smarty pants girl can't find a smarty pants boy

[Guest]

I use 'intelligent' too, when what I really mean is 'interested in the world around him, open-minded enough to want to learn anything and bright enough to understand what he learns'. It's just easier to say 'intelligent'.

 

But yes, there are a lot of intelligent people who are so convinced of the greatness of their own intellect that they are very narrow-minded and unwilling to acknowledge they still don't know everything. Forgot to eliminate them from the calculation. So that leaves even fewer desirable, interesting men. And then if you're looking for one who's got a high EQ as well, you might as well sign up for a convent, I figure.

[westernxer]

I bet she'd find more guys if she changed her name to FoxNews Junkie.

 

Just kidding.

[Kittiecat]

I bet she'd find more guys if she changed her name to FoxNews Junkie.

 

Just kidding.

 

CNN - I think you need to introduce your smarts slowly. The guys are probably just intimidated. I'm not saying act like mindless bimbo or anything, just keep your knowledge of foreign affairs, politics, etc., under wraps for awhile until the guy realizes that it isn't your intent to make him look like a complete fool.

 

There's also the possibility you could really fall for someone who is not in love with CNN, but rather ESPN. Sometimes opposites do attract!

[lindya]

I seem to only attract guys who look at me as if I have 10 heads when I begin to talk about current affairs and attempt to engage in philsophical discussions. Those guys aren't bad guys by any means - they are just not compatible with me.

 

I think a lot of people can be very focused on intellectual matters when they're studying or working - but would prefer to switch off and relax with something a bit lighter during their time off.

 

I'm thinking of a very well-respected professor who was friendly with my parents. When I was a child, he came to a party my parents held, found me hidden away in a back room reading Murder on the Orient Express - and we ended up having an animated discussion about Agatha Christie books. Can you imagine the ire of any single ladies at that party? "I spent all night gruelling over a history of World War 2 in preparation for meeting him. That bloody child and her knowledge of light detective fiction..."

 

Anyway, the point is that the intellectual guy you're looking for might prefer to spend his time off discussing fishing, rugby, pebble-polishing or whatever other things he does for relaxation. The "ten heads" stares you get when you talk about current affairs or philosophy could signify lack of understanding in some cases, but in other cases it might just be that you're not reading the other person's mood properly - and that they're not in the mood for a weighty conversation.

[Guest]

they're not in the mood for a weighty conversation.

 

I don't think I get this. 'Weighty conversation' sounds as though some sort of extra effort must be made to deal with it. Sort of like trying to conduct a conversation in German when you've just taken a year or so of language training.

 

If you're bright, it doesn't require additional effort or cost you anything to discuss whatever may come up. I can see how a professor might get tired of discussing his subject; but then again, usually if someone loves something enough to immerse his life in it, he's eager and willing to talk about it to anyone who'll listen.

 

I seriously doubt it was an issue of him trying to avoid 'weighty' conversations. He may just have felt like talking about Christie because her work is one of many interests. Nothing says that bright folks aren't allowed to read fiction, after all.

[lindya]

I don't think I get this. 'Weighty conversation' sounds as though some sort of extra effort must be made to deal with it. Sort of like trying to conduct a conversation in German when you've just taken a year or so of language training.

 

If you're bright, it doesn't require additional effort or cost you anything to discuss whatever may come up.

 

You contradict yourself in those two paragraphs. If you've only had a year of language training in German, it's harder to conduct a conversation in that language. We agree on that. Likewise, if you haven't studied aerospace engineering, you're going to be out of your depth in a conversation with people who have studied it.

 

You might be able to pick up some information about the subject, ask relevant questions and make some sense of the answers during that conversation, but don't tell me it's not going to take a bit more mental effort and concentration than a conversation about Pop Idol would. Especially if you're at a social event, it's late in the evening and you've had a couple of glasses of wine.

[CNNjunkie]

 

This is my question for you: Is intellectualizing the ONLY way you relate to people? Do you have non-intellectual interests? Do you like camping, sports, exercise, nature, anything non-intellectual? Art? Music? Politics? Do you belong to an organized religion? If you have some serious interest in a non-intellectual area, seek to bond with people in this area instead.

 

Intellectualizing is not the only way I relate to others. I was in a sorority in college (a not so distant past here), and had quite the active social life. I love live music and being outdoors (weather permitting of course), and I am a huge, HUGE sports fan. ESPN is actually my 2nd most-visited site (after CNN of course!). It's not that I don't have other interests - I do; however, discussing the woes of the Boston pitching staff gets a bit old after awhile.

