norajane Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Another thing...I have not met his kids yet. He says that he wants to make sure that we are going to last before he introduces us. That seems very mature. I respect his decision. However, then it's a bit too soon for this *other* behavior as well, wouldn't you say? If you think it's too soon, that's all that matters. Besides, you're just getting to know each other. Nothing wrong with retaining a bit of mystery for a while. Save the pics for when you're sure you're going to last...something to look forward to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 Just do not use a 900mhz cordless phone, upgrade to one that is ghz with DSS. Helps reduce snooping... From personal experience... :o Funny you should say that, Jerbear! I just upgraded my phone to GHZ a week ago. I couldn't hear him with my 900 mhz one. Does that really prevent snooping? I was wondering what the DSS option was for. Interesting! I kept telling him, that I imagined the phone operators sitting around with popcorn listening in on our phone conversation, and laughing. It could happen! Or anyone with a CB radio driving by my house getting an earful. I am just petrified of public embarassment! I am a very private person IRL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 If you think it's too soon, that's all that matters. Besides, you're just getting to know each other. Nothing wrong with retaining a bit of mystery for a while. Save the pics for when you're sure you're going to last...something to look forward to. Retaining a bit of mystery...good point! You guys are helping me so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 I sincerely hope he's taking this relation to some serious degree. You might want to make it clear to him, which particular things you don't want to engage in. Negotiate with him. Learn to take hold of the situation - and to say no. I think he's being sincere. Like I said, he is a very open guy. I can talk to him about our future and where he sees our relationship going. I can have "the talk" with him and it doesn't bother him at all. I looove that about him. I do negotiate with him and he understands. But, I still sense some disappointment in his voice. I think he just wants to be as close as he can get to me. He doesn't like the distance between us on the weekdays. That's why I feel so bad for keeping my guard up, but, I can't help it! I am just wired that way. Too many bad experiences from my past. Link to post Share on other sites
RarePearl Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I think his behavior is normal and doesn't indicate any perversion given that you're in a LDR. I've come to a conclusion that the people who are most turned on by porn sites and cyber/phone sex are the ones who are pretty shy and "innocent" in real lives. So I wouldn't be worried about him and his kinkiness. Regrading your needs, I divide people into more or less sexual according to their sexual behavior IN BED. Or in their heads. Whether you watch lesbian porn or feel sick of porn, whether you provoke your partner sexually in many ways or act reserved until you take your clothes off behind the bedroom door, makes no difference in my book. What's important is how sexual you are when you are together. Nude pictures are OK, they can spice up your sex life, especially since you're in a LDR. Since you are also turned on by his ideas, I'd say go for it. But I wouldn't call you a prude. I think you're just a bit shy. Let him know that, you might seem like a challenge rather than a prude to him. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Funny you should say that, Jerbear! I just upgraded my phone to GHZ a week ago. I couldn't hear him with my 900 mhz one. Does that really prevent snooping? I was wondering what the DSS option was for. Interesting! I kept telling him, that I imagined the phone operators sitting around with popcorn listening in on our phone conversation, and laughing. It could happen! Or anyone with a CB radio driving by my house getting an earful. I am just petrified of public embarassment! I am a very private person IRL. Exactly! Some CB radio's can pick up 900mhz, some public service (fire, police, ambulance, cell phones) are still or switching to 900mhz. It is starting to switch from a unregulated public band to regulated govt band. Funny you mentioned about phone operators... I detected some snopping with other phones and people hearing our conversations. Needless to say I got a new phone the next day, told her about it too. DSS is digital spread spectrum, short and skinny, allows channel hopping which reduces the likelyhood of snooping. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Funny you mentioned about phone operators... I detected some snopping with other phones and people hearing our conversations. Needless to say I got a new phone the next day, told her about it too. DSS is digital spread spectrum, short and skinny, allows channel hopping which reduces the likelyhood of snooping. My dad worked for the phone company. I know ALL about who can hear my phone conversations. :eek: Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 My dad worked for the phone company. I know ALL about who can hear my phone conversations. :eek: Not to scare anyone, those grey boxes outside of houses are the phone wire pairs! One can just splice a phone wire and viola listen in. BTW, VoIP is not 100% safe either. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Not to scare anyone, those grey boxes outside of houses are the phone wire pairs! One can just splice a phone wire and viola listen in. BTW, VoIP is not 100% safe either. lol, yah nothing's safe! The cordless phones are the worse cos anyone with a scanner can listen. But anyone who works in the phone company, or even just some random dude who knows how to play with the phone boxes in residential areas can tap in. And voip isnt safe either. Just like anything over the internet. But you just take precautions. Dont give out your bank pin, etc Link to post Share on other sites
