Ending a friendship

[whichwayisup]

Alpha, maybe it works for men, but women need closure. They need to know why.

 

Only YOU (or whoever) is going to fall back into the trap if one allow's themself to. You control your thoughts and feelings, right? So, in Noclobber's situation, he wants to end the friendship. NOTHING she will do or say should change that...

 

After then it's fine to go do NC, but to do NC without ANY explanation just isn't right.

[alphamale]

Only YOU (or whoever) is going to fall back into the trap if one allow's themself to. You control your thoughts and feelings, right? So, in Noclobber's situation, he wants to end the friendship. NOTHING she will do or say should change that...

 

After then it's fine to go do NC, but to do NC without ANY explanation just isn't right.

I disagree....she's takeing advantage of him and will continue to do so. He needs to put an end to it.

[whichwayisup]

I do see what you're saying, and she is taking advantage of him. So, he needs to tell her that and then end the friendship. Saying nothing and then ignoring her will make the situation worse. This way, by handling it properly NOW, later on he will breathe easier knowing it's over and she isn't going to keep calling him and bugging him.

[alphamale]

I do see what you're saying, and she is taking advantage of him. So, he needs to tell her that and then end the friendship. Saying nothing and then ignoring her will make the situation worse.

Being too nice has gotten NOCLOBBER into this situation. Not being nice is what will get him out of it.

[whichwayisup]

He doesn't have to be real sweet about it! She just should have the right to know why their friendship is about to end. That's all. This has nothing to do with him being a nice guy or not. Plus, he may need to say things to her before he ends it. Maybe he needs some closure too? Never say never...Not all men believe it's best to disappear without saying a word.

[noclobber]

He doesn't have to be real sweet about it! She just should have the right to know why their friendship is about to end. That's all. This has nothing to do with him being a nice guy or not. Plus, he may need to say things to her before he ends it. Maybe he needs some closure too? Never say never...Not all men believe it's best to disappear without saying a word.

 

And what reason can i possibly give WWIU? I can say "its tough for me to be friends with you while i have these feelings inside".. But this is exactly what I said the very next day after she rejected me and guess what she said... She told "you are betraying me. as soon as you learnt that i won't be physically intimate with you you are running away"..

 

This is what I don't get from women (I guess moai will agree as well). You don't want to date me but you don't want me to leave you as well... Even worse you still want to meet me so many times so regularly

 

I seriously don't want this drama right now in my life..

[alphamale]

I seriously don't want this drama right now in my life..

NOCLOBBER, why are you even putting up with this humiliating crap from this broad?! just kick her in the teeth. you are creating the problem, not her....mainly because you don't see what is going on.

[noclobber]

NOCLOBBER, why are you even putting up with this humiliating crap from this broad?! just kick her in the teeth. you are creating the problem, not her....mainly because you don't see what is going on.

 

I am already doing it Alpha...

 

I am avoiding her...

[whichwayisup]

Then just tell her goodbye in an email and not to bother contacting you as you won't be replying back at all.

 

This isn't all her fault, yes she's a big pain in the ass - But you allowed her for so long to use you and get sucked in.

 

She also isn't stupid at all. She knows how you feel about her and is being selfish. She wants you in her life obviously as a friend on HER terms. That isn't what friendship is about. Give and take...All I see is her taking from you.

[alphamale]

Then just tell her goodbye in an email and not to bother contacting you as you won't be replying back at all.

why would you do that? its idiotic....let's see how this email would go:

 

"Oh Hi Roxanne, its NOCLOBBER. Listen, um, yeah, I dont' know how to say this but we can't be friends anymore. You've been using me (I think )....I can't take it anymore <sob sob>....<sniffle>

 

Please don't contact me again....I'm instituting total and unadulterated NC as my friend ALPHAMALE suggested. I won't reply anymore to any of your email or calls or anything. I am so upset right now, boo hoo."

 

Now do you see how rediculous that sounds???

