How Should I Handle This?

[Andee73]

So you think it could jeopardize anything possibly developing in the future?

[Ally Boo]

He's not exactly the going out on a limb type. He seems really shy, and it could work either way....on one hand it might encourage him to talk to you, by realizing that you really ARE intrested. If knowing straight up will make you feel the best, then write him a quick email and tell him that next time he sees you he owes you TWO drinks.

[Andee73]

That is a good way to put it. I can either email him or call him and leave a message and say that. I do need to know the deal though if he is involved or not.

[Andee73]

Well I made the phone call. Of course I had everything planned on what to say and it didn't turn out that way! I planned on l/m on his v/m and then when he called back if he didn't have a legit excuse for not calling I would have just asked what was up, don't tell me you are going to call when you aren't. I have been interested in you for a long time but couldn't persue things in the past, but if you are not interested or are involved, that is fine...blah, blah, blah. Just be out with it. Well he answered and all thoughts went out of my head!! He was very pleasant and I had started off by asking if he remembered anything about Sat. and he said, "some-I remember someone attacked me" and that" we made quite a display (meaning kissing alot)" I was being pleasant, serious yet light-hearted and laughed and I said "Who attacked who?" Yeah, a little embarrassing-regrets? " He just laughed. Then I proceeded to tell him I figured I would call to say "Hi and see what's up since I didn't know if he remembered he said he was going to give me a call. I didn't want to step on any toes and wasn't sure if I should call but I just figured I would say hi, and see what's up. He was fine about it. He said he remembered Mon.but had to go to MD on business Mon. & Tues. then when he got back was playing catch up with all his work in the office. I am thinking it only takes a second to pick up the phone when you go home. I was annoyed but didn't let on. THen I asked what he was doing this week and he said working on his car Fri. (today) and going to the shore on Sat. He said "so mabe I will see you at the club Sat?" I said I don't know -my friend wants to go, it would be nice but I am not sure yet, maybe.

Then he said, some people are a bad influence around me though, and makes me do bad things-I was like, "WHo? not ME.

So I said, that's alright, I can stay away and he jumped and said" oh, no!! It can be a good thing!"

 

I am feeling like he only wants to be bothered when he sees me out. On one hand, it sounds like he is still interested by that last comment but at the same time, he doesn't put any effort into calling. What do you think? What do I do when I see him?

[Andee73]

P.S. I think maybe it is possible he was embarrassed about Sat.

I spoke to my friend who told me back a few years ago that he was interested and she said back then he was too shy to ask me out. However, who knows how he is now.

[Ally Boo]

He's not intrested in anything outside of club stuff. If he was, he would have said, Hey you wanna go to the club with me. Not See ya at the club maybe.

[Andee73]

So you think he is interested but not enough to start persuing anything? Or not interested at all? I am so confused. Why would he be just interested when he sees me though?

[Ally Boo]

I don't think he's intrested period.

[Andee73]

Why would he have been interested when he saw me at the club though? Did I do something to mess up? I thought because he said he didn't want me to leave him alone maybe that was saying he still was or was he just trying to be nice and not be direct about not being interested?

[Ally Boo]

He was just wanting someone to have fun with....kind of a player thing. Just stay away from him. Be nice, but he is so not into it.

[BeReal]

Maybe he's trying not to come on too strong. Playing casual. Playing hard to get. Who knows with all the games people play. Do what you want to but watch out for your heart.

[Ally Boo]

I wouldn't invest ANY of my heart in this. I mean, they aren't even dating and look at how he's making her crazy! Love ain't about drama.

[Andee73]

Well, I am proud of myself. I am playing my cards right so far.

I saw him at the club this weekend and did my own thing until we ran into each other. Of course he was completely attentive to me and hugging me and when he tried to kiss me I put my finger to his lips and teasingly just told him no. Yet he knew by the look on my face I meant business. He wanted to know when he would see me again and I told him he has my number. Well, later in the night, I saw him talking to some girl at the bar it looked as if he knew her but I didn't know the deal, I think there may have been some flirting going on-hey he has a right to and so do I but it bothered me-well, I wanted to walk away but his friend saw me and called me over to say hello. Needless to say he looked uncomfortable. I talked to his friend and walked away and he came over and left the girl cold at the bar and came right over to me. I told him I didn't want to interrupt and he just gave me this look-well he wanted to make a date and I said o.k. call me to confirm it. Well, he said he woudl and I said yeah, like last week?

He just put his head down. To make a long story short, he emailed me yesterday and made a date with me. He wanted me to come to his house since he lives a distance away and I decided no-not yet so I told him no and he is taking me to dinner THurs. I am not getting my heart into this but I do like him so I am being careful.

[Ally Boo]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing!!! I'm proud!

[Andee73]

Thanks!!

