Am I a prude?

[luvtoto]

Hi everyone! Sorry I've been away. I have missed all of you.

 

I need an objective opinion. Please tell me if this sounds weird to you.

 

I've been dating my new guy for a month now. He is very open about everything...and I mean everything. We had phone sex for the first time last night. It was out of character for me, but I played along.

 

I felt pressured into it. In my head, I thought I was being a prude. I kept telling myself to JUST LET GO!! I mean, dang, just go along with it. Enjoy yourself. But, I struggled.

 

Then, later in the conversation, he asked me to send him a couple nudie pics. I refused. Wha? Me do that?!

 

Well, by the end of the conversation and lots of persuading on his part, I sent him a couple. It wasn't full nudity, just a side view shot, and it wasn't a close up shot either. He didn't seem too impressed, which made me feel like I need to do more to please him. But, I am not really into that stuff.

 

Then, today I got an email from him...it was something about a lesbian porno site that his bestfriend sent him.

 

WHAT?!?!

 

I have never had such a kinky BF before. Do you think he sounds like a pervert or is this just normal LDR behavior?

 

Am I a prude? I am finding myself telling him no to alot of his ideas. He always seems to need to talk me into stuff. It all just seems too kinky for me. But, (seriously) at the same time, I am a bit intrigued, and I got really turned on by his advances.

 

I am very confused and not sure what to think.

Am I reading too much into this whole thing?

Should I just run with it and have some fun, or be on my guard?

 

Is his behavior normal?

[johan]

Demure can be hot. Just be yourself. He might like you holding back a little. And as long as he doesn't cross any serious lines or force you to do anything, maybe it won't hurt for you to experiment with some things. If it turns you on.

[Rosalind]

is this an on-line romance?

[luvtoto]

Demure? Is that what it is called?

 

Honestly, Johan, I haven't been that turned on in a long time...but, I just couldn't let him know how much. UGH. It felt too...well...naughty.

 

I was too vulnerable.

 

Today, the lesbian site email just seemed a little weird to me.

[luvtoto]

is this an on-line romance?

No, we live an hour and a half away from each other and see each other on the weekends. During the week, we are on the phone almost every night.

 

He's only emailed me once...the lesbian email.

[jerbear]

First you were not a prude.

 

He was telling you want HE wanted. He was being a man "imposing" his will.

 

Since you like him and where vulnerable, you went along with his wishes. You were not "luvtoto!" You like him and want to please him to get his affections therefore went along with it.

 

So this is my quick and direct point. Just be careful and do not do something you really do not want to do.

 

If the site weirds you out, tell him and do not let him cross that line which may lead to him disrepecting you consciencously or unconsciencously.

[luvtoto]

First you were not a prude.

 

He was telling you want HE wanted. He was being a man "imposing" his will.

 

Since you like him and where vulnerable, you went along with his wishes. You were not "luvtoto!" You like him and want to please him to get his affections therefore went along with it.

 

So this is my quick and direct point. Just be careful and do not do something you really do not want to do.

 

If the site weirds you out, tell him and do not let him cross that line which may lead to him disrepecting you consciencously or unconsciencously.

Well, jerbear, sending him the partial-nude shots of me just seemed like I crossed the line already. I imagined him forwarding my email onto his buddy or something. But, then again, maybe he just kept them to himself and then that would be OK.

 

In my head, I know it's too soon to trust him this much...but, he just has this way with me. IT's frightening.

[Touche]

Demure can be hot. Just be yourself. He might like you holding back a little. And as long as he doesn't cross any serious lines or force you to do anything, maybe it won't hurt for you to experiment with some things. If it turns you on.

 

So as long as you are turned on and you're not crossing any serious lines and the guy doesn't force you to do anything, it's ok to experiment? As long as you're turned on of course. That's all that counts right?

[jerbear]

Well, jerbear, sending him the partial-nude shots of me just seemed like I crossed the line already. I imagined him forwarding my email onto his buddy or something. But, then again, maybe he just kept them to himself and then that would be OK.

 

In my head, I know it's too soon to trust him this much...but, he just has this way with me. IT's frightening.

 

It is the rosy glasses one has on. Letting the other win, defending the other when under attack to get their good graces.

 

It is good to get out of one's shell but if you do have feelings of being weirded out, heed those warnings.

[Rosalind]

He's only emailed me once...the lesbian email.

 

weird.....

[Sand&Water]

No, we live an hour and a half away from each other and see each other on the weekends. During the week, we are on the phone almost every night.

 

He's only emailed me once...the lesbian email.

 

Sounds like something is out of place. May be he's out of place.

 

The first time he e-mails you - you get trash mail. That's peculiar.

 

I think you should step back, and observe things. There were many instances, where you didn't feel comfortable doing/participating in things he suggested. It's not all about pleasing him. It's also about you. He wants 3/4 of the cake and unfortunately he can't have it.

