OUCH! She moved out yesterday morning.

[sumdude]

Youre not going to be divorced. You and your wife still love each other too damn much. I want you to make the effort to spend as much time with her as possible, despite her requests for space. Dont allow her to just completely fade out on you.

 

 

Anyway, I know youre sick to death of this subject for now. And I know its only the beginning, but I just wanted to tell you to keep your head up and knowing you are so tough and a good fighter... well, I just know that you will make it through this seperation, and someday soon things will be even better if you just have faith in yourself. Your wife seems to be a good person stuck with some sh*itty choices to have to make. But I just know she will choose you and she will come back to you. You just got to give her a good reason to. You have to show her you got what it takes. Youre sum dude!

 

 

Thanks a lot Romeo,

I wish I was tired haven't been able to sleep much for weeks. I want to spend time with her but right now she won't let me. She barely wants to even talk. And that scares me...I know it's only been 2 days but still.

 

I'm just trying to deal with all the emotions. I fell betrayed, abandoned, angry and I also feel ashamed and guilty. Waiting for her to call me is driving me nuts. She's running the whole show and I don't know the damn rules!

[PWSX3]

Waiting for her to call me is driving me nuts. She's running the whole show and I don't know the damn rules!

I'm not so sure I agree with this, are "YOU" the one that wants to stop drinking? She has nothing to do with that, this is "your demon" that you have to deal with yourself.

Have you thought of going to a gym? I know my situation is different but I found it is a good way to waste some positive time, and you get a bonus out of it, you might get in better shape.

 

I used to drink in my younger years, but I don't drink now so I'm not a lot of help but I have had friends go thru this. One thing you do need to remember if you go to an AA meeting or any type of group everyone that is there is there for the same reason. You shouldn't feel bad, out of place, etc because everyone there is either trying to get help or are trying to help people since they have been there done that.

 

Just like you came here for anwsers and help, those places will also be able to help.

I feel you have taken the first step and you know you have a situation that you need to work on, but now it's time to put the pride to the side and get some help.

 

As for your W, I feel she is taking time off for herself and wants to see if you are really honest with yourself and wants to see if you are going to do something about it, this drinking problem is yours and only "YOU" can do something about it.

I feel once she sees you are serious about getting better then she will start coming around but don't worry about that now.

 

GOOD LUCK, I know from seeing friends going thru this it's not pretty and it's no picinic!!!

[a4a]

Thanks a lot Romeo,

I wish I was tired haven't been able to sleep much for weeks. I want to spend time with her but right now she won't let me. She barely wants to even talk. And that scares me...I know it's only been 2 days but still.

 

I'm just trying to deal with all the emotions. I fell betrayed, abandoned, angry and I also feel ashamed and guilty. Waiting for her to call me is driving me nuts. She's running the whole show and I don't know the damn rules!

 

Interesting. How do you think she feels? How do you think she felt dealing with your drinking?

 

How do you think she felt with your drinking effecting her life?

 

Perhaps she was feeling the same way you do right now....... unsure, afraid, betrayed, and abandoned...... along with anger.

 

Get your ass to AA. You need to get your life straightened up for you.

[lovelorcet]

Hey man!

 

Listen closely because I want to make a really important point here. My father is an alcoholic and I had to grow up in this type of environment. I have a deep appreciation for how your wife feels when she looks at you and I am very sensitive to how an alcoholic behaves; I know all the tricks.

 

You are just starting to be able to admit that you are an alcoholic and that is positive BUT AC is 100% right on in that you are still in denial. Your post scream the hidden denial within you and AC is trying to point this out.

 

As an alcoholic you have completely destroyed the trust within your relationship and you have to build that again. You have to admit that you are powerless to alcohol and accept this.

 

You have to do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober and NO EXCUSES!

 

An alcoholic will find excuses and rationalization for his behavior all the time and the people who are close to you will feel this and your excuses just destroys any trust that is left.

 

My father promised all the time he would stop... He would go a few months maybe a year but we always ended up back at square one. Needless to say I have removed my father from my life and have not had contact with him for 4 years.

 

You what a chance to win your wife back?

