Not getting enough sex!!

[RecordProducer]

You love him so be patient. But postponing the discussion about it is not going to help. Just don't make it sound like you're bitter. Be helpful rater. Good luck!

[radiation7740]

I think it is absolutely disrespectful of you to be studying your husband's night time erections when he's asleep. I would feel totally violated if my fiancee did that to me.

[RecordProducer]

I think it is absolutely disrespectful of you to be studying your husband's night time erections when he's asleep. I would feel totally violated if my fiancee did that to me.

I touch my husband's whole body at night and he loves it. He touches my body too and I wish he would violate me more often, but I am the night owl in our marriage. I especially love to feel his penis erecting in my hand due to the touching, while he is sleeping like a little baby. Mmmmmmm...

 

I don't see anything strange or disrespectful in touching your partner's body. Plus we both sleep naked. It's probably weird if you'd start taking his pajamas off while he si sleeping.

[Mary3]

I touch my husband's whole body at night and he loves it. He touches my body too and I wish he would violate me more often, but I am the night owl in our marriage. I especially love to feel his penis erecting in my hand due to the touching, while he is sleeping like a little baby. Mmmmmmm...

 

I don't see anything strange or disrespectful in touching your partner's body. Plus we both sleep naked. It's probably weird if you'd start taking his pajamas off while he si sleeping.

 

I think thats HOT !

[radiation7740]

I touch my husband's whole body at night and he loves it. He touches my body too and I wish he would violate me more often, but I am the night owl in our marriage. I especially love to feel his penis erecting in my hand due to the touching, while he is sleeping like a little baby. Mmmmmmm...

 

I don't see anything strange or disrespectful in touching your partner's body. Plus we both sleep naked. It's probably weird if you'd start taking his pajamas off while he si sleeping.

 

I suppose that's acceptable as long as both of you are ok with it. I'm just saying I personally don't like the idea of having my penis being studied while I'm sleeping. I'm not a sexual object. Now some find it kinky and like to be treated like a sexual object. That's fine for them. I don't. I'm not sure how her fiancee would feel if he know he was being studied for an hour after he falls asleep.

 

Furthermore I would be pissed if by some miracle I found out that my fiancee went on a message board like this to get advice from other women about studying my night time erections. That is disrespectful. I sure hope he doesn't find out about all this.

[weekell75]

Well, what are you doing on here then.........?

[Guest]

Your Story Sounds Almost Exactly Like Mine. My Boyfriend Is Doing The Exact Same Thing To Me. Just Last Night He Rejected Me Again Or He Just Plain Falls Asleep On Me. When I Try To Talk To Him About This He Tells Me That I'm Selfish. He Always Wants To Cuddle And He Feels That Should Be Enough But This Only Makes Me More Mad. He Then Falls Asleep And I Get Even More Mad. When I Feel Rejected I Tend To Get Angry And When I Try To Talk To Him About It He Tells Me That All I Want Is Sex. This Is Not True But Once A Week Would Be Nice. I'm Confussed All The Time And Our Relationship Is Getting Really Affected.

[MAUREENS72762]

I Feel Like Your Story Is Mine. He Never Seems To Want Sex. Just Last Night I Was Trying ( Which Hurts Me That I Actually Have To try ) And He Fell Asleep On Me. He Either Comes To Bed Long After I Do Or He Goes In There Before I Do. He Talks About Getting Married Every Day And Tells Me He Loves Me All The Time But Our Sex Life Is Maybe Every 2 Weeks. When I Try To Talk To Him About It He Calls Me Selfish. Then He Tells Me That Its Not Very Attractive When I Get Upset About It. I'm The One Who Always Has To Go Up To Him And Kiss Him First. He Tells Me That He Doesn't Understand Why Him Loving Me Isn't Enough. Its Not Like We Are Old, He Is 30 And I'm 33. He Says That He Is Happy With Just Being Near Me But I Need Him To Want Me. Last Night I Asked Him "do I Just Not Turn You On Anymore" And His Reply Was: " I Just Don't Require Sex To Be Happy Like You Do " That Hurt Me Even More. I Dont Require It I Just Enjoy It With Him. Am I Being Selfish? At The Beginning He Was Always Kissing Me And Touching Me And Then It Just Pretty Much Stopped. This Hurts Me And Then I Lash Out In Anger And Say Things Like " Maybe I'd Be Happier By Myself" This Is What I Said Last Night And Then He Got Mad At Me And Told Me That He Would Not Be Happier Without Me. Why Can't He Try Harder At Showing Me That He Wants Me. Then I Get Mad Again Because He Shouldn't Have To Try To Want Me. He Slept On The Couch Last Night And Wouldn't Even Kiss Me This Morning. I'm So Fed Up

