Moved out... What next?

[bklk1227]

I'd be interested in hearing input on that... A friend of mine called the superintendant's office and complained about their behavior in school and they were both reprimanded strongly. My wife said(and I am not sure I believe her) that if there is another call she will be terminated. She is tenured, so I think she will be disciplined. He is non-tenured and could easily be let go... She is protecting him by making it her job at risk.

[bklk1227]

So, I am taking my daughter to a concert tonight and she really wants my wife to go... She just told me on my way to drop her off at school.

 

Because of my actions the other day my wife decided she wouldn't be coming with us. That is silly because she is really punishing my daughter and not me. The truth is the exact SAME concert is happening again on Sunday near us, and she is going to that show thinking that I am not! But I AM!(my best friend is in the band... and he dates her sister... could this get any MORE complicated?) So really her issue with me is totally bumming out my daughter - once again showing her priorities suck...

 

Other than that... she wondered why I stayed home from work to which I responded - You really have no need for that information and due to the total lack of respect you have for me and this family, I no longer will communicate with you about this type of stuff...

 

The great thing is that today is my final interview for a VP position that she doesn't even know I've been after.... Could be a good day... which I will share with my daughter!

[MoonGirl]

So, I am taking my daughter to a concert tonight and she really wants my wife to go... She just told me on my way to drop her off at school.

 

Because of my actions the other day my wife decided she wouldn't be coming with us. That is silly because she is really punishing my daughter and not me. The truth is the exact SAME concert is happening again on Sunday near us, and she is going to that show thinking that I am not! But I AM!(my best friend is in the band... and he dates her sister... could this get any MORE complicated?) So really her issue with me is totally bumming out my daughter - once again showing her priorities suck...

 

Other than that... she wondered why I stayed home from work to which I responded - You really have no need for that information and due to the total lack of respect you have for me and this family, I no longer will communicate with you about this type of stuff...

 

The great thing is that today is my final interview for a VP position that she doesn't even know I've been after.... Could be a good day... which I will share with my daughter!

 

I understand your daughter wants both of you to go, but it probably won't be a comfortable time together. My daughter has even invited my husband to come over and sleep in my bed with me. Children don't understand the inner workings of adult relationships and can get really confused if you give them mixed signals. If you and your wife don't plan on hanging out together anymore, then perhaps you shouldn't. Going back and forth about it is confusing for kids.

 

That said, your wife should plan to do something fun with your daughter to reassure her that she is loved and important to her.

[jmargel]

Children don't understand the inner workings of adult relationships

 

But what they do understand is the concept of unconditional love, something us as adults forget.

[Sup]

So, I am taking my daughter to a concert tonight and she really wants my wife to go... She just told me on my way to drop her off at school.

 

Because of my actions the other day my wife decided she wouldn't be coming with us. That is silly because she is really punishing my daughter and not me. The truth is the exact SAME concert is happening again on Sunday near us, and she is going to that show thinking that I am not! But I AM!(my best friend is in the band... and he dates her sister... could this get any MORE complicated?) So really her issue with me is totally bumming out my daughter - once again showing her priorities suck...

 

Other than that... she wondered why I stayed home from work to which I responded - You really have no need for that information and due to the total lack of respect you have for me and this family, I no longer will communicate with you about this type of stuff...

 

The great thing is that today is my final interview for a VP position that she doesn't even know I've been after.... Could be a good day... which I will share with my daughter!

 

 

I REALLY wish that Gunny would post on my last post, but, he may not even know, Anyway, BK, Your wife's not only neglecting you, but your children too, I hope that you're Documenting this also, and I certainly hope you're keeping this site off of the computer history, and not using ANY remember this site things, or favorites, as to this could tip your wife off, please keep us posted......

[bklk1227]

Ok, so apparently you have to go through this to "get it"... What I mean by that is I am getting great guidance and direction from you guys on here that have "been there done that". Yet, I seem to keep getting surprised when my brain says "She won't go that route" and BANG she does...

 

So I am doing great. Got all the documents I need together. Limited contact with the wife, although the contact we do have is tense. Reality of her financial situation causes a emotional breakdowns and lashing out on an almost daily basis.