 

 

Because CNN Junkie is under 30, and most of the under 30 guys just want to get laid. They don't want to talk current events, etc.

 

Perhaps I shall have to wait until I'm 30 to find someone!

[Guest]

You contradict yourself in those two paragraphs. If you've only had a year of language training in German, it's harder to conduct a conversation in that language. We agree on that. Likewise, if you haven't studied aerospace engineering, you're going to be out of your depth in a conversation with people who have studied it.

 

Perhaps the sentence construction could have been better. I'm saying that you make it sound as though conducting a 'weighty' conversation would be an effort for this professor for some reason - as though he would somehow be out of his depth the way a new language student might be in a roomful of native speakers.

 

And I was saying since he's a prof I imagine he wouldn't consider any of the discussions you described as 'weighty' (i.e. onerous) at all.

 

Now if he were an English prof surrounded by physicists who were spending the evening arguing the relative (ha ha) merits of various quantum theorists, I'd buy the 'Christie is easier on the brain' theory.

 

By suggesting that an intellectual guy might want to spend time off doing something else more relaxing implies that thinking about things other than fishing requires effort or is not relaxing even to someone who's bright.

 

The overall impression I got was that 'heavy' discussions were somehow work and something that everyone has to put forth effort to conduct and I'm saying it's not that much of a stretch, really.

[mine own self]

My male friends (and relatives) and I were looking for intellectual females in our teens and 20's, not just our 30's. Looking everywhere. Universities. Any type of thinking-leaning organization. But there were almost all males -- everywhere.

We used to talk about this all the time as teenagers and 20-somethings: where are the intelligent, YOUNG, females -- who are single and like males? Where where where?

It was so depressing.

Some of us gave up and married whatever kind of woman we thought we could deal with. I married one who said she wanted a family because I also wanted a family. Some of my male friends and relatives are still single in their 30's and maybe will never find their matches.

Writers' clubs, brainy-type leisure-learning classes, intellectual-leaning college-related organizations -- all of those were OVERWHELMINGLY dominated by males. All those guys in the philosophy-club I was in during my master's degree were all asking each other "Where can we find our kind of women?". It seemed like we all asked out the two females in the club and all got turned down.

 

Anyway, I suggest you do your looking now during your master's.

[iron_m]

My male friends (and relatives) and I were looking for intellectual females in our teens and 20's, not just our 30's. Looking everywhere. Universities. Any type of thinking-leaning organization. But there were almost all males -- everywhere.

We used to talk about this all the time as teenagers and 20-somethings: where are the intelligent, YOUNG, females -- who are single and like males? Where where where?

It was so depressing.

Some of us gave up and married whatever kind of woman we thought we could deal with. I married one who said she wanted a family because I also wanted a family. Some of my male friends and relatives are still single in their 30's and maybe will never find their matches.

Writers' clubs, brainy-type leisure-learning classes, intellectual-leaning college-related organizations -- all of those were OVERWHELMINGLY dominated by males. All those guys in the philosophy-club I was in during my master's degree were all asking each other "Where can we find our kind of women?". It seemed like we all asked out the two females in the club and all got turned down.

 

Anyway, I suggest you do your looking now during your master's.

 

well... in my school is the contrary.

Most of the single grad students are women. All my female friends complain that there are no men left and they appear to be targeting the same men than CNNjunkie.

 

So I guess that we have a huge spatial heterogeneity in the ratio of single females to single males in academia... I'd suggest transferring to another school .

[Kittiecat]

I'd suggest transferring to another school .

 

OR - she could get her degree and focus on the romantic stuff later. Multitasking is bullcrap.

[mine own self]

I don't think it's too much to have a relationship while working on a master's, as long as you don't get into too many other things.

Another thing to consider is whether she wants a family. If so, she still has time and I wouldn't pressure her (I'm glad I was in my 30's when my first child was born because I'd had years to ponder parenting-issues and to observe others having their kids plus I was an educator all that time, which I think is feeding into my parenting-skills). Nonetheless, as I mentioned, I gave up looking for my perfect match and got married in my early 30's. The point is, if you do want a family and you want to try to manage finding your "other half of the orange" (as they say in Mexico), then you probably don't want to stop looking even for a couple years while you work on a master's.

Besides, she's looking for a brainy guy. It's easier to find one at the university than after she's back out in the mainstream world.

