MB Personality profile matching in dating

[Larryville]

As a change-up to putting up a recent addition to an OLD profile I added (for complete fun) my Myers Briggs personality indicator.

 

 

I was somewhat surprised that several women actually noted and it did spark some conversation and someone I am currently seeing noted some things in my OLD profile as it correlated to my personality profile actually noting that it matched what I had written.

 

 

 

Brief… I’m an INTJ dude…

 

 

Myers Briggs Type Indicator

INTJ relationships are best known for having an overture of evolution. According to the Myers-Briggs profile, the INTJ personality is comprised of introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging traits. A relationship with this quiet but self-sure individual can be very enlightening to the participants as a couple as well as on an individual level. Even if an INTJ relationship does not work out, both individuals usually walk away having benefited from the experience.

I did a search to see if had been discussed before…

 

 

Here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/245556-dating-intj-man

 

 

One comment…

 

 

are these personality differences something we can learn to work around? Is it possible to learn someone else's "language" and respond in the ways they that they need?

And here…

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/313242-mbti-compatibility-can-conflicting-relationship-ever-work

One comment…

 

 

So now I'm wondering why so much analysis? You must really like this guy and are scared? Discovered that you are different types and that scares you? Or you were already on the fence and are looking for reasons as to why it might not work out?

This is not me at all…

 

 

The posts above were several years ago, but I wonder do or would some actually care about either knowing or understanding someone’s personality traits?

 

 

 

To me would this be any different than desiring that someone has a certain body type, bald or not, height, race, education or income level and I’ve seen some threads where people specifically talk about Astrology.

 

 

After reading an extensive article years ago and retaking the test (did so many years ago work related) same trait, it did explain why I could never be in a relationship with certain people types AND why I lack the ability to look past certain personality traits.

I know I’m a difficult dude to deal with but at least I understand why.

 

 

Do you care to know, does it matter?

[lilmissjava]

I am fascinated by Myers-Briggs personality testing. I am INFJ.

 

The INFJ personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As Diplomats (NF), they have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is the accompanying Judging (J) trait – INFJs are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.

 

To some it's nonsense but information is so accessible these days half the time people think it's just for funzies. To others it's just as important knowing why you are the way you are by taking these tests and paying attention to astrology. I personally don't, but sometimes I find myself looking at a horoscope and thinking, yea this did happen.

 

At the end of the day, we are who we are and the behaviours we have are because of our rearing.

[introverted1]

I had to teach MBTI in a master's level course. One assignment asked students to take their MBTI and reflect on their strengths and weaknesses as well as the strengths and weaknesses of their opposite.

 

Nearly all the Introverts saw positives in extroversion as well as characteristics they would benefit from adopting.

 

Nearly all the Extroverts saw introversion as a negative and did not believe there was anything to be learnt from introverted characteristics.

 

I was pretty amazed at how this pattern repeated over and over during my 6+ years teaching.

 

I would much rather date a fellow Introvert.

 

(I am also INTJ, which is supposedly fairly rare in the general population but perhaps over-represented on internet forums.)

[neowulf]

I've come to appreciate the very real differences between the types.

 

I don't think type matching is the be all, end all of choosing a partner, but I have noticed some very striking differences between the women I've dated in relation to their type.

 

Being an INFJ, I've noticed the following;

 

Dating "S" types is basically doomed to fail. Every S type I've dated was just so literal. They live in the here and now. Talk about things that *are*, rather than what could be. They weren't "high idea" people. They have amazing awareness of the world around them though. One girl I dated has simply the most amazing scenes of athletics, in everything from how she dressed to decorating a room.

 

Our modes of communication often clashed. I often speak in metaphor and imagery. My mind often bounces and segways from topic to topic. This simply confused them and tired them out. They became frustrated as me for talking about half a dozen things instead of a single topic.

 

Dating T types is also a complete downer. As an E type, I find T's to be too damn cold. They're often extremely rational and reasonable people. But there's just no fire there, nothing untamed or passionate. Most of the ones I've met had serious troubles dealing with emotion. Either expressing them or trying to understand them in others. Being a pretty passionate and emotional person myself, it's generally a pretty unsatisfying arrangement.