 

An incident ocurred yesterday in which got out of control a bit. Nothing major... and definitely a situation in which I totally could see my individual therapy was working.

 

I left before things got too out of hand(so I thought) and took my daughter with me so that I could drive her to school and make sure she wasn't too upset.

 

Well, the unthinkable happened. After calling to warn me that she had made a BIG mistake and begged me to meet her for coffee so that she could explain my wife informed me that she had filed a temporary restraining order against me because she was afraid I would take the kids!?!

 

I know this may seem like BS but I can assure you, I in no way threatened, assaulted, or harassed my wife in anyway. That said, my attorney doesn't believe the order will become permanent and my wife plans to ask for a dismissal at the court date on Monday.

 

I am so disappointed in myself for thinmking she wouldn't stoop so low as to PREVENT me from seeing my children in this way. I am disappointed in her for actually doing so. Talk about bad advice. The police officer who served me with the order stated that she had called 3 times after filling out the paperwork to have it stopped.

 

So I am now out of the house again. No contact with my wife and limited contact with my children. Visitation is supposed to be arranged through my sister-in-law who is about as easy to contact as the pope!

 

I am really sad that my kids are such a secondary concern in this for her. She had so many other options to go with, but she continues to choose the ones that polarize us further and that are ultimately hurtful to the kids.

 

My attorney doesn't want to serve her now until he sees whether she actually has the TRO dismissed. He is afraid that is going to make it uglier.

 

Oh well... it's going to be a very loong few days until the court date.

 

-B

[whichwayisup]

I'm so angry for you B!

 

Has the rest of the family (her folks etc) said ANYTHING to her about this? Like "Wake up before you lose everything! or STOP being so f**k'n selfish!"

 

Yup, you must remain the calm, collected and cool one. She is starting to lose it, so not reacting into her game will benefit you.

 

I am sorry for the pain this is causing for you and ofcourse your kids. They must be real confused and hurting too. My thoughts are with you and I hope things go better than expected in court.

[Gunny376]

Gunny, would it be wise, since his wife's turning up the heat on BK, If BK turned UP the heat on her OM, I mean by calling his parents and informing them of his continued actions? I mean she was PISSED last time it happened. I figured why not turn the heat WAY UP! In a non-violent way of course. What do you think?

 

 

I agree Sup ~ but you've got to understand I'm a genuine, USDA certified *******! (Got the USDA stamp on my azz ~ and everything!) when it comes to these kind of things. I had Mr. Reality put a whipping on this old boy ~ and its not one that I will ever soon forget ~ I'm here to stand up and testfy. Mr. R taught me that he doesn't play ~ and so I don't play!

[Gunny376]

Ok, so apparently you have to go through this to "get it"... What I mean by that is I am getting great guidance and direction from you guys on here that have "been there done that". Yet, I seem to keep getting surprised when my brain says "She won't go that route" and BANG she does...

 

So I am doing great. Got all the documents I need together. Limited contact with the wife, although the contact we do have is tense. Reality of her financial situation causes a emotional breakdowns and lashing out on an almost daily basis.

 

An incident ocurred yesterday in which got out of control a bit. Nothing major... and definitely a situation in which I totally could see my individual therapy was working.

 

I left before things got too out of hand(so I thought) and took my daughter with me so that I could drive her to school and make sure she wasn't too upset.

 

Well, the unthinkable happened. After calling to warn me that she had made a BIG mistake and begged me to meet her for coffee so that she could explain my wife informed me that she had filed a temporary restraining order against me because she was afraid I would take the kids!?!

 

I know this may seem like BS but I can assure you, I in no way threatened, assaulted, or harassed my wife in anyway. That said, my attorney doesn't believe the order will become permanent and my wife plans to ask for a dismissal at the court date on Monday.

 

I am so disappointed in myself for thinmking she wouldn't stoop so low as to PREVENT me from seeing my children in this way. I am disappointed in her for actually doing so. Talk about bad advice. The police officer who served me with the order stated that she had called 3 times after filling out the paperwork to have it stopped.

 

So I am now out of the house again. No contact with my wife and limited contact with my children. Visitation is supposed to be arranged through my sister-in-law who is about as easy to contact as the pope!

 

I am really sad that my kids are such a secondary concern in this for her. She had so many other options to go with, but she continues to choose the ones that polarize us further and that are ultimately hurtful to the kids.