[radiation7740]

I Feel Like Your Story Is Mine. He Never Seems To Want Sex. Just Last Night I Was Trying ( Which Hurts Me That I Actually Have To try ) And He Fell Asleep On Me. He Either Comes To Bed Long After I Do Or He Goes In There Before I Do. He Talks About Getting Married Every Day And Tells Me He Loves Me All The Time But Our Sex Life Is Maybe Every 2 Weeks. When I Try To Talk To Him About It He Calls Me Selfish. Then He Tells Me That Its Not Very Attractive When I Get Upset About It. I'm The One Who Always Has To Go Up To Him And Kiss Him First. He Tells Me That He Doesn't Understand Why Him Loving Me Isn't Enough. Its Not Like We Are Old, He Is 30 And I'm 33. He Says That He Is Happy With Just Being Near Me But I Need Him To Want Me. Last Night I Asked Him "do I Just Not Turn You On Anymore" And His Reply Was: " I Just Don't Require Sex To Be Happy Like You Do " That Hurt Me Even More. I Dont Require It I Just Enjoy It With Him. Am I Being Selfish? At The Beginning He Was Always Kissing Me And Touching Me And Then It Just Pretty Much Stopped. This Hurts Me And Then I Lash Out In Anger And Say Things Like " Maybe I'd Be Happier By Myself" This Is What I Said Last Night And Then He Got Mad At Me And Told Me That He Would Not Be Happier Without Me. Why Can't He Try Harder At Showing Me That He Wants Me. Then I Get Mad Again Because He Shouldn't Have To Try To Want Me. He Slept On The Couch Last Night And Wouldn't Even Kiss Me This Morning. I'm So Fed Up

 

 

Yes I think you are being selfish. All I get from your post is that you are too preoccupied with yourself and not concerned about what he wants. You say you don't require sex with him to be happy? If that's the case then why are you considering leaving him?? That doesn't make any sense to me. I was in your boyfriend's shoes awhile back. I would fall asleep during sex sometimes. It wasn't because I didn't love the girl. I was just tired.

 

You are really overreacting. You never told us what his occupation is. Maybe it's very stressful. I'm a man with a stressful high paying job. It would be on my mind when I'm having sex. Yes I would think about my work half the time when I'm in bed with a woman. This is one of the reasons I have to schedule sexual activities.

[pws53069]

Oh yes, and the other thing that scares me is that I will miss the intimacy and (after a few years of the lack of it) will go searching elsewhere for it.

The thought horrifies me at the moment, but how can I say for sure that it won't happen?

 

COULD IT BE THAT YOU'RE ENTERING THE PRIME OF YOUR LIFE, AND SINCE HE'S OLDER THAN YOU, HIS SEXUAL APPETITE HAS SLOWED. I KNOW WHEN I ENTERED MY 30'S AND UP UNTIL NOW (I'M 36) I CAN'T GET ENOUGH! BUT WHEN I WAS IN MY 20'S I RARELY WANTED TO HAVE SEX.

MAYBE IF YOU STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT IT HE'LL NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE AND REACT TO YOU WITH MORE INTIMACY. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY OFTEN WORKS! GOOD LUCK WITH THE SITUATION!

[MAUREENS72762]

HE STILL HASN'T TALKED TO ME TODAY LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG FOR WANTING TO SLEEP WITH HIM. HE IS SO GOOD AT TURNING THINGS AROUND TO WHERE I ALMOST FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE WRONG HERE. IS IT SO WRONG TO NEED TO BE WANTED BY YOUR SPOUSE? iSN'T A HEALTHY SEX LIFE IMPORTANT?

[radiation7740]

HE STILL HASN'T TALKED TO ME TODAY LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG FOR WANTING TO SLEEP WITH HIM. HE IS SO GOOD AT TURNING THINGS AROUND TO WHERE I ALMOST FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE WRONG HERE. IS IT SO WRONG TO NEED TO BE WANTED BY YOUR SPOUSE? iSN'T A HEALTHY SEX LIFE IMPORTANT?

 

 

He's not talking to you because he feels you are putting too much pressure on him to have sex. Why is it when the woman is not interested in sex, nobody gives the man advice to leave her? It's a double standard. Why is it acceptable for women to not want it that much but not for men? I think you should be grateful that he has a good heart & loves you for you. Lots of guys out there are in the relationship just for sex. Would you rather he be in the relationship just for sex alone?

[insomnie]

Take this with a grain of salt, but I think that lack of sexual passion in a relationship, if not for a medical reason, usually implies problems in other areas.

 

I was in a similar situation until a couple of weeks ago. My boyfriend of two years also stopped wanting to have sex. We would do it maybe once a week and even then it was totally robotic and passionless and not a whole lot of fun for either of us...I felt like he was doing it to appease me, so I would get off his case.