 

P types are the "easy, breezey, falkey" type. I can almost immediately pick P types by how they respond to structure or planning. Most P types HATE too much structure or planning. They really want to "go with the flow" and not focus on making hard plans. They don't like being "pinned down" to anything. My last serious girlfriend was a P type and we could ever get to a party on time, no matter how much I hassled her. They can teach you how to relax though and let go of things. Sometimes you can't control everything, sometimes you just have to be in the moment. P types help remind me of that.

 

J types are often prone to rigidity. They're very much about plans and schedules. Knowing what's going on, when, where. Trying to remain in control of themselves, trying to execute "the plan". Not a lot of experience with J types in dating. It's a bit much with two J's I think. No one to help slow down once and away.

 

Finally E types. Ah extroverts. They can be fun, but the differences in how each of us receive our energy leads to some serious misunderstandings and conflicts. Where possible, I try and date other I types. It's soo much easier and less stressful in the long run.

[Larryville]

(I am also INTJ, which is supposedly fairly rare in the general population but perhaps over-represented on internet forums.)

 

 

Have heard this as well.

 

 

Thing is as in

“neowulf’s” examples when you are in tuned with who and what you are and how to read and discover others I feel you save yourself time and heartache.

 

 

This is why I really pay attention to OLD profiles and what and how people write and what and how they think.

I will also say I’m saving them time as well. I know because of my personality trait as I said in the intro I can be a bit of a judgmental @$$hole and some things I can’t get past with people.

 

This is why I knew I had to work on emotional intelligence. Yes as some may say is just a “blueprint” other life factors can and will shape who and what we are but my core self honestly has not changed since I was a kid. My mother even said I was a strange, serious, thoughtful kid who “examined” people, and was referred to very early in life as a "human barometer."

 

 

Having said all of that I am also VERY MUCH a Scorpio. Found a Scorpio profile written by Liz Greene well-known among astrologers, after reading freaked me out, the good, the bad and the ugly, seriously accurate assessment of me.

 

 

 

I shared with other Scorpios freaked them out as well.

I only bring this up because after reading hundreds of these threads in the short time here and how people just simply don’t work out and I wonder do people actually take the time to access who and what they are at a core level?

 

Would knowing yourself better help with your relationships, with significant others, family, friends, co-workers ect?

[central]

When I was actively dating/looking, I found the MB to be helpful. As an INTJ, my ideal matches are INFx types. Most of the women I dated had taken the MB, or did so if I asked them. It turned out that 9 out of every 10 I met/dated were INFx. I wrote my profile to attract that type specifically, though. My very best relationships were all INFx, and my wife is INFJ - and we're still a great match many years later.

 

BTW, my ex was an ESFJ, and turned out to be a horrible match.

[SwordofFlame]

I've come to appreciate the very real differences between the types.

 

I don't think type matching is the be all, end all of choosing a partner, but I have noticed some very striking differences between the women I've dated in relation to their type.

 

Being an INFJ, I've noticed the following;

 

Dating "S" types is basically doomed to fail. Every S type I've dated was just so literal. They live in the here and now. Talk about things that *are*, rather than what could be. They weren't "high idea" people. They have amazing awareness of the world around them though. One girl I dated has simply the most amazing scenes of athletics, in everything from how she dressed to decorating a room.

 

Our modes of communication often clashed. I often speak in metaphor and imagery. My mind often bounces and segways from topic to topic. This simply confused them and tired them out. They became frustrated as me for talking about half a dozen things instead of a single topic.

 

Dating T types is also a complete downer. As an E type, I find T's to be too damn cold. They're often extremely rational and reasonable people. But there's just no fire there, nothing untamed or passionate. Most of the ones I've met had serious troubles dealing with emotion. Either expressing them or trying to understand them in others. Being a pretty passionate and emotional person myself, it's generally a pretty unsatisfying arrangement.

 

P types are the "easy, breezey, falkey" type. I can almost immediately pick P types by how they respond to structure or planning. Most P types HATE too much structure or planning. They really want to "go with the flow" and not focus on making hard plans. They don't like being "pinned down" to anything. My last serious girlfriend was a P type and we could ever get to a party on time, no matter how much I hassled her. They can teach you how to relax though and let go of things. Sometimes you can't control everything, sometimes you just have to be in the moment. P types help remind me of that.

 

J types are often prone to rigidity. They're very much about plans and schedules. Knowing what's going on, when, where. Trying to remain in control of themselves, trying to execute "the plan". Not a lot of experience with J types in dating. It's a bit much with two J's I think. No one to help slow down once and away.