[burning 4 revenge]

All the brainiest guys are in Mexico

[Noos]

My male friends (and relatives) and I were looking for intellectual females in our teens and 20's, not just our 30's. Looking everywhere. Universities. Any type of thinking-leaning organization. But there were almost all males -- everywhere.

We used to talk about this all the time as teenagers and 20-somethings: where are the intelligent, YOUNG, females -- who are single and like males? Where where where?

It was so depressing.

 

Well, it appears that dumb is the new black so why would young people place any importance on education?

 

Actually having an intelligent conversation about anything seems to be a real turn off to some people.

 

We live in a world where rock stars are meeting with heads of state to discuss third world debt relief and Brad Pitt reckons he has the sustainable housing and architectural answers to rebuilding New Orleans.

 

Just become famous and apparently you'll be an expert on par with any graduate from the London School of Economics or Frank Gehry.

 

Sorry...I'm ranting again...

[lindya]

Some of us gave up and married whatever kind of woman we thought we could deal with.

 

Hmmm. That very much reminds me of one of my ex boyfriends. "You top my list (of women) because you don't annoy me...but you're not my intellectual equal, and that frustrates me."

 

He was very taken by the notion of his own intellectual superiority, even though we studied the same subjects at university and received similar grades for our assignments. In conversation, he was very garrulous and opinionated. This was (and no doubt still is) what he appeared to base his sense of superiority on.

 

What was it that made you and your friends believe that your wives had nothing going for them - other than the fact that you could "deal with" them? At what point does awareness of one's intellectual ability start to slip over into short-sighted dismissal of other people's skills and talents because they don't mirror the package of skills and talents you personally possess?

[Ripples]

My male friends (and relatives) and I were looking for intellectual females in our teens and 20's, not just our 30's. Looking everywhere. Universities. Any type of thinking-leaning organization. But there were almost all males -- everywhere.

But not all male. So, I guess the females didn't want to date you? I wonder why that was.

 

Some of us gave up and married whatever kind of woman we thought we could deal with.

 

Out of interest, are you still married?

[mine own self]

But not all male. So, I guess the females didn't want to date you? I wonder why that was.

 

Well, the males were lined up waiting their turns. I mean the ratio was just so imbalanced, there weren't enough of the females to go around.

 

Out of interest, are you still married?

 

Almost 3 years into it. If it weren't for my little daughter, I would've left before 6 months. Not because my wife isn't an "intellectual", but for :(SO MANY:( other reasons.

[mine own self]

Hmmm. That very much reminds me of one of my ex boyfriends. "You top my list (of women) because you don't annoy me...but you're not my intellectual equal, and that frustrates me."

 

That was pretty cruel of him to say. Please read my responses below.

 

He was very taken by the notion of his own intellectual superiority, even though we studied the same subjects at university and received similar grades for our assignments. In conversation, he was very garrulous and opinionated. This was (and no doubt still is) what he appeared to base his sense of superiority on.

 

I'm sorry that your boyfriend was that way; but I'm talking about people having or not having an honest desire to learn and to try to understand the world. As many of the greatest teachers have shown us, this is better done through humility than in arrogance.

 

What was it that made you and your friends believe that your wives had nothing going for them - other than the fact that you could "deal with" them? At what point does awareness of one's intellectual ability start to slip over into short-sighted dismissal of other people's skills and talents because they don't mirror the package of skills and talents you personally possess?

 

I'm sorry to have offended you.

Let me try to illustrate: I have been working on one intellectual project for 18 years (related to but not credited by my degrees); I have spent years in other projects as well also for no academic credit or monetary gain. I spend MY FREE TIME trying to learn and understand. My wife is NOT an idiot. She is an engineer. But I do not believe that she has ever spent HER FREE TIME trying to learn or understand the world around her.

I have taught at colleges and universities. Many of my female students were smart and good students. But did they study subjects that were NOT required for course-credit? (Same goes for the males.) One Easter Sunday, when almost nobody was on campus, I went to the library at the university where I was teaching and saw one of my students there. I went up and spoke to her and she was reading a big, thick, very advanced math-textbook. I asked her what class it was for and she said it wasn't for a class -- she just loved math! That was 10 years ago; but it made such an impression that I still remember it -- that's what I mean by an "intellectual"!