[noclobber]

Then just tell her goodbye in an email and not to bother contacting you as you won't be replying back at all.

 

This isn't all her fault, yes she's a big pain in the ass - But you allowed her for so long to use you and get sucked in.

 

She also isn't stupid at all. She knows how you feel about her and is being selfish. She wants you in her life obviously as a friend on HER terms. That isn't what friendship is about. Give and take...All I see is her taking from you.

 

Yes I agree. I did a mistake... not one, but lots..

 

First mistake was that I liked this woman, Second mistake was to hang-out with her so much without knowing where it was heading, Third mistake was asking her out officially after she broke-up with her boyfriend, Fourth mistake was to get back with her as friends after she pleaded me, Fifth and final mistake was to get back to how we were before the rejection!!

 

I did mistakes and got burnt... I once again want to say that I am not from this country. If you see my very first post I have clearly mentioned "New to the American dating scene"... I am coming from a country where dating is non-existent... The only way we can fall in love with a woman is first getting to know her, be friends with her, become very close friends, and let them know our feelings, and take it from there. If we ask a woman out without first being her friend we are most likely to be slapped!! In this country its the reverse and I have learnt it now... all too very well. And let me tell you the reason why I didn't ask her out right in the beginning. Its not that I didn't, its that I cudn't. She had a long-distance boyfriend at that time... that's why I asked her out after the break-up. Perhaps the biggest mistake I did was to think that she has feelings for me b'cos she wanted to see me so many times every week and every week of every month and for the past 8 months... Now I understand that women in this country can do this and yet not have feelings for the guy...

 

Well I have learnt my lessons now and I am moving on.....

 

Thank you!!!!!!!

[Guest]

Thanks for the advice Darrren.

 

I have just started the process of disengaging! Just now she asked me for lunch and I gave the "i am busy" reply. I can pretty much predict what she will do next -> She will call me tonight. If I avoid that as well she will send an "R u ok?" text message. That is an indication that she is suspecting something. If I avoid that as well she WILL know for sure that I am avoiding her... That's when the drama will kick-in.

 

And I really don't need any drama in my life right now 'cos I need to focus in my new job..

 

Damn this woman just needs to find one of her friends or colleagues to have lunch with..

 

I just got a voicemail from my OA saying "unreturned phone calls, don't wanna hang out anymore, don't wanna commit to doing anything anymore. i guess someone has moved on. maybe i'll here from you soon." 2 calls each day of this week. and i saw him monday. dayum. i think we confuse "neediness" with "love." that's probably the heart of it all....

[darrren12000]

Thanks for the advice Darrren.

 

I have just started the process of disengaging! Just now she asked me for lunch and I gave the "i am busy" reply. I can pretty much predict what she will do next -> She will call me tonight. If I avoid that as well she will send an "R u ok?" text message. That is an indication that she is suspecting something. If I avoid that as well she WILL know for sure that I am avoiding her... That's when the drama will kick-in.

 

And I really don't need any drama in my life right now 'cos I need to focus in my new job..

 

Damn this woman just needs to find one of her friends or colleagues to have lunch with..

 

I just got a voicemail from my OA saying "unreturned phone calls, don't wanna hang out anymore, don't wanna commit to doing anything anymore. i guess someone has moved on. maybe i'll here from you soon." 2 calls each day of this week. and i saw him monday. dayum. i think we confuse "neediness" with "love." that's probably the heart of it all....

 

I feel a little torn, but I have work to do. Plus, i'm enjoying my new car and music....lol. other activities besides your nonsexual partner. what a concept.

[darrren12000]

Alpha, maybe it works for men, but women need closure. They need to know why.

 

Only YOU (or whoever) is going to fall back into the trap if one allow's themself to. You control your thoughts and feelings, right? So, in Noclobber's situation, he wants to end the friendship. NOTHING she will do or say should change that...

 

After then it's fine to go do NC, but to do NC without ANY explanation just isn't right.