 

He was still very affectionate, wanting to cuddle all the time, but he always made excuses about the sex.

 

A couple of months of this and he broke up with. One of the thigns he said was that, though he still loved me and found me attractive, he had stopped wanting sex. And that made him unhappy and question the relaitonship.

 

Kind of a loop in logic there, because neither of us seem to know WHY he stopped wanting having sex (and I don't think it had much to do with me...I am looking better than ever, no sudden weight gain or anything like that, and I've been putting effort into my appearance)... but nevertheless. Something was wrong. Or, it made something wrong. In any case, don't take it lightly.

 

But, I may be wrong...

 

Best of luck to you, I'm sorry you have to be going through this. I hope things work out for you better than they did for me.

[RecordProducer]

For those who didn't get it, I didn't say to study his penis for an hour. I said when he is asleep, she can simply touch him and see if it's erected or not. That's all - one-second "job." The reason why I mentioned one hour is because if he fell asleep at 11 pm, he might not have an erection at 11,15 yet, but by midnight, he will most likely have it. It's actually better to "check" the morning erection. almost all guys wake up with an erection regularly.

 

Since the guy insists that nothing has changed and he doesn't know the reasons, she can take measures to help him and herself. It doesn't have to be done behind his back either.

 

If your wife smells like wine and acts like drunk every day, but always claims she hasn't drunk anything, isn't it reasonable to check your wine collection and see if there are botles missing?

[weekell75]

Thanks RP, I was beginning to lose ht run of things here for a while!

And Radiation, you still haven't answered my question (top of page 3)

[spider]

He has never masturbated or watched a porn movie and never owned a porn magazine. QUOTE]

 

This is a guy your talking about here, right?

 

F.Y.I. Almost every guy on the planet has been doing it since he was 11 or 12 and any guy who doesn't admit to it is insecure little whimp.

[Mary3]

He has never masturbated or watched a porn movie and never owned a porn magazine. QUOTE]

 

This is a guy your talking about here, right?

 

F.Y.I. Almost every guy on the planet has been doing it since he was 11 or 12 and any guy who doesn't admit to it is insecure little whimp.

 

According to the doctor who talked about be *asexual* , these persons do not masterbate or have fantasies , nor do they desire sex. I was unfortunate enough to have actually met one....

[RecordProducer]

Weekell, I usually concentrate on the problem that's posted and don't dig holes in other fields since I don't know the people who post here. But this time I might make a little exception. It's possible that he freaked out because of the upcoming wedding/marriage, since you stated that all this started since you got engaged.

 

I am not saying he is getting cold feet, just saying that he might be a little nervous about all the responsibility he will have to overtake very soon. I don't know the circumstance of your relationship, how you got engaged, how old you both are, and your financial conditions so I don't want to make any guesses. I am just saying that you might want to explore this possibility in your mind and/or out loud with him.

[Guest]

You have to decide if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life. I, too, am in a relationship where we used to have sex regularly and now two years later, he won't touch me unless I start it first, I am getting more disappointed with my relationship by the day and the sad thing is: we were thinking of marriage! I caught him looking at a really rauncy lingerie site and asked if he wanted me to wear lingerie, he said that he didn't want to see me in lingerie and that mothers don't wear lingerie

. That was last night and I am still steamed! I am now looking at him differently and I don't really like him right now. The bottom line is if you are unhappy with the way things are, and talking is not working, then you will eventually have to decide whether or not you want to be in a relationship where your needs are not being met.

[Guest]

Hi,

 

I truly feel for you. I also know what it is like to experience having a partner with decreased sex drive. My wife is on medication that makes her drive much less than it used to be. See, I've been on both ends of the spectrum...

I have to say.... I am a rather hot guy, and have had many girlfriends and experiences of girls who want it all the time. The only time that I didn't want them was when I was getting it elsewhere (from a different woman). This is what worries me with my wife because it is simply too easy to assume it's a mixture of variables causing a situation rather than just one (ie. medication). I have to tell you though, I understand the bitterness and the feelings of rejection. As a man, I NEED to have sex and have sex often... masturbation isn't an option for me either, as I feel it takes away from the love I could be sharing with my wife... however I am beginning to question this as well. Look at it this way... Sex was a VERY frequent thing for me up until my marriage... sometimes 10 times a week, and that is why it is VERY hard for me to go down to once a week now... I have become suspisious of her and her level of attraction for me and whether there is anyone else... And very bitter in a sense because I feel like it's one of my MOST important needs and it is being negleted by someone who I try to satisfy no matter the sacrifice.