 

Finally E types. Ah extroverts. They can be fun, but the differences in how each of us receive our energy leads to some serious misunderstandings and conflicts. Where possible, I try and date other I types. It's soo much easier and less stressful in the long run.

 

I'm an ISTP.

[neowulf]

I'm an ISTP.

 

Aww, I'm sure you're a wonderful person.

 

Just to be clear, all the women I've dated have been wonderful.

 

Just because we struggle in various areas doesn't mean they were any less lovely.

 

One of my oldest friends is an ISFP. While we could never date, I love her to bits

[Larryville]

I wrote my profile to attract that type specifically, though. My very best relationships were all INFx,

 

 

When I changed my OLD profile to take into consideration specific personality traits and not just your generic (I like to do certain types of activities, or what music I listen to, placed I’ve been) that generic info did nothing for me.

 

 

 

While things have not worked out for all, generally because of changing my profile the overall quality of women I have met have been cool. And mentioning personality type and traits the women who are familiar do notice and the type of women who would notice such things is who I would be attracted to anyway.

[hasaquestion]

Interesting thread.

 

I've tested as strongly ENTP but I haven't figured out how it relates to other people.

 

My long relationships have always been with other extroverts which probably isn't a coincidence. Other than that, no clue.

[WaitingForBardot]

We took these assessments many years ago: My wife is an ENTJ, now called a leader, but at the time was called a commandant, which is certainly more fitting... ..lol.. I am an INTP. I actually did the assessment several times over a few months, sort of trying to game it, but always assessed the same.

 

As it turns out ENTJs and INTPs are very well matched; each within the top few best relationship matches for the other. Apparently true for us as we're still together after more than 30 years.

[introverted1]

We took these assessments many years ago: My wife is an ENTJ, now called a leader, but at the time was called a commandant, which is certainly more fitting... ..lol.. I am an INTP. I actually did the assessment several times over a few months, sort of trying to game it, but always assessed the same.

 

 

That's the TJ aspect. TJ is dominant in leaders, executives, etc., regardless of I or E.

[introverted1]

Neowulf - Ouch!

 

Larryville - Have you done the real MBTI or one of the knock-offs? I've done both and am always solidly INTJ. I am quite social, though, and learned to "mask" over many years in management positions, which leads people who know me casually to think I am E. I am guessing that it is mostly I women who care about MBTI type!

 

ETA: I looked up Liza Greene on Capricorn and have come to the conclusion that I am doomed.

Edited February 25, 2016 by introverted1

[Larryville]

Larryville - Have you done the real MBTI or one of the knock-offs? I've done both and am always solidly INTJ.

 

Did one in the military years ago for a security clearance, another when I took another position many years ago and another for a staff retreat and a staff fellows program.

 

Did one most recently online ALL pegged me the same.

 

 

Yes, Liz Greene for some reason (maybe it is the detail and depth) is really pretty accurate. Anyone I meet online I ask for birthday and read her stuff. All very accurate. I know you can’t go by just that but it is one “useful” tool.

[edgygirl]

I'm ENFP and love love love INTJs. I kind of hunt them on dating sites lol.

 

I really believe MBTI explains most relationships. Most people dismiss it but they don't know what they're losing by not paying attention to it. At loveshack specially I see a lot of people bashing it.

 

Although I am an Extrovert, I do need a lot of alone time... so don't put all E in the same bag They say ENFPs are the most introverted of extroverts.

 

For relationships, what I learned is that I can't date S types - no way it can work. And that I like NT types. It's wonderful in the beginning mainly with INTJs but usually ends blowing up when their T and my F clash. One day hopefully I will find the right NT and we will be able to make it work despite the differences, and let the magic win. I could perhaps also be with a NF, although I don't like men who are too emotional, it becomes too much, as I am emotional myself.

 

Overall, NT and NF are the only two clusters I can see myself with. No way I will ever date a S again. Too concrete for me. I need ideas, future, intuition going on in a relationship.

Edited February 27, 2016 by edgygirl

[Larryville]

I really believe MBTI explains most relationships. Most people dismiss it but they don't know what they're losing by not paying attention to it. At loveshack specially I see a lot of people bashing it.

 

 

By ignoring it, you waste considerable time, waste money, subject yourself to heartache, second guess yourself.

Why do you think so many organizations and employers (including the US military), professional sports teams invest so much money into these personality assessments?