 

men probably need closure too, but they will just drink, drive a fast car, have lots of indiscriminate sex, and maybe even get in a fight or two to release the stress. yes, totally stereotypical. sorry.

[whichwayisup]

why would you do that? its idiotic....let's see how this email would go:

 

"Oh Hi Roxanne, its NOCLOBBER. Listen, um, yeah, I dont' know how to say this but we can't be friends anymore. You've been using me (I think )....I can't take it anymore <sob sob>....<sniffle>

 

Please don't contact me again....I'm instituting total and unadulterated NC as my friend ALPHAMALE suggested. I won't reply anymore to any of your email or calls or anything. I am so upset right now, boo hoo."

 

Now do you see how rediculous that sounds???

 

No silly! More like this:

 

I'd really appreciate it you didn't contact me again. You know how I feel about you and it's obvious that we can't be friends anymore, so it's time to say goodbye. I know you're probably going to be pissed at me but I can't control how you feel. All I know is, our friendship isn't working and it's unhealthy for ME.

 

Good luck in life.

 

So, there ya go.......Short, sweet and TO the point. End of story.

[Guest]

New to this post but just want to add my two cents in because I'm in the same boat as noclobber. Getting out of a manipulative "friendship."

 

The manipulation wasn't so heavy (no touching, not nearly as much hanging out) but the pattern was basically the same.

 

These women are attention whores. They have a gaggle of guys who will hang out with them because - I hate to admit it - they are just so much fun to be around. They'll say the same thing to each one. "You're so handsome, you're intelligent, you're funny..." and flirt like crazy... but once you're hooked and want to take things to the next level (like f*** her, duh) she'll claim all innocence, that she only wanted to be friends, etc.

 

I was wrapped up in the worst kind of this woman because she is MARRIED and so am I. She even had the gall to say once, "if I were single, you could f*** me anytime." All in the name of keeping me on a string, thinking, gee, one day it might happen, because from all outside appearances including never wearing a wedding ring, she looked and acted single.

 

It happens to the best of us, noclobber. Give it time. You'll get over it.

[noclobber]

New to this post but just want to add my two cents in because I'm in the same boat as noclobber. Getting out of a manipulative "friendship."

 

The manipulation wasn't so heavy (no touching, not nearly as much hanging out) but the pattern was basically the same.

 

These women are attention whores. They have a gaggle of guys who will hang out with them because - I hate to admit it - they are just so much fun to be around. They'll say the same thing to each one. "You're so handsome, you're intelligent, you're funny..." and flirt like crazy... but once you're hooked and want to take things to the next level (like f*** her, duh) she'll claim all innocence, that she only wanted to be friends, etc.

 

I was wrapped up in the worst kind of this woman because she is MARRIED and so am I. She even had the gall to say once, "if I were single, you could f*** me anytime." All in the name of keeping me on a string, thinking, gee, one day it might happen, because from all outside appearances including never wearing a wedding ring, she looked and acted single.

 

It happens to the best of us, noclobber. Give it time. You'll get over it.

 

Because of these type of women it becomes really difficult to find out who is really your friend and who is your "friend". It just makes sense to not have women friends at all.

 

Just like how women suspect that their male friends always have a hidden agenda (getting into the sack with them) men also have to wonder whether their female friend is really just a friend or an attention whore.

 

It's really sad... We just can't have genuine friendships with the opposite sex.

[KillaPetehog]

I used to have this problem...but I NEVER have this problem ever again.

 

I'll tell you the keys to taking yourself out of the "friends" box.

 

First of all...Know the truth.

 

Once you're in the friends box, it is very unlikely that you will get yourself out. If it was easy...there wouldn't be posts like these. It's not as simple as dating, an approach, or handling rejection or handling confidence....It is far more difficult because it is near impossible.

 

AND BECAUSE OF THIS REASON....it's easier to start with new women and start from scratch...than to work on the ladies that you're with now.

 

Are you that chump who follows a group of five guys after some hot girl...who you have no chance with?

