smarty pants girl can't find a smarty pants boy

[Mary3]

I hope that isn't taken from a real life example of someone you knew. Funny you mentioned animals; I think a lot of women (me included) have a weakness for men who love them). That's maybe partly to do with coming from an animal-loving family. I went out for a while with a guy who didn't like animals at all (except cats), and whenever he made any reference to that, I felt quite unconnected from him.

 

I suppose emotional connections often relate to the familiar. People who make us feel like we're home when we're with them....and on that basis, maybe sometimes people resist emotional connections because they don't want to go home yet.

 

No ,thankfully it did not but if he did that I would throw him in front of a train just for the road kill effect

[SmoochieFace]

Plenty of men also love animals. If you feel that way about animals, then it's relaxing and fun to spend time with a friendly dog, horse, cat or whatever animal you prefer.

 

Agree...

[Kenyth]

If you are interested in animals you give an impression of being a kind person who will in turn treat her well. Same goes for little kids.

 

Despite popular beleif that girls want players that will treat them like crap, it isn't the case at all. We all want someone nice and who will treat us with respect. But we also don't want someone with no backbone, no opinons of his own and who is so clingy that will need to call us 10 times a day, will come on too way strong and will have hidden hostility towards women bubbling behind the surface (and yes we can sense that). Sadly, most self proclaimed nice guys fit onto the second category.

 

 

Women want someone with respect for them AND respect for themselves. That simple statement isn't much of a mystery. It's the finer details of how that translates into everyday actions that screws up most guys who don't have a clue. The "hidden hostility" you sense is probably related to frustration. They'd like you to give them explicit written directions on what to do, but that just doesn't happen.

 

A lot of what guys need is confidence, and you won't get that without lots of practice and rejection.

[magichands]

You're welcome to mock me all you like, but

I think I'm about done. Thanks for the opportunity. You might have had some good points, but I'd never admit it. Maybe one more for the road...here goes.

Toot! Excuse Me, I Bubbled.

 

Thinking About Wearing That Panther Costume For The Office Halloooweeenie Party This Year...better Phone The Wife And See If She Would Put It In The Bedroom For Me...picks Up Phone...tosses Phone Down....naw.....told Her About That This Morning...she'll Remember...

 

Ahhhh Triple Triples! Gulp

Better get that MPD seen to. Unless you forgot to take your drugs. I think dressing up as a panther is slightly off-topic for Halloween, but I've never been one to celebrate it anyway.

[Kenyth]

Plenty of men also love animals. If you feel that way about animals, then it's relaxing and fun to spend time with a friendly dog, horse, cat or whatever animal you prefer.

 

Some people might just view other animals purely as predators or prey, and therefore not see the purpose in developing any kind of bond with them. It's probably got a lot to do with upbringing and individual experiences at the paws (or hooves, or teeth) of animals.

 

You can tell a lot about an individual by how they treat children, the elderly, and small animals. A gem of a person with a lot of love will treat all three with kindness, respect, and understanding. Self centered and selfish people tend to dislike them. The ability to forgive and make amends without being a doormat is also a rarity.

[lindya]

People appreciate lindya, quite rightly, because she expresses herself very well - I'd say that people who enjoy that about her are drawn to her intellectually.

 

Thank you Easier when you've got time to think (and scope to edit) though.

 

I sometimes wonder how many people on this board are quite shy in real life and don't express themselves as well as they might in written form. Intelligence can be a hard thing to assess in the course of a brief conversation. Some people who are smart and confident will instantly strike you as very intelligent - but I think people who are shy or lacking in confidence often tend to be dismissed as less able than they actually are.

 

I'm quite shy in real life. Not so much now, perhaps, but certainly when I was younger. When I was at school, the marks I received from teachers were nearly always significantly lower than those I received from external examiners I hadn't met. The higher marks tended to be awarded to those pupils who had a lot of self confidence, sat at the front and frequently spoke up in class.

 

It wasn't that I had any particular clash with the markers who I knew, and who gave me lower marks - but I think I was just a bit invisible compared to some of those other pupils (many of whom scored a lot lower than I did in the national, independently marked exams). People often do just underestimate the abilities of people who seem to lack confidence.

 

Even professionals who are trained to assess these things can be swayed by personal impressions (eg "a bit quiet - possibly feeling out of his/her intellectual depth..."), which is why I'd urge the OP not to be overly hasty in dismissing the guys she meets as being intellectually less able. There's just too much scope to get these things wrong and do either others or oneself a disservice in the process.

[Mary3]

Thank you Easier when you've got time to think (and scope to edit) though.

 

I sometimes wonder how many people on this board are quite shy in real life and don't express themselves as well as they might in written form. Intelligence can be a hard thing to assess in the course of a brief conversation. Some people who are smart and confident will instantly strike you as very intelligent - but I think people who are shy or lacking in confidence often tend to be dismissed as less able than they actually are.