I was part of a fellows program that did this assessment and it absolutely helped me understand my co-workers in the way that they think and process. Why would people not want to understand this in terms of relationships?

[neowulf]

At lot of people resent the idea of being "put in a box". They like to believe that the human condition is far too complex and nuanced to be aimed up by a test.

 

That or they're simply mistrustful, not understanding the origins

Of the test or how to apply the results.

 

It's been shown to be an imperfect metric. Two INFJs can still be wildly different people. Not to mention knowing the letters alone will it tell you to what extent they express those tendencies.

 

All that said, I have absolutely seen the value in a rough "mud map" of people's makeup. It can and has helped hugely.

[burnt]

At lot of people resent the idea of being "put in a box". They like to believe that the human condition is far too complex and nuanced to be aimed up by a test.

 

That or they're simply mistrustful, not understanding the origins

Of the test or how to apply the results.

 

It's been shown to be an imperfect metric. Two INFJs can still be wildly different people. Not to mention knowing the letters alone will it tell you to what extent they express those tendencies.

 

All that said, I have absolutely seen the value in a rough "mud map" of people's makeup. It can and has helped hugely.

 

It's so interesting that you said that.

I didn't know anything about MB personality type. I ran into it several months ago by accident. Took the test; it came back with INFP.

 

I read the entire description of this personality type. In tears. In shock.

It felt so surreal to read that someone somehow had figured out so many things about ME. For years, I felt and struggled with things inside me and always felt I was a creature from another world--difficult to understand and difficult to be understood. Different from the 'norm'.

 

Then when I read some of the comments of posters saying exactly they too felt exactly as I did, it helped.

 

I felt "found" after being 'lost' for so long. I actually was happy that there was a certain predefined 'box' I could finally fit into. It helped. It felt like a touch of validation for who I have always been.

 

But to say the least, the level of accuracy in the INFP type that described me down to the last detail was spooky. It was more like 'fortune teller' forecast. I was impressed.

[neowulf]

I felt "found" after being 'lost' for so long. I actually was happy that there was a certain predefined 'box' I could finally fit into. It helped. It felt like a touch of validation for who I have always been.

 

But to say the least, the level of accuracy in the INFP type that described me down to the last detail was spooky. It was more like 'fortune teller' forecast. I was impressed.

 

Interestingly, you hear that from a lot of people upon reading their type. INF's in particularly rough run. That feeling of "Difference" appears to be the hallmark of the INF types..

 

INFP huh. Makes sense given some of the posts you've made

[burnt]

And all that only gets to me think...

"so is that it? Are we all already so predefined?"

 

I've often felt that life around me is like a paved road, with directions, maps, with everything already pre-formatted and all we have to do is just follow that road according to the direction to get to the destination. And yet, I've always felt this 'pull' to get off the road, into a different direction into the woods, without a destination, just to find out what's out there and what could be out there. The 'not knowing' is the source of the inspiration and the source of the frustration at the same time.

 

I see the 'others' on that road; all somehow knowing they are 'supposed to' be in a certain place at a certain stage. Have a certain type of childhood, certain types of normal interests, get married by a certain age, have children by a certain age, raise the kids, then retire and spend the golden years with grandkids and celebrating memories.

 

And yet, even if I could follow that road, somehow I've always known I'd want to get off and find another unmarked road and lose myself in it just so that I could wander about.

 

I've had it in me to question everything--religion, culture, norm, tradition, society--going back to 6 or 7 years old. Whether it's academically, professionally, or socially, I simply cannot accept any 'rules' until I understand how it's derived and how it connects to everything else around. Always felt 'attracted' to the abstraction, not the application.

 

As if, I hate being different, but even if I had a choice to change, I wouldn't want to be anything but different.

 

WHY? What made me this way?

Where does this insane drive come from?

Am I programmed that way?

 

So, how unique am I really? How unique is anyone else around either?

So, are we just highly functional highly evolved robots mass produced in a factory in the dungeon of mother nature?

 

It's so nice and comforting to be able to say "we have choices in life"--or is that the way we'd like to think, after being subjected to years of mind conditioning.

 

I wonder how much truth there is to all the things that we think we believe in.

 

ok... i'll get off the stage and end the psychobabble now.

[central]

Interestingly, you hear that from a lot of people upon reading their type. INF's in particularly rough run. That feeling of "Difference" appears to be the hallmark of the INF types..