 

stay sober and stay that way FOREVER

[sumdude]

I called her this morning and she even answered. We talked for a few minutes. Looks like there's hope to fix all this. We going to see each other on Saturday for coffee or something. (how wierd that will be) Obviously i know what I need to do. I guess during he first joint counciling session on Tuesday I'll get a better idea of the rules and boundaries. Our anniversary is on April 2nd and I wonder if maybe we could make that a milestone but obviously it's not up to me. I have to figure out how to pay the rent on one salary....this is gonna suck major. BTW still clean. Need to renew the gym membershipa and find some new hobbies. I'm a musician part time and the hardest thing is going into clubs to play and resisting there. I can avoid them for a while but it a part of my life I'm not willing to give up.

 

damn damn damn

 

I have a new mantra when things start to steer me the wrong way or I feel a can't cope.

 

You know the character Dori in "Finding Nemo" ?

 

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."

 

works so far

 

Thanks for all the support.

[Art_Critic]

I'm a musician part time and the hardest thing is going into clubs to play and resisting there. I can avoid them for a while but it a part of my life I'm not willing to give up.

 

It will only bother you if you want to drink but can't.

This would be dry and not sober.

 

If you truly don't want to drink it won't bother you..

The reality is that you are going to have to be around it the rest of your life..

You will have the option of buying it on every street corner..

 

Of course staying away from your old haunts is a very good idea.. why tempt yourself until your footing is stronger..

 

I'm around it all the time.. all my friends drink.. and all of the people I have had relationships with drink..

I'm always the designated driver at group functions too.

But since I don't want to drink it doesn't bother me..

 

Good Luck in straightening yourself up..

 

Don't get sober for your wife.. get sober for yourself..

 

Peace Out...

[harleygirl92156]

it a part of my life I'm not willing to give up.

 

You know how we will all know your serious? You will do WHATEVER it takes and go to any lengths to get and maintain your sobriety.

 

Your just not there yet making statements like that.

[sumdude]

You know how we will all know your serious? You will do WHATEVER it takes and go to any lengths to get and maintain your sobriety.

 

Your just not there yet making statements like that.

 

Well I don't want to give up playing music, no way. It's my only other true passion besides my wife. Maybe you didn't get that part about me being a musician. I'm going to have to learn to control my impulses and play sober.

[sumdude]

Well I'm not having any big urges but I'm still going to a meeting tonight. Yeah it's AA but that's the only one going on tonight. I'll try a different one next week when it's sheduled. I'm busy vacillating betweek rage at her and my own guilt. Trust is going to be a problem we'll have to work on.

[whichwayisup]

You can go to AA meetings anytime, anywhere, just look it up, depending where you live.

 

My bestfriend has been sober for years now, and she STILL sometimes feels the need to go to AA meetings, sometimes daily, sometimes 2 times a day depending on how she feels.

 

First you have to fix yourself before you fix your marriage. This is why your wife has left. She loves you, you know that, right??? So, have faith that she'll be there when you ARE better.

[Art_Critic]

I'm busy vacillating betweek rage at her and my own guilt.

 

These are feelings that we as Alcoholics cover up by drinking.. you are having to actually feel them full on without the use of a depressant..

 

Keep going to meetings.. Keep going to the online programs.. whatever is keeping you sober keep doing it..

Even if you can't make sense of any of it yet just keep doing it.. When the fog clears it will all fall into place.

[blind_otter]

These are feelings that we as Alcoholics cover up by drinking.. you are having to actually feel them full on without the use of a depressant..

 

Keep going to meetings.. Keep going to the online programs.. whatever is keeping you sober keep doing it..

Even if you can't make sense of any of it yet just keep doing it.. When the fog clears it will all fall into place.

 

Word. It takes a while of being sober before your brain heals itself. And I can say from personal experience that it can be hell handling all the emotions that you used to stuff with drinking.

 

Just go to the meeting without any expectations. Believe me, it will be a relief. People there will understand a lot more than we can on LS.

[sumdude]

The thing that gets me is the WAY that she left. So cold and calculated. Drives me to work, says bye love you. Goes home then packs and moves in about 4 hours. There was no discussion or lead up to this just BANG the pitchfork to the back. She was bizarrly nice to me the day before too. I still wonder if my suspicions might not have been so far off. AAARGH

 

She SAYS she wants to work on it. It's hard to believe what she's saying after the way she just played me with the move. Can any woman out explain all that?

 

My mind keeps racing, trying relaxation techniques etc. Can't sleep. ugh It would be one thing if I was just kicking the booze but her leaving on top is seriously stressing me.

 

Still dry though.

[mum2three]

Seems like a very cowardly act by your wife. Treat your mind and body healthy. Got great supporters here.

