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Elswyth 14th December 2017 12:58 PM

Wedding questions?
 
The SO and I are getting married next year, and are swamped with planning. Gosh, I really had no idea weddings were so complicated! :laugh:

A big question... we were tentatively hoping to have our main ceremony/reception be child-free, or at least child-under-10-free. Is this as common as I think it is (from what I've read), or is it actually fairly uncommon? Would people be offended if they can't bring their children? What would the best/least offensive way be to specify this in the invite?

Art_Critic 14th December 2017 1:02 PM

Quote:

Would people be offended if they can't bring their children?
I don't think it is all uncommon to have childless weddings but if you do then expect less people to attend.
Someone who would have to hire a sitter for 20-30.00 per hour might say it isn't worth it and not come.

Elswyth 14th December 2017 1:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art_Critic (Post 7486271)
I don't think it is all uncommon but if you state that and don't allow children then expect less people to attend.
Someone who would have to hire a sitter for 20-30.00 per hour might say it isn't worth it and not come.

Totally okay with us. If the couple was close to us we'd offer to pay for babysitting, but if they were just acquaintances it doesn't matter too much whether they decide to come or not. Just don't want to offend anyone because we still have to work with them, lol. It's a small world here.

Art_Critic 14th December 2017 1:05 PM

and I wouldn't be offended but I would weigh the cost of the sitter vs whose wedding it was we were attending.

If you were offering to pay then that would set aside the issue with me, and I doubt I would let you pay for the sitter

GorillaTheater 14th December 2017 1:06 PM

It wouldn't bother me. Typically it was a good excuse for me to volunteer to do something else with the kids. :)


And congrats, Els!

Elswyth 14th December 2017 1:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GorillaTheater (Post 7486276)
It wouldn't bother me. Typically it was a good excuse for me to volunteer to do something else with the kids. :)


And congrats, Els!

Thanks!! :)

Also, good to know it wouldn't be as offensive as we feared it'd be, haha.

amaysngrace 14th December 2017 1:10 PM

Nobody wants kids at a wedding, not even their parents

carhill 14th December 2017 1:12 PM

IME destination weddings were more likely to be effectively child-free. Local ones tougher. IMO, the bride and groom can request anything they choose to. It's their day.

I went to a few, mostly at churches, where they set up a child care location at the adjacent bible study/meeting rooms and brought in a few carers who were both parishioners and professional carers and those minded the children while the adults were in church. The receptions were all-welcome.

I got a lot of that care stuff as a kid, save for very few weddings, and mostly ones I was in as an usher or ring bearer when young. I hardly remember any where I was a spectator. However, all were at churches so perhaps that was the reason. Or maybe my parents found me to be too disruptive ;)

Elswyth 14th December 2017 1:18 PM

Interesting. It sounds like most people don't actually specify anything about it on the invite, then?

amaysngrace 14th December 2017 1:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elswyth (Post 7486285)
Interesting. It sounds like most people don't actually specify anything about it on the invite, then?

Nope. Just address the invitation to "Mr and Mrs" or however else you would address the adults.

carhill 14th December 2017 1:32 PM

Yup, when it was all-welcome it would be Mr and Mrs X and Family. Of course we all knew that 'family' was our own children, not third cousins twice removed ;) It's kinda like knowing which fork to eat salad with :D

CautiouslyOptimistic 14th December 2017 1:59 PM

Most people are smart enough to know if the kids aren't including on the invitation, they aren't invited to the wedding/reception. However, you will still get dum dums who a. don't get it, b. pretend to not realize it and/or c. get offended that kids aren't invited.

It's your wedding, though, and if you don't want to pay for 30 extra mouths who won't eat much anyway, you have every right :).

Congrats!!

d0nnivain 14th December 2017 2:48 PM

Proper etiquette indicates that only the people on the invitation are included. Most people understand that even for the little ones wedding meals are expensive so it's rude & presumptuous to add additional people.

Nobody actually tried to bring their little kids to our wedding but it was a black tie evening event at a swanky hotel where most kids would be bored to tears. One friend ask why her 22 year old sons weren't given invitations. I replied I thought they'd hate it. They don't even own ties. Since she fussed & we were under budget I said they could come if they wanted. Both young men said they were happy that didn't have to go to a stuffy event.

We did offer to supply babysitting services including specialized respite care at our expense for guests, including a couple with a special needs Autistic son. I called those people & told them about the option shortly after the invites went out because I didn't want them to day no because they couldn't afford a sitter. Nobody took us up on that offer.

Elswyth 14th December 2017 2:49 PM

Thanks guys! I guess we'll word the invites that way and pray real hard that everyone gets the hint, lol.

d0nnivain 14th December 2017 2:52 PM

Best wishes & happy planning.

When people start "should-ing" you as in you should do this or that, take a deep breath, smile, hear them out, don't say anything & do what you want anyway. Remember to focus on each other through all the stress.


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