 

My attorney doesn't want to serve her now until he sees whether she actually has the TRO dismissed. He is afraid that is going to make it uglier.

 

Oh well... it's going to be a very loong few days until the court date.

 

-B

 

When I was in the Marines ~ I took a Business Law class with the University of South Carolina. It was a night class, and mainly consisted of adult non-traditional students. The guy that taught the class was a Asst. Public Defender ~ and even though it was a business law class ~ the subject of divorce kept coming up every class. Finally, he said he was going to to teach a class ~ limited to thirty minutes ~ on divorce law ~ the down and dirty.

 

He told us, "There's two kinds of divorces ~ nasty and nastier!"

 

"If you see your marriage is going South, smile and be nice, always be nice and always smile ~ and then get a lawyer, and get him busy ~ getting busy drawing up the paperwork. Slowly, quietly, get any and all financial assetts in your control and in your name. Get the court date set, and have the SO served the night before the court date, with evicition papers, RO's whatever. Have a locksmith standing by to change the locks to everything! If you've got kids, put them in the bathrooom and bar the door with your body."

 

I didn't listen to him ~ in part because I was overseas when things went sour, and in part I tried being a nice guy. I got my azz handed to me every which way but "loose!"

 

I seriously doubt I will ever get married again. If I do, it will be when I'm 70 ~ just to have someone around to call 911 in case I need them! But, if I do, and it goes to divorce, its probally going to involve a mop, a bucket, and a preacher to say the last words~!

 

It won't be pretty, it won't be fun! No more Mr. Nice Guy! No more Mr. Please!

 

To make a long story short, my step-mom went through menopause ~ and her hormones went South, and she came out and told my dad who was about eight years older that she was "done with sex!"

 

Dad, being the ever cool guy he was, didn't argue, didn't plead, cry, stomp his feet. Just said, "OK!"

 

He then went up town and found an old girl friend from back in the day, told her what he was looking for, that he wasn't interested in leaving his wife, etc. She said she wasn't interested in a full blown relationship ~ but she was up for a little "afternoon delight" This went on for four years, until they got caught.

 

My step-mom told him, "I'm going to get a lawyer and take this place, and everything with it, and everything you've got and ever hope to have!"

 

Dad, stepped outside for a smoke, came back in, and told her. "You going to take everything I've worked for! I don't think so! I'm all about 50/50, and if its a divorce you won't that's fine ~ but you're not going to clean me out!"

 

That's when he sat the gas can on the table~! :eek: He told her, "You want the living room suit?! You'd best be huntin' yourself a broom and a dust pan ~ I'm "fixin' to burn this place to the ground!!" :eek:

 

She told him, "You're crazy, they'll arrest you for arson!"

 

He told her, "Nope, I've already checked with three different lawyers, this house and everything in is paid for ~ its not against the law in Alabama if a man wants to burn his house and everything he owns to the ground! All I've got to do is call the insurance company and cancel the homeowners policy!"

 

They came to an agreement, the step-mom went and got herself some HRT pills, and they ended up being married for 32 years before he passed away!

[Ladyjane14]

I wish I could say I'm surprised... but unfortunately it seems to be a fairly common tactic for wayward wives when their husbands move back into the house without approval like you did. That's why I told you earlier to avoid any kind of domestic disturbance.

 

She didn't want you back in the home and she found a way to put you out. The joke's on her though, because she's most likely going to look like a manipulator in court. I don't think anybody's going to believe that your were taking your child away if said child ended up in SCHOOL.

 

 

My attorney doesn't want to serve her now until he sees whether she actually has the TRO dismissed. He is afraid that is going to make it uglier.

 

Oh well... it's going to be a very loong few days until the court date.

 

Heck, go ahead and see your kids. Every day if possible. Make sure you document thoroughly, particularly if you have trouble getting in touch with the contact person.

 

Your wife is most like going to try to backpeddle, much as she's already done by trying to stop the RO before it was served. She'd done something stupid and given you all sorts of ammo to take into court with you. She's provided evidence that she's NOT likely to be reasonable in a joint custody scenario by trying to manipulate the system. This isn't a new tactic that sitting family court judges won't recognize, you know.