 

I sincerely hope he's taking this relation to some serious degree. You might want to make it clear to him, which particular things you don't want to engage in. Negotiate with him. Learn to take hold of the situation - and to say no.

[dgiirl]

Listen to your gut sweetie. If you dont feel comfortable, dont do it. Personally, I know I'm a prude, but I honestly dont care. Every guy I've talked to lately LOVES the fact that I'm a little reserved and not flashy at all. Dont feel pressured to do things you dont want to because you might be labeled a "prude". Cos the other alternative is being labeled a "slut". You just cant win, so always do what YOU want to do, thus you'll never regret it, irregardless of what label gets thrown at you.

 

Also, I would be leery of taking photos of myself and emailing them. He might not send them to his buddies now, but say in a few months from now, if you two break up, then he has that to use against you.

[a4a]

I guess I am a prude!

 

You have been only dating this guy for a month and he is sending lesbian porn and asking for nude pictures? I certainly would not be comfortable with that at all.

 

You should not send him any more nude pics as you have no idea what he may do with them. (also who took these nude pics of you? )

 

Of course you did not state how long you have known him other than being a bf for a month. It would also depend on how much this man talks to you about sex on the phone and if he sees you as just a sexual outlet for him.

 

1 month is not long to know or learn about who a person really is.....

[littlekitty]

I think it's ok to feel like he's maybe pushing your boundries a bit, as long as he's not being overly pushy, and you are happy with what you're doing.

 

So you got turned on by something new... no biggie huh?! There's no harm in experimenting and seeing how you feel about new things. But make sure you don't feel like you're crossing any lines in your own boundries and morals.. at least anymore than you already have!

 

Quite often in an LDR people do do these types of things to keep the sexual tension at a peak when you're unable to be close to each other when you'd like to be.

 

I'd say relax and enjoy for the main part! Be aware that he doesn't push you to hard into things, and make sure you're comfortable.

[luvtoto]

Thanks for all your replies. Lots of good points. I wish I could reply to everyone individually, but I gotta get to work this morning...

 

So, here's an update:

 

He called me this morning to check in on me. I asked him why he sent that email to me. He said he had it sent to him and when he tried to open it and then close out of it, it kept opening up again. I told him that it was spam and he probably got a virus from it.

 

The email fooled me, too. I opened it thinking it was from him...he opened it thinking it was from his buddy. He didn't forward it to me. It just forwarded itself.

 

So, that at least explains that! Whew!! I thought he was some huge porno lover or something. He seemed weirded out by the email, too!

 

Oh, thank God.

 

As far as the nudie pics...I am not comfortable with that. I need to tell him that. I guess when I say no, I should mean it and not keep caving in to him.

 

But, then again, it was kinda fun.

 

God, I am screwed up! Having no boundaries gets a person into lots of trouble. He is just so open.

 

Is it just innocent fun or more than that?

[luvtoto]

Quite often in an LDR people do do these types of things to keep the sexual tension at a peak when you're unable to be close to each other when you'd like to be.

That's exactly what he said!

[littlekitty]

That's exactly what he said!

 

HA! It is true. My ex was about 2 hrs from me, and so we were weekends only. And not every weekend, or we'd have had no life of our own.

 

We often sent pics etc. We video IM'd etc. I was very trusting of him though and this was something that progressed with time/trust.

 

Good news about the email. In which case, it seems to me like he's just open and sexual and is having fun via the phone with you... keeping the sexual tension going. But that's just IMO.

 

I'd definately say no to the pics if you feel uncomfortable... maybe work on getting comfortable with the phone sex.. it gets easier!

[jerbear]

He called me this morning to check in on me. I asked him why he sent that email to me. He said he had it sent to him and when he tried to open it and then close out of it, it kept opening up again. I told him that it was spam and he probably got a virus from it.

 

The email fooled me, too. I opened it thinking it was from him...he opened it thinking it was from his buddy. He didn't forward it to me. It just forwarded itself.

 

Does he Yahoo his email? There was a worm going on Monday.

 

But, then again, it was kinda fun.

 

God, I am screwed up! Having no boundaries gets a person into lots of trouble. He is just so open.

 

Is it just innocent fun or more than that?

 

Innocent fun, I've done it before with an LDR gf. Those long distance bills before free unlimited nights and weekends...

 

Just enjoy it and let yourself loose, you can even push boundaries. One thing I did with her was text her what I thought she should wear.

 

Her being a proper person, I suggested commando with long skirt and when she got home a nice robe with nothing under it. Send him a SMS text to his phone or email a short message...

 

Somewhat sure to get a response.