[whichwayisup]

The thing that gets me is the WAY that she left. So cold and calculated. Drives me to work, says bye love you. Goes home then packs and moves in about 4 hours. There was no discussion or lead up to this just BANG the pitchfork to the back. She was bizarrly nice to me the day before too. I still wonder if my suspicions might not have been so far off. AAARGH

 

She SAYS she wants to work on it. It's hard to believe what she's saying after the way she just played me with the move. Can any woman out explain all that?

 

My mind keeps racing, trying relaxation techniques etc. Can't sleep. ugh It would be one thing if I was just kicking the booze but her leaving on top is seriously stressing me.

 

Still dry though.

 

Maybe it was the only way for her to leave, so you CAN fix yourself.

 

Don't focus on that, it's not worth getting upset over. You two have talked since then and she does love you! Focus at what's infront of you NOW and what you need to do so you can get better.

 

Do some yoga! It will help relax your mind and body. If you can, tomorrow, go out and buy a beginners tape (they're about 20-25 mins in length, not 2 hours!!) and try it.

[Romeo Must Die]

 

She SAYS she wants to work on it. It's hard to believe what she's saying after the way she just played me with the move. Can any woman out explain all that?

 

Probably because you would have convinced her to stay, and remain in a situation where she cannot possibly bear to watch you die another day.

 

Remember she has lost a few people in her life to alcolhol. Try to imagine what that is like for her.

 

[sumdude]

Probably because you would have convinced her to stay, and remain in a situation where she cannot possibly bear to watch you die another day.

 

Remember she has lost a few people in her life to alcolhol. Try to imagine what that is like for her.

 

 

 

I imagine you're right. It might have gotten ugly when she tried to move. Not violent but definitly ugly. Faced with losing someone or something that important people can do crazy things. I already started to when I thought she might be having an affair or leaving me. Go figure, my actions in response to her actions were probably the final push to send her away. Crazy cause and effect. She acts out because she's unhappy, starts to go away slowly to find time for herself doing whatever. I freak out because I think I'm losing or have lost her. A vicous cycle begins with only a bad outcome possible. God I miss her. Guess I need to work on this alone for now.

 

*sigh*

[Ms.Smith]

I tried posting this as a guest, but that didn't work well, so I have to try saying it all over again. Well, here goes.

I've seen a lot of supportive posts for you here and that's really good. You need all the support you get and I believe you deserve all the praise, too.

Now I'm going to tell you some other things that you should know.

 

Your wife had every right to leave you and NOT agree to still work on your marriage. You're drinking yourself into an early grave and trying to drag her down with you. She has a right to live a full life.

 

"She dressed up for work in the morning. Dropped me off at work, kissed me said I love you. Then went home packed and moved out"

*That's very sad for you, but very good for both of you.

"I shouldn't care right now about what she took but is there something there symbolically?"

*There's a very real chance that you will not fix yourself and she will never get to come back. It's good that she took these things that have value to her.

"Friday she made her decision to leave(silently)"

*She wasn't the only one who made this decision and it wasn't made silently. You agreed to this: "I remember your posts from last year when things started escallating. Your wife said she lost family to alcohol and didn't want to lose you too." , so it's been in discussion for at least a year.

"I fell betrayed, abandoned, angry and I also feel ashamed and guilty."

*No one has betrayed or abandoned you. On the contrary, you abandoned your wife. You betrayed her for alcohol. She hasn't done anything to you.

"Waiting for her to call me is driving me nuts. She's running the whole show and I don't know the damn rules!"

*Again, she isn't the only one who was involved in this decision.

*This part isn't something just you do, I see it a lot all over these posts. Why do you need to make all the rules? It's only men who I've seen post remarks like this, so is it because you're the man? Doesn't a woman have the right to make the rules sometimes? It's her life, too.

"I guess during he first joint counciling session on Tuesday I'll get a better idea of the rules and boundaries."

*Can't you just treat her like a friend? Would you expect a friend to be ready and waiting to answer every time you called, no matter how often?

"I'm busy vacillating betweek rage at her and my own guilt."

*Rage at her for what?

"The thing that gets me is the WAY that she left. So cold and calculated."

*I don't see it that way.

"Drives me to work, says bye love you."

*That was very kind of her to still be concerned about how you got to work. She didn't lie when she said she loved you.

"Goes home then packs and moves in about 4 hours."

*She did everything she could to not mess up your schedule or put you through any trouble. She's been very nice about the whole thing.