 

Stay cool.

[whichwayisup]

Also, carry a voice activated recorder with you if possible. Just incase you need to use it in court to protect yourself.

 

I can't remember, but did you tell the OM's parents about their sons involvement with your wife?

[bklk1227]

Thanks all...

 

I definitely realize that at this point her actions are hurting her in the long run more than it is hurting me in the short term. The immediate impact is on the children. As soon as the TRO is dismissed on Monday morning I will be in my attorney's office wrapping up the filing. She has not tried to contact me since I was served, thankfully.

 

I have not contacted OM's parents since the beginning of Jan. I won't be doing anything of that nature until this issues is resolved. I have enough evidence to establish my position as the custodial parent - from this bogus restraining order to the issue of OM blocking my ability to email the school server. Which if I haven't mentioned I found out about when I emailed my daughter's teacher on an issue from my work email only to recieve a response telling me my email address had been "blocked" on the server.

 

She definitely realizes that control has shifted to my favor in this since her discussion with a friend of mine yesterday(who is oddly going through just as nasty a divorce) she said she was willing to do whatever I wanted as long as I didn't use this mistake against her - HA! A deal like that requires trust.. and that well went dry...

 

I'll keep you all posted...

[whichwayisup]

the issue of OM blocking my ability to email the school server. Which if I haven't mentioned I found out about when I emailed my daughter's teacher on an issue from my work email only to recieve a response telling me my email address had been "blocked" on the server.

 

The guy should be FIRED for that. Disguisting..........

 

I can't wait for his boss, the Principle to bust him for that one.

[Gunny376]

I don't re-call, but it sounds like the OM and ES (enstranged spouse) are school teachers ~ if so there probally a morality clause in their contracts ~ tenured or not ~ but I'd tread likely here ~ in going after the OM ~ you're going to have collaterial damage in the wife potentionally losing her job.

 

Don't know the specific laws of your location ~ but in Alabama its not illegal for you to tape your telephone conversations. With a VOX micro-recorder, and a suction cup microphone with a .5mm jack that attaches to the phone you can record away. The microphone can be purchased at Radio Shack for less than $10.

[Sup]

I agree Sup ~ but you've got to understand I'm a genuine, USDA certified *******! (Got the USDA stamp on my azz ~ and everything!) when it comes to these kind of things. I had Mr. Reality put a whipping on this old boy ~ and its not one that I will ever soon forget ~ I'm here to stand up and testfy. Mr. R taught me that he doesn't play ~ and so I don't play!

 

 

No doubts here!

[Sup]

I wish I could say I'm surprised... but unfortunately it seems to be a fairly common tactic for wayward wives when their husbands move back into the house without approval like you did. That's why I told you earlier to avoid any kind of domestic disturbance.

 

She didn't want you back in the home and she found a way to put you out. The joke's on her though, because she's most likely going to look like a manipulator in court. I don't think anybody's going to believe that your were taking your child away if said child ended up in SCHOOL.

 

 

 

 

Heck, go ahead and see your kids. Every day if possible. Make sure you document thoroughly, particularly if you have trouble getting in touch with the contact person.

 

Your wife is most like going to try to backpeddle, much as she's already done by trying to stop the RO before it was served. She'd done something stupid and given you all sorts of ammo to take into court with you. She's provided evidence that she's NOT likely to be reasonable in a joint custody scenario by trying to manipulate the system. This isn't a new tactic that sitting family court judges won't recognize, you know.

 

Stay cool.

 

 

It wouldn't be wise to break that order, even if it's not legal, UNLESS he has the OK from his lawyer. BK, it's time to play even nastier! But DON'T get stupid, do EVERYTHING through your Lawyer!

[Sup]

Also, carry a voice activated recorder with you if possible. Just incase you need to use it in court to protect yourself.

 

I can't remember, but did you tell the OM's parents about their sons involvement with your wife?

 

 

He has to watch out for unlawful tape recordings, check with your Lawyer!

[Sup]

Thanks all...

 

I definitely realize that at this point her actions are hurting her in the long run more than it is hurting me in the short term. The immediate impact is on the children. As soon as the TRO is dismissed on Monday morning I will be in my attorney's office wrapping up the filing. She has not tried to contact me since I was served, thankfully.

