Topper Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I might be wrong on this but i think more woman approach marriage as a Bussiness arangment then do men. For a great many woman this is way to get a leg up in the world Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Topper: What I meant to convey in that earlier post (but probably didn't do a very good job of conveying) is that neither of us approached marriage as a business arrangement. We we "in love," in our mid twenties, and had both been raised/conditioned to think that everyone is better off in adult life if paired off. As a woman, I have always been responsible for my own financial well-being. I didn't need to marry him because of his earning potential. Nor he for mine. It seemed the thing to do at the time, so to speak. It became a business arrangement, of sorts, over time. I would bet that this evolution is true for many, many (but, of course, not ALL) couples. I think it is the great white elephant in the room whenever people talk to youngsters about marriage. They really don't explain/educate them about this common eventual reality of the marriage partnership. Don't get me wrong. I have love for my H. He is my friend. Of course, that doesn't keep me from finding him completely exasperating on an almost daily basis - that is the nature of any long term relationship between two people. I'm sure he feels the same about me on a regular basis. But hot passion and romance we are NOT. We are in a rut with our M that is maintained by mutual dependence because we have allowed it - nay, even encouraged it - in various financial/cultural/societally accepted ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 A word of advice. Do whatever you can to find the Passion. Do it now. The House the cars the careers won't mean squat unless you can find that passion again. I can be cynical. But under it all I still believe in the real thing. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 IMHO, before anyone can get married they should be required to attend mandatory pre-martial couseling and classes as well as classes in personal finance. Unfortunately, some people don't see that as romantic or... whatever. I was talking to a group of female friends once and said I'd never get married without pre-marriage counseling. I just got a bunch of weird looks. I think it's important for people to have a realistic view of marriage in general and for each person to understand what their potential spouse is expecting. The two can have very different ideas of what marriage is all about, and it's important to know that before going in. IM O, the people who have opinions like the ones Gunny shared should not be getting married.If a guy views marriage as something a woman is forcing him into, he should have the balls to stand up and say that it's not what he wants. If he goes ahead with it anyway, he should take responsibility for his actions instead blaming her and/or society because he was too much of a p*ssy to say no. Of course, many times, these guys are being "pressured" into marriage because instead of just saying "I don't want to get married to you, ever" they string the woman along making her think that someday it'll happen. Then they whine and cry that some horrible shrew nagged them and wore them down. Poor babies. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 For the record, we did go to pre-marital counseling. For the entire year (two or three times per month) that we were engaged before we got married. We heard all the stuff..."You gotta talk to each other, you gotta keep giving, it's not all roses and chocolates...etc" We were pretty mature (I think!?) for our ages at the time, and considered the decision to marry seriously. But, despite all that, I'm still here, 13 yrs later, saying I've spent 13 yrs with this guy (like in Storyriders thread about sex probs being 90% about her), given birth to and raised his babies, whilst working my ass off in an extremely stressful and competitive profession, whilst he also works his ass off in an extremely stressful and competitive profession, and the other stresses and strains of life in this United States (middle age, I guess) keep coming, and the sex keeps being unsatisfactory (for me), and I think, "I'm no spring chicken anymore - not completely old, but getting more so every day" and all the kinky sex position books in the world and vibrators, etc. still are not making the sex as exciting as I wish it were, and....I wonder if we should have just agreed to have our (wonderful, wouldn't-trade-them-for-the-world) kids together, and support them mutually, but NOT get married, because now I'm starting to feel this resentment. Aw, shucks. I'm hijacking, and didn't mean too (honest abe!). Maybe I'll start a new thread about my issues. But I do think it's not just MEN that should be careful about marrying. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I might be wrong on this but i think more woman approach marriage as a Bussiness arangment then do men. For a great many woman this is way to get a leg up in the world I agree with this as well. For all the romantic crap women tend to talk there is very little love involved in why most marry. That is why after a certain number of years when she can cash in in court she dumps him and gets a nice settlement. Here he thinks that they are in love and tries to be a great husband while she has other ideas. That is why men must make a woman sign a prenup. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Marriage was born as a business arrangement and it still is one. NO FUN:( :( Link to post Share on other sites
CynicalP Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Personally, I'm coming to the realization that "romantic" marriage is really bullsh*t. For both men AND women. I am a self-sufficient, working mom of 4 married to a self-sufficient working dad of 4. After 13 yrs, he is my best friend, but the truth is: our marriage is now a financial relationship. It's like a business partnership. There's cordiality most of the time and some sex (though not that great, in my opinion) so it's a special kind of business relationship, granted, but the kids, mortgage, car payments, etc, etc, etc, have killed the romance LOOOOOOOONG ago. We could both support ourselves (and kids) without the other, but it would be a messy process to get there from here, and society (and religion, if I'm being totally honest here) have put such a stigma on that where I live, that I am not up to taking it on right now. But I definitely see the validity of those who are making the point that this "sacred institution" is out of date and not applicable to much of our society now. This is why I have pledged to do a better job of teaching my kids about the realities of marriage. I can't control what every Suzy and Bobby out there do, but I'll be damned if I'm going to feed my children a bunch of unrealistic Cinderella bullsh*t about what marriage is really all about. I am with you Mustang, all that sensationalized romantic gobbly gook that society presents to both sexes promotes a very unrealistic view concering relationships and marriage. I really think the true purpose of marriage is about building a solid foundation in which to raise kids to keep our species alive. I remember watching some PBS show years ago comparing and contrasting the marriage philosophy between the Western and Eastern cultures. Western cultures have marriage built on romantic love, while in some parts of Asia arranged marriages still occur in Eastern cultures. One would think that the marriages built on romantic love would be more successful, but quite the contrary the arrange marriage were way more successful suffering smaller percentages of divorce. The point being those arranged marriages were from the start were a partnership with the sole purpose of raising a family. It was only in a few couple hundred years where the west abandon the notion of arrange marriages and adopted romantic pairings instead. I think each generation in the west is becoming more and more selfish and individualistic. I think that is why marriage is crumbling as an institution in western culture. It seems as we continue to travel down this path the sexes become more estranged and combative towards each other. At least that what it appears to me what is happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 NO FUN:( :(Ummm LonelyBird....that's only one's opinion..... Another one would be that Marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God that all may be joined as one for life. That hardly constitutes a, "business arrangement"..