"There was no discussion or lead up to this just BANG the pitchfork to the back. She was bizarrly nice to me the day before too."

*The discussion and lead up has been going on for "2+ years and it was pretty heavy", not to mention you were supposed to have started working on this "last year when things started escallating." She's been hanging in there for 2+ years watching you do the exact thing she said was killing both of you inside. She's been waiting and waiting for you to put her before the alcohol. You never did. You just ignored her.

"She SAYS she wants to work on it. It's hard to believe what she's saying after the way she just played me with the move. Can any woman out explain all that?"

*She has no reason to lie at this point. She didn't play you. I can't believe she's giving you more time. I have to respect her for that. I really hope you deserve her.

 

I have to say that it's really my opinion that she hasn't done anything wrong to you. She's probably begged and pleaded with you for the past 2+ years, and you probably made promises and broke them over and over again. I couldn't go through what she's gone through and will keep going through if she tries to work it out with you. She's one tough lady with a gigantic heart!

 

All that being said, I hope you really pull through this, and win her back, and make her happier than she ever imagined. If you do, I hope she makes you the happiest man alive (and I'd be willing to bet she would!)

[sumdude]

Hi Ms. Smith, I can't really argue with what you wrote. I was just venting my feelings. I do have them. It was an EXTREMELY emotional moment. Major roller coaster just coming off the booze alone which i started 3 days before she left, add the separation and whoa nelly. I've calmed down some since then.

 

"Drives me to work, says bye love you."

*That was very kind of her to still be concerned about how you got to work.

 

Well I have other ways to work, she doesn't usually drive me in. I think it was a practical matter of making sure I was at work so she could go about her business at the house. Makes sense to me.

 

Anyhow I've been doing better. Still dry, still working with the online programs as well as going to AA meetings. Deciding about maybe a sponsor. Think I found one I like who's at 30 years sober. She and I have had a couple good conversations and I'm meeting her tomorrow for lunch. There's hope for me and some hope for the relationship but it'll take some time before she trusts my sobriety. Then there will be more work to do. Hell, I even admitted to her that leaving may have been the only way to save it. Go figure.

[dropdeadlegs]

While I applaud your days of dryness that is a far cry from sober. At the same time dryness is better than drunkenness.

 

Can you state your desire without mentioning your wife and her actions?

 

Her leaving may have been the impetus (driving force) for your current dryness ( I don't see even a lengthy dry period as sobriety, much less recovery) but how are you feeling about the possibility of NEVER taking another drink?

 

That is the real question. Performing in clubs/bars as a passion will be difficult and require a whole lot more willpower than even the best alcoholic can handle. That is the truth, if you can handle it. Recovery involves a lot of change.

 

I've been dancing this dance for nearly 25 years. I do better at times (still drinking) and I fall back into a deep dark pit averaging on once every 7 years. The last seven years actually had me arrested and charged with DUI twice at almost one year intervals in 2003 and 2004. Those were during the dark pit times. I manage to drink and stay off the road nowadays, don't frequent bars, because I'm in a relationship with a man who drinks but is definitely not an alcoholic. He rarely drinks, but does on occasion. If only we all were so fortunate to not be afflicted with this disease.

 

I admit I am an alcoholic all the time. Many of my friends/acquaintances do. We just don't do anything about it. Alcoholics (non-recovering) tend to have alcoholic (again, non-recovering) friends. People in general flock to those with like interests. As I said, it's not so bad now, but I know that tomorrow I could be in that dark place again. I'm not drinking near about as much nor as often as I have in the past, but I'm still seeking something from alcohol that I haven't found elsewhere. And I recognize that it is abuse of alcohol, not use. It's a habit in the same way that a heroin user does what they do, only my vice is legal to purchase.

 

You have to stop for you. No wife or children, or job, or anything else can be the reason. They can only be the impetus.

[Romeo Must Die]

Hell, I even admitted to her that leaving may have been the only way to save it. Go figure.

 

Sometimes it take jeopardy to make us realise the value we have for others and ourselves. People take each other for granted all the time, but life is full of changes. We just don't always see it coming.

 

I know you feel so bad right now. If it makes you feel any better, I want to say that I am really, really proud of you because you have come a long way SD, and everything has changed since that last (big) discussion we had.

 

You finally admitted you had a problem.