 

I have not contacted OM's parents since the beginning of Jan. I won't be doing anything of that nature until this issues is resolved. I have enough evidence to establish my position as the custodial parent - from this bogus restraining order to the issue of OM blocking my ability to email the school server. Which if I haven't mentioned I found out about when I emailed my daughter's teacher on an issue from my work email only to recieve a response telling me my email address had been "blocked" on the server.

 

She definitely realizes that control has shifted to my favor in this since her discussion with a friend of mine yesterday(who is oddly going through just as nasty a divorce) she said she was willing to do whatever I wanted as long as I didn't use this mistake against her - HA! A deal like that requires trust.. and that well went dry...

 

I'll keep you all posted...

 

 

On that last section, she's phishing you, trying to PLAY you, feel sorry for HER, luring you, are ya getting this? She wanted you to hear that! Document EVERYTHING!, I know you are, but hey, I can't stress it enough, I mean, you've seen her getting REAL nasty with you and the children, she DOESN'T care, I know you know that too. By the way, while you're at it, make sure to go over EVERYTHING with your Lawyer to make sure the BOOTY is nicely, and completely covered. I say this because if ANY mistake is made, she'll have the time to try to pull one over on you. From now on out EXPECT the unexpectible, even the most crazy and/or sinister stuff, like her wanting you to die by hiring someone to kill you, not to scare you, but you gotta cover ALL those weird bases too.

[bklk1227]

My poor sister-in-law was dragged into this mess today and basically replaced me as the person my wife was going to manipulate. W needed a someone to mind the kids while she went to a school sponsored activity with OM. She asked my sister-in-law and gave her a TON of crap when my SIL said she couldn't do it. "you are never there for me"/"you are taking HIS side" etc... Long story short she forced my SIL to change all her plans to watch the kids tomorrow.

 

Disgusting. My SIL is in tears over this. She really didn't want to watch the kids so my W could do something with her OM - but she was sooo pressured. I am just glad I stuck to my guns and didn't cave(although I am really bummed right now).

 

The other development is that I resigned from my job... Should be a happy thing as this job caused a lot of the issues that led to the breakdown of communication in our marriage. But I can't fight the feeling that this would feel much better if she were here being happy for me.

 

I can't wait to get to that point where this is a bad memory and not a bad experience...

 

B

[Sup]

This will just show HER family what she's willing to do to have her fun, even if it hurts her own family. I hope that you quiting your job won't hurt you financially. When the dust finally does settle, and it WILL, Mr. Reality WILL be right there with HER showing her what she gave up. Hang in there, MAN! It WILL get better for you! Stick to your guns. Don't give her an Inch!

[AHIWON]

Your W is one self serving selfish manipulative person. Don't give her an inch. Eventually she will figure out why nobody is taking the bait on her own. Don't bother telling her why, she will never see it and just blame it all on you. Let her figure it out and tell your SIL never to put up with that again.

[bklk1227]

Restraining order was withdrawn... We have to meet with my daughters' therapist tonight... so we'll see how that goes...

[bklk1227]

Well, I am back in the house... I am leaving nothing to chance as you all indicated. On the other hand I am being as non-confrontational as possible to the point of our relationship seeming near normal to an outsider.

 

We will be continuing weekly sessions with my daughters' therapist to help us work through any conflicts that come up. Although I am not sure of the therapists true motives here... I think she is just trying to get us talking with a third party in the room.

 

So we went through almost a whole week with not one incident related to the divorce. As a matter of fact, I had tickets to go to a comedy show that I had purchased a while back and we thought it'd be a good idea if we went together. So we did. It was a group of people going so it was good to be out and distracted by a pretty talented comedian.

 

I am in a difficult spot however... I am ready to file for divorce but my daughter's therapist has asked me to hold off another week because she is afraid the result will create an extremely bad situation for the kids. My wife is not ready to be served and her reaction may be quite volatule.

 

So I am in a holding pattern for another week. If it goes like this week did, it shouldn't be a big deal.

 

I will keep you all posted.

[MoonGirl]

Glad the restraining order was withdrawn.

 

Is you wife also going to therapy? It sounds like you're going to have a very hard time creating some stability for your kids.