 

Now if his computer has a virus... I wouldn't do it because it might get forwarded to his friendS (big S) :lmao:

[Buttaflyy]

You should do only what is comfortable to you. I consider myself to be sexually "open" however, I do have my own limits. I personally would be careful of sending anyone naked pics. I've heard such horror stories after break-ups. Do what is comfortable to you. You may find that somethings turn you on after trying them. Those that are not, stay away from.

[luvtoto]

Does he Yahoo his email? There was a worm going on Monday.

 

 

 

Innocent fun, I've done it before with an LDR gf. Those long distance bills before free unlimited nights and weekends...

 

Just enjoy it and let yourself loose, you can even push boundaries. One thing I did with her was text her what I thought she should wear.

 

Her being a proper person, I suggested commando with long skirt and when she got home a nice robe with nothing under it. Send him a SMS text to his phone or email a short message...

 

Somewhat sure to get a response.

 

Now if his computer has a virus... I wouldn't do it because it might get forwarded to his friendS (big S) :lmao:

Jerbear, the pics that I sent him was just a side view shot of my bottom. My shirt was on. Nothing ya don't see if you are wearing a thong bikini. But, he's asked for more...I just can not do it. He respected my decision and quit bringing it up.

 

Like this virus thing...what if I DID send him some really naughty shots, and a virus forwarded them to everyone in his email list? What would have happened there?

 

Maybe he doesn't understand that...he was really confused about this virus thing. Maybe he doesn't understand exactly what could happen if things went wrong. Which they do...trust me.

 

Another thing...I have not met his kids yet. He says that he wants to make sure that we are going to last before he introduces us. That seems very mature. I respect his decision.

 

However, then it's a bit too soon for this *other* behavior as well, wouldn't you say?

[Buttaflyy]

 

Another thing...I have not met his kids yet. He says that he wants to make sure that we are going to last before he introduces us. That seems very mature. I respect his decision.

 

However, then it's a bit too soon for this *other* behavior as well, wouldn't you say?

 

He is doing what is comfortable or responsible to him and you respect it. I think you have a good point there. If you think that this other behavior is uncomfortable for you he has to respect your decision.

[2sunny]

There is a difference between saying words that cannot be repeated or heard by others and sending nude/semi nude pics of oneself...

 

Don't send out anything that you would be embarrased by - if he forwarded it to others... it does happen!

 

He can wait and see the real thing in person...

 

In the meantime, you can talk dirty to him without the worry of him betraying you down the road....

 

If you always tend to think to the future, you may help protect your integrity... don't do or send anything you may regret down the road... or that anyone will recognize as you in a bad moment...

[luvtoto]

Don't send out anything that you would be embarrased by - if he forwarded it to others... it does happen!

About 7 years back, when I was working as a programmer for a huge corporation, I was emailing my previous BF. The emails were fairly personal. No nudy pics . Just personal talk between the two of us and about our relationship. Yea, I know, company time....

 

Anyways...

 

Somehow, while the corporate email system was being upgraded, my emails were forwarded to other coworker's email boxes by accident. Maybe a virus? Who knows. I was the talk of the office for a while. It was very embarassing.

 

So, now, after being burned by that, I find it very hard to put myself in anything remotely similiar to that again. I mean, I am not on any corporate server anymore...but, hell, you know the saying 'once bitten'.

 

I don't think I will be sending anymore nudie pics. I am sure he will delete the photos I sent him already.

[luvtoto]

He is doing what is comfortable or responsible to him and you respect it. I think you have a good point there. If you think that this other behavior is uncomfortable for you he has to respect your decision.

Very good point, Buttaflyy!

[jerbear]

Good shot because it makes women more slimmer, anyway...

If he wants more you have to take it with YOUR camera. You control the source and copies. So he can't make copies.

 

Regarding a virus / rootkit/ malware /etc.. emails can be forwarded. In regards to company emails, yes, it is company property and root/administrators can "read" them to back them up. there is also more than one copy running around.

 

It is good he respected no more and meeting the kids.

 

The other behavior well I did that and it keeps the sexual tension up. If you are using a cell phone, pretty good.

 

Just do not use a 900mhz cordless phone, upgrade to one that is ghz with DSS. Helps reduce snooping... From personal experience... :o

 

Jerbear, the pics that I sent him was just a side view shot of my bottom. My shirt was on. Nothing ya don't see if you are wearing a thong bikini. But, he's asked for more...I just can not do it. He respected my decision and quit bringing it up.

 

Like this virus thing...what if I DID send him some really naughty shots, and a virus forwarded them to everyone in his email list? What would have happened there?

 

Maybe he doesn't understand that...he was really confused about this virus thing. Maybe he doesn't understand exactly what could happen if things went wrong. Which they do...trust me.

 

Another thing...I have not met his kids yet. He says that he wants to make sure that we are going to last before he introduces us. That seems very mature. I respect his decision.

 

However, then it's a bit too soon for this *other* behavior as well, wouldn't you say?