 

Are you that chump who helps her out and all she gives you is a petty hug?

 

Are you that chump who helps her out with her homework...or something work related...and she thanks you and trots off?

 

Are you that chump who lets that girl manipulate you, make you fall backwards for her. She tells you to hold her purse. She would tells you to get things for her. She would tell you to get food for her. And you fall for it..?

 

Are you that chump who listens to her bytch on and on about her jerk boyfriends? Are you that chump who just listens to her and thinks, "Well, now that I'm listening to her, she'll go for me!"

 

Are you that chump who gives her flowers, chocolates, and gifts to get her attention, because you think she'll like you?

 

What did you get for your hard work? What did you get for being nice to her? A hug? A smile? A kiss? And how happy did you feel about it? Pretty happy, huh?

 

Don't be a chump.

 

Women want a MAN, not a chump and certainly not a "nice guy". Your problem is that you were a "nice guy". It's okay to be a "nice guy" if you have CONFIDENCE AND SEXUALITY. Honestly..think to yourself.

 

All those women that you're in the friends box now.....were you romantic and confident and sexual from the beginning?

 

no.

KNOW THIS. When YOU ARE CONFIDENT and add a tinge of sexuality to all women you find attractive, you will NEVER run into this problem again. FOR ALL WOMEN THAT YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE, don't approach them as a tepid friend. Treat a woman like a princess WITH THE AUTHORITY OF A PRINCE AND NOT THAT OF A PEASANT. A peasant supplicates and bows before her...and is weak. That repels women. You have to demonstrate worth and that will allow her to see you as more than a "friend".

 

Don't be that guy who follows a group of other men...and follows that women. Be your own man.

 

Don't be that chump who holds her purse, supplicates, gets her gifts, and shyt like that. That repels women. She has to earn it. Don't try to BUY HER. The only time you give a woman gifts is to REWARD her and not to BUY HER.

 

Stand up for yourself. Have some respect for yourself.

 

Isn't that the MOST IRONIC THING?

 

It doesn't matter what you give her. If she never liked you, those gifts don't do shyt.

 

But, if she DID LIKE YOU, you STILL don't have to give her gifts. Why? Because she already likes you.

 

Now that's irony.

 

Gifts are thoughtful and romantic...but you should only give them to reward her...and not to BUY HER.

 

When you demonstrate confidence and a tinge of SEXUALITY with women that you find attractive...I promise you that you will NEVER run into these dumb complaints. You will never complain, "Oh, I am just a friend?"

 

Why?

 

because you don't waste your time with that. You go for women that you are attracted to....IN THE BEGINNING...with a tinge of sexuality, confidence and romance.

 

And any other women that gives you attitude or shows no interest...YOU NEXT HER.

 

So you call that cold? Wouldn't you rather know within the first 24 hours whether you had a chance with a girl...than to know 2 years from now? Don't waste your time. Be confident and romantic and sexual from the BEGINNING...and you will know...within 24 hours..whether you have a chance or not. Don't be friends...and bytch about it...2 years from now.

 

As Alphamale said, "you're getting ripped off"

 

For if a friend you are, a friend she will always see.

 

Believe it or not...a girl decides whether you'll be "lover" or a "friend"...within the first couple of times she meets you.

 

You MIGHT AS WELL..find out FASTER..by NOT approaching her as a friend...but rather as a man who knows what he wants....

 

.If she doesn't like you.

 

BAM. You know.

 

You saved yourself 2 years of your life.

 

f she does like you.

 

BAM. You got hooked up.

 

Don't be "friends" in the beginning...be confident and add a tinge of sexuality in the beginning....and NEXT the girls that don't match up...

[Mary3]

I used to have this problem...but I NEVER have this problem ever again.

 

I'll tell you the keys to taking yourself out of the "friends" box.

 

First of all...Know the truth.

 

 

AND BECAUSE OF THIS REASON....it's easier to start with new women and start from scratch...than to work on the ladies that you're with now.

