Touche Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 It's not the frequency of use, but the emotions surround the use that are of importance here. Exactly! And a4a, I have a question. You said you would not want to be with a guy such as you described. Why not? His drinking isn't interfering with his life from what you describe so what about him would be distateful? His need to drink every day? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Also let me say this. What you described about yourself, A is not a person with a drinking problem. What I'm hearing from you is that your internal dialogue is like this "I'd love to have a couple of drinks and have fun." NOT, "I HAVE to have a drink or I NEED to have a drink." There's the difference. You WANT it but you don't HAVE to have it or feel a NEED for it. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 also IHNFC, what kind of quality of life does the person who drinks everyday have? What are they hidding from? My mom is miserable. She drinks to become numb. How can you live a full life numb? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Also let me say this. What you described about yourself, A is not a person with a drinking problem. What I'm hearing from you is that your internal dialogue is like this "I'd love to have a couple of drinks and have fun." NOT, "I HAVE to have a drink or I NEED to have a drink." There's the difference. You WANT it but you don't HAVE to have it or feel a NEED for it. word. this is right on. it gets to the point where the need to have alcohol starts to drive your behavior choices.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 28, 2006 Author Share Posted September 28, 2006 No, that's a horrible way to live. To be trapped by your dependence on the use of a substance. Horrible, because you no longer make choices independent of your dependence on that substance. If you need it, you can't do any activities that could deprive you of it. Sad, sad, sad way to live. And you will sacrifice other things in your life, as time goes on, without realizing what it is you are giving up -- all to continue your use of your crutch. But hotgurl said her mom goes about evrything as if she wasn't an alcoholic. So whether shes dependant on it or not,....who would know besides her family and if it doesnt effect them.....then whats the problem..I know your gonna sya just the fact that shes dependent. But if its not ruining anything....I guess its just me but its not a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 But hotgurl said her mom goes about evrything as if she wasn't an alcoholic. So whether shes dependant on it or not,....who would know besides her family and if it doesnt effect them.....then whats the problem..I know your gonna sya just the fact that shes dependent. But if its not ruining anything....I guess its just me but its not a problem. Yeah from the outside. But from the inside it is a very different story. An addiction always has an effect. And it's never a healthy one. I mean even if she was an absolute b@tch when she was drunk. Even if she was peaches and cream all the time. Think about her body. The excess weight the enlarged liver. The high blood pressure. She drinks in alcohol everynight what she should be eating. It's 1200-1800 calories a night in wine! on top of her meals. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 But hotgurl said her mom goes about evrything as if she wasn't an alcoholic. So whether shes dependant on it or not,....who would know besides her family and if it doesnt effect them.....then whats the problem..I know your gonna sya just the fact that shes dependent. But if its not ruining anything....I guess its just me but its not a problem. hotgurl's mom is not functioning as if she isn't an alcoholic "She works, gardens, socializes, plays with her grandchild but never never take away her evening bottle of wine." Alcoholics can be extremely creative in their quest for an altered state of consciousness. hotgurl's mom has developed the "full wine glass trick" other alcoholics have different strategies that I won't mention because I don't want to assist anyone in their addiction. Being a functioning alcoholic does have consequences to ones mental and physical health. Alcoholics are self medicating for some reason and while some alcoholics may appear to function normally in society we don't always know what goes on in their heads or behind closed doors. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 But if its not ruining anything....I guess its just me but its not a problem. It sounds to me that you are looking for an answer that says it is okay to drink and continue to drink ? By the way.. that thinking alone is alcoholic thinking. Are you looking for someone to tell you that it is okay to drink ? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 But hotgurl said her mom goes about evrything as if she wasn't an alcoholic. So whether shes dependant on it or not,....who would know besides her family and if it doesnt effect them.....then whats the problem..I know your gonna sya just the fact that shes dependent. But if its not ruining anything....I guess its just me but its not a problem. Ummm, maybe I'm mising something but hotgurl said that her life has been affected very negatively by her mother's dependence on alcohol.....so it is ruining everything. The alcoholic never sees it, though. That's the sad part. You don't see how you are ruining OTHER people's lives, those around you who love you -- until you take the step to get sober. Which is when a lot of people relapse because they are forced to finally deal with the fallout, sometimes years of fallout, related to their dependence. alcoholics are so selfish it's really sad. They never see how they ruin other people's lives. They only focus on themselves. it's the nature of the disease. They