[Andee73]

Well, the date went well. We went out for drinks and appetizers and had really good conversation. I found out by round about asking when talking about his schedule that he had a relationship 2 years ago that lasted a year. I didn't push for info about it though. Well, he came over my apartment and we talked but I wouldn't "do" anything with him. He of course tried but I told him "no". He understood. We messed around a bit and wrestled around, we joked -it was fun. He gave me a back massage and I ended up falling asleep so he stayed beside me and we both just fell asleep. It was so cute. I didn't hear from him. Sat. I went to a party of a mutual friend ( I told him I was invited) but he didn't discourage or encourage me about going. It would have been nice if he would have called Sat. to see if I decided to go or not because I told him I wasn't sure. He didn't . When I was there, I said hello and mingled on my own. I did my own thing. He came over a few times to talk but wasn't around me much like he used to be. He wasn't with any girls or anything though-just the guys. I let him be. When it came time to go to the club, I told him that our friend left without me so I guess I will have to walk over myself. You would think he would have offered to walk with me but no, he stayed and mingled! I was so mad! At the club when I saw him, we spoke briefly and I showed him where everyone was and walked away to find one of my other friends. He barely spoke to me. When I waved goodbye at the end, he just waved and didn't even come give me a hug!! I was so upset! THen when he was walking ahead of us in the parking lot outside, I had walked ahead with my head in the air. He saw me and tried to get my attention. I said hello and kept walking toward the car to look for my friend. He followed and as I was about to get in the car, he planted two soft kisses on my lips!! What was that all abou!!??!! I just said I had to go. I know my eyes were welling up with tears. I just don't get it. I sure don't think he is going to contact me. I don't know if it was a drunken reaction, if he was testing me all night to see if I would be clingy, if he was trying to play it cool around his friends, or had some other agenda. I don't know what to think.

[Ally Boo]

He's distancing himself from you. Guys can only take so much "intense" relationship stuff. Give him a break so he thinks you aren't smothering him and wait for him to come back. Guys are weird, but they DONT want to be smothered or controlled, and maybe that's an issue he has from his past relationship. Just chill out and let things happen. He'll come back.

[Andee73]

You really think so? I was invited back to the shorehouse this weekend but I really don't think I should go. I will still be going to the club but I will do my own thing. So you think he is still interested? It really was a turn off that he wasnt' gentleman enough to walk me to the club. I did good though, I didn't hang around him at all at the party. He came to me. I was talking with other people. I want to go back this weekend -one of the guys wants me to bring back my karaoke machine. I just don't think it is wise though. If he doesn't call this week, should I assume he isn't interested?

[Andee73]

I don't know if he could tell by my eyes that I was upset but if so, I hope that didn't push him away either. I don't know. Then part of me says well, let him see that your hurt!

[Ally Boo]

I mean, if you find it that much of a turn off, why are you worried about him anyway? If he isn't the kinda guy you want, then walk away from him, he doesn't deserve you.

 

I think it's obvious to you that this guy has issues. You can't save him, that's his job. So if you are craving drama, then hang around. But if you really honestly don't want games, then walk away.

 

You will never convince him that's you are safe for him, and that he can open up and forget his past heart aches....that's something only he can do. And it will take a LONG time...as you can tell, so if I were you, I'd just move on.

[Andee73]

Well, still no phone call or email. I guess he doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't get the kiss though. I know he isn't perfect and one or two things he did turned me off-I wish I could just write him off according to those things but there are so many good things I like about him. I feel like I just never got the chance to see what it was like to persue things with him. Maybe I missed out on my chance a few years ago. I don't understand what I did to turn him away and not contact me. I thought I was playing my cards right-but if that was the case-he should be persuing me by now. I am really depressed and confused about all this.

[Ally Boo]

Well have you ever taken into consideration that maybe it's HIS loss? You didn't miss out on anything. You did what you felt was right at the time. People change every second. Don't turn this around on yourself.

[ann-onymous]

ally's right, and she's been right all along... you've done nothing wrong! if he is, in fact, a shy guy that's alright, and you've "played your cards" just fine. you were respectable to him and yourself, too! i dont think you missed anything at all a few years back, he probably would have done the same thing.

 

just a though i had while reading through your posts, and i think ally brought this up already, but it seems that he is only interested in you when he's out at this club you guys go to... with your friends and all.

 

you guys kissed that one night and maybe he just expected that to happen again. after QUITE a bit of prodding, he finally asked you out. maybe he was expecting you to mess around with him some more?! i dont know, but that's just a thought.

 

you said he was drinking at the club, maybe he kissed you because of that? maybe he just wanted to see if you'd kiss him back, maybe more?

 

he just plain isn't showing any interest, and that's too bad. it's nothing to get depressed over. just chalk it up to experience. you've done nothing wrong, and think of it this way- at least you can still go out with all those friends again and not have to worry about having dated one of them and having awkward situations every weekend. dont worry about it!

[Ally Boo]

I agree, Ann.

 

You know, there are social smokers, social drinkers....are there social daters??? LOL If so, this guy is one!

[Andee73]

Thanks everyone. The fact is though, that I do feel uncomfortable now, hanging out with that group of people if he is there because I don't want him to think I am there because of him. I just can't comprehend how he can be attracted to me some days and then not bother the next-I tend to think I did something to turn him off -what I have no idea. I always looked my best when I was out and acted very pleasant. Maybe he is only out for a "good time" I guess.