Addictedtolove Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 You aren't prude. You just don't like phone sex. That's it. Honestly. It's not that you can't let go, you just don't feel all that willing. I HATE it when a guy tries to force me to do phone sex. It never feels real at all. If phone sex starts, it should start with the both of you naturally just sort of starting it. There's also the fact you just don't like it. You might think you should, but you don't have to. And maybe you do and just don't feel like you can sufficiently say or make the noises you want to without the person there. Either way, you aren't prude, you're normal. good job! And the pics? Just don't. They can end up ANYWHERE. not good. tell him you are uncomofrtable if he cant deal with it, ask him to send some to you and see what he says. i bet he'll hesitate! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 You are great, don't care what others label about you. You feel uncomfortable then It is uncomfortable, follow your heart and later on you won't regret that you betrayed yourself. Sexual feeling come naturally after really feel intimate with him, well, work this way for me;) . if force this sexual intimate early on, may cause some uncomfortable? Let him prove he is trustworthing to you, he is suppose to make you feel good about yourself, not stress, doubt and uncomfortable Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 ask him to send some to you and see what he says Totally agree Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Here's an idea for the pics if you feel somewhat interested, but not ready to send photos in their entirety. Take some really dirty ones of yourself (pleasuring yourself, maybe even with some good facial expressions) and print them out. Then take an exacto knife and cut out some critical parts it's a nice arts and crafts exercise as well as an artistic endeavour, see if you can virtually remove all the graphic parts while leaving the sense of exactly what's going on and what you're feeling in the photo And then I would suggest sending it in the real mail rather than digitally. Digital images are copied too easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 The first time my boyfriend and I had phone sex it was really hard for me to get into it as well. I suggest a few drinks before to lighten the mood and lower your inhabitions until you get use to it. After a while it becomes a lot of fun! But never do anything you truely don't want to do. He should respect you for your decisions. But don't be afraid to try something new! New experiences are FANTASTIC! And you can always go at something new slowly. One step at a time. But enjoy yourself....sex is fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 17, 2006 Author Share Posted June 17, 2006 The first time my boyfriend and I had phone sex it was really hard for me to get into it as well. I suggest a few drinks before to lighten the mood and lower your inhabitions until you get use to it. After a while it becomes a lot of fun! But never do anything you truely don't want to do. He should respect you for your decisions. But don't be afraid to try something new! New experiences are FANTASTIC! And you can always go at something new slowly. One step at a time. But enjoy yourself....sex is fun! Thanks. I guess it doesn't matter anymore, 'cause he hasn't called me since Tuesday, and whenever I call him, he either says his cell phone has been broke or he's too busy and can't talk. As God as my witness, I am never dating again. EVER! Link to post Share on other sites
BeFree Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Ok luv, Remember what I told you???? That always when you think a guy is too good for you, he starts showing his true colors. IMO, One month is way too soon for any guy to start asking for nude photos. And then to presure you. I mean geeze! Then he sends you porn??? Oh wait, "it was an accident" "he didn't mean too." Girl I am telling you, this guy was about to start asking you to film him kissing his cat. Or better, tell you TOTO is SEXY! It always happens. It's the ones you think. "OMG, why does this guy like me he is so perfect and I just me." On the other hand, the guys who you think "yeah, this guy is nice and we seem right for eachother. " Those are the good ones! BF is right again! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Thanks. I guess it doesn't matter anymore, 'cause he hasn't called me since Tuesday, and whenever I call him, he either says his cell phone has been broke or he's too busy and can't talk. As God as my witness, I am never dating again. EVER! Are you serious? What a jerk. That is pretty low coming from a guy who had went out of his way to show how much he supposedly liked you. Don't let this one experience discourage you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 17, 2006 Author Share Posted June 17, 2006 Are you serious? What a jerk. That is pretty low coming from a guy who had went out of his way to show how much he supposedly liked you. Don't let this one experience discourage you. I have been spending the day holding the anger inside of me. Part of me wants to email him a nasty note, the other part of me wants to call him and demand answers, the other part of me doesn't want to waste my time on him anymore and just walk away (that side is winning at the moment). I feel humiliated because he just quit communicating with me, and left me with the unkown. The last phone call we had was great! He couldn't get enough of me that night. He called me in the morning, he called me in the evening, but all of a sudden...nothing. Maybe I should call him? I've tried. Maybe I should just walk away? Maybe it was something I said or did? Maybe it's just a big misunderstanding. Maybe maybe maybe! UGH! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 I have been spending the day holding the anger inside of me. Part of me wants to email him a nasty note, the other part of me wants to call him and demand answers, the other part of me doesn't want to waste my time on him anymore and just walk away (that side is winning at the moment). I feel humiliated because he just quit communicating with me, and left me with the unkown. The last phone call we had was great! He couldn't get enough of me that night. He called me in the morning, he called me in the evening, but all of a sudden...nothing. Maybe I should call him? I've tried. Maybe I should just walk away? Maybe it was something I said or did? Maybe it's just a big misunderstanding. Maybe maybe maybe! UGH! You have tried more then enough to contact him and he keeps giving excuses. Don't contact him, let him contact you. Let him show you that he is still interested. I am happy to hear that you are leaning toward the mature thing to do. Don't let his immature actions humiliate you. If anything, he should be humiliated. He has a great relationship with an older woman and he can't maintain it because of his pathetic excuses, now that is humiliating. Like I said, let him contact you and see what type of reason he has for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 You have tried more then enough to contact him and he keeps giving excuses. Don't contact him, let him contact you. Let him show you that he is still interested. I am happy to hear that you are leaning toward the mature thing to do. Don't let his immature actions humiliate you. If anything, he should be humiliated. He has a great relationship with an older woman and he can't maintain it because of his pathetic excuses, now that is humiliating. Like I said, let him contact you and see what type of reason he has for you. Thanks, Riddler. I am just in shut-down mode. Walls are as high as I can get them at the moment. I'll be better in a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Thanks, Riddler. I am just in shut-down mode. Walls are as high as I can get them at the moment. I'll be better in a few days. Glad to hear that. haven't heard from you alot lately here on LS. Its good to hear from you. Vent here if need be and have some pot roast while you are at it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 Glad to hear that. haven't heard from you alot lately here on LS. Its good to hear from you. Vent here if need be and have some pot roast while you are at it. Wanna be my rebound, Riddler? See! I am feeling better already. Whatever reason he has for dumping me, I just have to realize that I don't deserve to be treated like this. No one does. I dodged a bullet once again. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Wanna be my rebound, Riddler? See! I am feeling better already. Whatever reason he has for dumping me, I just have to realize that I don't deserve to be treated like this. No one does. I dodged a bullet once again. Of course. Anything for you. Knowone deserves that treatment. If only more understood that, then there wouldn't be all these abusive relationships. Glad to see that you are learning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 Of course. Anything for you. Knowone deserves that treatment. If only more understood that, then there wouldn't be all these abusive relationships. Glad to see that you are learning. I am trying hard not to make his issues, my issues. That is very hard to do. I know that I would never treat somebody like that. I am a better person than that. What comes around goes around, and he'll get his. People can't treat other people that way without getting something in return. I am a strong believer in that theory. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Hey Luvtoto, I believe he was testing his boundaries and how much control he has over you. You drew the line and stood up for your principals and views. Never let someone destroy your principals and views. Do not contact him, I am notoriously known to just stop. Unilateral NC, no emotions, no regrets, no feelings, compassion of a rock, and a jerk sometimes. Don't call him. let him call you. The phone breaking is just an excuse. I do not think guys let their gadgets break? Link to post Share on other sites
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