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porn_Guy Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 I might be wrong on this but i think more woman approach marriage as a Bussiness arangment then do men. For a great many woman this is way to get a leg up in the world of course TOPPER. Almost always a woman will divorce a husband who loses his money/power/status....assuming she's still young and attractive enough to snag another rich husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 of course TOPPER. Almost always a woman will divorce a husband who loses his money/power/status....assuming she's still young and attractive enough to snag another rich husband. That is why if a man has a woman that sticks by him through hard times he knows that she is a keeper. Any woman that will stick with you through rich or poor deserves to be treated like a queen. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 of course TOPPER. Almost always a woman will divorce a husband who loses his money/power/status....assuming she's still young and attractive enough to snag another rich husband. That's bullcrap PG. Maybe some women would do that but not ALL women. I, for one, wouldn't and I know my sis wouldn't leave her H, just like any of my other friends wouldn't leave their H's if by chance that happened. Unless you're particulary talking about a 'certain' type of woman ie golddigger, than yeah, you are right, but don't say a woman will divorce her husband if he loses his power, money, status. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Porn_Guy Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 That's bullcrap PG. Maybe some women would do that but not ALL women. I, for one, wouldn't and I know my sis wouldn't leave her H, just like any of my other friends wouldn't leave their H's if by chance that happened. Unless you're particulary talking about a 'certain' type of woman ie golddigger, than yeah, you are right, but don't say a woman will divorce her husband if he loses his power, money, status. Basically I was referring to attractive women....be they golddiggers or not. And usually these same attractive women tend to be married to successful men. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Basically I was referring to attractive women....be they golddiggers or not. Thats BS right there. So only unattractive women are not in it for the money? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Basically I was referring to attractive women....be they golddiggers or not. Yeah I'm attractive, so is my sis and my bestfriend....And my neighbour who is a close friend of mine...All of us wouldn't dump our husbands either. So, basically what you're saying is, the non-attractive women would never leave their husbands under the circumstances you've listed. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Yeah I'm attractive, so is my sis and my bestfriend....And my neighbour who is a close friend of mine...All of us wouldn't dump our husbands either. So, basically what you're saying is, the non-attractive women would never leave their husbands under the circumstances you've listed. You have to remember that he is only 19. His knowledge of marriage and women is very limited. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 ...All of us wouldn't dump our husbands either. Sure you would... if all your hubbies lost their jobs and became alcoholics and you couldn't make all the house and car pmts or put food on the table....you'd all split. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Sure you would... if all your hubbies lost their jobs and became alcoholics and you couldn't make all the house and car pmts or put food on the table....you'd all split. No, I wouldn't. Only way I'd leave is if he hit me. I'd get him the help he would need to deal with the drinking. Anyway, it's a moot point because IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. EVER. I can bet my life on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Sure you would... if all your hubbies lost their jobs and became alcoholics and you couldn't make all the house and car pmts or put food on the table....you'd all split. Ok, you are talking one extreme to another. A person could lose their money/power/status due to a lay off or a business closing and then have to start from square one. Then you have the type that would lose their job and go into depression and start drinking and neglect the bills. There is a reason why you are not married. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 No, I wouldn't. Only way I'd leave is if he hit me. ok then he lost everything and started boozing heavily and then started abusing you physically and mentally. then you'd leave. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I think anybody in that situation would leave alpha. If a woman did that to you, abused you, both mentally and physically, any man would leave his wife too. You're talking such extremes. I know my H and he wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone start drinking and smack me around. Neither of us are drinkers anyway. And not because of problems, we just don't like the booze, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Originally Posted by whichwayisup No, I wouldn't. Only way I'd leave is if he hit me. ok then he lost everything and started boozing heavily and then started abusing you physically and mentally. then you'd leave. Yes. I said before if he hit me, I would leave...But it wouldn't have to involve booze... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Sure you would... if all your hubbies lost their jobs and became alcoholics and you couldn't make all the house and car pmts or put food on the table....you'd all split. I agree with the above statement, if you change the "all" to "most". But you're not describing a guy who has lost his job and his fortune. You're describing a guy who has lost his self-respect and can't get it together. In that situation, the guy will have a hard time keeping his woman. But there are plenty of cases of a good man who hits a streak of bad luck, has to start over, and has a wife who sticks by his side through it all. And he doesn't need to have been rich to start with. The simplistic case of a guy who is no longer rich and his wife leaves him as a result happens, but that's because the relationship was weak or because she had a weak character. And in that case she did him a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 But men and women marry for security... and love too(just as important) It is a combination of things. If a man wants to be a bachelor for the rest of his life and not have a family then so be it... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 If a man wants to be a bachelor for the rest of his life and not have a family then so be it... I think the point was that a man can stay a bachelor and still have everything....including a family & kids. Link to post Share on other sites
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