 

I'm quite shy in real life. Not so much now, perhaps, but certainly when I was younger. When I was at school, the marks I received from teachers were nearly always significantly lower than those I received from external examiners I hadn't met. The higher marks tended to be awarded to those pupils who had a lot of self confidence, sat at the front and frequently spoke up in class.

 

It wasn't that I had any particular clash with the markers who I knew, and who gave me lower marks - but I think I was just a bit invisible compared to some of those other pupils (many of whom scored a lot lower than I did in the national, independently marked exams). People often do just underestimate the abilities of people who seem to lack confidence.

 

Even professionals who are trained to assess these things can be swayed by personal impressions (eg "a bit quiet - possibly feeling out of his/her intellectual depth..."), which is why I'd urge the OP not to be overly hasty in dismissing the guys she meets as being intellectually less able. There's just too much scope to get these things wrong and do either others or oneself a disservice in the process.

 

I bet you were a great English student

[tedrack]

Not sure where to start - so I guess I'll just write and see where this goes...I'm 22 years old and have never had a boyfriend.

 

omfg I think I know who you are (miss s.t. in QC?) Ok even if that's not you, I have a friend who has your exact same story and age. And she's getting kind of depressed about her romantic life... I'll assume you're a lot like her.

 

First of all, you are too smart. You think too hard and you worry too much, or you think too much about the guys you meet. You might also overestimate how much control you have over your romantic life, and you overstimate your ability to evaluate the situations you're in in an unbiased fashion. Maybe you're a scientific person or someone who expects to be able to control or plan things.

 

Let me give an example. You have a complaint about the type of guys you THINK are attracted or not attracted to you. I would guess that your evaluation there is wrong, or incomplete -- it is incredibly hard for one to "self diagnose" themselves in this respect. this leads to negative feedback, you see a certain "type" of guy and you have an expectation of how he should behave towards you. Instead of going with the flow, you prejudge the situation and fulfill your expectation of how you and he will interact. This is a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

 

Here is my advice. Try to turn off your mind and stop having expectations. Let's say you're somewhere and you meet a guy who you are attracted to. Don't start second guessing yourself or him. It's a simple question - are you ATTRACTED to him? If yes you drop the hints and see what happens. Let things happen, don't rush things. If you see him a few times, see if you're still attracted or maybe you'll fall back to being friends.

 

what I'm trying to emphasize here is keep things simple. Don't analyze his future prospects or his education, you'll get caught up in unproductive thoughts. Try to stick to, "do I like him?". "Is he making me happy?" Those traits you admire will automatically factor into how you feel about him.

 

When you describe the type of guy you want (smart, productive etc) I'm sure you know you are grossly oversimplifying something that is very complex. Hell, I'm an educated, successful, good looking guy but that doesn't automatically mean you would be attracted to me. Similarly, you might find yourself attracted to a less educated guy if the right one comes along.

 

KEEP AN OPEN MIND AND GIVE GUYS A CHANCE (if you like them)

 

And if you are miss s.t. please stay off the acid, spend fewer hours on the games and for god sake get out and do more wholesome social activities!

[DanielMadr]

If you are interested in animals you give an impression of being a kind person who will in turn treat her well. Same goes for little kids.

 

Despite popular beleif that girls want players that will treat them like crap, it isn't the case at all. We all want someone nice and who will treat us with respect. But we also don't want someone with no backbone, no opinons of his own and who is so clingy that will need to call us 10 times a day, will come on too way strong and will have hidden hostility towards women bubbling behind the surface (and yes we can sense that). Sadly, most self proclaimed nice guys fit onto the second category.

 

Ehm... tha last paragraph where you write about clingy no backbone guys, thats exactly why some people dont like dogs....dogs are clingy, no backbone creatures with hidden hostility towards people and they dont tell a difference between good and bad people - you are their master or not.

 

 

Treat us with respect? I agree but you shouldnt forget that you have to earn the respect. And if you dont have it maybe it is more about you than them.

[Guest]

"Despite popular beleif that girls want players that will treat them like crap, it isn't the case at all. We all want someone nice and who will treat us with respect. But we also don't want someone with no backbone, no opinons of his own and who is so clingy that will need to call us 10 times a day, will come on too way strong and will have hidden hostility towards women bubbling behind the surface (and yes we can sense that). Sadly, most self proclaimed nice guys fit onto the second category."

 

you've said it a zillion times and u still don't see why that doesn't work..

 

see, you 'impression' of a bad boi comes from where? who have u had as bad bois? is having backbone mean u need to be an *******? see, it the polar opposite you want..and it doesn't exists in the middle...tough place to find guys i know...but when u scan thru next time go slower...