 

Also, we're only speaking of intellectual aspects here because CNN Junkie had the same problem that I had -- finding someone who was intellectually compatible. But being a brilliant intellectual (and I'm not claiming to be one) does not make one A SUPERIOR HUMAN BEING. One of the most important people in my life has been my grandmother (almost 100 years old now), who received only an 8th-grade education because she had to drop out of school to help put food on the table for her family. She's not an intellectual; but she's one of my all-time favorite human beings I've ever known.

But when you're choosing your partner, and you're an intellectual, it is advisable that you seek to find one.

 

BTW, I hope you found/find someone nicer than your ex-boyfriend.

[Guest]

But when you're choosing your partner, and you're an intellectual, it is advisable that you seek to find one.

 

Gee but that's helpful.

 

Good thing to tell people to look. How's about suggesting where to look?

[Ripples]

Almost 3 years into it. If it weren't for my little daughter, I would've left before 6 months. Not because my wife isn't an "intellectual", but for :(SO MANY:( other reasons.

 

I wonder if she feels the same way

[Ripples]

Also, we're only speaking of intellectual aspects here because CNN Junkie had the same problem that I had -- finding someone who was intellectually compatible. But being a brilliant intellectual (and I'm not claiming to be one) does not make one A SUPERIOR HUMAN BEING.

Phew!

 

One of the most important people in my life has been my grandmother (almost 100 years old now), who received only an 8th-grade education because she had to drop out of school to help put food on the table for her family. She's not an intellectual; but she's one of my all-time favorite human beings I've ever known.

But when you're choosing your partner, and you're an intellectual, it is advisable that you seek to find one.

 

So, you have to receive a university education to be an intellectual. Is that what you're saying?

[mine own self]

Phew!

 

 

 

So, you have to receive a university education to be an intellectual. Is that what you're saying?

 

No. But for some people, it's probably a good influence. In my case, I have found my own self-study to be more enlightening than most of my university education. Doesn't mean I don't value my university-education.

[Matt L]

...I am a huge, HUGE sports fan. ESPN is actually my 2nd most-visited site (after CNN of course!). It's not that I don't have other interests - I do; however, discussing the woes of the Boston pitching staff gets a bit old after awhile...

 

Where have you been all my life?

 

I consider it a strike against a woman when she can't understand why I like baseball so much, and furthermore, doesn't like it/can't watch it herself! ...

 

Kudos to you.

[lindya]

BTW, I hope you found/find someone nicer than your ex-boyfriend.

 

He was generally a nice enough person, but he just couldn't live up to the grand opinions he had of himself. Another reason for me being somewhat reluctant to accept other people at their own advertising.

 

If someone describes himself as an intellectual, I'll want to read the book he's had published. If there isn't one, I would tend to think the word intellectual should be replaced with the phrase "aspiring intellectual" which isn't quite the same thing. Then again, I've always been a bit of a stickler for evidence.

[Adunaphel]

I spend MY FREE TIME trying to learn and understand. My wife is NOT an idiot. She is an engineer. But I do not believe that she has ever spent HER FREE TIME trying to learn or understand the world around her.

 

There is something I do not get.

What does your wife do in her free time?

Does she have any hobbies/interest?

 

I have taught at colleges and universities. Many of my female students were smart and good students. But did they study subjects that were NOT required for course-credit?

 

I used to be like that years ago. I would read about subjects/do stuff that *could* fit in a course (possibly a more advanced one) and of course were not required in mine.

 

But, I did not do it *to learn*, or to look like an intellectual. I did it because I enjoyed it, like other people might enjoy baseball matches, non-intellectual books or hanging out with their friends!

I never considered *my* hobbies more "worthy" than watching sports on tv!

And I'm pretty sure that the student with the maths book that impressed you so much wouldn't, either.

 

The part I do not get is:

you like to *learn and understand* in your spare time - but do you genuinely *enjoy*it, or is it just something that you do to improve yourself???

If there are other things that might be less "intellectual" but more enjoyable to you ...well, everyone uses his spare time as he likes.

If you genuinely *enjoy* what you do and it does not cost you a lot of effort, then what makes what you do in your spare time more valuable, or more interesting, than what your W does in her?

I am genuinely not getting it.

 

But being a brilliant intellectual (and I'm not claiming to be one) does not make one A SUPERIOR HUMAN BEING.

 

This is a very nice -and very true - thing to say.

 

But when you're choosing your partner, and you're an intellectual, it is advisable that you seek to find one.

 

I wholeheartedly agree. Whatever "intellectual" means. I think it's an amazingly good general rule for people who are interested in different things.