 

It may not seem like much, but the first step is always the hardest one to take. I could hardly believe that you came back and told us this. I'm not rubbing it in. I just felt bad because I couldnt do anything to help you then. No matter what I said it just seemed like I kept saying the wrong things (with the right intentions) but you got there on your own. Now that things are seemingly at their worst and I bet you're wondering how anyone could even care about you, but I am really proud of you.

 

It's not always going to feel this way. Maybe once this alcolhol is purged out of your system (physically) and your mind (emotionally) you will feel brand new and alive again. Maybe thats when you'll start doing it for yourself. Drink alot of coffee. Keep your mind diverted from drinking at all costs, especially when you are under stress.

 

Look, it could have been alot worse. Right? There are those like my mom who just never get it. I choose stay away from her, keep my children away from her. They will never know my history. It will die with me. The last time I saw her was on mothers day, about ten years ago. She didn't even know who I was. She called me by my other sisters name. Guess again. She wiped out her history and everything she was. It's all gone.

 

It's going to take a lot of work, but I know you can do this. I believe that with all my heart. You are so much more strong minded that she ever was. It has been a really long and difficult week, but now that you have made that important first step, just keep heading in the right direction until you get to where you are going.

 

[Ms.Smith]

Hi Sumdude!

I read your reply and it sounds like you're doing really good. I'm really glad I didn't upset you too much. I just wanted to help you see her side.

It sounds like you have an incredibly strong heart. I realize it's only been 3 days since this happened and you're already able to think about things clearly. This could be the beginning of a beautiful story with a happy ending. I hope you continue posting here so we can all find out. I know forums aren't the same as meeting people in person for support, but it can be a powerful source of additional support.

I also want to let you know that my husband was a recovering drug addict when we got together (2 years doing "tweak") and we worked through that in a matter of months. Some people just recover fast. He went to NA and got a sponsor, which really helped in the beginning, but found that he didn't need NA for very long. After the initial cravings were gone he found the meetings very depressing and couldn't continue with them. To each their own.

Good luck, and please keep in touch.

[sumdude]

Thanks Romeo,

Yep I'm a stubborn mule but I can admit my mistakes .. sometimes... I'm a good man with a bad problem. There are more problems under that hoary log too. I'm lucky to have a lot of freinds around me not all who are drinkers and they have been there for me . I have my dad who is so well intentioned but he can't help me with this one. But he can be there for me. I also lucky to have some good folks here at LS.

 

Today was a super roller coaster. Saw my wife for the first time since the move. I cleaned up and dressed nice to meet her for breakfast. Not that I'm generally a slob but just a bit extra today to let her know I'm keepin on. We had a good talk, cleared up a few things. Took care of a couple things, i gave her the second TV since she doesn't have one right now. Got new cell phones, decided to keep the plan. She did say "just keep walkin the walk

" and also "no guarantees". It was so damn good to see her and talk to her, even worth the intense pain of seeing her drive away, damn those eyes.

 

After she left I had a pretty good sob fest (yeah a man cries) and went through a hell of a lot of emotions. Then I went for a bike ride, came home and started laundry. If you ever saw the movie Finding Nemo I took a phrase from the charachter Dory " Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" I say it so much I drive myself crazy but it works so far. Just going one moment at a time. At least i wrote 3 songs out of this already..

[PWSX3]

After she left I had a pretty good sob fest (yeah a man cries) and went through a hell of a lot of emotions.

O.K. from one dude to another, this is awesome to hear, that should show you that you are human, you don't have to be that tuff guy, and when you cry you start to feel emotions, which will start bringing out things in you, you didn't even know or think about before.

Then I went for a bike ride, came home and started laundry.

Again, yes us guys can do laundry as well & after a while you will realize you can live by yourself if you had to and that will also makes things easier.

If you ever saw the movie Finding Nemo I took a phrase from the charachter Dory " Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" I say it so much I drive myself crazy but it works so far. Just going one moment at a time. At least i wrote 3 songs out of this already..

I really hope you take this bull by the cahoona's. (sorry I can't spell spanish any better then I can speak it. ) because if "YOU" are really dedicated you will be such a better person because of it when it's all over.

[Gunny376]

The thing that gets me is the WAY that she left. So cold and calculated. Drives me to work, says bye love you. Goes home then packs and moves in about 4 hours. There was no discussion or lead up to this just BANG the pitchfork to the back. She was bizarrly nice to me the day before too. I still wonder if my suspicions might not have been so far off. AAARGH

 

Not really?! She actually handed you the easier, softer version of it. Try being all huggy, kissy, etc off in the A.M, having just gotten back from vacation, with A.M talk about what you want for dinner tonight, Bye-bye, love you, see you tonight, kiss~kiss and all of that. Then coming home that afternoon with two sherriff's deputies in your driveway, handing you RO papers, and telling you ~ you've got an half hour to pack your grip and shaving kit.

