Author confused6925 Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 When someone's eyes seem real big like they are almost popping out of thier head does that mean there on coke? that how my bf's eyses looked yesterday, but he said it was from some red bull earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 When someone's eyes seem real big like they are almost popping out of thier head does that mean there on coke? that how my bf's eyses looked yesterday, but he said it was from some red bull earlier. that is a toughie.. If you are refering to the whites of the eyes then that might have to do with blood pressure. and blood pressure can go up with both cocaine and caffeine. Dilated pupils are a common sign of cocaine use and caffeine use. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 that is a toughie.. If you are refering to the whites of the eyes then that might have to do with blood pressure. and blood pressure can go up with both cocaine and caffeine. Dilated pupils are a common sign of cocaine use and caffeine use. i'm not talking about dialated pupils or the white part of the eye, basically his eyes were just so wide open that it looked scary. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 i'm not talking about dialated pupils or the white part of the eye, basically his eyes were just so wide open that it looked scary. That sounds like acid. To me anyways. Why does it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 That sounds like acid. To me anyways. Why does it matter? i don't know. it hurts when its the man who just proposed to you 3 months ago and now its like he's been living a lie and why would u want to marry someone you have to lie to? i keep not wanting to believe it. it sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 i don't know. it hurts when its the man who just proposed to you 3 months ago and now its like he's been living a lie and why would u want to marry someone you have to lie to? i keep not wanting to believe it. it sucks. Yeah, it does. I'm sorry that you feel bad, and that this is the situation you're living in. I really think you should contact a local Alanon chapter so you can get the support that you really need. Questioning like this will only make you crazy. And you're fully within your rights to tell him that you won't consider marriage until he makes some progress towards sobriety. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 so i confronted my bf and he denied everything. he started to get angry and told me that he would never hang out w/ his friends again because he is sick of being associated with the crap. he seemed really upset. i guess i'm to sit back and see what happens. i can't help somebody if they tell me they are not doing it. maybe i just need to catch him in the action. i don't know; i'm ready to pull my hair out. i'm to tired to put up a fight! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 so i confronted my bf and he denied everything. he started to get angry and told me that he would never hang out w/ his friends again because he is sick of being associated with the crap. he seemed really upset. i guess i'm to sit back and see what happens. i can't help somebody if they tell me they are not doing it. maybe i just need to catch him in the action. i don't know; i'm ready to pull my hair out. i'm to tired to put up a fight! I'm so sorry that you're in this position. But sadly, you can't help him -- and please don't try to catch him in the act -- he may react violently and you may get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 I'm so sorry that you're in this position. But sadly, you can't help him -- and please don't try to catch him in the act -- he may react violently and you may get hurt. Thanks for caring. My friends keep yelling at me, that i should leave him. I don't think anybody should yell at me or tell me what to do unless they've been in my shoes. I don't want to leave him. I want to help him. I want him to be the same person that I fell in love with (which was not a coke addict). To top if off, in the past 2 weeks my brother has been high off of heroin 4 days of what i know of. I feel like my life is spirling down a tube that has no end. I'm so stressed, I've been having terrible chest pains, not sleeping, because i'm so lost. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Thanks for caring. My friends keep yelling at me, that i should leave him. I don't think anybody should yell at me or tell me what to do unless they've been in my shoes. I don't want to leave him. I want to help him. I want him to be the same person that I fell in love with (which was not a coke addict). To top if off, in the past 2 weeks my brother has been high off of heroin 4 days of what i know of. I feel like my life is spirling down a tube that has no end. I'm so stressed, I've been having terrible chest pains, not sleeping, because i'm so lost. when you take on the burdens of others, you take on that extra stress, too. Your body is trying to tell you something - "HELP ME! I'm TOO stressed out! I need a break!" You should listen to that at least. I do highly recommend attending an AlAnon meeting, to get support from other people who are loved ones to addicts and alcoholics. I feel terribly guilty for those who did what you did, tried to help me....because I know that there are at least 2 men out there whose hearts I broke because I could not get sober until I decided to for myself. So, in a way, listening to you vent and offering support is selfish on my part, me trying to make up for being the person like your BF....hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 when you take on the burdens of others, you take on that extra stress, too. Your body is trying to tell you something - "HELP ME! I'm TOO stressed out! I need a break!" You should listen to that at least. I do highly recommend attending an AlAnon meeting, to get support from other people who are loved ones to addicts and alcoholics. I feel terribly guilty for those who did what you did, tried to help me....because I know that there are at least 2 men out there whose hearts I broke because I could not get sober until I decided to for myself. So, in a way, listening to you vent and offering support is selfish on my part, me trying to make up for being the person like your BF....hugs. how do u find out where the AlAnon meetings are? Do u ever try talking to those 2 guys? thanks again! you are somebody on this site, who has really helped me, and I appreciate it. hugs right back at ya! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 how do u find out where the AlAnon meetings are? Do u ever try talking to those 2 guys? thanks again! you are somebody on this site, who has really helped me, and I appreciate it. hugs right back at ya! Just go to google and type in your city, state and "alanon" and there should be at least one or two sites up with info about local meetings. It really helps, for me -- AA has been a lifesaver. And I am the recovering addict. At the time I was involved with those men, I was heavily using. One guy proposed to me and I ended up giving back the ring. I knew that I had hurt him too much by that time to really make a go of it on even ground. He drove 2 1/2 hours once just to see me and I was doing coke and turned him away at my door. I never saw him again. I have tried to make amends, asking forgiveness, but he is too angry at me for ruining what we had. It really was entirely my fault and I feel guity about it. It was only some time after that, when it hit me what I had done, and another relationship was messed up because of my drug and alcohol abuse, that I decided to get sober for myself. When I think back I realize that people who are actively using are not in their right minds. They don't get back to "normal" until some months after they get sober.... I am praying for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 reading all the threads,I hate to say that I think my boyfriend is doing coke aswell if not it is meth. He always has his cell near by takes it even to the bathroom when he showers. The phone never rings when we are together and the ringer is on. I already know that he is always clesrs texts before he comes and sees me or even when we are together. we have been together almost a year. I know the signs because of a family member very close that did meth. You are right that they do clean up there traces; but sooner or later they start slippin. he kinda of a sloppy person. not messy, sloppy. but since we have been together he has learned that I am a neat freak247, even in his car. not to be nosey, just cause that is who I am. So he cleans his car before seeing me so I don't find anything. but remember they talk alot when high on speed and they really don't realize how much they spill if just sit and let them ramble. I take notes for every little thing that is out of character or out of place. I love this man and it is an "addicition" because when he is clean he is a totally different person. I love him to much to just let go yet, but sooner or later as addicts slip. we to a point when its time to let go, i haven't hit mine YET! I hope that we can work through this because there are some success stories that people do clean up and stay clean. Just remember even if they do get clean even for 10 years it's still an addiction and thay are addicts for the rest of their lives, and some day there might be a relapse. as for what I am dealing with right now. I wish you luck and maybe you should go to groups for co-dependancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 reading all the threads,I hate to say that I think my boyfriend is doing coke aswell if not it is meth. He always has his cell near by takes it even to the bathroom when he showers. The phone never rings when we are together and the ringer is on. I already know that he is always clesrs texts before he comes and sees me or even when we are together. we have been together almost a year. I know the signs because of a family member very close that did meth. You are right that they do clean up there traces; but sooner or later they start slippin. he kinda of a sloppy person. not messy, sloppy. but since we have been together he has learned that I am a neat freak247, even in his car. not to be nosey, just cause that is who I am. So he cleans his car before seeing me so I don't find anything. but remember they talk alot when high on speed and they really don't realize how much they spill if just sit and let them ramble. I take notes for every little thing that is out of character or out of place. I love this man and it is an "addicition" because when he is clean he is a totally different person. I love him to much to just let go yet, but sooner or later as addicts slip. we to a point when its time to let go, i haven't hit mine YET! I hope that we can work through this because there are some success stories that people do clean up and stay clean. Just remember even if they do get clean even for 10 years it's still an addiction and thay are addicts for the rest of their lives, and some day there might be a relapse. as for what I am dealing with right now. I wish you luck and maybe you should go to groups for co-dependancy. Do people act differently when there on coke compared to meth? have u confronted your bf yet? I just had a long talk w/mine yesterday, and he told me that he's sick of me blaming him for using. He always tries to turn it around on me. i told him he has to understand where i'm coming from. it sucks so bad. i love him so much and can't imagine loosing him. i want that person who i met 4 years ago (the person i fell in love with) to come back. thank you and i wish u luck too! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Do people act differently when there on coke compared to meth? have u confronted your bf yet? I just had a long talk w/mine yesterday, and he told me that he's sick of me blaming him for using. He always tries to turn it around on me. i told him he has to understand where i'm coming from. it sucks so bad. i love him so much and can't imagine loosing him. i want that person who i met 4 years ago (the person i fell in love with) to come back. thank you and i wish u luck too! It's never going to happen, sweetie. Once people use drugs for a long period, their personality permanently changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 It's never going to happen, sweetie. Once people use drugs for a long period, their personality permanently changes. i'm realizing that more and more now. when i try to talk to him, i make sure to tell him, that i won't be mad, and if he has a problem we can work on it together. he always flips out and says, "IM NOT DOING ANYTHING!" So the whole confrontation process, isn't going in my favor. a part of me wants to believe him, but i believe i've heard way to much crap and have had way to much evidence thrown in my face, to not believe him. he told me that he will be completely truthful and never lie again from this day forward as long as i can put complete trust in him; otherwise its over, cause if theres not trust there is no relationship. i agreed, but how do i gain the trust back? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 i'm realizing that more and more now. when i try to talk to him, i make sure to tell him, that i won't be mad, and if he has a problem we can work on it together. he always flips out and says, "IM NOT DOING ANYTHING!" So the whole confrontation process, isn't going in my favor. a part of me wants to believe him, but i believe i've heard way to much crap and have had way to much evidence thrown in my face, to not believe him. he told me that he will be completely truthful and never lie again from this day forward as long as i can put complete trust in him; otherwise its over, cause if theres not trust there is no relationship. i agreed, but how do i gain the trust back? That takes effort of the part of two people. If your bf is making demands, yet not trying to meet you halfway then what are you trying to preserve? Really sit down and analyze yourself. Are you using this relationship as a distraction to take your focus off other things that may need attention? It seems like you keep giving of yourself, for no real reason, and you are getting trampled on and beaten down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted April 21, 2006 Author Share Posted April 21, 2006 I just wanted to let everybody know that the past couple weeks have been good. He seems like after we had our talk, that he realized he could loose me and has stopped playing around w/all that crap. Then again, I wonder, if the addicts just get better at lying and covering crap up. I know my brother tries his butt off, but for some reason he never could, because when he would he high (off of heroin) we knew. He would act like he was a toddler, start to sweat, and have pinpoint eyes (it never failed). With coke, I'm not getting to many signs or symptoms, so i truly hope he is doing good. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 I wonder, if the addicts just get better at lying and covering crap up. There is so much truth in that statement I'm an Alcoholic not a drug addict.. I never once concealed or hid my drinking until the day that I publicly announced that I had a problem. From that day out I struggled with keeping sober but because everyone was looking at me with a magnifying glass I had to hide it.. About 1 year later I finally gave it up for good and for all Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted April 21, 2006 Author Share Posted April 21, 2006 There is so much truth in that statement I'm an Alcoholic not a drug addict.. I never once concealed or hid my drinking until the day that I publicly announced that I had a problem. From that day out I struggled with keeping sober but because everyone was looking at me with a magnifying glass I had to hide it.. About 1 year later I finally gave it up for good and for all how did u hide it? i feel bad because i do look at my fiancee with a magnifying glass all the time, and he knows it too. he'll say why are u looking at me like that (i don't feel like i'm making it obvious; what i'm trying to do is look at his pupils). its hard, but he's needs to understand because he is the one who broke the trust factor. congrats on becoming sober. that must have been so hard. i hope you are so proud of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 how did u hide it? congrats on becoming sober. that must have been so hard. i hope you are so proud of yourself. Thanks.. yep My sobriety date is June 27,1987 so i'm just under 19 years sober.. As soon as I believed that i was powerless over Alcohol and realized I couldn't drink normally I quit.. Boom.. I hid it in many ways.. a bottle in the car or tool box or one in the furnace room or even the toilet tank or under the counter in the bathroom.. I had it hidden wherever I would pass by it on a daily basis and could sneak a drink without anyone noticing.. I was never much of a day drinker.. only after work hours I think in reality that everybody knew.. hell.. the girl I lived with all she had to do was notice that I'm slurring my words by the end of an evening.. I also went to all my AA meetings half plastered for almost a year till I took the first step. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted April 26, 2006 Author Share Posted April 26, 2006 :( I hadn't seen my fiancee in 48 hours due to his work schedule and finally saw him yesterday. when i arrived at his house he wasn't there. i decided to start cleaning his room and noticed one of his credit cards lying on the ground. i decided to carfully wipe it w/my fingers and a white residue came off of it. i'm assuming it could be nothing else but coke. i'm so sad. i'm so terrified to try to talk to him about it because he'll flip out and say i don't trust him and that i'm spying on him. i think i need counseling really bad. i love this man so much. i don't want to loose him. people can tell me to leave him, but its not that easy when you love somebody so much. I'M LOST!!! :( Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted May 16, 2006 Author Share Posted May 16, 2006 i went into my finacee's car last week and found a cut straw. problem is, is i found it burried under the seat and don't know if it was from before. i'm going to be an inspector gadget from here on out. i need to know if i need to save or dump this relationship. i'll keep you'll updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused6925 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 I've been extremely busy w/school, my job, and my mom and i just moved out of our big house that we've lived in for 15 years, so i haven't had much time to myself or to notice any strange behaviors from my fiancee. When I did have time I would do quick searches and never find anything; plus he always looked good. His eyes were never dialated, no stuffy nose, basically he had no symptoms/signs that he was using. i was at his house yesterday and for some reason (while he was in the shower) i decided to go search his car. I could only do it quickly and i did find stuff. I looked in his counsel and find a baggie w/white residue in it. Then i opened a mcdonalds cup and found five more baggies in that. My heart sank into my stomach and i took the one bag and put it in my purse for when i confront him. i'm under so much stress w/school, job, and moving that i was speechless. i couldn't talk to him about it last night at all. i plan on talking to him about it tonight, but i'm so scared. i don't know what to say/or how to say it. He usually flips out. Any advice on how to approach this and how to keep him calm?????? Please help. We r supposed to start planning a wedding soon, and i'm so lost w/words right now. would it be bad to tape the bag onto note and leave it for him? or is it better to talk face to face? any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I'm sorry to hear that you found drugs in his car after all the denying he has been doing. You should postpone the wedding for now. It won't be fun marrying a cokehead. Not sure how you can confront him if you haven't yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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