 

Are you that chump who follows a group of five guys after some hot girl...who you have no chance with?

 

Are you that chump who helps her out and all she gives you is a petty hug?

 

Are you that chump who helps her out with her homework...or something work related...and she thanks you and trots off?

 

Are you that chump who lets that girl manipulate you, make you fall backwards for her. She tells you to hold her purse. She would tells you to get things for her. She would tell you to get food for her. And you fall for it..?

 

Are you that chump who listens to her bytch on and on about her jerk boyfriends? Are you that chump who just listens to her and thinks, "Well, now that I'm listening to her, she'll go for me!"

 

Are you that chump who gives her flowers, chocolates, and gifts to get her attention, because you think she'll like you?

 

What did you get for your hard work? What did you get for being nice to her? A hug? A smile? A kiss? And how happy did you feel about it? Pretty happy, huh?

 

Don't be a chump.

 

Women want a MAN, not a chump and certainly not a "nice guy". Your problem is that you were a "nice guy". It's okay to be a "nice guy" if you have CONFIDENCE AND SEXUALITY. Honestly..think to yourself.

 

 

no.

[/b]

KNOW THIS. When YOU ARE CONFIDENT and add a tinge of sexuality to all women you find attractive, you will NEVER run into this problem again. FOR ALL WOMEN THAT YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE, don't approach them as a tepid friend. Treat a woman like a princess WITH THE AUTHORITY OF A PRINCE AND NOT THAT OF A PEASANT. A peasant supplicates and bows before her...and is weak. That repels women. You have to demonstrate worth and that will allow her to see you as more than a "friend".

 

Don't be that guy who follows a group of other men...and follows that women. Be your own man.

 

Don't be that chump who holds her purse, supplicates, gets her gifts, and shyt like that. That repels women. She has to earn it. Don't try to BUY HER. The only time you give a woman gifts is to REWARD her and not to BUY HER.

 

Stand up for yourself. Have some respect for yourself.

 

Isn't that the MOST IRONIC THING?

 

It doesn't matter what you give her. If she never liked you, those gifts don't do shyt.

 

But, if she DID LIKE YOU, you STILL don't have to give her gifts. Why? Because she already likes you.

 

Now that's irony.

 

Gifts are thoughtful and romantic...but you should only give them to reward her...and not to BUY HER.

 

When you demonstrate confidence and a tinge of SEXUALITY with women that you find attractive...I promise you that you will NEVER run into these dumb complaints. You will never complain, "Oh, I am just a friend?"

 

Why?

 

because you don't waste your time with that. You go for women that you are attracted to....IN THE BEGINNING...with a tinge of sexuality, confidence and romance.

 

And any other women that gives you attitude or shows no interest...YOU NEXT HER.

 

So you call that cold? Wouldn't you rather know within the first 24 hours whether you had a chance with a girl...than to know 2 years from now? Don't waste your time. Be confident and romantic and sexual from the BEGINNING...and you will know...within 24 hours..whether you have a chance or not. Don't be friends...and bytch about it...2 years from now.

 

As Alphamale said, "you're getting ripped off"

 

For if a friend you are, a friend she will always see.

 

Believe it or not...a girl decides whether you'll be "lover" or a "friend"...within the first couple of times she meets you.

 

I make that decision on the first date.

 

You MIGHT AS WELL..find out FASTER..by NOT approaching her as a friend...but rather as a man who knows what he wants....

 

.If she doesn't like you.

 

BAM. You know.

 

You saved yourself 2 years of your life.

 

f she does like you.

 

BAM. You got hooked up.

 

If she likes you, it does not necessarily guarantee an amazing sex hookup.

You have to both have mutual * chemistry * in the physical sense and if you bomb in bed , you are done. Next !

 

Don't be "friends" in the beginning...be confident and add a tinge of sexuality in the beginning....and NEXT the girls that don't match up...

 

We are sizing you up in 20 different ways before you ever even get the *hint*...