are usually so depressed or so messed up that they lack the ABILITY to perceive how their behavior hurts other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Interesting....Many Different opinions...I need a little more before I tell you why I made this thread I want to hear why you posted this thread... That might help some of us form their thoughts better.. I learned a long time ago 12th stepping to not give an alcoholic any reason from me to continue to drink Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 But hotgurl said her mom goes about evrything as if she wasn't an alcoholic. So whether shes dependant on it or not,....who would know besides her family and if it doesnt effect them.....then whats the problem..I know your gonna sya just the fact that shes dependent. But if its not ruining anything....I guess its just me but its not a problem. I'm going to have to agree with you here. If it's REALLY not ruining anything (other than the person's health) then no problem. If their loved ones are ok with them and if they themselves have no problem with it and it's not interfering with their lifes, fine. The thing is that with alcoholics is that it does tend to get worse. They need more and more over time and it never ends well. They can go for years sometimes before it really escalates though. So they can continue until they hit "rock bottom" or not let it get to that point (either by abstaining or SEVERELY cutting down...the latter being quite controversial though.) So yeah, I see your point. No problem...but it doesn't mean it won't be later on. Oooppsss..yes, I see where hotgurl DID say her mom's drinking is affecting HER. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Ummm, maybe I'm mising something but hotgurl said that her life has been affected very negatively by her mother's dependence on alcohol.....so it is ruining everything. The alcoholic never sees it, though. That's the sad part. You don't see how you are ruining OTHER people's lives, those around you who love you -- until you take the step to get sober. Which is when a lot of people relapse because they are forced to finally deal with the fallout, sometimes years of fallout, related to their dependence. alcoholics are so selfish it's really sad. They never see how they ruin other people's lives. They only focus on themselves. it's the nature of the disease. They are usually so depressed or so messed up that they lack the ABILITY to perceive how their behavior hurts other people. Excatly. Also mom has has the same line of thinking. I can work and pay bills, go to family functions etcc. So my drinking is not a problem. She is so in denial to what is obvious to everyone close to her. She just won't see it because it mean admitting a problem. Also we are the ones with the problem we piss her off etcc. It's a litiny of excuses for her behavior. I really just sickens me to be honest. Also I said she was functioning but I never said she was living. She is ruining all her relationship because of her drinking. So what if she can hold down a job she is still destroying her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 28, 2006 Author Share Posted September 28, 2006 I want to hear why you posted this thread... That might help some of us form their thoughts better.. I learned a long time ago 12th stepping to not give an alcoholic any reason from me to continue to drink OK....I have beers...Glasses of wine...About 4 times a week (that's including at home and going out on weekends) ..Monday night football....Whilst we watch a movie..but I do wind up getting drunk. No intentions to.. just...I get bored if I'm not doing something..Either I roll a blunt or drink while I watch a movie. I need to be doing something...call it a fixation of somesort that my hands always have to be doin something (or my mouth)..And I'm not justifying this. I actually think that. And my Husband thinks b/c m moms an alcoholic...that I'm slowing (havin signs) that I am turning into one. WHat do you think... Did I clarify my situation enough? Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 OK....I have beers...Glasses of wine...About 4 times a week (that's including at home and going out on weekends) ..Monday night football....Whilst we watch a movie..but I do wind up getting drunk. No intentions to.. just...I get bored if I'm not doing something..Either I roll a blunt or drink while I watch a movie. I need to be doing something...call it a fixation of somesort that my hands always have to be doin something (or my mouth)..And I'm not justifying this. I actually think that. And my Husband thinks b/c m moms an alcoholic...that I'm slowing (havin signs) that I am turning into one. WHat do you think... Did I clarify my situation enough? Just the fact that you are questioning it and your husband has mentioned something means it's a problem. I would nip it in the bud so to speak before it gets more out of hand. It's one thing to have beer once in a while but if you're gettng drunk than I would say it's a problem. Why don't you take up knitting? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Why don't you take up knitting? oh that hurt my side (snorting) Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 28, 2006 Author Share Posted September 28, 2006 Just the fact that you are questioning it and your husband has mentioned something means it's a problem. I would nip it in the bud so to speak before it gets more out of hand. It's one thing to have beer once in a while but if you're gettng drunk than I would say it's a problem. Why don't you take up knitting? But i have no intentions on getting drunk..We watched JFK the other night..thats a 3 and a half hour freakin movie....a lot of beers. If theres no intention on getting drunk...its just something to do while I'm doing something else, whats wrong? I always need to be busy or else i get bored. I mean, i'm sure there are other things I can do to keep my hands moving..but what? Thats NOT BORING!