#$*&!!!! He sucked me in!

[Jessie61]

Ah Zara.. we have all been down this road..I sent ya a letter about how proud I was I sent my MM a break up letter and asked him to leave me alone..and I instantly caved when he showed up..

 

I feel like kicking my own butt because this is starting to happen to me so much..I used to always back up my words, now MM knows how weak I am..it sucks!!

 

well like you said..next time you won't be so sweet,and I'm sure you'll allot tuffer with each of his attempts..cause there is plenty where that came from.

 

LNF and Zara,

 

There is a whole sea of people on this forum alone who know exactly how you feel.... Kicking my own ass is fast becoming my favourite hobby!!!!

 

But do you feel that you get more and more determined for each time it happens? Or is it the slippery slope into resignation and sheer giving up?

[zarathustra]

LNF and Zara,

 

There is a whole sea of people on this forum alone who know exactly how you feel.... Kicking my own ass is fast becoming my favourite hobby!!!!

 

But do you feel that you get more and more determined for each time it happens? Or is it the slippery slope into resignation and sheer giving up?

I find that each time I allow him to suck me into a conversation with him... platonic as it may be... I feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment in myself. I guess that because I don't feel good about myself when we chat, I should just not do it anymore.

 

I am lucky because now I have you all here to help and support me.

[Jessie61]

I find that each time I allow him to suck me into a conversation with him... platonic as it may be... I feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment in myself. I guess that because I don't feel good about myself when we chat, I should just not do it anymore.

 

I am lucky because now I have you all here to help and support me.

 

 

Zara,

 

Of course we're here to help you!!! Never doubt that for a second!

 

I still find it difficult to decide if you become more determined or more "resigned to your fate" for every time that it happens..?

 

I am "the Queen of Broken NC's" (OK, not MY doing but still a very dubious honour... ) but I still feel that this gut wrenching disappointment in myself that I feel each time that I have been sucked into the A (albeit with tiny steps forward towards leaving W), makes me more determined to bring it to an end... But at the same time I know that it looks the complete opposite from the outside????!! Am I the only one who is confused??

 

Anyway, things have moved on over the weekend. MM told the W yet again that he does not love her and that he hasn't for years, that he gave up on the M ages ago and that he cannot help how he feels. She accepts that he is not to blame for how he feels, but has so far refused to discuss anything to do with the issue of separation, but now she has changed her mind and she has agreed to separate. Terms to be discussed. So I guess, things are moving on slightly...? Sorry, I digress, it has nothing to do with the thread!!!! :o

 

I guess all we can do is to kick our asses a tiny bit when we do slip up, but then we must pick ourselves up from the floor, try again and get on with life? As hard as it may be? I am so glad, though that I have found this site and started posting (I was hovering in the background for a long long time...), coz you people make me laugh and think by equal amounts.

[zarathustra]

Anyway, things have moved on over the weekend. MM told the W yet again that he does not love her and that he hasn't for years, that he gave up on the M ages ago and that he cannot help how he feels. She accepts that he is not to blame for how he feels, but has so far refused to discuss anything to do with the issue of separation, but now she has changed her mind and she has agreed to separate. Terms to be discussed. So I guess, things are moving on slightly...? Sorry, I digress, it has nothing to do with the thread!!!! :o

 

Hi Jessie,

 

Its really good that he spoke with the wife and admitting again that he's given up on the M. Baby steps forward than no steps at all and miles better than steps backwards. I hope that you will get your good news soon.

[officespace]

ADVANCED CLASSES NOW AVAILABLE

 

-Learn to let go of your authentic self and become Master EGO.

-Learn to really not think about inflicting pain on the OW or W

-Learn to enjoy the submission benefits without any guilt whatsoever

-Learn to financially please both women

-Learn to multi-task and be at two places at once

-Learn to have it ALL and give nothing back

 

YES! YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!

 

BECOME A BA**TARD AND REAP THE REWARDS

 

*laughing*

OMG.....this is so true

 

Also learn advanced techniques, such as:

 

-How to convince the OW that her impatience is what is breaking down the relationship, not your selfishness and lies.

-How to toggle back and forth between the W and OW indefinently

[zarathustra]

OMG.....this is so true

 

Also learn advanced techniques, such as:

 

-How to convince the OW that her impatience is what is breaking down the relationship, not your selfishness and lies.

-How to toggle back and forth between the W and OW indefinently

 

Hey, I think its about time we started offering classes on recognizing cakemen for OWs? No?

[zarathustra]

OMG.....this is so true

 

Also learn advanced techniques, such as:

 

-How to convince the OW that her impatience is what is breaking down the relationship, not your selfishness and lies.

-How to toggle back and forth between the W and OW indefinently

 

Hey, I think its about time we started offering classes on recognizing cakemen for OWs? No?

[Jessie61]

Hi Jessie,

 

Its really good that he spoke with the wife and admitting again that he's given up on the M. Baby steps forward than no steps at all and miles better than steps backwards. I hope that you will get your good news soon.

 

Zara,

 

Thanks for your encouraging words! Yes, MM has spoken to her a few times, but she's been in complete denial until this weekend. There is still a huge hint of it, but sooner or later she'll have to listen to what he says...? OK, he doesn't need her consent to leave but he'd prefer if there was some sort of agreement or understanding on her part. I guess he's worried about what she'll say to the kids. But she is a good woman and she'll realise that she cannot punish them for something that they are certainly not responsible for; he cannot help how he feels, the rot has been going on for almost 10 years and they are certainly both to blame for things going wrong... We'll see what happens... I am getting my hopes up, despite my best efforts. BUT seeing is always believing, right..???

