Author Mary3 Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 Are you sure? Look, you can't sit there and speak for ALL guys. I am a guy and I can tell you personally that if you weren't interested in me I would have much more respect for you as a human being if you were upfront and honest about it simply because you weren't being a coward by NOT telling me. IMO... ignoring someone hurts feelings but being honest and upfront does not. Just speaking from experience... I will try and turn the tables and imagine myself liking someone and not hearing back from them. Would I call them a Coward ? No. I would describe them as someone who is just not interested. Would I want to hear "Sorry I am not interested in you " Not really. I would rather think of it this way.: If I hear back within 5 days then they are interested. If I don't , then they are not interested. They dont have to say anything. It works better that way. Maybe not for all people. It does hurt when you like someone and you don't hear back. As opposed to going on a date with someone you are not that *into* and you don't hear back. Or worse they like you alot and you don't feel the same... I can stop dating and get off the train,. Or take the train further into the city and enjoy the ride. I choose to ride the train. Not dating is a personal choice. By not dating I assume you never ask a girl out ? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 If a lady weighing 350 pounds approached you and said " Do I look fat " ? What would your honest answer be ?? Would you stop for a minute and consider her feelings before you spoke ? ... Any lady who weighs 350 lbs has no business asking anyone if she *looks fat*. She is! Hmmm... what would my answer be? I'd tell her to go find the nearest full-length mirror, look at herself, and tell me what she thinks. Sorry... but that's a ridiculous scenario. If someone painted your bathroom walls cherry red while you were at work today and that someone happened to be your girlfriend and she said : Honey do you like the cherry red color ? " What would you say to her. ? Would you stop for a minute and consider her feelings BEFORE you said how you felt about the newly painted walls ? First off... she shouldn't be changing anything like that around the house without BOTH of us discussing it. My response would be my honest response: if I like it then I would say so. Conversely, if I didn't like it I would say so just as easily. I am not afraid of honesty but it seems like so many others are. Your analogy of my charactor is not correct. Because I do this one thing about not returning calls of men I am not interested does not make me a rude person in general , it just makes me uncomfortable to have to say it in general. I am making improvements in something that a male perspective taught me yesterday, Agree, one characteristic doesn't make you rude in general. Nevertheless, you ARE rude in that one characteristic. Also there must be lots of * people are who not mature * if they too do not return phone calls. I agree with you on that - it IS rude and immature. You seem so tough smoochie. Do you have a soft side at all ? I am tough. What do you expect - I am a guy. My *soft side* is for those who love me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 ... Any lady who weighs 350 lbs has no business asking anyone if she *looks fat*. She is! Hmmm... what would my answer be? I'd tell her to go find the nearest full-length mirror, look at herself, and tell me what she thinks. Sorry... but that's a ridiculous scenario. First off... she shouldn't be changing anything like that around the house without BOTH of us discussing it. My response would be my honest response: if I like it then I would say so. Conversely, if I didn't like it I would say so just as easily. I am not afraid of honesty but it seems like so many others are. Agree, one characteristic doesn't make you rude in general. Nevertheless, you ARE rude in that one characteristic. I agree with you on that - it IS rude and immature. I am tough. What do you expect - I am a guy. My *soft side* is for those who love me. First of all : LOL !!!!!!!! This was more a poke at humor and to see if you could look at this objectively by giving you examples of considering another persons feelings. I * was * rude and now I won't be in the future so therefore I am not rude in that area. Just so you know , my dad DID paint our bathroom cherry red. You should have seen the looks on peoples faces as they came out of our bathroom....lol Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 :( :( :confused: :confused: :love: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 I kinda agree with the earlier post. I'd rather be told straight up because otherwise there are a lot of questions out in the open that could have been easily answered. What is the advantage of NOT telling as opposed to telling when you wish to no longer continue contact? I have a hard time finding positive attributes associated with the "leave them hanging" strategy. I mean I feel like it's a basic rule of communication. If you're able to speak your mind, no matter what the content may be, it's an important skill and saves a lot of unnecessary grief and questioning. I think it comes with being a mature individual in any sort of relationship. Even though a lack of replies will surely indicate that there is no interest and they should move on, it hurts feelings by drawing things out, and wastes everybody's time. Furthermore, it can cause clinginess such that the person you no longer wish to contact begins to chase you when you don't wish that to happen. All of these issues can be wrapped up by simply speaking the truth of the matter and communicating the message correctly so that there are no questions left out without answers. EDIT: With regards to the previous post there is a primary difference in your analogy that, in my mind, makes the logic sort of fuzzy. In the case of painting the cherry wall, the reason why it would be more difficult to be truthful there is because you do not wish to cause stress to the relationship and you would rather it continue onward without that additional stressor. In the case of returning a call you would NOT want this relationship to continue in the same way that it was before, so I do not think the same logic applies in both cases fully. Regardless, what CAN be done in both cases is to be honest with tact. Or, if you are willing to tolerate a certain occurrence at the cost of something else because the net benefit is inherently greater, then of course you'd choose the appropriate option. Regardless I see no advantage to simply ignoring people you are not interested in. I do agree with you that its part of maturity. It seems I must be going out with some immature guys because they are more likely to wait with all the * Rules* their friends have told them. You know, Wait 2 days before calling. Wait one day before returning a call. Wait 5 days before the next date.... All of this is crap to me honestly. Anyone with * game * is going to get dumped. And quick. I can honestly tell you that I am prompt on returning most calls and dont have a set rule to follow. If I like that person I will return the call.( Fast Forward to Now) . I have to be honest and tell the ones I am not interested just THAT and in a timely manner. IF that means talking to them on the phone and telling them , its what I have to do. Lesson learned Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 :( :( :confused: :confused: :love: Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 First of all : LOL !!!!!!!! This was more a poke at humor and to see if you could look at this objectively by giving you examples of considering another persons feelings. I * was * rude and now I won't be in the future so therefore I am not rude in that area. Just so you know , my dad DID paint our bathroom cherry red. You should have seen the looks on peoples faces as they came out of our bathroom....lol Logic takes precedence over feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted April 20, 2006 Author Share Posted April 20, 2006 Logic takes precedence over feelings. Logically speaking of course...but humor and having emotions are what make us human. Unless we want to resort to being robots. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Logically speaking of course...but humor and having emotions are what make us human. Unless we want to resort to being robots. Sure... but with some people logical thinking comes first. Doesn't mean they are devoid of humour and feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
IWalkAlone Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 It seems I must be going out with some immature guys because they are more likely to wait with all the * Rules* their friends have told them. You know, Wait 2 days before calling. Wait one day before returning a call. Wait 5 days before the next date.... All of this is crap to me honestly. Anyone with * game * is going to get dumped. And quick. But on the other hand, the guy who inspired this message thread did not follow the *Rules,* specifically the rule that one should not push for starting a serious relationship during the first date. And that's what bothered you about him. I don't consider the rules to be set in stone. There are exceptions. But in general these rules maximize one's chances for success by making a good impression without appearing too needy or pushy. Link to post Share on other sites
IWalkAlone Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 I stand by my statement that I need to get to know someone before agreeing to a comittment Most people feel that way. That's why not discussing long-term relationship plans with a first date is a *Rule* People who break it - even when they're otherwise likeable people - are not likely to get a second date. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 20, 2006 Share Posted April 20, 2006 Eye for an eye... It's called a *payback* - and there is plenty more of that waiting in the wings. I have no problem doling it out as needed. I know. Two wrongs will make a right. That is the correct and mature way to handle things. Glad to see that you are acting like the "mature adult" that you claim to be. This thread is outrageous. I can't believe that it is still going. Link to post Share on other sites
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