You see, after all of the research on decreased sex drives that I have done, I have come to one central message... that human nature is to have sex for health, happiness, and intimacy, and when one isn't wanting it, there is definitlely a problem. It's just figuring out that problem that can lead to the end of the relationship... I definitely DO NOT understand your man, as I find the need for orgasms to be as natural to men as ovulation is to women

[Love Hurts]

It is possible that a wedding in October is giving him jitters.....

 

 

Commitment is a big step............. a life sentence............ he may be having some issues with the concept of ever after.

 

Thus his passion and sex drive are affected by it. Now when he is with you......... You are the symbol of his futuristic loss of freedom.........

You are no longer looked upon as .... oh baby this so good............I can't get enough of your love.

 

All that............. it may be that you make him realize the reality of what's up next.............. and he has jitters.............. talk to him..

 

Lot's of people get them it is very natural.................... I know I had them. ,,,,, and for good reason.......... im divorced.

 

Good Luck

[radiation7740]

It is possible that a wedding in October is giving him jitters.....

 

 

Commitment is a big step............. a life sentence............ he may be having some issues with the concept of ever after.

 

Thus his passion and sex drive are affected by it. Now when he is with you......... You are the symbol of his futuristic loss of freedom.........

You are no longer looked upon as .... oh baby this so good............I can't get enough of your love.

 

All that............. it may be that you make him realize the reality of what's up next.............. and he has jitters.............. talk to him..

 

Lot's of people get them it is very natural.................... I know I had them. ,,,,, and for good reason.......... im divorced.

 

Good Luck

 

 

Marriage is like signing your life away to the military. At least I was smart enough to count the cost before doing either one. I don't want to have to answer to any woman.

[weekell75]

Hi Guys,

Things were going great for a while there.

Unfotunately, things have taken a turn again.

I had my period last week, so couldn't get up to anything (shame, because things had really improved, I think we actually were doing it twice a week - believe me, a vast improvement! ). Anyway, that didn't deter me - I don't mind giving him BJ's when I can't do anything and he is in the mood. So, gave him one last week when I couldn't.

So, fast forward to yesterday. I was seriously up for it and texted him a message saying how h*rny I was. He rang back and told me he wasn't, that he was having a bad day. I thought - jees, okay then! Maybe later.....

So last night, I showered, shaved, exfoliated, the lot, in hopeful anticipation.

He was so obviously trying to get away from having to do anything it nearly brought me to tears. I told him upfront how up for it I was, yet when he came home he said how interesting the tv was, how he needed to get a certain chore done....remember, here is a guy, sitting next to a girl who is gagging for it, hasnt had sex with her in nearly two weeks. And he is trying to get out of it!

So I remembered what one of you said on here, went upstairs and took care of it mysekf with my faithful rampant rabbit. Wasn't the same, but it took care of the urges. When he (finally comes upstairs, he gets into bed fully clothed! I'm like 'you don't have to worry, I won't jump on you!'. So he gets undressed. Then he asks me if I am tired (obviously hoping I was.). I say that I am not. then he asks me if I am h*rny. I said I was, but I took care of it myself. He tried to act disappointed, but I could tell he was relieved. Saying that, I know he believes it is his job to do that. Huh! If I waited for him, I would have gone off my head!

I am angry now, really angry. What have I done to deserve this?

After I asked him, he said he just wasn't in the mood. Of course I asked him how can it be true, after waiting 2 weeks, and the thing that was on his mind was only small? How can that stop him? He replies that we must be different. That hung in the air till I told him to go to sleep.

I forgot to remind him that when the table is turned, he gets a BJ when I can't do it/not in the mood, why can't he do the same for me? Is he just being selfish, or am I?

[iamanisland]

plain and simple, one of his obligations to you is to please you sexually. Its not a choice, its part of the job description...

 

If he wont do that for you, then you must get payback and take away something he wants that you can give.

 

He will only learn when he feels the same.

 

This is rediculous... what does he think??? if you dont get it, you will get irritated, frustrated and may look elsewhere...

 

sorry to say, he is being a neglectful husband in this.

[weekell75]

Well, we had another talk about it a couple of days back (another talk!), I told him how frustrated I was (in all senses of the word!), about having the same problem cropping up all the time, that we are to be married in 4 months, how that was worrying me. I didn't want to have this problem if there was no way to sort it.

He was upset and said yes, he was being selfish, and that in the future, when he isn't in the mood, that he won't forget about me.

We shall just have to see. Thanks for your replies guys. To be honest, I don't think he is asexual - he was a late starter and has only had 2 partners in his life. He doesn't seem to have a medical problem, but will go for a check up anyway (his dad died of a heart attack and his mother cancer), as he needs to.

Thank god that when we do do it, it is AMAZING. I would have gone mad otherwise.