sincere and open to a date from any walk of life who is a good person and interested in me.
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Old 2nd March 2019, 5:34 PM   #14
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I am what many would consider a successful woman. I have a post graduate degree, & own my own business in a male dominated field. When I was last dating more then a dozen years ago, I had recently opened that business & was doing a lot of things to actively promote it so I was in the paper a lot (back when that was a thing -- lol). I served on 3 Boards of Trustees, plus I was a PT college professor & an instructor for the local SBDC (a gov't based business advisory group).

Prior to finding myself single at 35, I'd had a series of long term relationships, including a living together situation that lasted about 10 years. I had never met a partner outside of an academic environment. Ironically I had met by last BF at a HS homecoming game. Since I started college I was never really short of male companionship except for 1 year between the end of my last relationship & meeting DH. During that time I tried OLD & hated it. I have always said that e-Harmony delivered "on paper". My matches were men with at least a college education who were all well compensated for what they did. I just didn't find them attractive & would not have talked to them IRL; through OLD I tried to convince myself to be more open minded & date men I didn't find sexy because they were quality people. That did not work for me.

So here I was with all these skills that made me a successful businesswoman. They didn't necessarily make me a good date or GF. I listened to what that Millionaire Matchmaker from TV always said to the women millionaires on her show -- back off, let the man lead because he doesn't want a competitor in bed. It was hard. I was so used to being the boss & being in charge. It was hard to turn it off come 7 p.m. when it was time for my dates. But I did. I worked to be demure & to flatter my dates rather than besting them. Granted I also threw it out there to the universe that I wanted a good man, who was strong enough to let me be weak. I sat on my hands & bit my tongue a bit but eventually I met & married my husband. He's a Marine vet who was going to college on line at night when we met & delivering newspapers to make ends meet. I was impressed by his work ethic. There were some struggles, & we had to learn to communicate inside a marriage.

So, overall I firmly believe that strong women have a certain challenges in dating. Any time you put yourself out there you need to have good sense of self: who you are, what you bring to the table, what your faults are & where your morals & boundaries lie.

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Old 2nd March 2019, 5:43 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
I am what many would consider a successful woman. I have a post graduate degree, & own my own business in a male dominated field. When I was last dating more then a dozen years ago, I had recently opened that business & was doing a lot of things to actively promote it so I was in the paper a lot (back when that was a thing -- lol). I served on 3 Boards of Trustees, plus I was a PT college professor & an instructor for the local SBDC (a gov't based business advisory group).

Prior to finding myself single at 35, I'd had a series of long term relationships, including a living together situation that lasted about 10 years. I had never met a partner outside of an academic environment. Ironically I had met by last BF at a HS homecoming game. Since I started college I was never really short of male companionship except for 1 year between the end of my last relationship & meeting DH. During that time I tried OLD & hated it. I have always said that e-Harmony delivered "on paper". My matches were men with at least a college education who were all well compensated for what they did. I just didn't find them attractive & would not have talked to them IRL; through OLD I tried to convince myself to be more open minded & date men I didn't find sexy because they were quality people. That did not work for me.

So here I was with all these skills that made me a successful businesswoman. They didn't necessarily make me a good date or GF. I listened to what that Millionaire Matchmaker from TV always said to the women millionaires on her show -- back off, let the man lead because he doesn't want a competitor in bed. It was hard. I was so used to being the boss & being in charge. It was hard to turn it off come 7 p.m. when it was time for my dates. But I did. I worked to be demure & to flatter my dates rather than besting them. Granted I also threw it out there to the universe that I wanted a good man, who was strong enough to let me be weak. I sat on my hands & bit my tongue a bit but eventually I met & married my husband. He's a Marine vet who was going to college on line at night when we met & delivering newspapers to make ends meet. I was impressed by his work ethic. There were some struggles, & we had to learn to communicate inside a marriage.

So, overall I firmly believe that strong women have a certain challenges in dating. Any time you put yourself out there you need to have good sense of self: who you are, what you bring to the table, what your faults are & where your morals & boundaries lie.
You sound like an extremely intelligent and accomplished woman. How did you cope with reversing your tendencies to be “demure” and did you feel odd or inauthentic holding your tongue etc.?

I’m not alpha in my personal life usually and I’m still struggling!
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