[Jessie61]

OMG.....this is so true

 

Also learn advanced techniques, such as:

 

-How to convince the OW that her impatience is what is breaking down the relationship, not your selfishness and lies.

-How to toggle back and forth between the W and OW indefinently

 

Officespace,

 

You are hilarious!!! :lmao:

[zarathustra]

Zara,

 

Thanks for your encouraging words! Yes, MM has spoken to her a few times, but she's been in complete denial until this weekend. There is still a huge hint of it, but sooner or later she'll have to listen to what he says...? OK, he doesn't need her consent to leave but he'd prefer if there was some sort of agreement or understanding on her part. I guess he's worried about what she'll say to the kids. But she is a good woman and she'll realise that she cannot punish them for something that they are certainly not responsible for; he cannot help how he feels, the rot has been going on for almost 10 years and they are certainly both to blame for things going wrong... We'll see what happens... I am getting my hopes up, despite my best efforts. BUT seeing is always believing, right..???

 

It will be much much easier on your life if she will let go. You are absolutely right... seeing is believing. So make sure that he earns his place in your life.

 

I'm glad to hear that you think she is a good woman. I think its really important that you view her in a positive way, esp. if kids are involved. While I don't want to be anything like my xMM's W and the picture he painted of her and how she blows things out of proportion (from what I've witnessed) is not particularly positive, I don't think that she's a bitch or a bad person. I would likely not have someone like her as my friend. Too judgemental... but maybe that's because he painted that picture of her to me. Ah well... who knows. Anyway, I do wish you best of luck and things sound positive. Keep strong and keep NC until he is really really out. If you are truly in his heart, he will make himself available to you, even if its without his W's consent.

[Jessie61]

It will be much much easier on your life if she will let go. You are absolutely right... seeing is believing. So make sure that he earns his place in your life.

 

I'm glad to hear that you think she is a good woman. I think its really important that you view her in a positive way, esp. if kids are involved. While I don't want to be anything like my xMM's W and the picture he painted of her and how she blows things out of proportion (from what I've witnessed) is not particularly positive, I don't think that she's a bitch or a bad person. I would likely not have someone like her as my friend. Too judgemental... but maybe that's because he painted that picture of her to me. Ah well... who knows. Anyway, I do wish you best of luck and things sound positive. Keep strong and keep NC until he is really really out. If you are truly in his heart, he will make himself available to you, even if its without his W's consent.

 

 

Zara,

 

Well, I have opted for a different approach in relation to NC... We are in touch (me from a different country) during this period, but if he lets me down, then when NC will be the only way to go. This way I know exactly how things are going, I can gauge his tone of voice to see if there is any back tracking looming on the horizon, I can offer advice and support etc. But my main priority is to avoid a situation where I am going frantic at home wondering WTH is going on over there and fretting over whether or not he will contact me at all etc... I prefer to know and the moment it is starting to go pearshaped, then I want out. I am not wasting one second more than absolutely necessary on this anymore. I prefer "the guilliotine approach"; it is now or never.

 

Yes, the W is a good woman, but don't get me wrong, I don't think she is perfect saint either; none of us are. We all have our good sides, but we all also make our fair share of mistakes and we all react and learn differently from our mistakes etc. MM has never bad mouthed her to me either (I would be very concerned if he had ever slated her! That would NOT impress me...) but I have formed my own opinion over the 2 years. If the W and I had met in other circumstances, we would get on socially etc, but I don't think we'd become soul mates or best friends; we just don't have much in common in terms of interests and outlook on life etc. BUT I do see her as a PERSON with her own flaws and merits, just like everyone else. She is, for one thing, a very good mother and when I have met the kids you can see that they love her. And (if this thing happens) I fully intend to nurture that love as much as I can, and hopefully I can become their friend in due course.

 

Like I keep saying, "we'll see".... Or is my favourite phrase "Seeing is believing"???

[zarathustra]

Zara,

 

Well, I have opted for a different approach in relation to NC... We are in touch (me from a different country) during this period, but if he lets me down, then when NC will be the only way to go. This way I know exactly how things are going, I can gauge his tone of voice to see if there is any back tracking looming on the horizon, I can offer advice and support etc. But my main priority is to avoid a situation where I am going frantic at home wondering WTH is going on over there and fretting over whether or not he will contact me at all etc... I prefer to know and the moment it is starting to go pearshaped, then I want out. I am not wasting one second more than absolutely necessary on this anymore. I prefer "the guilliotine approach"; it is now or never.

 

Yes, the W is a good woman, but don't get me wrong, I don't think she is perfect saint either; none of us are. We all have our good sides, but we all also make our fair share of mistakes and we all react and learn differently from our mistakes etc. MM has never bad mouthed her to me either (I would be very concerned if he had ever slated her! That would NOT impress me...) but I have formed my own opinion over the 2 years. If the W and I had met in other circumstances, we would get on socially etc, but I don't think we'd become soul mates or best friends; we just don't have much in common in terms of interests and outlook on life etc. BUT I do see her as a PERSON with her own flaws and merits, just like everyone else. She is, for one thing, a very good mother and when I have met the kids you can see that they love her. And (if this thing happens) I fully intend to nurture that love as much as I can, and hopefully I can become their friend in due course.

 

Like I keep saying, "we'll see".... Or is my favourite phrase "Seeing is believing"???

 

I'm usually quite a trusting person, but in these instances, I think 'seeing is believing' makes a much better favourite phrase, even if its not the most used one

 

Best of luck to you and I hope good news is on the horizon.