wanda1974 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 so i confronted my bf and he denied everything. he started to get angry and told me that he would never hang out w/ his friends again because he is sick of being associated with the crap. he seemed really upset. i guess i'm to sit back and see what happens. i can't help somebody if they tell me they are not doing it. maybe i just need to catch him in the action. i don't know; i'm ready to pull my hair out. i'm to tired to put up a fight! I was married to a cocaine abuser for 8 years, and he tried to hide it...in all the ways your boyfriend is. I can GUARANTEE you he is still using. Of course he is going to deny it, and turn the situation around by saying he won't hang with his pals anymore....please!!!! he wants to put a guilt trip on you. But like I said....I would bet a million dollars he's a regular coke abuser. Link to post Share on other sites
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 I have a guy friend that does coke but he wants to quit. Do you think I should believe him? How hard is it for someone to stop that's been doing it for awhile? I hope he does quit because from what I've heard the cops are tapping his phone to where he has to shut it off sometimes! Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 I doubt the cops are tapping his phone. Paranoia is a common side effect of taking drugs like coke. Users think they are being watched, followed and tapped. They stop hanging around people because they can't trust anyone. Some cover up all their windows thinking someone is spying on them, or unhook their phones and have other strange behaviors. Link to post Share on other sites
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 I doubt the cops are tapping his phone. Paranoia is a common side effect of taking drugs like coke. Users think they are being watched, followed and tapped. They stop hanging around people because they can't trust anyone. Some cover up all their windows thinking someone is spying on them, or unhook their phones and have other strange behaviors. yah that may be. the only reason why I thought that is because he told me and some of his friends and my friends told me about his phone. The trust issue is a big thing with him because I heard from someone that he ratted out some of his friends for doing drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 yesterday, i went to my fiancee's work to stop in and have a drink. i noticed his eyes looked a tiny buggy, but i didn't want to say anything cause i think i'm always over reacting and seriously at this point loosing my mind and seeing things that arent really happening or there. then when i woke up this morn. (to go to work @ 5am), he was up playing video games (this is not unusual; sometimes, if he works till 2am, he's just not tired till 5, 5:30am); but then he wanted sex. as we were trying to get started, he couldn't get hard and i was becoming frustrated (a light blinked in my head when that happened). by the time it was over, he went to the bathroom and i ran to his work pants and searched them. i found a straw and an empty baggy w/white residue in it. i know i have to be strong and confront him as soon as possible (tonight), but i'm at my witts end and don't even know where to start. i know i've been repeating myself for months, but i need your guys's help. i don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 What do you want to do? It's weird that this thread popped back up today and you posted this morning. Last night I dreamt that I met some girls at a party and went to the back bedroom and did coke. The dream was so vivid, I even felt high, and then I felt, in the dream, that itchy, nasty come down...when I woke up I thought, for a second, I had gone to a party and done blow. Then I remembered that I babysat last night and watched a basketball movie, thank the lord. If you want to stay with him, you have two choices. Tolerate his drug use (which I do NOT recommend), or be with him through a long and difficult process of becoming sober, which may at this point require inpatient treatment. I've been sober over 6 months and, last night's dream proves to me, that I am STILL in recovery even though I haven't touched that stuff. I don't know what else to tell you, hon. This man has violated your trust and betrayed you. He cheated on you -- not with another woman, but with cocaine, and IME they are very similar. So he was not able to keep a promise to you or remain true to you. YOu need to seriously consider how you want the rest of your life to be, and why you keep staying with someone who lies to your face, and lies to himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 What do you want to do? It's weird that this thread popped back up today and you posted this morning. Last night I dreamt that I met some girls at a party and went to the back bedroom and did coke. The dream was so vivid, I even felt high, and then I felt, in the dream, that itchy, nasty come down...when I woke up I thought, for a second, I had gone to a party and done blow. Then I remembered that I babysat last night and watched a basketball movie, thank the lord. If you want to stay with him, you have two choices. Tolerate his drug use (which I do NOT recommend), or be with him through a long and difficult process of becoming sober, which may at this point require inpatient treatment. I've been sober over 6 months and, last night's dream proves to me, that I am STILL in recovery even though I haven't touched that stuff. I don't know what else to tell you, hon. This man has violated your trust and betrayed you. He cheated on you -- not with another woman, but with cocaine, and IME they are very similar. So he was not able to keep a promise to you or remain true to you. YOu need to seriously consider how you want the rest of your life to be, and why you keep staying with someone who lies to your face, and lies to himself. Thanks for the advice BO. I'm just scared on showing him today, what i found. i become scared because he comes up w/excuses and i sit there w/my mouth frozen. i've never been a good arguer or good at fighting to get my point out, especially when you're being manipulated by an addict. i need to know how to be strong and what to say (like how to even begin the conversation) and how to be strong throughout the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Thanks for the advice BO. I'm just scared on showing him today, what i found. i become scared because he comes up w/excuses and i sit there w/my mouth frozen. i've never been a good arguer or good at fighting to get my point out, especially when you're being manipulated by an addict. i need to know how to be strong and what to say (like how to even begin the conversation) and how to be strong throughout the process. You could start by telling him you want to talk about what is most important in a relationship, ask him what he values most in a relationship, then when it's your turn tell him honesty is very important, without which a relationship that is based on lies is artificial and go from there. I think his lying would bother me more than the drugs at this point. I can't even begin to deal with the drug issue which is huge, to even put myself in the situation to go through that drama when there are lies to be dealt with first. He looks you in the eyes and bulls***s that he is not using when the evidence is all around. Does he think you are an ass and a fool? It really shouldn't be that difficult to start a conversation with him about this. Be strong because you are the one who is entitled to be upset at him, don't let him turn the tables on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladywithafan Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 ...addicts are the best manipulators...by the time the conversation ends, you might end up feeling like you got the short end of the stick so be prepared! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 Thanks gals, for your replies. i did confront him on fri. night. i started off with, we need to talk about last night (thurs. night/the night he was all coked up). he looked at me funny and was like ok. then i asked him why he did coke last night he firmly denied it, until i told him that i'm not stupid and that buggy eyes and a dick not getting hard, means something. he still looked at me stupid, until i pulled out the evidence (straw, empty baggies w/white residue). then he shook his head. he finally admitted everything (step 1). he told me he's been using once every 2 or 3 weeks, but never buys it (i don't believe him on that though. do people really give coke away for free?) according to him it will be at a party, or one of his friends will have it and he'll use theirs. he told me ever since he took the manager position at the restaurant and has been working 60hrs. a week, he's been extremely depressed and that has been whats made his use. he did say that he doesn't crave it. he just wants to be happy. and so far its the only thing that can make him happy @ 2am (i'm sleeping, i have to be up @ 5am). i told him he needs to go see a doc. to maybe get on anti-depressants or find a counselor to come completly clean with. he's supposed to make an appt. today. i did tell him, ONE MORE THING I FIND/OR NOTICE WITH HIS APPEARANCE, ITS OVER! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 well just make sure that was an ultimatum you will stand by because if you let it go again, you will lose what little credibility you have left and he most likely won't take you seriously again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 well just make sure that was an ultimatum you will stand by because if you let it go again, you will lose what little credibility you have left and he most likely won't take you seriously again. Believe me, i know. I've came to a point in my life where there is no more fight or tears left in me. So far I've went against everything i said in the past (that i wouldn't do in a realtionship) (maybe, cuz its love??) but if i have to loose it (or should i say him loose it, its going to happen. I'll keep you and everybody else updated on whats going on. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Good luck. I'm glad you got to the truth in the end. As BO says, stand by your convictions. Link to post Share on other sites
mariJane Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 ya if you told him that you will have to mean it now, so you guys dont live together, that helps, so you are going to have to do it, when you catch him. like the people said above me, anyways, are you sure its coke, not meth? anyways, so ya good luck, its good you dont live together so maybe when you end it he will hit bottom and you have a place to go, if you do end it just go home and know that he is thinking of you and stand your ground!! best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 ya if you told him that you will have to mean it now, so you guys dont live together, that helps, so you are going to have to do it, when you catch him. like the people said above me, anyways, are you sure its coke, not meth? anyways, so ya good luck, its good you dont live together so maybe when you end it he will hit bottom and you have a place to go, if you do end it just go home and know that he is thinking of you and stand your ground!! best of luck i'm sure its coke, well at least that what he tells me. he fully admitted to having a problem w/it and we're trying to work on it. if he slips up thought, i don't think i can be w/him. last night was a little fishy (first fishy night in like 3 weeks.) i woke up at 4am to see him watching tv on the ground in his bedroom. i asked why he wasn't sleeping and he told me he couldn't cuz his mom's alarm clock and my alarm clock were going off and we kept pressing snooze, which kept him up. maybe that true. but then @ 7:30am he called me to say hi and let me know that he had to throw a load of laundry in before he goes to work. now he doesn't have to be till 9:15am to go to work. i think why didn't u throw that load in last night or why not throw it in and just go right back to bed. he seemed wide awake when i talked to him. who knows! Link to post Share on other sites
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