 

In the ensuing divorce, the wife got the kids, the house and everything in it, and move the new BF in. This is what a bud of mine just went through.

 

Once you've been around the track a couple of times, and you've become a student of this ~ you'll find that all the stories are the same ~ yet different. There arse many, many different levels of Hell.

 

You've got some good things working for you ~ for one you and the wife are still communicating, talking, etc. and she's not completely thrown in the towel. She's telling you that she want to work at it, and wants the marriage ~ and that means that she's still emotionally engaged with you. She's not shopping for another husband she's wanting you and needing you to get your freaking act together. Minus the drinking and all that goes with it.

 

Drinking and drugs doesn't accomplish a damn thing, doesn't prevent anything, doesn't undo anything, dosen't change a damn thing, doesn't make you smarter, more attractive. It does consume a lot of time, effort, energy, and money that could be invested in other things.

 

Sorry, Pal, but I'm not buying the bit about your music and bars. There are and I have been to plenty of places where they have music and no alcohol. Coffee shops are one of my favorites. Church is another. Here locally pickers and grinners get together all of the time ~ just to commune and well, pick and grin. The band Sea Level (the remenants of the Allman Brothers Band) use to put on outdoor concerts for free in Savanah, Ga. and there wasn't any alcohol involved. It was in a park, where you could bring a picnic basket, throw a blanket on the ground, and bring the kids.

 

As far as the insomina ~ go yea to WalMart to the vitamin and herbal section and get some melatonin. They sell it in 3mg, 5mg, and 300mmg dosage. All of the bottles will recommed that you take one tablet, but that's going to be dependent upon your body mass. It cost about $5 to 8 a bottle for a 200 count. I take between 2 to 3 half hour before bedtime. It will make you sleepy, watery eyes, yawning etc. And, it will clear your mind so you can go to sleep. It won't knock you out ~ so that you can't get up and take care of children, hear the smoke alarm etc. But it will help you get to sleep. More than about three might ~ but I've never taken more than three. When I have taken up to three ~ it does make me feel groggy the next morning, ~ so I seldom take more than two. If I've got to be up and at them the next morning I don't take more than one.

 

What Melatonin is ~ is the natural hormone that your pituarty gland secretes. It regulates your natural internal "organic" clock as to when to sleep and when to wake up. Once you get into your thirties and forties, your body produces less of it ~ and you have a harder time getting to sleep and staying asleep.

 

Airline pilots flying the "Redeye from the East Coast to the West Coast use it to re-set their internal bio-logical clocks. Its non-presectiption, over the counter, and non-addictive.

 

The other thing that you need to be doing in so far as sleep goes, (and in regards to your drinking) is getting your butt up an hour earlier, and getting more physcial exercise incorporated into you lifestyle. When I was in the Marines, one of the things that landed you on the remedial PT (Physical Fitness) program for six months was being involved in any kind of drinking related incident. Be it a DUI, DWI, fight in a bar, etc. Its hard being a drunk with a hang over having to get up and run six miles every morning at 5:30 come hale, rain, sleet or snow! If you're having trouble sleeping ~ its because you're not physically not active enough. Trust me, you work that body enough ~ you're not going to have any problems getting to sleep at night! No matter what's going on in your life.

 

The best thing you can do in regards to the wife, your situation, your seperation, drinking, is to get busy getting busy. You need some good sixteen hour days. Work, work, and more work. I'm not saying go from being an alcholic to a work~aholic. I'm saying get busy ~ getting busy. Physically. In other words, physically exhaust yourself. When I was going through what you're now going through ~ I was running a minimum of three miles a day ~ everyday. One day the XW and I got into it, I got PO and ended up running ten miles ~ I was so PO! But, it pumped my brain with endorpines, and all the anger was gone when I got back, and I was on a natural high!

 

The thing about PT, is the action must preced the need. At first you won't feel like doing it, but if you do it, you will soon need to do it! This can be reduced to a formula which can be applied to any human endevor. That is to say E=r in which in the begining it requires a tremendous amount of effort to gain little results, but with time it becomes e=R in which little effort yields great results!