 

INFP huh. Makes sense given some of the posts you've made

 

I got that same reaction from my wife when I asked her to do the MB. It had a profound effect on her.

 

Anyway, while I feel the MB is very useful, it is only ONE part of a complex picture of compatibility. It is a good starting point for baseline compatibility in terms of personality and communication style. Beyond that come more complex concerns about values, interests, goals, beliefs, etc. - and it says nothing about sexual compatibility, really!

[Larryville]

All that said, I have absolutely seen the value in a rough "mud map" of people's makeup. It can and has helped hugely.

 

I felt and struggled with things inside me and always felt I was a creature from another world--difficult to understand and difficult to be understood. Different from the 'norm'.

 

 

Then when I read some of the comments of posters saying exactly they too felt exactly as I did, it helped.

I felt "found" after being 'lost' for so long. I actually was happy that there was a certain predefined 'box' I could finally fit into. It helped. It felt like a touch of validation for who I have always been.

But to say the least, the level of accuracy in the INFP type that described me down to the last detail was spooky. It was more like 'fortune teller' forecast. I was impressed.

WHY? What made me this way? Where does this insane drive come from? Am I programmed that way?

 

I honestly admit, after my second divorce and when things were NOT cool, I fought to understand what was going on. Learning more about me and what made me tick was important in fact imperative in order for me to ever be in a cohesive relationship.

Yes the environment you grow up in, parents, siblings, friends, major event(s), trauma, social order, race, religion ethnicity all of course play a part in our development. However after much research I did discover that the core of who I am today has not changed all that much and later conversations with my mother confirmed many traits about myself that still forms the core of who I am today. How these test figure that out is beyond me and yes it is scary. The thing is it all starts with someone willing to be completely open and honest with who and what they are, the good, the bad and the ugly. AND are we open to change.

Anyone who is posting on these boards, frustrated at relationship failure after relationship failure, why dudes do this to them or what women do that to them, cheating, narcissistic tendencies, lack of communication skills, frustrations with family and friend relationships and work relationship needs a good ole fashion mental diagnosis.

 

 

But yes….

 

 

Anyway, while I feel the MB is very useful, it is only ONE part of a complex picture of compatibility. It is a good starting point for baseline compatibility in terms of personality and communication style.

[burnt]

Yes the environment you grow up in, parents, siblings, friends, major event(s), trauma, social order, race, religion ethnicity all of course play a part in our development. However after much research I did discover that the core of who I am today has not changed all that much and later conversations with my mother confirmed many traits about myself that still forms the core of who I am today.

I was once told that the majority of our personality traits get developed by the age of 5 and we pretty much keep that overall personality trait for the rest of our lives; we add/modify small details, but the center remains the same.

That is scary--how much control do YOU then really have over what you claim to develop in your adulthood and adopt as your own 'self identity'?

 

How these test figure that out is beyond me and yes it is scary. The thing is it all starts with someone willing to be completely open and honest with who and what they are, the good, the bad and the ugly. AND are we open to change.

Which then begs the question: how much can you really "change"?--Only the superficial behaviors, I assume, not your core definition.

 

Learning more about me and what made me tick was important in fact imperative in order for me to ever be in a cohesive relationship.

Very true. Completely Agree.

[Larryville]

Which then begs the question: how much can you really "change"?--Only the superficial behaviors, I assume, not your core definition.

 

Well I fundamentally knew I was a lot like my dad, I have his tendencies, mannerisms ect. Not as smart as he was, he was more a showman, successful businessman, career and money driven. Main thing tho he was a serious male chauvinist typical of dudes of that era. While he did not physically or emotionally abuse my mom he never respected her. When I had daughters I went overboard to make sure they did not allow dudes to disrespect them, one daughter took it to heart the other did not. Generations do pass down traits, as far as my relationships why I did try to remain aware of the behaviors I got from my dad, however it also made a difference as to the type of women I sought. Stronger personalities, career driven, strong willed the majority older than I. My parents dynamic of course played a role in shaping, can't help not too.

 

 

Why again the tests are…

 

 

a rough "mud map" of people's makeup.

[Larryville]

Read this today...

 

Can Myers-Briggs Tell a Couple If They’re Compatible?

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/memory-catcher/201207/can-myers-briggs-tell-couple-if-they-re-compatible