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 WHat do you think... Did I clarify my situation enough? First off thanks for posting.. it shows that you have a concern about what your husband mentioned and you are showing a williness to figure it out. I believe that you and only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. Meaning only you can fix yourself and you can only stop drinking if you believe you are powerless to alcohol and your life has become unmanageable. From my side looking in and only hearing a little bit I think the fact that Alcoholism is present is your family and since Alcoholism is heritary then you should keep an eye on your drinking.. I also think that you are in the beginning stages of letting Alcohol become a problem in your life.. Your husband has all ready mentioned it.. You are drinking too much and learning to numb yourself instead of participating in life. there ya go.. it is already affecting your relationship with him. I suggest that if you are concerned that it will become more of an issue then you need to quit drinking. If you canot quit then you need some form of assistance maybe thru your local AA chapter Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 But i have no intentions on getting drunk..We watched JFK the other night..thats a 3 and a half hour freakin movie....a lot of beers. If theres no intention on getting drunk...its just something to do while I'm doing something else, whats wrong? I always need to be busy or else i get bored. because you're not in control of yourself. You don't mean to do it but you do. It indicates a problem. That you can't stop at one and end up getting drunk. You're in your twenties now but what happens if you keep doing this? What happends to you health and what if you have kids are you going to be getting drunk 4 nights of the week with kids? If you need to keep busy than find soemthing to do. You said you need to keep you hands busy. That's why I suggested knitting. I understand the whole hand mouth thing as I am an ex smoker. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 But i have no intentions on getting drunk..We watched JFK the other night..thats a 3 and a half hour freakin movie....a lot of beers. If theres no intention on getting drunk...its just something to do while I'm doing something else, whats wrong? I always need to be busy or else i get bored. I mean, i'm sure there are other things I can do to keep my hands moving..but what? Thats NOT BORING!!!! Well that's a problem. Not being able to sit still and just be, without doing something.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 wow.. that is alot of justification/excuses in your posts.. I think you know you have a problem.. Remember that people who do not have a drinking problem do not ask themselves if they do No intentions to.. just...I get bored if I'm not doing something.. Either I roll a blunt or drink while I watch a movie. I need to be doing something... call it a fixation of somesort that my hands always have to be doin something (or my mouth).. And I'm not justifying this. I actually think that. But i have no intentions on getting drunk.. We watched JFK the other night..thats a 3 and a half hour freakin movie....a lot of beers. If theres no intention on getting drunk...its just something to do while I'm doing something else, whats wrong? I always need to be busy or else i get bored. I mean, i'm sure there are other things I can do to keep my hands moving..but what? Thats NOT BORING!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 You know the fact that you have NO intentions of getting drunk and you end up in that state anyway, is a HUGE red flag to me. It's not like most of us sit down and DECIDE that we're going to end up intoxicated. But the fact is that people with NO problem, don't end up inebriated almost EVERY time they drink. Those of us who are more "experienced" drinkers, KNOW that when we drink, we will invariably get drunk..more times than not. But for many of us, I was one, when I first started drinking way back when, I had NO intentions of drinking to get drunk. It just happened that way...just like you, it was out of boredom or just because it felt good and I didn't want to stop. But many times back then, I'd tell myself that I was NOT going to get drunk, just a buzz. Now, I know better. And yes, I have alcoholism in my family too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 28, 2006 Author Share Posted September 28, 2006 Well that's a problem. Not being able to sit still and just be, without doing something.... Kepping my hands busy is a problem? Is that what you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 Kepping my hands busy is a problem? Is that what you mean? no that's not what I mean at all. denial is not a river in egypt, I tell you what.... you shouldn't have to anesthatize yourself when you're just watching a movie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 28, 2006 Author Share Posted September 28, 2006 wow.. that is alot of justification/excuses in your posts.. I think you know you have a problem.. Remember that people who do not have a drinking problem do not ask themselves if they do But see... Just b/c i ask...doesnt mean I have a problem..I'm asking IF my situation is a problem. If I ask how they strap bombs to terrorists..am I one of them and that I am on the track to being one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 28, 2006 Author Share Posted September 28, 2006 you shouldn't have to anesthatize yourself when you're just watching a movie. See... to me...Denial or not..I feel its to keep my hands busy b/c i get bored while watching a movie b/c i'm not doing something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts