norajane Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Hee hee where is that quote from? "Designing Women", a TV show from a while ago - four opinionated Southern ladies who had an interior design business and their handsome African-American male assistant, along with assorted crazy clients and friends. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 i understand the culture of the town that you living in because i grew up in a town that had 1500 (northern nsw). Sounds like theres a lot of growing there and sounds like there is one cop and others that cruise through form time to time but the cop that IS there is best mates with everybody and everybody knows who does what and who smokes what and nobody dobs anyone in and theres a whole pot industry there. Would I be right? is there a larger town near you apart from sydney where you could take her to see someone? Not a doctor- some sort of counsellor? You could also get the community nurse to come and see her- actually that would be a good idea- the nearest hospital would have a community nurse that could come. That would be very non threatening. Does your mum have a brother or sister who you are close to that could help you? You can't handle this on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 Hmmmmmm.......this is just hard...... I basically have been given the impression that if I don't keep my mouth shut about it, I'm dead. (Not literally, but I'll be up sh*t creek without a paddle). I would just feel like I am betraying my own mother.....I don't want to do that......... ARGH!! This is so hard. We're about 15 - 20 minutes away from town. Yeah there's counsellors, everything, hospital.... I know how much my mum would hate me if I aired this whole thing. I would get in so much trouble if she knew I have said anything to anyone... EVERYBODY smokes pot around here. Us young ones don't usually hear of it, it's more the adults and older ones. It's all very hush hush....no cops come out here....never.... Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I'm amazed....is pot so easy to get in Australia that even old folks like your parents can just go out and get it? Or maybe they are growing it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 I'm amazed....is pot so easy to get in Australia that even old folks like your parents can just go out and get it? Or maybe they are growing it? Probably shouldn't of left that detail out.....yes, they grow it. Me and my sister went seraching for evidence one day.....they have, like, 8 huge plants down in the bush, they dry it out in the "hot house" where mum says she grows "tomatoes" and they have a huge glass bong that they hide underneath our barbeque... EVERYBODY grows it here. When I go out motorbike riding with Rhys in the bush you see it EVERYWHERE. I guess we're just used to it so we just keep riding...ha... Our plumber one day said to me when I was in the car with him (he's also a family friend) "You know Tess, pot isn't bad. It's ok to smoke it. I do....everybody does...."............... I guess it's just the norm here... You would be surprised here in Oz...it's the ones you LEAST expect... Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Yeah , you would get in trouble, but you ARE in trouble as it is. If you bring in a district nurse or something and say to your mum that you want the nurse to take a look at her because she's not doing too good, and the nurse will sense whats going on there. You need to bring someone else in. You need someone there who's on your side. the nurse will be under some kind of confidentiality thing and doesn't sound like she would dob them in to the cops cos there are none- but you could talk to her on your own and get some advice from her. seriously thats what i would do. Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 they have, like, 8 huge plants down in the bush wow, they are really hardcore....growing their own pot yeah, i'd be worried too if it got to the point where they were actually growing it! looks like its taking up a big part of their lives. get your parents more active in something else....find them something else to keep them preoccupied....i bet they don't have many friends... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 ....i bet they don't have many friends... Nope. If it wasn't for me getting to know our neighbours when we moved down here and introducing them to one another, they wouldn't of. Dad has a fair few friends, heaps of work mates that come over sometimes (but they're probably smoking the hoochie as well and dad sells it to them...) but he goes to the races and gets out a bit on weekends. But at the moment he hasn't really been able cos mum's real sick, she has to go into hospital for another big op on thursday.... But mum.....she's told me she likes being a hermit. She said if she didn't have to go grocery shopping she wouldn't go out at all. When I went to the snow just last week I was contacting her daily to see how she was going and I'm like "Aren't you lonely?" she's like "No way! I love it!".... I can't stand not having anyone around to talk to. She's at the stage where she talks to our dogs like they're people...........f*ckin stoner.... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 She's drinking and smoking to pass out, sweets. You have to get at the cause...her pain. Why don't you work on the alcohol issue before trying to tackle the pot issue? The alcohol is worse for your mom since she's taking pain pills. The pot won't likely do anything to make her worse...they keep talking about legalizing it here for medical purposes as the THC helps cancer, AIDS, and glaucoma patients. But the combination of alcohol and pain pills could kill her. And that way, you at least won't get your parents thrown in jail. Doubt that would help either of them much, considering your mom is ill. Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 You should get your parents the movie "Half Baked" Maybe they might be so embarrassed by the stoners they see that they'll quit. Or maybe they might just laugh a lot.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 And that way, you at least won't get your parents thrown in jail. Doubt that would help either of them much, considering your mom is ill. That's the last thing on my mind at the moment....although the anger is getting the better of me, I would never betray my parents... I have shyed away from talking to her about her drinking cos of the time I did she went ape. The times she DOES go out (which is usually just up to Rhys' for a few drinks) she gets blind. We were up there once and Rhys and I were sitting by the fire and she comes over and dances around it, nearly falling into the fire (and there was no music)...I told her about it the next day and she denied it and denied it. "I did not, you make all these things up, Tess!!"....Hmmf...okay...yep...I make it all up....I have nothing better to do then make up stories about my mum...riiiight... She has the "I'll drink whenever I bloody hell want to and no-one has the right to tell me not to" attitude. She's a very intimidating person. I am scared of her, I'll admit it. I have never fully opened up to her just due to the fear... That's just sad... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 Or maybe they might just laugh a lot.... Most likely the reaction...they'll most likely get stoned before they watch it.... Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I was just reading your thread and thought I should let you know that alcohol is not good for any bowel disease, especially Chron's disease, it may help her pass out but is could likely make her disease worse. I know this because my doc thought I had Chron's disease a while back and I got all the tests and what not done. My doc warned me about drinking because it could easliy agrivate the disease. Maybe talk to her doctor? Or go to an appointment with her and mention something to a nurse while you are there. YOu can be sneaky about it so she doesn't know you talked to them. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 get advice form a nurse or a doctor or actually a social worker would be better (there will be one at the hospital) when your mum is having the operation on thursday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 Thanks ShoeGirl and Mishy for your help so far... I was doing the dishes last night and she was sitting at the dinner table with her wine (as usual)... I just casually started talking about the medication she's taking. This is kinda how it went... Me: "So Mum, what are you taking at the moment for the pain?" Mum: "Morphine" Me: ".................................................oh ok...and that helps?" Mum: "Yeah, this is a new strength that I'm on now. I was trialing all different strengths and this one is the strongest so it works" Me: "And how long does that last for? You know, the medication?" Mum: "8 hours...that's the intervals when I can take it" Me: "Oh ok....." And that was it. ARGH!! I was this close to try and talk to her about her drinking but I just couldn't. It was actually a really nice night last night. She didn't drink that much and she made a really nice dinner. I didn't want to cause any arguements... Am I being silly about this or responsible? Am I doing the right thing? I don't know what to do................ I don't want to say anything to anyone (nurse, social worker) in case it gts out and they get into trouble...serious trouble... I feel like I'm betraying my own FAMILY here!! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I feel like I'm betraying my own FAMILY here!! Understandable. But if your mom's health is at risk, you should at least address the drinking. She is probably destroying her liver slowly, between the pills and the wine. As for her dancing around the fire, next time you go up there bring a camcorder. I think seeing me act like that would shock me into sense. Or would you feel like you're crossing the line? Hmph. I dunno...it's a delicate spot you're in. Kind of like damn if you do and damn if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 23, 2006 Author Share Posted August 23, 2006 Kind of like damn if you do and damn if you don't. Exactly.... Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Morphine! Yeowch! They don't give that to just anyone. She's in bigtime agony. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 23, 2006 Author Share Posted August 23, 2006 Morphine! Yeowch! They don't give that to just anyone. She's in bigtime agony. Yeah, I know. She's only been on it the last couple of weeks I think, now that it's gotten really bad... But anyway, that's why when she told me that's what she was taking I was sort of in a bit of shock...like morphine, wine and pot.... Sorry but f*cking hell. This is so f*cked. Why can't my mum just be healthy, normal, not do drugs, stop drinking and start being a mother for me?? I just want my mum back... Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 with the combination of morphine wine and pot she could actually accidentally kill herself if she took too much morphine or wine - with morphine it gets to a stage where you have to take more and more because your body gets used to it. I know you're between a rock and a hard place- i don't know she seems really stubborn - this is why i don't think you can handle this on your own. is there anyone who can help you??? Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Why can't my mum just be healthy, normal, not do drugs, stop drinking and start being a mother for me?? I just want my mum back... You only have a chance to get this if you go and get help!! She is not going to wake up one morning and be clean on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 24, 2006 Author Share Posted August 24, 2006 is there anyone who can help you??? No. If I told any family members I would be dead!! My mum would be so mad at me forever!! She's going into hospital today. Dad's taking her up there (Sydney) but I have to stay home and look after the animals and all that. Fair enough. It is just clicking over and over in my head...what to do? What to do? Should I tell SOMEONE? Should I ring lifeline? Should I go down there and rip up all there stupid f*cking plants and smash every wine bottle in the cupboard??? Obviously the last solution wouldn't help anyone but....gaaargh!!.... I honestly don't know what to do..... I don't want to say anything to anyone cos I have been told not to... I have never not done anything my parents have told me to do.... I have always done everything they tell me to do. But this is just something I can't take anymore. The anger is just getting too much for me to handle... She drove me to the train station today, I have no idea why but she just wanted to...she's like "I shouldn't be driving with this morphine in me. I feel like I'm in DisneyLand...ha ha ha ha ha!!" I just sat there looking out the window....tears just pouring out of my eyes. We got to the train station and she's like "Well if I don't see you tonight, make sure you do all your jobs. Make sure you do this and this and this and this...oh and this....are you crying? I'll be fine. I'll be back. Don't worry, just look after the animals for me" "Ok, I'll be thinking of you....I love you" "K Tess, bub bye..." Vroooooom. No "I love you" back. I miss her. I don't want to see her like this anymore. If she wasn't sick in the first place she wouldn't be smoking or drinking. I can guarantee that. She was never a big drinker when I was a kid. We were at the beach everyday, I was doing lifesaving and my surfing comps and she was at all of them, cheering me on. Telling me how proud of me she was. Now I go to the comps by myself, my modelling comps, my MX comps, she's never there...she never tells me she loves me anymore, she never hugs me, nothing.... I wanted to show her a song a wrote on guitar the other night and she goes "I don't want to listen to that sh*t, go away".... Where do I go???????????????? I don't know where to turn... Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 your anger is really building up hey and i'd be really pissed off that she carries on how she wats while you have to do all these chores. Its crap. Ok what i would do is call a social worker at the hospital and speak to them. If they go and see your mum they could talk to her about these sunstance abuse problems. Your mum would then have no idea that it was you who hinted to the social worker that she has a problem. I think there is no other way. But for your own sanity ring lifeline and purge all your anger and frustration. They might have some ideas for you /. For gods sake just do it or i will personally come down there and drag you to the phone myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DO SOMETHING!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 24, 2006 Author Share Posted August 24, 2006 *sigh*.... I rang her yesterday when I got home to see how she was going. She's having an operation today and will most likely be back home saturday... She was all dosile on the phone and I said "I love you" twice and she either didn't hear me or just chose not to respond... I think I might ring lifeline tonight...see what they say...I'll have to think about the social worker. My mum would know straight away that it was me. I just know she will.... I promise I will ring lifeline tonight! Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 You have to lpok past what your mother would say or do - because she is not in a normal state of mind ,. i f she was this whole situation would not be happening. If she was in her right state of mind she would know that she left u with no other option than to go to someone for help. She will eventually thank you . You really have to look past this fear that you have. I mean what is she really going to do? You don't have a good relationship as it is and getting help is the ONLY chance you have. Believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts